There is also accounting for the fact that you actually do have to work harder to be in a relationship these days because gender roles are obsolete for the most part.
Gender roles serve the unforeseen purpose of giving men and women a comfortable niche to fill in each other's lives. They create necessity so that others can fill that need. Thus you get the men who "need" someone to cook and clean for them. Or women who "need" men to protect them and provide for them.
The problem? Our society has evolved to ensure that there is as little dependency as possible on the opposite sex. Men and women are equally in the workforce. Some women make more than men. Men these days are increasingly independent in that they cook themselves or go out to eat. Sexual needs are taken care of through porn. Women getting guns and provide for themselves.
In this climate, since our needs are met, we are called to relationships not out of necessity but out of genuine desire to be with someone else. The latter is exponentially harder because you have more choices.
However, what this also means is that we have the potential to transcend the relationships of previous generations. It could be beautiful to look at someone and want to be with them not b/c they can cook u a hot meal, or be a walking ATM, not because you need them to help you with this damn farm, or just for sex. But you want them because you actually, genuinely like them and they bring happiness to your life.
That's powerful. And if we could stop being obsessed with old paradigms, stop trying to use people, and stop being afraid of actually enjoying someone else, I think we could have stronger relationships than any other previous generation that has ever lived.
Edit: But this also means you have to work harder to be a better man and a better woman b/c nobody is going to accept u based off false need anymore. You have to be someone people legitimately want to be around. And many of us resent that because it makes us face ourselves. We would rather continue to create problems in one another in order to present ourselves as the solution, rather than standing on the strength of ourselves.
to pick from.
it's such a simple concept. In order to have a successful career, you have to bust your ass and put in the work. To be in shape with a nice physique you have to put in the work. Why wouldn't it be the same to have a successful loving relationship ? Nothing worth having comes easy
You are saying exactly what I said in.the post.
