Solutions on dealing with heartbreak?

With all details available, is this relationship worth salvaging?

  • Yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • No

    Votes: 79 91.9%
  • Possibly (but give reasons)

    Votes: 7 8.1%

  • Total voters
    86

Kiyoshi-Dono

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Petty Vandross.. fukk Yall
how long has he been there?
•when did this thing with him start, and how?
•when is he leaving?


That nikka has ALWAYS been in the background/NetherRealm
He was her “comfort” when you two had petty disagreements
This is why I laugh at nikkas that push platonic friend bullshyt

If the point of contention started to happen around November/December
That nikka was around at bare minimum
3 months before

Nevurary
Count your losses my G
She has mentally and physically moved on
All she doing now is dangling that carrot of
“Well If You Start Doing X,Y,Z”
Fam if you get back with her
Nothing will ever be enough
She will push and push to see how much she can get out of you and right when you think it’s going back to “normal”
She will Molly Wop you over the head again

Time never heals this shyt
Heartbreak is always, always apart of your DNA
The only thing you can do is treat yourself like your own best friend
Put it this way
If you saw your man’s going through this shyt
What would you tell him to do
You have to put yourself together for not only you but the child that is unfortunately in the middle of this
Co-parent to the best of your abilities
And let this woman do her woman thing
I promise this shyt will blow up in her face once that newness/nikka pushes back on her
Do not be weak the moment she calls you with the faux tears(it’s coming playboy)
Be the best father you can be
Take care of yourself and do things that make you feel good
Let it out if you have to
Boxing, running, crying, whatever
Give yourself time to grieve because it is a death in sorts and get back to living
This shyt ain’t going to stop because of her
Just find solace that not everybody is going to be in your life forever
All this shyt ends
Friendships, relationships, jobs
All this shyt
Understanding that in the macro scope of things
Puts your heartbreak in perspective
 

Arris

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If her story on why he's there is true She took breh in cause they have prior history at the very least. They may or may not be intimate right now but they definitely have history.

I don't know too many people who are letting someone stay with them with no concrete answer on when they are leaving without serious history. If he was just a friend you'd know about him already
 

Payday23

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Long story short, I can fill in details as we go along to be more specific but this is the summary:

So, I went out of town for work in November, for two months. While out of town we really started going thru it, which was a continuation of some long standing issues, chiefly, money. I wasn't sending her enough money, I'd twice sent her home money in November and early December. In late-December, right after Christmas, she asked for more money, and I told her no...

And it went downhill from there...

So money has always been one of, if not the, biggest issues in our relationship...

When I told her no, I told her I was done with her reaching in my pockets, I laid out the initial breakup. This is literally December 29. It just happened, we're talking two months...

She didn't like that initially...

We didn't speak for two or three days (January 2), and when we started talking again, it was tenuous but initially respectful. I made the comment that she was still my woman on some lighthearted joking sh!t, and she told me she wasn't. I came back home in January and went over her place and we had a huge, huge argument about our daughter. This is January 21, she told me to leave and I was never welcome at her place again...

From January 21, we had several conversations where we discussed making it work bit nothing official. So technically we've been broken up since December 29. In the time we've talked from that point, she never mentioned this guy...

Fast forward to February 19, and boom. Man answers the door. And he's still there, I just went over on Thursday and he was there...

She's told me in spurts what she's hurt about shyt I've done, chiefly being, I moved an hour away and didn't tell her, she found out thru mutual acquaintances and it was confirmed by my oldest daughter when we went over on January 21; and the fact that in her perception, I've always been stingy about supporting her with money...

There are a few other mentions of grievances and I've aired my sh!t with her too, but those are the two big things she hasn't forgiven me for yet...

In some ways our relationship feels salvageable. But the big elephant to me, is she's refusing to answer my questions about this man. I got a little info on him from a homeboy of mine who knows her, I, and incidentally him. But I've asked her direct questions:

•how long has he been there?
•when did this thing with him start, and how?
•when is he leaving?

Only thing she's offered in retirn is:

he's a "friend", he's giving her money to stay there, she doesn't know when he's leaving, he aint her man and they arent intimate...

She won't answer the first two questions at all and it's hurt me. Like I'm torn in between believing her and allowing her space and time to talk to me, and then, not allowing myself to not get the hint---->ain't no man living with no woman and ain't nothing going on. This part of me is like, take the fukking hint, Rodney...

And it's crushing me emotionally...
It sounds like to her by your actions you moved on by moving an hour away and not telling her and she's doing the same with this other man. Put this relationship in the bushes, it's over. The anger about not getting enough money would've definitely been adios for me. Take care of your kids. Oddly enough my friend is going through the same thing. I asked him how much do you want to salvage the relationship knowing your paying her bills why she's getting piped by another man with your money? Does she act all loving til you tell her no? You're being pimped.
 
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murksiderock

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If her story on why he's there is true She took breh in cause they have prior history at the very least. They may or may not be intimate right now but they definitely have history.

I don't know too many people who are letting someone stay with them with no concrete answer on when their leaving without serious history. If he was just a friend you'd know about him already

He works with her. She's mentioned him in the past, he worked there, left, and then came back in November...

When she's mentioned him she said she didn't like him, he was extremely sweaty and arrogant and rude 🤣. Damn she lined me up with this nikka 🤣 😂...

When he came back in November he asked if she remembered him and according to her, she was like "okay, yeah" but "I didn't even like him the first time he was here, I barely remember that nikka"...

I don't know dude, never saw him until February 19. So she volunteered all this info, I never asked her, I didn't need to. I don't know this guy...

In retrospect it makes everything kinda line up. Even if there wasn't a previous thing, which does seem highly likely, she obviously likes him this second go around and there were obviously inappropriate conversations and more going on...

I'm fukked up and I do believe time will heal this for me. But at the moment I still love her and im fukked up. I am...
 

LauderdaleBoss

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I agree with you guys in my sober mind. It's just a tough process right now given how new everything is...

Why tell me she loves me last Sunday if she's moved on? Why tell me "he's not my man" if he is? I feel like I could process this shyt so much easier if she was straightforward...

My homeboy who did some digging told me he doesn't think it's like that, old boy wife put him out and my ex took him in. Said it's allegedly temporary, and he of course agreed with me that we never fully know what is going on with other people. Bit if he could confirm something was happening, he would...

I do think that her and him are intimate, it's a relationship or fling or whatever. I just don't get why lie about it once it's all out here on the table. And the speed with which she moved on kinda affirms to me that this shyt was already in the works, she just used that other shyt to justify it. I do feel that...

As of right now I still love her so it's hard to digest this shyt...

Bro you gotta understand, that bytches love hearing themselves talk, especially if they know its gonna fukk with you mentally because your feeding into it.

furthermore, they always looking to save face with their indecisiveness or bad choices, so they'll lie to you and themselves to keep up the charade.

don't worry about getting any more answers from her because she'll never keep it real. Her truth is in her actions. Not her words.
 

Arris

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He works with her. She's mentioned him in the past, he worked there, left, and then came back in November...

When she's mentioned him she said she didn't like him, he was extremely sweaty and arrogant and rude 🤣. Damn she lined me up with this nikka 🤣 😂...

When he came back in November he asked if she remembered him and according to her, she was like "okay, yeah" but "I didn't even like him the first time he was here, I barely remember that nikka"...

I don't know dude, never saw him until February 19. So she volunteered all this info, I never asked her, I didn't need to. I don't know this guy...

In retrospect it makes everything kinda line up. Even if there wasn't a previous thing, which does seem highly likely, she obviously likes him this second go around and there were obviously inappropriate conversations and more going on...

I'm fukked up and I do believe time will heal this for me. But at the moment I still love her and im fukked up. I am...
That makes it even worse. Breh do you know anyone who's letting a coworker they don't really know like that come stay with them an indeterminate amount of time, especially a woman? Who has gotta worry about safety with letting a man into her home

If thats the information she gave you when asked about who he is to her, she's lying through her teeth. Or she's got a big heart who would do something like that. I don't know her you do, so is that passing the smell test?
 
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jj23

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Does she work OP?

If she isn't and is upset you aren't giving her enough money....

:manny: she will get that money elsewhere. Sorry breh.

Time will handle the hurt. Take care of your daughter.
 

murksiderock

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When I came over and saw him February 19, like I said I don't know him. Only saw him for the first time earlier that day when my daughter and I stopped by work to see her. And he and her didn't interact, she was in a vestibule area with us and I saw him talking with another guy like 15 feet away, I was only there about 4 minutes. They didn't even walk past each other so I had no reason to suspect anything...

When I pulled up later that evening to drop my girl off, and he answered the door, I instantly recognized because the only time I'd ever seen him was earlier that afternoon...

She didn't tell me his name, I had to find out from my homeboy all the details about fam. When my boy told me the name, it instantly jogged my memory like "this the dude you told me about 3 or 4 times prior who you said you didn't like". I've confronted her about this and asked her how this went from not liking him to where it is now, and her response:

"Same way you went from living here to living there"...

Then she said "I was wrong for not telling you about him, I'm sorry". While still maintaining, he isn't her man, they aren't intimate, they aren't in a relationship...

Yeah my pride and ego are bruised just as well as my feeling ls being hurt. She lined me...
 

Jazzy B.

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I agree with you guys in my sober mind. It's just a tough process right now given how new everything is...

Why tell me she loves me last Sunday if she's moved on? Why tell me "he's not my man" if he is? I feel like I could process this shyt so much easier if she was straightforward...

My homeboy who did some digging told me he doesn't think it's like that, old boy wife put him out and my ex took him in. Said it's allegedly temporary, and he of course agreed with me that we never fully know what is going on with other people. Bit if he could confirm something was happening, he would...

I do think that her and him are intimate, it's a relationship or fling or whatever. I just don't get why lie about it once it's all out here on the table. And the speed with which she moved on kinda affirms to me that this shyt was already in the works, she just used that other shyt to justify it. I do feel that...

As of right now I still love her so it's hard to digest this shyt...

You already know the answers breh.

You are just in denial.

She said all that to get money out of you.

There is a whole goddamn man staying at her place, they are fukking. If a woman invited you to stay at her place you know you would be doing exactly that.

If she was checked in the relationship and actually respected you don’t you think she would have run it through you first about letting a breh who needs a place stay at her place beforehand? :francis:

Come on breh :francis:


You need to mentally DEAD this relationship, book an out of town weekend somewhere fun and hop on some dating apps while you’re there. You’ll meet new chick.
 

murksiderock

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That makes it even worse. Breh do you know anyone who's letting a coworker they don't really know like that come stay with them an indeterminate amount of time, especially a woman? Who has gotta worry about safety with letting a man into her home

If thats the information she gave you when asked about who he is, she's lying through her teeth. Or she's got a big heart who would do something like that. I don't know her you do, so is that passing the smell test?

No it doesn't, I'm not dumb. Heartbroken, but not dumb. He's an attractive guy, and he's older, she likes both in general (she's 28, I'm 33, he appears to have at least 10 years on me, judging off the age lines in his face and the gut. But facially/physically he's not unattractive and very much seems like someone she'd be attracted to)...

I was with her over 2 years. She isn't moving no man in who she isn't attracted to and git something going with, even if it's paced and taking its time. Maybe some women could have a truly platonic friendship and move their homeboy in...

I know her, she isn't that kind of woman, she's the other. And the fact she's so elusive and secretive with the answers underscores this fact. I'm aware I'm probably never getting the answers to those questions and that lack of control is part of what's eating me up. I know it, just to this point I haven't learned how to get past it yet...

I say this seriously having been through it … you have to find someone similar, because she was your type, but she needs to be better in every way - a 2.0. That’s the only way …

Thank you, bruh...
 
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