Why Some Men Succeed at Love…and Others Don’t

[Memorial Stadium Piru]

First, let’s be clear about how we define “success in love.” We are not talking about men who seem unusually gifted at attracting women, or getting them into bed. We are not interested in time-tested techniques for playing the dating game. The man we want to understand is the one who is able to move beyond dating, to succeed in having a loving relationship strong enough to support a lifelong partnership.

What sets that guy apart from his peers? When considering that question, it is tempting to look for some mysterious, invisible X-factor, like pheromones or divine intervention. But the truth is, men who succeed in love have some predictable traits in common. Here are six to watch for:

1. He sees love as a journey, not a destination. Less than successful lovers often think that winning a woman’s heart is a once-and-for-all event. Not so. Our man does not see his partner as territory on a map to be surrounded and captured, but as an equal traveling companion through life’s adventures. He knows she must be wooed, won, and wowed every day if he hopes to enjoy her company for a few more miles.

2. He is not in a hurry. Since love is a journey with no end, there is no point rushing toward some moment of “arrival.” Men who do so often consider their relationship a “done deal” and stop doing the work to maintain and deepen it. The successful partner understands that it takes time to truly get to know someone and build the trust necessary for genuine intimacy. Always.

3. He holds out for the best. He doesn’t sacrifice long-term happiness for momentary entertainment. In other words, the man who succeeds at love has patience enough to wait for it…even when he’s really tired of waiting. That’s not to say he sits at home alone flipping through TV channels every night. He’s engaged with the world and has his eyes open for signs of romantic possibility. But he knows enough to see a partner’s potential as it really is, not simply as he’d like it to be. He isn’t afraid to move on when necessary.

4. He understands the paradox of generosity. Many men mistakenly equate overt affection and attentiveness—the very things most women say they want from a man—with appearing weak or needy. The playground pecking order is unkind to boys who don’t quickly learn to avoid these things like the plague. So he projects strength through a rough and even miserly emotional exterior. The man destined to succeed in forming a balanced relationship with his woman has moved past all that. He understands that romantic generosity does not diminish him in any way—quite the opposite! The more he gives his partner, the more he receives in return, and the more enjoyable the journey becomes.

5. He keeps his balance. In work, at play, in conflict, in his wants and needs, the successful lover knows how to keep sight of what’s important. He sees the wisdom and value of moderation. He’s serious about his career, but not to the point of neglecting the people in his life. He likes to win but enjoys celebrating his woman’s successes as well. This man steers clear of any excesses that threaten his equilibrium.

6. He sees his life as a self-improvement project. A man who grows defensive and hostile at the first hint of criticism is handicapped from the get-go in a relationship. The successful guy is well aware that he isn’t perfect, which makes him able to consider his partner’s point of view in a conflict. He’s ahead of the curve and never stops growing, learning, and reaching. He’s no push-over, but when he is wrong, he owns it and does what is necessary to make things right.

These characteristics are easy to spot if you are a woman looking for a man worth investing in. And they are possible to cultivate in yourself—if you want to be that man.

Thoughts? Opinions?

 

[WaveGang]

fukk reading that. Not everyone got the juice

 

[Scruffy]

How is it so easy to realize a woman wrote all that?

Edit: that last paragraph gave it away but still...

 

[morris]

Basically he has to be in love with himself first.

We are forgetting that oh so very important ingredient in this entire recipe:
the woman. She is always going to be the X Factor because in the end she decides who she wants to surrender to.

 

[Kisame]

 

[Mr Rager]

Gay.

 

[boriquaking]

:idkman:

 

[DjBhaled]

This some straight bullshyt

 

[Shadow King]

1 and 4 were some simp shyt

 

[Black Trash!]

Everyone wants to be wanted

 

[mr.africa]

How is it so easy to realize a woman wrote that?

Edit: that last paragraph gave it away but still...

how to find love as a man and be successful at it as a man written by some lady

 

[DreadBrown]

1 and 2 are true I think, every relationship has stages and they can't be rushed if you're try to build something real. But at the same time real love kinda has a mind of it's own and feelings can be hard to control.


The rest is idealistic bullshyt

 

[DonRe]

Do men even think about love like that? We just date and see how it goes.

Women go crazy over shyt like this and its wild. All women are spaz in relationships. Doing the most. Never let shyt be what it is and go with the flow until it ends or whatever.

 

[old_timer]

you can't reverse engineer what makes a man successful in relationships with woman

you could even ask my wife "hello, what makes old timer the right man for you??"

I can guess what she'd say but I'm not even sure those are the actual reasons
cause people say shyt just to say it

itd be like that Keith Jarrett interview where he answered I don't know or I'm not sure to every question
"What was your motivation?? What were you trying to convey?? What was your inspiration??"
I mean, maybe breh sat down and literally just started playing
Stop overanalyzing it

Spoiler: shade

and it's poorly written
How come every bolded bullet item doesn't have much to do with the rest of the paragraph??

 

[Black Trash!]

you can't reverse engineer what makes a man successful in relationships with woman

you could even ask my wife "hello, what makes old timer the right man for you??"

I can guess what she'd say but I'm not even sure those are the actual reasons
cause people say shyt just to say it

itd be like that Keith Jarrett interview where he answered I don't know or I'm not sure to every question
"What was your motivation?? What were you trying to convey?? What was your inspiration??"
I mean, maybe breh sat down and literally just started playing
Stop overanalyzing it

Spoiler: shade

and it's poorly written
How come every bolded bullet item doesn't have much to do with the rest of the paragraph??

Yup