SPIN: What are some DealBreakers you have for Friends?

[FeloniousMonk]

I stop talking to my cuzzo for two years for the fact he kept talking about paying me back.

The fact was he kept dragging it out, and when he hit me with the "Tax Return", I waited for him to hit me off...never did...so I never reached out..

Told his bruh..Nicca could have gave me $20 a week...

 

[Gold]

Drama, and that can manifest itself in different ways. I just decided to cut someone off because it was always something. Like, an issue with us she felt a way about something I said or did. It has always felt like more of a relationship than a friendship. I feel like it shouldn't have to be that hard. How many times do we have to have a long drawn out conversation about some issue


Also negative and shady people.

100% this. I had to do the same thing in college.

Was she like, "Raava can we talk about how you did X? I really don't feel good about the way it went down "

 

[Mike809]

if you aint got anything going on in your life then its Surrounding yourself with mediocre people is only going to make you live a mediocre life as well.

 

[tater]

The money thing is legit. It's not really even about the money but the principle. My mother had told me to never loan out money to friends you expect to get back, but I had to learn that lesson by myself.

I loaned a friend some money and she didn't pay me back. I had to pay for my textbooks for school, so at this point you're jeapordizing my future and you don't care. Not that you couldn't pay me back, you just didn't care. So.... I don't loan money out that I expect to get back. If you can't afford to not get it back, don't give it. Lesson learned, friendship lost.

1) flaky people

2) gossipers. I can't say I don't have friends that gossip, but they're not my close friends and I know they're not to be trusted with sensitive info.

3) bums

 

[Gold]

if you aint got anything going on in your life then its Surrounding yourself with mediocre people is only going to make you live a mediocre life as well.

I don't hang with dead weight

Simple rule I live by

Friends that aren't doing shyt positive with their lives. When I watch those stories of 30 plus NY niccas getting hauled to jail, the first thing I can think of is how could be around so many niccas not doing shyt constructive with their lives . I choose my friends carefully.

I'm with all of this, but this is something that is sometimes harder than it seems.

Especially if you grew up with those friends and had no idea they were going to turn out to be bums.

 

[RoGethoes]

If you one of those "money over everything" "fukk everyone I'm bout this money"

nikkas were not friends.Those are usually one of the first dudes to sell you out for a dollar.

 

[Mike809]

I'm with all of this, but this is something that is sometimes harder than it seems.

Especially if you grew up with those friends and had no idea they were going to turn out to be bums.

Growing up, my parents would move me around a lot so i never really had life-long friends . Now that im an adult and been in one spot for a couple of years, i still have the bad habit of not keeping up with people or cutting people off due to my childhood . Curse and blessing at the same time

 

[Collateral]

If you a dude don't call me or FT me, text me. And don't be texting me all the fukking time like a thot either. I had this white boy friend that I knew since hs that would always hit me up on some annoying shyt. Like he wanted attention me. And he would just pop up at my house and ring my doorbell without letting me beforehand, I'm like


Don't be an annoying friend basically

 

[Verbal Kint]

I know we all have dealbreakers when it comes to relationships? But do you guys have dealbreakers when it comes to just friends?

I'll start if off. Not paying me back if I ever loaned you something. I'm the kind of person who wont remind you twice, i'm not a bill collector. I even tell my friends who ask for money "Just so you know, depending on how you go about paying me back, this could be the end of our friendship"

That usually stops them from asking

You sound like a garbage friend. Never loan a friend anything that you expect to get back. If someone not paying you back ends a friendship it wasn't there from the jump. If I loan a friend some money I mark it as gone. If they get me back, cool. If not its whatever. If its gonna hurt me that bad I just say I can't get em this time

 

[GoldCoastSaint]

I hate when friends always need something and say "you know I got you if you ever need anything."

I never need anything. When I do, I always find a way to get it without asking for their help. Meanwhile, every month they're in a bind and need help. My dad hates this too. He always says, "I dont care if its just a pencil, if you ask for something you need to sitdown before asking that mofo again!"

 

[Kal El]

1. You ain't gotta lie to kick it.
2. You gotta be doing something with your life. If not I gotta distance myself from you. I'm dealing with this with a friend now and its painful but its for the best.
3. Be 100% all the time. If I'm fukking up, tell me.
4. What we speak is between homies, period.



Money is a dumb reason to have a dealbreaker or ruin a friendship though. ANYTIME I loan money its with the expectation that i'll never see it. Mostly because if you were in the position to need a loan you prolly aren't going to be in the position to pay it back any time soon. It does nothing but jam people up. If i help you out its because i want to help you out. I can make the bread back, I can't make the friendship back.

Good list. Esp #4

 

[Gold]

You sound like a garbage friend. Never loan a friend anything that you expect to get back. If someone not paying you back ends a friendship it wasn't there from the jump. If I loan a friend some money I mark it as gone. If they get me back, cool. If not its whatever. If its gonna hurt me that bad I just say I can't get em this time

Never promise to pay someone something if you have no intentions of paying them.

I actually give money to my friends all the time, the operative word is give. However when someone promises to pay me back, I expect it. I'm old school, and i believe people should be held true to their words.

I never ask more of my friends than I do myself. For the friendship to flourish I must see them as my equals, not my dependents.

 

[tonyclifton]

Don't ask me for money

Drama fakkits

Gotta have your own transportation. This was more when I was younger but that shyt was an auto back then. Fukk I look like picking you up, dropping you off, or just asking me to come pick him up to run Errands shyt . And it's always the same shyt

Pick me up I'm smoke you down or buy food or some shyt like I don't have my own money to do it myself

 

[Black Magisterialness]

Elaborate on number #2.

Money is perfectly fine to reason to end a friendship. I'm an adult and so are my friends so i'm not going to baby them. If they want me to give them money then they should ask me to give them money. However, If they want me to loan them money and they make promise upon plan upon promise to pay me back, I'm going to take them at their word.

I use the same standards to judge myself as I do my friends.

In terms of peers, its important to surround yourself with people who are making moves. Even if its just a simple 9 to 5, I need to be around people who at least want some stability OR have the talent/drive to make their ideas pop. Connections are also important. I have a friend who is like a brother to me, who i'll never stop being his friend, but he's not progressing despite all our efforts as a peer group to send him job opportunities, scholarships, support his passions etc.

Eventually, you have to realize that your lives are taking different paths and that's ok. But you have to be aware when someone is being self-destructive.

But, loaning some one some bread is not babying them. If my boy tells me he's $100 short on his rent, and I got it, here, don't get evicted breh. If I never see that $100 again its whatever because I helped my boy out. If you loaning money and you NEED it back, you weren't really in a position to give it.

Now, circling back to #2, if I see you just asked me for $100 and I see you just bought a 8th of weed two days ago, I'ma say prioritize your shyt.

 

[Raava]

100% this. I had to do the same thing in college.

Was she like, "Raava can we talk about how you did X? I really don't feel good about the way it went down "

" I just felt a way, like if it had been Dee you would have done it differently."

"But that was 2 months ago, why didn't you say anything weeks ago" what does Dee have to do with this