Solutions on dealing with heartbreak?

With all details available, is this relationship worth salvaging?

  • Yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • No

    Votes: 79 91.9%
  • Possibly (but give reasons)

    Votes: 7 8.1%

  • Total voters
    86

murksiderock

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I'm trying, man. Everything else in my life is well. But I didn't see this one coming, not as I near 34 later this year. And it's really, really working me out emotionally...

All I do is work and come home, on my off days I have my girls to keep me busy. But nothing takes my mind off of it and I'm really struggling right now...

Any suggestions are accepted and appreciated, it's rough right now...
 

CopiousX

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It just takes time. It's the equivalent of grieving after a loss, except you are grieving a relationship. It will fix itself after 2-3 weeks.





But If you wanna take an active role in helping yourself feel better seek Exercise. Not lifting but aerobic cardio should help. Think of something like long distance running or jump roping.


Also as odd as it sounds, try to run yourself a cold bath(not a shower) . Doing this at both at the beggining and of the day and the end of the day should help. It's about behaviorally conditioning your mind . Think about the other person right before jumping in, and then jump. 🦘
 

Lieutenant Daniels

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Here’s the cold hard truth. There’s nothing you can really do. Sure you’ll get a lot of suggestions to workout, see other women, keep yourself busy but in reality those are just heart & mind bandaids. Meaning, the emotional pain is still there underneath it all. You just have to let your mind process it and disconnect over time.

The ONLY thing that helps is time and distance. The longer you go without seeing ANYTHING that reminds you of her the more helpful it is to heal. Try not to slip down memory lane comas thinking of what could’ve been and what you lost.

I was where you were November 2021 to all of last year. It takes time.

Good luck breh. I know how you feel.
 

Payday23

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Change from the person that led to the heartbreak. You're still living in the same mindset of the person who I'm assuming was with a wife. That part is now dead. You can either let go and become the best person you can be to attract a better mate or you can cling to the past hoping to return to a person who left for a myriad of reasons excluding death of course. There's no point in trying to put a burning house back together. The first step is to let all the emotion out. You are the role model your daughters will judge every man subconsciously on. Be there for them and they need to know relationships can be hard but it's ok to let go when it's over.
 

murksiderock

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What happened

Long story short, I can fill in details as we go along to be more specific but this is the summary:

So, I went out of town for work in November, for two months. While out of town we really started going thru it, which was a continuation of some long standing issues, chiefly, money. I wasn't sending her enough money, I'd twice sent her home money in November and early December. In late-December, right after Christmas, she asked for more money, and I told her no...

And it went downhill from there...

So money has always been one of, if not the, biggest issues in our relationship...

When I told her no, I told her I was done with her reaching in my pockets, I laid out the initial breakup. This is literally December 29. It just happened, we're talking two months...

She didn't like that initially...

We didn't speak for two or three days (January 2), and when we started talking again, it was tenuous but initially respectful. I made the comment that she was still my woman on some lighthearted joking sh!t, and she told me she wasn't. I came back home in January and went over her place and we had a huge, huge argument about our daughter. This is January 21, she told me to leave and I was never welcome at her place again...

From January 21, we had several conversations where we discussed making it work bit nothing official. So technically we've been broken up since December 29. In the time we've talked from that point, she never mentioned this guy...

Fast forward to February 19, and boom. Man answers the door. And he's still there, I just went over on Thursday and he was there...

She's told me in spurts what she's hurt about shyt I've done, chiefly being, I moved an hour away and didn't tell her, she found out thru mutual acquaintances and it was confirmed by my oldest daughter when we went over on January 21; and the fact that in her perception, I've always been stingy about supporting her with money...

There are a few other mentions of grievances and I've aired my sh!t with her too, but those are the two big things she hasn't forgiven me for yet...

In some ways our relationship feels salvageable. But the big elephant to me, is she's refusing to answer my questions about this man. I got a little info on him from a homeboy of mine who knows her, I, and incidentally him. But I've asked her direct questions:

•how long has he been there?
•when did this thing with him start, and how?
•when is he leaving?

Only thing she's offered in retirn is:

he's a "friend", he's giving her money to stay there, she doesn't know when he's leaving, he aint her man and they arent intimate...

She won't answer the first two questions at all and it's hurt me. Like I'm torn in between believing her and allowing her space and time to talk to me, and then, not allowing myself to not get the hint---->ain't no man living with no woman and ain't nothing going on. This part of me is like, take the fukking hint, Rodney...

And it's crushing me emotionally...
 

ORDER_66

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Long story short, I can fill in details as we go along to be more specific but this is the summary:

So, I went out of town for work in November, for two months. While out of town we really started going thru it, which was a continuation of some long standing issues, chiefly, money. I wasn't sending her enough money, I'd twice sent her home money in November and early December. In late-December, right after Christmas, she asked for more money, and I told her no...

And it went downhill from there...

So money has always been one of, if not the, biggest issues in our relationship...

When I told her no, I told her I was done with her reaching in my pockets, I laid out the initial breakup. This is literally December 29. It just happened, we're talking two months...

She didn't like that initially...

We didn't speak for two or three days (January 2), and when we started talking again, it was tenuous but initially respectful. I made the comment that she was still my woman on some lighthearted joking sh!t, and she told me she wasn't. I came back home in January and went over her place and we had a huge, huge argument about our daughter. This is January 21, she told me to leave and I was never welcome at her place again...

From January 21, we had several conversations where we discussed making it work bit nothing official. So technically we've been broken up since December 29. In the time we've talked from that point, she never mentioned this guy...

Fast forward to February 19, and boom. Man answers the door. And he's still there, I just went over on Thursday and he was there...

She's told me in spurts what she's hurt about shyt I've done, chiefly being, I moved an hour away and didn't tell her, she found out thru mutual acquaintances and it was confirmed by my oldest daughter when we went over on January 21; and the fact that in her perception, I've always been stingy about supporting her with money...

There are a few other mentions of grievances and I've aired my sh!t with her too, but those are the two big things she hasn't forgiven me for yet...

In some ways our relationship feels salvageable. But the big elephant to me, is she's refusing to answer my questions about this man. I got a little info on him from a homeboy of mine who knows her, I, and incidentally him. But I've asked her direct questions:

•how long has he been there?
•when did this thing with him start, and how?
•when is he leaving?

Only thing she's offered in retirn is:

he's a "friend", he's giving her money to stay there, she doesn't know when he's leaving, he aint her man and they arent intimate...

She won't answer the first two questions at all and it's hurt me. Like I'm torn in between believing her and allowing her space and time to talk to me, and then, not allowing myself to not get the hint---->ain't no man living with no woman and ain't nothing going on. This part of me is like, take the fukking hint, Rodney...

And it's crushing me emotionally...

Dude that's her new man...:francis: bottom line... the only thing you should focus is on your kids and deal with custody issues... mentally you need to let her go... it sucks...
 
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