Yeah I think it comes from bearing the brunt of the emotional work in traditional relationships. Did you know marriage is associated with early death in women?
All the unpaid work, unacknowledged stress leads to a lot of hardness in women for the roles we relegate them to.
Then we punish them for those roles.
A lot of this hidden frustration is internalized by women. And instead of using that superior verbal communication skills they claim to have, they rely heavily on passive aggression.
Why? Because we used to socialize women to not be direct. To associate directness with masculinity in communication skills. To be submissive and deferential. When that communication style doesn’t get the job done, who do we get?
Impatient, nasty, come the fukk on, I’m tired, I don’t have time for this bullshyt ma dukes.
Much of the way women are is due to gender role socialization. That passive aggressive, silent sufferer, eternal victim playbook is directly related to how we as a society literally dismiss female opinion as babble, tell them they should be seen not heard, associate directness with hardness.
We also send mixed signals to our men as well and punish them for the roles we push them into. We love to tell men that they are the protectors/providers, and revel in that boys will be boys energy until it backfires. Women will get with the provider they claim to want, but then complain about him not having enough time for her. This world pushes men to have almost sociopathic tendencies to become leaders, but then punishes them if they conform to this. At the same time, we want men to display a wider emotional capacity, but then accuse him of being gay if he acts on a basic human emotion.
Push them to be hunters and pursuants of females. Then call em thirsty or creeps if they take initiative.
The mixed messages this society tells men and women on how to behave, in juxtaposition with the way we also punish them if they conform to said behavior is a nasty, nasty game.
Mama can’t properly look after her kids without being the dream killer responsible one that we unfairly end of resenting sometimes. Because her first priority = your safety.
Daddy can’t be your emotional rock at your side 24/7 because he has to work to provide, otherwise he is a bum, remember? And if he cries we call him a punk.
Sometimes a balance is struck and you can learn to do better, but I think people aren’t thinking clearly about what went with toxic relationships in the past. We romanticize them but we not being honest with ourselves. Part of the reason why our generation is delaying marriage is because we don’t want to be our parents and see no viable way to avoid that fate in relationships. Especially if you didn’t have a positive example.
Hell I know damn well why I’m resistant to that whole “submit” “woman be silent” “fix me a sammich” cave man shyt because I saw it wreak utter havoc in the women’s lives I grew up with. Utter havoc. On their physical health and on their mental health.
Some of my male cousins feel the same way about stepping into those traditional male roles too because they saw their dads being miserable too in a lot of cases. Imagine working your ENTIRE LIFE to give EVERYTHING YOU GOT to some vinegar faced chick, fixing her mouth to complain instead of expressing gratitude.
SHEEEEIIIIIIITTTTT.
The current generations are running from that shyt. 30 is the new 40. Delaying everything until we can chart a better path than the nonsense we saw some of our parents endure.
Which isn’t ideal b:c we about to have a new crop of kids with disabilities coming through from delays in child birth, among other issues...
Just shyt we gotta figure out before it’s too late.
If you felt a way just say that shyt! Everything @Booksnrain is saying about how masculinity is perceived in women is true, I get that, but you don't get no where if can't be proactive, open your mouth and be a little aggressive in pursuit of what you want. It's ironic, because the passive aggressiveness that usually stems from repressed feelings is easily more contemptable than being direct is, and that's on top of it being really fukking senseless too.
