Why do women keep remarking that I’m quiet at work?

[Hiphoplives4eva]

I’m taking a contrarian position from most posters and will say that this has nothing to do with race.

OP, if you want to get ahead in life, you will learn that those that do, most of the time, are not the smartest people in the room. The folks that are the most successful are the people that have superior social capital.

I work in an all-white high paying industry and it’s the same for everyone. My job and many others take the “fit” approach to hiring. We only hire a candidate based off of them being a good fit. Most of the time, this means the right “social” fit. Because we work long stressful hours, they want to make sure that the people they onboard will get on well with the team. The question is asked, “is this candidate someone in which we would want to be stuck 8 hours at an airport with?”

If you are a dull non-social person then the answer will be no and you’re not getting hired. The question is loaded because it implies that a good candidate will have similar hobbies and interests as the team (real hobbies like sports, traveling, and outdoor activities), that they are social, fun, and engaging enough to help the stressful long day go by quicker, and that they are outgoing and proactive in building/establishing/parlaying relationships. Introverted people and those that lack social capital get passed up 100% of the time.

And this a reason why there are not many blacks in my industry because so often we take the “I just go in to do my job and not make friends approach” which is easy to spot in a person and will get you dinged immediately for a position.

My advice would be to be a bit more proactive in being engaging and improving your social skills. Take every opportunity to build those skills, at work, school, bars, or parties. Everywhere. It will only improve your lot later in life. It’s not about “uncomfortableness” it’s about people wanting to be around fun people to pass the time with, especially if you’re working a shytty job.

You're an idiot.

All these intangibles you can't define like "fit" and "intangibles" is just an example of white people being on code on the job.

A
In regards to the so calledwhite people you work with at your high paying job, are they all affable, gregarious, and with easy going personalities?

The fact that you get along and "fit right in" with everyone one your job means your either the popular gay guy, the entertaining c00n, or both.

 

[Hiphoplives4eva]

High finance but hiring practices are pretty much indistinguishable from big law.



You can’t really say that you’re pretty social when others think otherwise. This means that there is a “perception gap” that you need to better manage.

And what do you mean by “choosy”. There are many topics of conversation that you can engage in that will not come back to bite you in the ass.

Sports
Food
Restaurants
Nightlife
Television
Movies
Books
Music
Concerts
Video Games
Travel
Hobbies
Activities
Family
Past experiences
Future Goals

Like this isn’t complicated and staying away from controversial topics should be a no brainer unless you’re really close to and trust your coworkers on some “bro” stuff.

Otherwise, there is no need to have to walk on eggshells if you keep your topics of conversation relegated to the above which is more than enough to keep you seeming interesting.

Such an ignorant post.

 

[Rell Lauren]

You the hit the nail on the head but they not gonna like it

90% of the me toos here need to realize socializing with co-workers is part of the job.

It’s a part of the game. You can gain respect or value through it.

If you don’t socialize your value goes down, nobody puts a good word for you, no leniency, nobody helps you out & eventually ppl want you out

Yep. I told my boss I'd be late on Friday to "run an errand". I went to KITH to pick up my Travis Scott Air Force 1s and no one batted an eye. Chatting regularly gives you more leeway than someone else who has their head down all day.

I have my days where I don't feel like talking, we all do. You can't come off as standoffish though.

 

[David_TheMan]

Work is about work. Do your job be respectfula nd stay focused on avieving your goals.

Im naturally reserved and quiet. Ive never haf an issue advancing professional, maybe its me being in the IT field, but there is nothing wromg with you OP or anyone else who isnt talkative. Just ve professional and productive.

 

[Zero]

Is this the monthly I'm special because I'm an introvert thread?

You know it

Boys mad I done broke up their pity party but guess what?



Enjoy working in that same cubicle until they fire your dumbasses for being nonexistant

 

[Zero]

You the hit the nail on the head but they not gonna like it

90% of the me toos here need to realize socializing with co-workers is part of the job.

It’s a part of the game. You can gain respect or value through it.

If you don’t socialize your value goes down, nobody puts a good word for you, no leniency, nobody helps you out & eventually ppl want you out

My nikka, look at this shyt

1. -10
   Given: 3 minutes ago
   CarbonBraddock commented: (shut yo p*ssy ass up)

Meanwhile if we were co-workers, he'd have his head to the floor every time I walked by :loldenzel2:

TLR is pathetic and on the real, this thread is no different than them cac ResetEra/Neogaf pity party threads

 

[Kidd Dibiase]

Being quiet at work genuinely bothers people for some reason. I get the same thing, if someone says something to me i’ll respond but im not making irrelevant small talk because you feel you HAVE to talk to everyone.

Besides they all just talk shyt about each other, no one can say they heard such and such rumor coming from me

 

[Chapter_BLK]

It's an extroverted world.

Awareness of the full spectrum (intro-ambi-extro) is slowly coming into the mainstream consciousness, but the majority of people that you'll encounter are ambi-extroverted and project their personality onto you.

They are quiet when something's bothering them? Then they assume everyone's that way.

They like to be around people? They assume everyone's like that.

They like to talk about nothing? You get the point.

It's not a race thing. Believe me. People frame the world based on their own experiences and if someone differs from that, they misunderstand and in the worst case, assume the worst about them.

I learned how to act extroverted because being vocal and having social skills has its benefits. Even still, that doesn't mean I take up every or even most invitations to hang out. I like being alone and I don't like hanging around with people who talk about nothing constructive or edifying or informative.

 

[CarbonBraddock]

My nikka, look at this shyt

1. -10
   Given: 3 minutes ago
   CarbonBraddock commented: (shut yo p*ssy ass up)

Meanwhile if we were co-workers, he'd have his head to the floor every time I walked by :loldenzel2:

TLR is pathetic and on the real, this thread is no different than them cac ResetEra/Neogaf pity party threads

love when these little frail dudes get so mad they have to quote the actual neg like they doin something. :adfkjdk:

 

[360dagod]

If your happy with your standing at work, then keep doing you....if you trying to move up, you gotta play politics...

Unless you on some Jordan shyt where your name ringing bells off the strength...

 

[philmonroe]

Being quiet at work genuinely bothers people for some reason. I get the same thing, if someone says something to me i’ll respond but im not making irrelevant small talk because you feel you HAVE to talk to everyone.

Besides they all just talk shyt about each other, no one can say they heard such and such rumor coming from me

Most of y'all like exaggerating like shyt. Most people don't give a fukk about you. They may ask you a time or two whats popping but ime folks not consistently trying to get you talk if you on your Kawhi. People online can bullshyt with that if they want. I've saw people if someone is new in a group of people try to do that but if they don't do anything after that folks leave them alone.

 

[BornStar]

I’m taking a contrarian position from most posters and will say that this has nothing to do with race.

OP, if you want to get ahead in life, you will learn that those that do, most of the time, are not the smartest people in the room. The folks that are the most successful are the people that have superior social capital.

I work in an all-white high paying industry and it’s the same for everyone. My job and many others take the “fit” approach to hiring. We only hire a candidate based off of them being a good fit. Most of the time, this means the right “social” fit. Because we work long stressful hours, they want to make sure that the people they onboard will get on well with the team. The question is asked, “is this candidate someone in which we would want to be stuck 8 hours at an airport with?”

If you are a dull non-social person then the answer will be no and you’re not getting hired. The question is loaded because it implies that a good candidate will have similar hobbies and interests as the team (real hobbies like sports, traveling, and outdoor activities), that they are social, fun, and engaging enough to help the stressful long day go by quicker, and that they are outgoing and proactive in building/establishing/parlaying relationships. Introverted people and those that lack social capital get passed up 100% of the time.

And this a reason why there are not many blacks in my industry because so often we take the “I just go in to do my job and not make friends approach” which is easy to spot in a person and will get you dinged immediately for a position.

My advice would be to be a bit more proactive in being engaging and improving your social skills. Take every opportunity to build those skills, at work, school, bars, or parties. Everywhere. It will only improve your lot later in life. It’s not about “uncomfortableness” it’s about people wanting to be around fun people to pass the time with, especially if you’re working a shytty job.

Just from this post I can tell you talk a lot.



Some true shyt was said tho.

 

[Shorty K]

If you work a manual labor job that doesn't require much thinking, a lack of social interaction will get you lost in your thoughts.

And after a while that can get very bored.

Imagine having to work a physical labor job all day with a guy that barely talks or doesn't speak the same language as you.

Did it for a few years in undergraduate with no problems. Learn to meditate and take control of your thinking. Men that can't focus on the job at hand and need outsiders to keep them sane in their daily routine are borderline pathetic to me, nbs. bytches need other people to keep their minds sane because they have no sense.

 

[Guvnor]

Didn't know TheColi was so Corporate.

 

[SheWantTheD]

Did it for a few years in undergraduate with no problems. Learn to meditate and take control of your thinking. Men that can't focus on the job at hand and need outsiders to keep them sane in their daily routine are borderline pathetic to me, nbs. bytches need other people to keep their minds sane because they have no sense.

I agree with you.

But the type of work I was doing wasn't always so busy. When it was extremely busy and you couldn't afford to talk to people, then I was just zoned in on the work and getting it done. But when it was slow, you were just going through the motions and time went by slowly.

In this generation where we are constantly bombarded with entertainment and flashy things whether it be on our tv's, phones, etc most of us have developed a level of low attention spans.

Meditation and controlling your thoughts in this way is fine, but when you are doing it for 8 hours a day it becomes too much. I had future goals in mind and ones that I was working towards while working these jobs, so I had something to look for. Whereas someone who didn't have goals that they were necessarily making a reality, what do they have to look for? Getting off that day to relax and chill? The weekend?

And that type of thinking for longs hours 5+ days a week forces you to analyze your whole life and your current situation. Many people may not be happy with where they have arrived.

Meditation is healthy but, like man things, too much of it is unhealthy.