Video: Stoicism and how to manage and overcome disrespect. Does the Black community need more stoics?

[MischievousMonkey]

Yes and no.

I do agree that it ties into poverty, though. That being said, middle class and lower middle class black kids can also be detrimentally impacted by trying to navigate "what does it mean for me to present as a strong, unafraid black man." And that has serious potential to get them jammed up.

I would adjust your stance and say that this is a result of the negative aspects of poverty/survival being intertwined with what it means to be black.

Again, I'm never speaking from a pedestal, I'm speaking from my own flaws.

I've told this story before but if anyone doesn't mind a "once upon a time":

I can't see the story

 

[tuckgod]

I negged yo b*tch ass just to test you


You're welcome

 

[JuvenileHell]

learn how to never buck and just be a good slave brehs

 

[Diyhai]

Growing up, I felt there was nothing worse than being disrespected in the Black community. Someone disrespects you in high school either you respond with a good mouthpiece or physically. Even in sports I saw guys who would lose on a play resort to fighting to get even with the other person. Yet when I went to a mostly white high school disrespect was usually played off or not taken as seriously.

Even now as a grown man I struggle to forget disrespect. Even little shyt on a day to day basis will have me thinking about it later. Consuming too much of my time and energy.



I think our community has to learn tolerate disrespect better. As the video points out that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to allow yourself to be disrespected by their are better ways to respond to it.


What do y’all think?

Depends on your circumstances
In the hood if you don’t react to disrespect in a certain manner you will be seen as food
But in a corporate environment you will have to adjust your approach to disrespect
You just have to be aware of how it is handled in the environment you are in
Different cultures and environments are different

 

[bigdaddy88]

It ain't worth getting angry over every little thing micro or macro aggression.

But stoicism is more about knowing what u can control aka ur thoughts and actions. Vs what other people do. So folks are gonna be annoying,racist, etc.u can't control them, and because u can't make them change u get angry,annoyed, and frustrated at something that u are powerless to change.

It just leads to being unhappy. Folks speak a certain manner,dress a certain way to show others that u should be treated a certain way and when u don't u get angry which leads to other bull.

The best thing is just do u to the best,others will do them and u are powerless to change them or control their behavior.

 

[DPresidential]

I can't see the story

That's crazy. lol.

I was going to write it but I decided it would be too much energy. Ha. I thought I deleted that sentence.

But, this was it:

Spoiler: LONG ASS READ

It was around 2015 and I had become so in touch with trying to truly research and understand race and society. I went into a book club with a group of my boys and when I read Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man as an adult; it changed my life, for real.

Anyway, I say that to say, at the time of this incident, I was fully bought into the idea that the next black man, stranger or not, is my brother.

So, I'm on the way to work one morning. Coming from Queens, working in Brooklyn. I had my book, "The Condemnation of Blackness" by Khalil Gibran Muhammad. I was in a great ass mood.

Anyway, I get off the J train at Broadway Junction in Brooklyn. Walk down the stairs, nothing but black people at the station at the time. Started to se so much in a different light. It was beautiful. I get to the downstairs platform where I wait to catch the A train to Jay Street where my office is.

A train arrives, I get on and stand at the door. I hardly ever sit. I open my book and start reading.

A few seconds later, a breh gets on and has his cell phone blasting music MAD LOUD. He stops right in front of me. I'm looking around, people are looking at him, they are visibly annoyed. I'm starting to get tight, as well.

Remember, I am an attorney, in a full suit, reading an amazing book about the history of blackness being demonized by society. I'm full on into my "I am my brother's keeper" mentality.

Yet, I instantly regressed into a$$hole, confrontational DPres.

I waved at him to get breh's attention. "Bro..." I reached into my breast pocket and grabbed my headphones that I wasn't using. "Can you hold this real quick?" It's funny how people follow your instructions when they are caught off guard. He takes the headphones.

Confused look on his face. I say, "Yea, take my headphones since you want to listen to your fukking music all loud"(Or something to that affect.)

"Oh, my music too loud?" he said with a little uncomfortable smirk. "Yea, nikka, your music is too loud."
HE TURNED THE MUSIC DOWN. handed me back my headphones.

At first, I felt like the man. And then it hit me. I was a fukking CLOWN. I didn't help anything. I saw another black man and I saw an opportunity to be confrontational for my own ego. It wasn't constructive AT ALL. It was me regressing back to that stare down contest shyt we all dealt with when it came to walking down the street and another peer is looking at you.

So, I felt like shyt. I realized that I made his situation WORSE. I turned him into a ticking time bomb. As we were standing there. Both quiet. He is looking at his phone and I KNOW he was thinking, "I should have not let that nikka talk to me like that. I should have said this or that. I should have rocked his fukking jaw."

I know he felt like his pride had been trampled on. And it was, by me. And it was a terrible thing that I did, regardless of how disrespectful he was about the sound nuisance.

So, I decided I'd apologize.
NOW THIS IT THE MOST IMPACTFUL PART OF MY EXPERIENCE:

Clearly, I was not afraid of dude. I wasn't afraid of confrontation. I wasn't afraid of whatever reaction I'd get. That isn't something unique and cool about me. That's the perspective that a lot of us feel like we need to adopt to navigate.
BREH.... IT TOOK ME ABOUT 3 or 4 TRAIN STOPS TO WORK UP THE COURAGE TO GET HIS ATTENTION TO HUMBLE MYSELF.

I finally got the bravery to tap him. He looked up at me. I said, "bro, honestly, I appreciate you turning the music down. Real shyt. Thank you, for real."
Offered my hand for the dap and we dapped up.

I COULD ACTUALLY SEE ALL OF THE WEIGHT LIFT FROM THE YOUNG BREH'S SHOULDERS. Had I not done that, he would have crashed out on the next person who says ANYTHING sideways to him.

And I felt so much better as well.

What I fully realized from that experience is the line I said above in an earlier post. "Black boys aren't afraid of ANYBODY. They grow up learning to be afraid of vulnerability."

It took vulnerability for me to walk back the clown shyt I did and apologize and offer that hand and understanding. Yet, even me, with so much to lose, was willing to stroke my own fukking ego to put another nikka in his place.

I have so many anecdotal experiences that have really shaped this philosophy I have now. But, I am so happy where I'm at. And I still am trying to dismantle so much of that "don't tolerate disrespect. Be a hair trigger to anything that seems like disrespect. And never back down."

 

[Kurt off them percs]

"Black Community"?

Disrespect isn't tolerated no more where you are. This isn't just exclusive to us.

Lack of emotional intelligence and hindsight is the true issue.

 

[( )-___-)]

Depends on your circumstances
In the hood if you don’t react to disrespect in a certain manner you will be seen as food
But in a corporate environment you will have to adjust your approach to disrespect
You just have to be aware of how it is handled in the environment you are in
Different cultures and environments are different

The whole idea is to remove the hood mindset. Why would I place my mind state in the hood when there is a whole world

 

[Kurt off them percs]

During COVID I had to run out to Walgreens and of course the lines outside was long. Just so happened me and this dude got to the line at the same time. Off the jump this dummie talking tough like "I was here first" and etc. I said you got it.

That entire moment he felt like a big man and just kept staring at me like he wanted me to react. Needless to say we both entered the store at the same time. Take my ego out the picture and understand that I was ccwing and it could have got messy.

Self worth and having control of your emotions is something we need to work on as people in general.

 

[#BOTHSIDES]

Op yes blk need be more stoic.

 

[NoirDynosaur]

Resilience and Perseverance is one of the greatest traits the black community can adopt. Emotional intelligence is a skill that isn't taught in schools, the media nor in our community. The ability to manage, control and master our emotions prevents us being looped hole in the wheel of stress. Plus we think more clearly more soberly when our emotions are not on the forefront.

Humor makes you notice how absurd human nature operates.

Life itself is a like a chess game. A spontaneous test for reactions. People will test you emotionally to see if you're about that action. Respond don't react. Move slowly. Use discernment to peak the subtleties in your reality. That's how you prosper without going down under.

 

[The Fade]

Eastern philosophy >>>

They were in their bag with that shyt. Lot jazz players became Buddhists

Boys need to be taught to appreciate reading and then be given The Book of 5 Rings, the Takuan book and the zen archery book

 

[WaveCapsByOscorp™]

 

[The Fade]

Stoicism, invented by the Greeks, was literally taught to Greek and Roman slaves as a means of control

Anywhere I can read about this?

 

[MischievousMonkey]

That's crazy. lol.

I was going to write it but I decided it would be too much energy. Ha. I thought I deleted that sentence.

But, this was it:

Spoiler: LONG ASS READ

It was around 2015 and I had become so in touch with trying to truly research and understand race and society. I went into a book club with a group of my boys and when I read Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man as an adult; it changed my life, for real.

Anyway, I say that to say, at the time of this incident, I was fully bought into the idea that the next black man, stranger or not, is my brother.

So, I'm on the way to work one morning. Coming from Queens, working in Brooklyn. I had my book, "The Condemnation of Blackness" by Khalil Gibran Muhammad. I was in a great ass mood.

Anyway, I get off the J train at Broadway Junction in Brooklyn. Walk down the stairs, nothing but black people at the station at the time. Started to se so much in a different light. It was beautiful. I get to the downstairs platform where I wait to catch the A train to Jay Street where my office is.

A train arrives, I get on and stand at the door. I hardly ever sit. I open my book and start reading.

A few seconds later, a breh gets on and has his cell phone blasting music MAD LOUD. He stops right in front of me. I'm looking around, people are looking at him, they are visibly annoyed. I'm starting to get tight, as well.

Remember, I am an attorney, in a full suit, reading an amazing book about the history of blackness being demonized by society. I'm full on into my "I am my brother's keeper" mentality.

Yet, I instantly regressed into a$$hole, confrontational DPres.

I waved at him to get breh's attention. "Bro..." I reached into my breast pocket and grabbed my headphones that I wasn't using. "Can you hold this real quick?" It's funny how people follow your instructions when they are caught off guard. He takes the headphones.

Confused look on his face. I say, "Yea, take my headphones since you want to listen to your fukking music all loud"(Or something to that affect.)

"Oh, my music too loud?" he said with a little uncomfortable smirk. "Yea, nikka, your music is too loud."
HE TURNED THE MUSIC DOWN. handed me back my headphones.

At first, I felt like the man. And then it hit me. I was a fukking CLOWN. I didn't help anything. I saw another black man and I saw an opportunity to be confrontational for my own ego. It wasn't constructive AT ALL. It was me regressing back to that stare down contest shyt we all dealt with when it came to walking down the street and another peer is looking at you.

So, I felt like shyt. I realized that I made his situation WORSE. I turned him into a ticking time bomb. As we were standing there. Both quiet. He is looking at his phone and I KNOW he was thinking, "I should have not let that nikka talk to me like that. I should have said this or that. I should have rocked his fukking jaw."

I know he felt like his pride had been trampled on. And it was, by me. And it was a terrible thing that I did, regardless of how disrespectful he was about the sound nuisance.

So, I decided I'd apologize.
NOW THIS IT THE MOST IMPACTFUL PART OF MY EXPERIENCE:

Clearly, I was not afraid of dude. I wasn't afraid of confrontation. I wasn't afraid of whatever reaction I'd get. That isn't something unique and cool about me. That's the perspective that a lot of us feel like we need to adopt to navigate.
BREH.... IT TOOK ME ABOUT 3 or 4 TRAIN STOPS TO WORK UP THE COURAGE TO GET HIS ATTENTION TO HUMBLE MYSELF.

I finally got the bravery to tap him. He looked up at me. I said, "bro, honestly, I appreciate you turning the music down. Real shyt. Thank you, for real."
Offered my hand for the dap and we dapped up.

I COULD ACTUALLY SEE ALL OF THE WEIGHT LIFT FROM THE YOUNG BREH'S SHOULDERS. Had I not done that, he would have crashed out on the next person who says ANYTHING sideways to him.

And I felt so much better as well.

What I fully realized from that experience is the line I said above in an earlier post. "Black boys aren't afraid of ANYBODY. They grow up learning to be afraid of vulnerability."

It took vulnerability for me to walk back the clown shyt I did and apologize and offer that hand and understanding. Yet, even me, with so much to lose, was willing to stroke my own fukking ego to put another nikka in his place.

I have so many anecdotal experiences that have really shaped this philosophy I have now. But, I am so happy where I'm at. And I still am trying to dismantle so much of that "don't tolerate disrespect. Be a hair trigger to anything that seems like disrespect. And never back down."

Thank you very much for sharing breh.

It was a very heartfelt story (and well written) and I can most definitely relate. I have been at both ends of the spectrum of agression and I know how hard it is to fight your own ego.

Still fighting it. Maybe it's one of those things where it'll be a WIP until we're old asf.

Also it's crazy how harder it is to apologize compared to upping the ante. Damn.

But baby steps. At least we recognize it.

God bless. Again, fantastic post.