[AGENDA] Why I Stopped Dating Black American Men When I Decided I Was Ready For Marriage

[Rawtid]

Stopped reading halfway through. But from what I read, nobody should marry this woman Anybody having a certain image of what a partner should be like, instead of accepting the other person for who he/she is, is setting themselves up die failure and making the other persons life a living hell. And while she realizes that her expectations have been the problem, instead of questioning them, she is projecting them on another culture. But relationships with people from other cultures still come with their own difficulties, many of them having to do with expectations and socialization. She might feel happy now, but from what she writes, Im pretty sure that happyness will turn into resentment sooner or later.

If you don't get ALL the way out of here with that shyt. You should most certainly have expectations for your spouse, male and female! You can love a person unconditionally but doesn't mean they would make a good partner. That's setting people up for failure and regret!

 

[Rawtid]

Is that the absolute choice of Black American men?

To answer a question in response to a question, no, BUT MOST women want to be married. So why is it a big deal when they opt to expand options, especially when those men they are shying from have said they don't even want the woman in the first place!

 

[Kings County]

Lets break down this bullshyt
so she hasnt dated a Black American man in 6 years
YET! STILL ISNT fukkING MARRIED
So why is the article trying to distance herself from nikkas when she
still isnt even fukking married she still hopping on foreign dikk getting the same treatment
her problem is she superficially chooses trash men then decides to blame the rest of the pool
for her failures
dated nikkas from Compton to Kazakhstan yet all these men and no rings the common denominator is you
met only one chick who got me thinking about marriage and babies
before that i thought i would be a bachelor till about 40 then id start looking for wives when i started getting gray hairs and shyt
takes the right type of chick to make u wanna settle down she prolly dont have the juice and blaming black men for her problems maybe its u shorty

 

[Indiglow Meta (R$G)]

To answer a question in response to a question, no, BUT MOST women want to be married. So why is it a big deal when they opt to expand options, especially when those men they are shying from have said they don't even want the woman in the first place!

It's not but an editorial wasn't needed, nor is an single mother in the position to do so. Afribrehs would soundly reject her and are MORE Christian.
She's off base and I can tell she was raised in white spaces, just like Issa.
She's just an unattractive girl fighting for something she'll never get.

 

[CreepyMcCreeperson]

Why are so many of y’all a poor choice? How many times you see women talking about “changing” men? Women for the most part CHANGE and progress and get better,
Especially for her kids. Black men DO NOT! They be the same bum for years. Not all of course, but we’ve seen this narrative. Instead of him being a better person, we blame mother for choosing bad but not him for remaining a bad choice all his life.

With that said, I’m looks wise only able to attract non marriage minded men or the poorest choice of black me , so marriage isn’t an option for me.

I see what you’re saying, but most of these men were raised by single mothers, then they went on to be just like their irresponsible fathers. So apparently, women aren’t doing a good job raising boys who know how to be men. They grow up seeing their mother do everything, so they don’t feel a need to pay for dates, or be married, or be responsible. They never had that example of a proper male figure, and woman cannot teach men to be men. I can tell the difference in my friends who did and didn’t have a man in the house full time.

I can see there aren’t a large number of suitable partners in general in the black community, but I’m not seeing a lot of effort to stop it. Baby daddys exist because a baby momma allowed herself to get pregnant, and a lot of times thought the baby would trap the man. These weren’t good men living productive lives who all of a sudden turned into bad boys once she got pregnant. She didn’t choose well. Half the problems in the black community could be solved by NOT having these kids. Not only are they not growing up to do better than their parents, but having a kid is going to LOWER your future dating options. It makes people make choices they are forced to make to provide for the child, instead of choices based on ambition. That man then has money leaving his house every month, which makes it harder for him to build for himself to be a better partner. And even if he gets married, that’s still money leaving the couple’s house going to another household.

Do the men have the responsibility to use protection? Yes. I hate seeing posts on here about going in raw and not pulling out. It’s ridiculous to risk bringing a child for sex, especially since the man has NO choice on whether she keeps the kid. But ultimately, it’s the woman’s body, and her responsibility to protect her uterus. It’s rare that children don’t grow up to live the same lifestyle as their parents. This is across the board in all races and income levels. How many times have we heard people say, “Well my mother (enter childhood thing) and I turned out fine.” But are they really fine? Most people have to be damn near abused, or in and out of jail to feel like their parents didn’t do a good job.

 

[Indiglow Meta (R$G)]

6 years? Time ticking and she's a mom. Still doing dikks, still single.

 

[Indiglow Meta (R$G)]

Another "blame nikkas" collab sponsored by OfficeBoy™ aka "bitter/better than a thug" and his cohost SingleMommy™

 

[Rawtid]

Lets break down this bullshyt
so she hasnt dated a Black American man in 6 years
YET! STILL ISNT fukkING MARRIED
So why is the article trying to distance herself from nikkas when she
still isnt even fukking married she still hopping on foreign dikk getting the same treatment
her problem is she superficially chooses trash men then decides to blame the rest of the pool
for her failures
dated nikkas from Compton to Kazakhstan yet all these men and no rings the common denominator is you
met only one chick who got me thinking about marriage and babies
before that i thought i would be a bachelor till about 40 then id start looking for wives when i started getting gray hairs and shyt
takes the right type of chick to make u wanna settle down she prolly dont have the juice and blaming black men for her problems maybe its u shorty

True, but she also stated in the article that her dating experince is a lot more fun now. She doesn't worry about being afraid to order what she wants from the menu or being fearful that dude will go dutch at the last minute or just other stuff like that. So even just being able to enjoy dating is good enough. Again, she NEVER shyt on black men in the article, just being realistic about what she was going to get if she didn't expand her options.

Yall are so emotional that you're failing to realize she's hitting on the same points that black men complain about in terms of black women, dating and marriage, but just from a woman's perspective.

 

[Indiglow Meta (R$G)]

"these nikkas are the reason for life's ills, they ain't tricking hard enough or putting effort into ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. A real man knows how to build, and they'll come like field of dreams. My mommy told me so. Work harder! Be better at all things or you are less than!" - an overachiever who will 9/10 lose to charm and vibes +looks, because tingle-moment beats out stability in the female mammal mind, depending on circumstance and mood. Same goes for breh.

 

[Gold]

ok sis


Gonna end up not married and become your Naija parents' worst nightmare

 

[Indiglow Meta (R$G)]

"she said it was a lot more fun now"
Fun don't have that tone, that's all spite and hurt dressed up in cute packaging.
GMB without the work.

 

[Indiglow Meta (R$G)]

Every African in the thread is her but the brehette @Rawtid is fighting tooth and chipped nail for her reflection.

butbutbut she said!
Think of this thread as a real-time survey.
99% of them
at her. They aren't programmed to accept some loose baby, especially some white man's baby.
Hope and pride be fukking y'all over.

 

[Rawtid]

I see what you’re saying, but most of these men were raised by single mothers, then they went on to be just like their irresponsible fathers. So apparently, women aren’t doing a good job raising boys who know how to be men. They grow up seeing their mother do everything, so they don’t feel a need to pay for dates, or be married, or be responsible. They never had that example of a proper male figure, and woman cannot teach men to be men. I can tell the difference in my friends who did and didn’t have a man in the house full time.

I agree with some of this, which is why black women are now open to dating men who have stronger marriage principles, instead of trying to change or raise a man.

I can see there aren’t a large number of suitable partners in general in the black community, but I’m not seeing a lot of effort to stop it. Baby daddys exist because a baby momma allowed herself to get pregnant, and a lot of times thought the baby would trap the man. These weren’t good men living productive lives who all of a sudden turned into bad boys once she got pregnant. She didn’t choose well. Half the problems in the black community could be solved by NOT having these kids. Not only are they not growing up to do better than their parents, but having a kid is going to LOWER your future dating options. It makes people make choices they are forced to make to provide for the child, instead of choices based on ambition. That man then has money leaving his house every month, which makes it harder for him to build for himself to be a better partner. And even if he gets married, that’s still money leaving the couple’s house going to another household.

Do the men have the responsibility to use protection? Yes. I hate seeing posts on here about going in raw and not pulling out. It’s ridiculous to risk bringing a child for sex, especially since the man has NO choice on whether she keeps the kid. But ultimately, it’s the woman’s body, and her responsibility to protect her uterus. It’s rare that children don’t grow up to live the same lifestyle as their parents. This is across the board in all races and income levels. How many times have we heard people say, “Well my mother (enter childhood thing) and I turned out fine.” But are they really fine? Most people have to be damn near abused, or in and out of jail to feel like their parents didn’t do a good job.

Son, no one is trying to "trap" a broke nikka. Women's bodies prepare for pregnancy every month from their first period to menopause. Women keep children because it's natural thing for them to want them! Women want kids! and you see as the stigma of being an unwed mother has decreased, the more babies they have alone. I'm older so I know more than a few women that get IVF becaue they know they won't get married and don't want to wait to have children any longer because time is running out. All of the other things you mentioned only highlights the reason why women, like the one in the OP, are choosing to expand their options.

 

[Rawtid]

"she said it was a lot more fun now"
Fun don't have that tone, that's all spite and hurt dressed up in cute packaging.
GMB without the work.

LOL at "tone". You're angry and emotional about the topic, of course the tone is going to be off. It didn't have a tone to me.

 

[Rawtid]

Every African in the thread is her but the brehette @Rawtid is fighting tooth and chipped nail for her reflection.

butbutbut she said!
Think of this thread as a real-time survey.
99% of them
at her. They aren't programmed to accept some loose baby, especially some white man's baby.
Hope and pride be fukking y'all over.

I don't wear polish on my nails. And this thread nor original topic is about Africans Yall choose to nitpick that apart. The best part is that EVERYTHING mentioned in the article is a complaint that American black men have had with American black women.