Why don’t couples last after having a baby??

[BmoreGorilla]

So it takes 4 years to lose "baby weight"?

Some women never lose it. Tbh some are just lazy but there other circumstances. Once you have kids being able to work out regularly is a luxury that some don't have

 

[Voice of Reason]

You are absolutely correct. It’s a very valid point but too many black & young people diminish the value of marriage. Nuclear, married families are the ideal arrangement for a child. Period.

One of the major sources of inequality between cohabiting and married parenthood is that cohabiting couples tend to split up at higher rates than married couples. According to the 2013 National Marriage Project report, Knot Yet, children of cohabiting parents in their twenties are three times more likely to experience the dissolution of their family than children born to married parents. The Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study (FFCW), meanwhile, finds that “nearly half of parents who are cohabiting at the time of their child’s birth break up within five years, compared to only 20 percent of married parents.”

For Kids, Parental Cohabitation and Marriage Are Not Interchangeable

Unfortunately black women are increasing leading the chorus for the,” Marriage doesn’t guarantees anything” movement. I personally think it’s a coping mechanism. Anyone with common sense would know being married lowers the likelihood of dudes abandoning their children.

 

[Will Ross]

Most kids born today are because people are just fukking and it was never anything serious. For married couples it’s Money issue or they had kids two early in the marriage to have the couples time

 

[Amestafuu (Emeritus)]

So it takes 4 years to lose "baby weight"?

hell no

lowkey I seen women barely change and have very little work to do after. My sisters never gained signifiant weight and neither did most of my fiends wives spare for one..

 

[MaxPain]

hell no

lowkey I seen women barely change and have very little work to do after. My sisters never gained signifiant weight and neither did most of my fiends wives spare for one..

I know a girl who had 4 kids and shes still slim. She works too

U hoes just lazy

 

[New Username]

Post-birth clarity

 

[StickStickly]

No and discussions like this a part of why. After 4 years your baby is not a newborn, those pounds could've come off. Some women fall back into form fairly easily/naturally, some don't. Out of those who don't, some put the work in and end up looking the same as the pre-pregnancy period, or sometimes better from filling out in certain places. Meanwhile, others struggle. I understand this but after the first year or so if there's no effort or plan to get back in shape she doesn't care about getting back in shape, which on top of a decrease in free time and intimacy and bickering/cloaked resentment over who does how much work splits couples.

Your story/rebuttal or anyone else's story/rebuttal will not change my opinion or draw a concession. An effort can be made. Period.

I th

So it takes 4 years to lose "baby weight"?

i think you should consider that four years means you raise a kid from a needy newborn to a needy preschooler. Consider that she may be pressed for time and energy. She won’t be the same energetic person just with a kid on the side. She’s lost physiological energy, time, and probably a sense of being a separate person with needs who is desirable in other ways than a maid and a mom. Those are all things you and her have to realize you need to put effort in.

If you want to help your loved one lose weight, watch your child to free up time to work on herself. It’s actually pretty simple.

 

[TLR Is Mental Poison]

No and discussions like this a part of why. After 4 years your baby is not a newborn, those pounds could've come off. Some women fall back into form fairly easily/naturally, some don't. Out of those who don't, some put the work in and end up looking the same as the pre-pregnancy period, or sometimes better from filling out in certain places. Meanwhile, others struggle. I understand this but after the first year or so if there's no effort or plan to get back in shape she doesn't care about getting back in shape, which on top of a decrease in free time and intimacy and bickering/cloaked resentment over who does how much work splits couples.

Your story/rebuttal or anyone else's story/rebuttal will not change my opinion or draw a concession. An effort can be made. Period.

You are missing the forest for the trees. Obviously a relationship requires mutual attraction that can go away if one of the partners gains a shytload of weight. But- and this might surprise you- with a new baby/child, there are things more important than one's physical appearance

Not to mention, again, you are talking about "there should be a plan".... made by who? Do you work out? Have you ever lost a lot of weight? What would you do to help the situation, besides fold your arms and say "if you don't lose the weight I'm leaving you"? It's probably for the better that you don't have kids or get into a relationship.

Like I said we just had our first kid like 7 weeks ago. Wifey is on maternity leave but when I get home from work I literally have no time to work out. It's all about the baby. I'm only able to keep working out because I work out at my job. But not everyone has that option. Then what?

 

[Shadow King]

Some women never lose it. Tbh some are just lazy but there other circumstances. Once you have kids being able to work out regularly is a luxury that some don't have

There seems to be this consensus that men don't do enough to help or facilitate it but the thing is it's hard to assist a woman with this when we're "not allowed" to talk about a woman's weight.

hell no

lowkey I seen women barely change and have very little work to do after. My sisters never gained signifiant weight and neither did most of my fiends wives spare for one..

Were they young? Women who give birth young seem to get back to their original size or close to it fairly easy.

 

[Tiffrock]

All the attention goes to the baby- somebody feels neglected- THE END

 

[Dameon Farrow]

Because having kids isn't for everybody. Everything isn't for everybody and being fully honest with oneself is top 5 greatest thing you can do for your own psyche.

Many folks don't learn this until the lesson is harsh and the consequences are long lasting.

 

[Amestafuu (Emeritus)]

There seems to be this consensus that men don't do enough to help or facilitate it but the thing is it's hard to assist a woman with this when we're "not allowed" to talk about a woman's weight.

Were they young? Women who give birth young seem to get back to their original size or close to it fairly easy.

Nope

Both my sisters are in their late 30's and most my close male friends are touching 40 their wives are a couple years behind.. 5 at most. The only one not to loose the weight is the youngest of the wives... I knew what time it was when she didn't even try for the wedding cuz that's when women are most about it.

 

[StickStickly]

I know a girl who had 4 kids and shes still slim. She works too

U hoes just lazy

hell no

lowkey I seen women barely change and have very little work to do after. My sisters never gained signifiant weight and neither did most of my fiends wives spare for one..

You guys are on the outside looking in. I’m willing to bet you’ve never sat these women down to ask the nitty gritty details of their pregnancy and postpartum recovery, even if they were smooth and problem free. I doubt these women are talking to their man’s friends or men at work about their postpartum body changes lol. All you see is the result and not the process. I think it really depends on the body and the genetics. They say every woman is different and within every woman, every pregnancy is different. My friend had a baby in her early 20s and said she felt fine, no problems, got her abs back quick. She just recently had her second at 29 and she gained a little more weight, had issues walking and regaining stability in her pelvis, is more tired, and on and on. It really is a mind blowing process. It’s so varied but so similar. You’re doing yourself a disservice by assuming and not learning.

Do people need to hold onto the extra 20-30 lbs? No, but a little education on why some do goes a long way if you want to inspire change.

 

[Shadow King]

You are missing the forest for the trees. Obviously a relationship requires mutual attraction that can go away if one of the partners gains a shytload of weight. But- and this might surprise you- with a new baby/child, there are things more important than one's physical appearance

Not to mention, again, you are talking about "there should be a plan".... made by who? Do you work out? Have you ever lost a lot of weight? What would you do to help the situation, besides fold your arms and say "if you don't lose the weight I'm leaving you"? It's probably for the better that you don't have kids or get into a relationship.

Like I said we just had our first kid like 7 weeks ago. Wifey is on maternity leave but when I get home from work I literally have no time to work out. It's all about the baby. I'm only able to keep working out because I work out at my job. But not everyone has that option. Then what?

A plan made by the man and woman in the relationship. I work out but my mission is reshaping my body because I'm already small. Times where she would imagine she doesn't have the time to work out, I'm watching the baby. Things that she thinks will help the weight loss, I'm researching and seeing if it's legit or a placebo, and I'm buying. If she changes what she eats, I'm changing what I eat. But like I said to BMore this is hard to do because we're not allowed to bring weight up. The person whose body changed big time (the woman) has to have a desire to change it back.

I'm a long way from any relationship and I actually want a vasectomy. So the "it's been 2 years since the baby got here and..." conversation isn't in my plans.

 

[BmoreGorilla]

There seems to be this consensus that men don't do enough to help or facilitate it but the thing is it's hard to assist a woman with this when we're "not allowed" to talk about a woman's weight.
.

Honestly there's a lot of men who don't do enough to assist. But at the same time if you're in a relationship where yall cant openly discuss concerns than there's a weak foundation there to begin with. There's ways to suggest that a woman lose weight without putting her down. But sometimes people just don't have the time between work and raising the kids. I know a couple where it took years for the woman to lose all the baby weight. The father was a truck driver and was gone for a week and a half at a time so she was the main one taking care of the child on a daily basis. It wasn't any fault of his becuz he makes good money and spends all his time with them when hes home. But there's really not much she can do when he's hardly there