Religion/Spirituality The official Bizarre Bible Stories Thread

[Chief]

Here's a great one, sinners who don't repent rotting in hell for eternity

Enjoy your 50-70 years on earth breh



Sent from royalty using Tapatalk breh

And they say god is love

 

[MikelArteta]

And they say god is love

God is love, you have the choice

hope to see you in paradise breh

 

[DerrtySouthpaw]

at this turning in to the typical HL religion bash orgy

 

[WhiteDawg3000]

LOL

 

[Bondye Vodou]

Sad, the things people say just to feel content and comfortable, being evil. Please repent, give Glory and praise to God and ask him for forgiveness for the foul disgusting things you have done in your lives. He will forgive you. Just please, and i implore you, do not disrespect God himself. I cant stress this enough. Good luck, friends.

 

[Mowgli]

(on vvd and Mowgli)

It's that scene in a movie where people argue real passionately right before the start kissing and fuking. Only you're seeing it in text...

From the nikka who rushes in to close threads talkin shyt about gay people but lets this bullshyt ass thread ride? Go back to moderating them dikks in ya mouth.

 

[CASHAPP]

:ohh:

So Jesus was Chuncey and his disciples were Caine and O-Dog?

To go back to one of my points earlier on in the thread.......as crazy as all this shyt is, this fukkery led to just about a century of classic music from Motown to "Pagan" classics like "White Christmas" in the 40s and 50s.

i guess you can say alot of classic movies too....

I can't lie if not for all that fiction we would not have gotten all those classics. Lets be straight up.

The thing though its just still hilarious to read this stuff.






I can't lie though I like when they have specials like this about Bible Figures......especially with the narrarator voice

 

[Eastside Get The Money]

Y'all killing me with this comedic heat

Spoiler

I guess before radio and tv these nikkas' imagination was through the roof

 

[Robbie3000]

25 Saul replied, “Say to David, ‘The king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.’” Saul’s plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines.

26 When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king’s son-in-law. So before the allotted time elapsed, 27 David took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins. They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king’s son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.

Why is this shyt in a "holy" book? Couldn't this have been left out and instead wrote a verse about the evils of slavery or oppression or maybe an emphasis on tolerance?

 

[CASHAPP]

Why is this shyt in a "holy" book? Couldn't this have been left out and instead wrote a verse about the evils of slavery or oppression or maybe an emphasis on tolerance?

That Old Testament sure was obsessed with penis foreskin



Good thing the sequel(New Testament) toned it down.

 

[acri1]

And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished.

21 Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money. Exodus 20:20-21

So basically, beating your slaves is ok as long as said slave survives for at least a day or two?

[23] And he went up from thence to Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, little boys came out of the city and mocked him, saying: Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. [24] And looking back, he saw them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord: and there came forth two bears out of the forest, and tore of them two and forty boys.

4 Kings 2:23-24

So basically, he had god kill some small children...in a particularly horrible way...because they made fun of him for being bald?

[37] And Jacob took green rods of poplar, and of almond, and of plane trees, and pilled them in part: so when the bark was taken off, in the parts that were pilled, there appeared whiteness: but the parts that were whole remained green: and by this means the colour was divers.

[38] And he put them in the troughs, where the water was poured out: that when the flocks should come to drink, they might have the rods before their eyes, and in the sight of them might conceive.

[39] And it came to pass that in the very heat of coition, the sheep beheld the rods, and brought forth spotted, and of divers colours, and speckled.

So basically, Laban took all of Jacob's striped/spotted cattle; all Jacob has left is plain ones, which he apparently doesn't like. So he comes up with a brilliant plan:

Dude gets some sticks and starts painting stripes on them, then he plants them near the cattle. He figures that if the cattle look at the striped sticks while they're...conceiving, they'll give birth to striped young. Despite common sense and the entire science of genetics telling us this shouldn't work...it somehow does, and Jacob is happy.

Biblical genetics FTW.

 

[Mr. Somebody]

You can believe in God and his teachings without being religious. Just dont say F God. Alot of posters have destroyed themselves saying that. Its better to live like there is a God for the sake of humanity and yourself than to live like demonic filth and find out, hes real, friend. Please join friends.

 

[Demon]

fakkits are vile, disgusting creatures and should all be executed.

and.....all religion is bullshyt.

 

[Bondye Vodou]

You can believe in God and his teachings without being religious. Just dont say F God. Alot of posters have destroyed themselves saying that. Its better to live like there is a God for the sake of humanity and yourself than to live like demonic filth and find out, hes real, friend. Please join friends.

 

[Sensitive Blake Griffin]

God is love, you have the choice

hope to see you in paradise breh

breh if I gotta spend an eternity with your annoying ass, you can send me straight to hell.