SPIN: What are some DealBreakers you have for Friends?

[FeloniousMonk]

That's not what I'm talking about at all. I almost always say "ay breh, don't worry about it."

Thank you. we're done.

Thats why people know not to come to me for hand-outs or to move furniture..

 

[Gold]

That's not what I'm talking about at all. I almost always say "ay breh, don't worry about it." Even then If you ask me for 100 and I see you with some new J's then i'm never letting you have money again.

We aren't talking about those people and neither was the OP. All im saying is people get tight about money when they shouldn't have been loaning it out to begin with. And then get angry because they didn't follow up with people. Unless you specifically say "ima need that back by thursday" then you can't really get mad.

And if you need it back by thursday, then you had NO business giving it out. You just ruined a friendship because of YOUR poor decision making not because people ain't shyt. So many people would still be cool if they didn't put themselves in fukked up situations trying to look like they "got it".

I actually specified what I was talking about in my first response to you.

If someone asks me for a loan and immediately tells me "i got you back by thursday" or something like that, it is no longer a gift, it is no longer charity.

Like you, I give people the oppurtunity to back out of it before we make the transaction, but some people (like me) wont rest until they've paid someone back, so I let them be if that's what they want to do.

HOWEVER, if someone gives me their word that they will repay me, and starts swearing by their mom and other important people that "will have it by X", then they have just made a huge mistake with me. Because now, every time they miss a deadline i'm going to be looking at them sideways. Every time they spend a dime in my presence, i'm going to be looking at the sideways.

Its not about me needing the money. If I was that hardup for cash I wouldn't be giving money to anyone period. Its about the principle of a man meaning what he says by his word. shyt like that is VERY IMPORTANT to me.

 

[Piff Perkins]

I can't be friends with someone who is abusive to their gf, wife, or kids. Also if you're a major hot head I gotta distance myself or throw you in the bushes. Someone I know got killed due to hanging with a hot head piece of shyt...

 

[Dwolf]

Drama, and that can manifest itself in different ways. I just decided to cut someone off because it was always something. Like, an issue with us she felt a way about something I said or did. It has always felt like more of a relationship than a friendship. I feel like it shouldn't have to be that hard. How many times do we have to have a long drawn out conversation about some issue


Also negative and shady people.

Well that explains a lot

 

[Gold]

You sound hard pressed for the cash fam which in that case you should just say no. Money can't be the end of our friendships unless you talking big business type $$$ which I doubt you are not usual friend money issues. On that issue its they pay me back or the Bronx tale way of doing loaning money. If I don't have it to give where I'll miss it I don't give it.

As far as rules not many except for no sucker shyt which is basic shyt like talking behind my back, if you have beef with me let me know, stuff like that. Pretty much the same basic shyt as a dating relationship without dating of course.

I'll state this for the 3rd and hopefully final time. The only time money has ended relationships for me is when the recipient has made sure it has.

If you are constantly promising me something, then be a man about your word and do it.
I dont have sons, I'm not anybody's daddy. If my friends are expecting to have a father-son relationship they can find someone else for that. Its not my job to tell you how your finances are and explain to you that you can't pay me back.

If you want a gift, then ask for a gift. If you want a loan, ask for a loan. The two are not the same.

You guys are painting as some uncle scrooge type but I would bet my account I've given more money to my friends in the past year than most people have in their entire lives.

I gave a friend $1000 in july (and 400 in November) to help with his brother's medical bills. He asked for a loan, I explained to him the way I always do "If you promise to pay me back, I will expect it back. But if you want a gift, I'll give it to you".

He swallowed his pride and said he wouldn't be able to pay me back. So now, months later, i'm not anywhere in my subconscious expecting anything back from him.

 

[ignorethis]

Don't be a crash dummy that puts my life or freedom in jeopardy.

Don't be broke and stagnant.

Don't be a gossiping hating nikka.

 

[Aphrodite]

Bandwagoner/plays the fence.


Scary if we get into confrontation with other ppl.

 

[Silkk]

I know we all have dealbreakers when it comes to relationships? But do you guys have dealbreakers when it comes to just friends?

I'll start if off. Not paying me back if I ever loaned you something. I'm the kind of person who wont remind you twice, i'm not a bill collector. I even tell my friends who ask for money "Just so you know, depending on how you go about paying me back, this could be the end of our friendship"

That usually stops them from asking

Yep, easiest way to lose friends. Girls and money

 

[Critical Distance]

have to be a person of color and even iffy on hispanics and some asians

can't be dangerous

have to be doing something with their lives

can't be mean to others not a part of the friend group

 

[philmonroe]

I'll state this for the 3rd and hopefully final time. The only time money has ended relationships for me is when the recipient has made sure it has.

If you are constantly promising me something, then be a man about your word and do it.
I dont have sons, I'm not anybody's daddy. If my friends are expecting to have a father-son relationship they can find someone else for that. Its not my job to tell you how your finances are and explain to you that you can't pay me back.

If you want a gift, then ask for a gift. If you want a loan, ask for a loan. The two are not the same.

You guys are painting as some uncle scrooge type but I would bet my account I've given more money to my friends in the past year than most people have in their entire lives.

I gave a friend $1000 in july (and 400 in November) to help with his brother's medical bills. He asked for a loan, I explained to him the way I always do "If you promise to pay me back, I will expect it back. But if you want a gift, I'll give it to you".

He swallowed his pride and said he wouldn't be able to pay me back. So now, months later, i'm not anywhere in my subconscious expecting anything back from him.

You didn't have to reply I saw your response to the other dude. I just post after reading the OP before reading other post like I normally do. If I had read the whole thread first something I may start doing I wouldn't have even quoted this post since dude said what I basically said and you replied already.

 

[Aphrodite]

have to be a person of color and even iffy on hispanics and some asians

can't be dangerous

have to be doing something with their lives

can't be mean to others not a part of the friend group

But you're mean....

 

[Black Magisterialness]

I actually specified what I was talking about in my first response to you.

If someone asks me for a loan and immediately tells me "i got you back by thursday" or something like that, it is no longer a gift, it is no longer charity.

Like you, I give people the oppurtunity to back out of it before we make the transaction, but some people (like me) wont rest until they've paid someone back, so I let them be if that's what they want to do.

HOWEVER, if someone gives me their word that they will repay me, and starts swearing by their mom and other important people that "will have it by X", then they have just made a huge mistake with me. Because now, every time they miss a deadline i'm going to be looking at them sideways. Every time they spend a dime in my presence, i'm going to be looking at the sideways.

Its not about me needing the money. If I was that hardup for cash I wouldn't be giving money to anyone period. Its about the principle of a man meaning what he says by his word. shyt like that is VERY IMPORTANT to me.

Well those are some shyt individuals... never dealt with that honestly. But then again I'm highly selective with who I give money too.

 

[Gold]

Well those are some shyt individuals... never dealt with that honestly. But then again I'm highly selective with who I give money too.

Yeah... it gets annoying. I had an extreme case of it back in college that probably made me this way. The bolded is a good way to go regardless

 

[SirReginald]

I know we all have dealbreakers when it comes to relationships? But do you guys have dealbreakers when it comes to just friends?

I'll start if off. Not paying me back if I ever loaned you something. I'm the kind of person who wont remind you twice, i'm not a bill collector. I even tell my friends who ask for money "Just so you know, depending on how you go about paying me back, this could be the end of our friendship"

That usually stops them from asking

Dealbreakers for me

- Huge lies
- Stealing
- Don't pay back my money

You know, just the normal stuff.

 

[Gold]

Dealbreakers for me

- Huge lies
- Stealing
- Don't pay back my money

You know, just the normal stuff.

Habitual liars are the worst.

You know the people that lie about stuff that doesn't even need to be lied about... have you looking at them like... "why you lyin? tho?"