Those that grew up in a single mother household, when you got older, did you realize why Ur moM

[Cape Town JHB]

My mother had high expectations for herself, me (her only child) and any man that came into the picture. She could be a hard ass but she was realistic. I was a straight A student until junior high math, my first stepfather didn’t understand why she was paying for tutoring when I just needed to work harder (his words). My mom dropped out of college but my stepdad had two degrees and was lazy. He didn’t care about being promoted, that didn’t bother my mom at all because she was very open about him not letting his job wear him down. He provided financially but didn’t want her to go back to school and actually got her fired from a job. Her next husband (white) was more supportive of both our educations but he was a monster to her. He loved to argue and would yell a lot. He had a lot of money and felt he could act how he wanted because we didn’t want for anything. My mother ended up with panic attacks because of him. She said she could be miserable by herself. She’s warned me about dating men a few years younger than her because the late boomers were fukked by their parents and the system. Too many hard ass men and women holding everything inside. She never wanted for a man and I watched men fall at her feet and she turned down an engagement from a local celebrity who could have taken excellent care of her and set her up for retirement. My mother taught me it’s not worth being miserable just to have a husband.

So she was in toxic relationships your whole life and taught you to be single

Even rejected great men huh

 

[Cape Town JHB]

This whole thread summed up 30 years ago

 

[Smashius Clay]

So you’re saying both of my parents ain’t shyt?

 

[HARLEM AL]

mine wasn’t, but ma dukes thought a man should pay all the bills and agree with everything she say.

he dipped and tried to take us with him. Ma was like heelllll naw... lol

instead she waited until I got a little older to start getting on my nerves about “helping out”.

love ya ma but I gotta go.

hell I look like doing everything but not being free do as I wish in somewhere I pay for.

pops taught me well lol.... for real though, he instilled a toxic trait within me. I just leave any situation when I feel stress. Something I had to work on over the years. Especially compromising.... I will say that, although I’m working on me, bytches ain’t working on themselves. My girl have me real close to going back the old me... alot.

That trait ain’t toxic and your father was wise man. Stress kills.

 

[HARLEM AL]

yeah. My pops decided to go waste a decade lost in the crack era and my mom took shyt into her own hands and took us from project living to buying a brownstone by her damn self.

your thread automatically places blame on the woman like all of our fathers was out here doing the right things. Y’all nikkas is weird B

There you nikkas going to defend your mother when there was no need homie ask a legit question and he had people with similar stories confirming it. And here you are with fukking cape on.

I think I’m starting to understand why a lot of you perceive women the way you do..

another bytch nikka

 

[HARLEM AL]

nikkas having a legit conversation and here you goofy nikkas go. This is why black men don’t talk about their issues and keep it to themselves. There’s tons of literature out there that shows why the black family structure is the way it is. But nah, nikkas need to just get therapy.

fukk Outta here

I have homegirls who went through the same shyt with their mothers. Do they hate women to you goofy mothafukka?

 

[the bossman]

This is Amurrica

 

[CashmereThoughts]

There you nikkas going to defend your mother when there was no need homie ask a legit question and he had people with similar stories confirming it. And here you are with fukking cape on.


another bytch nikka

His question was posed to those that grew up in a single parent household. And that that followed was a Blanket statement.

you getting real hostile and disrespectful on top of the fact that your ignoring parts of what was said. What’s your agenda here?

 

[Deep_Black_Conscious]

I see why a lot of members of the coli kinda hate women now, bad relationships with women started at birth for a lot of y’all and now it’s going into y’all relationships as adults. This thread is like a sad therapy session

It's that and/or bad experiences with women /relationships that has forever scarred people
This also plays a role

People quick to call these type of thread women hate or hurt men complaining. But I think most men are discovering how complicated women are. and it's kind of shocking, scary and disappointing that most will never have a lasting relationship.

Might sound like hate, but most women emotions are too inconsistent to gamble your love and financial well-being on.

Some men see what they perceive to be women's nature and simply cannot bother once their true nature shows after that honeymoon period ends
No one truly gives a fukk about you except for those who have unconditional love for you
Everyone else's love for you is based on some condition
Realizing this, once someone dedicates themselves to a marriage man or woman and get screwed over or a serious relationship, even if it is not necessarily logical, they decide fukk it I don't feel like going through that again right now. You don't want to meet a new person and go through it all over again so once signs of perceived toxicity appear Not only that most people ain't shyt so everyone gets to dump their toxic traits on each other once things get more serious.

 

[WonderCheeks]

So she was in toxic relationships your whole life and taught you to be single

Even rejected great men huh

She didn’t teach me to be single, she has always touted marriage as something she wants for me. On the other hand she has always been honest that everything isn’t roses. The only thing she talked me and friends out of his feeling forced to have children. She has told me from a young age children aren’t everything and don’t make you a woman. She loves me to pieces and is so proud of me but she has always said I was enough for her and she had no time for men she was dating or relatives who told her she needed more children.

 

[Stuntone]

This whole thread summed up 30 years ago

Too deep.


it's over bruhs.

 

[Neuromancer]

They still love each other, its just not workable between them.

This is the worst. Love each other, just can't be with each other. Damn.

 

[Neuromancer]

My mom isn’t an educated woman. She’s not traditionally attractive. She can be passive aggressive and abrasive. And because she married a very successful/handsome man, she dealt with people looking down on her and underestimating her because “he could have done better than that.” Which she used to her advantage: what she lacks in book smarts are replaced by a lot of common sense and she is a major reason why my dad remained successful. But like I said, she can be extremely aggressive and abrasive. And emotionally ignorant: saying inappropriate things or blaming victims to the point I don’t share any personal information with her. She has wild mood swings that make her intolerable.

She was strict and like many have said, the mother role leads to children resenting that discipline. But she could also be fun. After the work/chores/etc were done she introduced us to her favorite older movies. Or took us to the park. All types of stuff. Fun was earned, basically. But that didn’t last.

It wasn’t until later that I understood why she constantly had wild mood swings or felt like a tyrant in the house though. My dad had been cheating for decades. Giving away tons of money to a single mom. My mom would catch him, there would be a blow up, he’d promise never again and things would return to a stalemate. I remember running across a letter on the computer one day, where the author asked what to do about a cheating husband. All the details matched my family but as a kid I didn’t put 2 and 2 together.

I didn’t know for sure until I was an adult and the police got involved because she tried to kill him, after catching him cheating. I bailed her out of jail. That’s when I realized so much of her behavior revolved around being disrespected. The way my dad would convince us she was just being mean or emotional, while he would take us to sports events to escape the house. Her constant solo trips to my grandma’s house.

They’re still together and in love but you can sense that tension. To the point I don’t go to their house often. I loved that Covid allowed me to skip all the holidays last year, and I plan on skipping them this year too. I hate that feeling. When you’re watching a movie and there’s a scene about cheating...and the air is sucked out the room. Or they start fighting over a trivial thing, and you realize they must have been fighting over this small thing for days. I can’t tolerate it anymore.

Damn bro. Sorry to hear you had to go through this.

 

[NBA Youngbreh]

Idk bout that dysfunctional life #nuclearfamilyset

 

[Neuromancer]

My mom had a son from a previous marriage and he was her only child for 11 years. He was always in trouble and in the street. It mostly broke her heart and caused her to be overbearing. I understood. I spent my life being everything he wasn't, but he was always the first worried about so I kinda stopped. My dad was a womanizer. Idk if he ever cheated but he loved women and let that shyt run his decisions. Got him in trouble some too. I don't think my folks would have been able to stay together long term. They were two very different people.

On the bright side I just spent money to give my mom her dream kitchen and she's engaged to her boyfriend of 15 years.