you're going to have a lot of tougher mornings. it's the process of loss. now add to the fact that your ego also took a mean bruise, and add shock to the mix and it's a volatile mix.
part of you will be in denial, part of you will be sad and part of your will be desperate to just stem the pain. that's where the underlying need to still want to make things work or hope that "imma give it time, it might work out in the future" things comes from. you're in pain - and it's a coping mechanism. it's not different than people that spend their whole lives playing lottery thinking "maybe one day" when the reality is 99.9% will never hit that jackpot.
you just need to understand that the pain - as deep as it hits, is normal and you can't let your emotions supersede or take control of your actions. if you need to lock yourself in a room and cry your heart out do that shyt before you do or pull some other volatile emotional antic. there's nothing wrong with being sad or heartbroken - there is however something wrong when you start doing crazy shyt. take your licks and cry that shyt out of your system breh.
worst part about breakups like yours is the feeling of betrayal and wasted time. sometimes these feelings lead to rationalization like you justifying her behavior "maybe I didn't do xyz"/"maybe if abc" and other times it will lead to anger like "how could she?" - don't fall into the trap of succumbing to either of those feelings. you only have control over your actions - not over other people, regardless of how close or how well you though you knew them. you had a relationship - you loved/love someone but it has come to an end. you will hurt - a lot - for a long time - but you will heal
find yourself a daily routine to keep busy - i don't know if you're a gym breh - but legit, the gym is one of the better places to help go through heartbreak. it will not instantly heal you or make you feel better, but it will make you busy, will engage you in regards to working towards a goal - and it will tire you out.
Thank you, man. Everything you've put in here describes the flood of emotions I'm going thru. It's a rough morning so far. But I am making a conscious effort to talk to myself about ME, my actions, what I've done and how I can grow. And beat off the thoughts of hopes and anger and feeling sorry for myself, those thoughts pop up in and around but I'm making a strong ass effort to bring the focus back to Rodney...
I appreciate you dog, I feel like everything I've ever been thru was easier than this. And once this season passes, and I 100% think it will and I don't think it'll be that long (as in more than a few months tops), once this season passes I'll view this as easier to handle than it feels right now...
And I have confidence in my healing because I've resilient at every turn of my life. Traumatic childhood. Running the streets. Traumatic relationships. Just dozens of encounters and experiences where I've seen just one or two break people, cause them to lose everything, off themselves, drug out, etc. And I've found a way to keep this shyt pushing every time...
So I don't lack the confidence I'm going to recover from this appropriately. I struggle with the interim responsibility of managing pain. But I don't feel I can't handle this, only that the process of going thru this is fukking hard...
I'm not gonna lie, I've had thoughts of popping up at the house with dude on some violent shyt. That would be me losing everything. And it's retarded, I'm not going out like that, one because absolutely nothing is worth throwing my life away, and I understand this in every other aspect of life. I've got three amazing, gorgeous daughters who have helped me grow tremendously and added immeasurable value to my life. I'd be the dumbest muhfukka who ever lived to run down on some kill or be killed shyt...
So I've had to fight that thought off, I'm not going out like that. Never gone out like that before, why do it now? Can't tell no woman what to do and who to do it with. Suck the shyt up...
So I'm good, all the emotions you mentioned I'm experiencing. And channeling all this fukk shyt into creating a Better Rodney for my children, for myself, and for that woman I know is out there, who is truly for me...
I appreciate you, man...
i told this nikka this:
