Because now you're trapped in the mist of 2 evils. On one hand you got your own people that's usually than more likely bottom dwelling half of retarded nikkas and on the other hand white supremacist. Now you're in this unique position where u have to face the white supremacist and play their game to survive, then on the other u have your people that are mostly mentally cooked.
Most of our families contain stupid nikkas that fukked up their lives which created the dysfunction future generations have to face and were the responsible ones that are burdened with being the play makers and critical thinkers.
It'll be hard for us to have relationships because were used to seeing a healthy 2 parent system but most nikkas come from single parent homes where their crazy momma that was a renegade ho taught them their ho ways which unfortunately don't work in a racist competitive cutthroat capitalistic system predicated on strict discipline and superior cognitive ability.
So now u and the other black people are like 2 alien that see the world differently and cant build or have friendships / relationships with one another. Educated decent black folk cant have no relationship with a black person with a nikka mentality unless u wanna end up trapped in the system with their dumbass. And one misstep on a land mine in this system with blow your leg off. And intelligent brothers already know you cant deal with a hoodrat. I have fantasies of ripping their weave out and strangling with it and burying the body in a remote location. I hate them so much murder scenarios became a past time of mine.
I digress, I got 2 cousins that were murdered within the last 7 months. And the family is desensitized to it all I suppose. All they got was a cliche "R.I.P cuz" message with a angel emoji on Facebook and was forgotten within literally a few hours as ppl started to post Lebron losing to golden state memes. It's almost like they're were so used to this shyt... that it became normal to see and now They're sitting back waiting for their turn to see the grave. I guess they figure "what do I have to live for? I done did it all and seen it all" and they accept their impending fate.
I thought my life would play out differently as a kid. I thought would have a big house, a "good job" and a beautiful family but as usual most plans don't exactly work the way that you plan them.
In my CDL class the young brothers are totally unequipped to make it in this society. They show up late, talk shyt to the instructors, miss time which set them back from graduating on time and they come in smelling like black n mild's and baby powder (U know the typical ghetto nikka aroma). We don't talk to each other because obviously we have different energy. Its clear were 2 different people and I've reached the point of detachment were I know I cant save anybody. I just have to have tunnel vision and save myself and try to gain some from of freedom in a world where I was born to be a slave.
My dumbass cousins invited me to go joy riding in a racist economically deprived sundown town like Buffalo NY and I could obviously see that ...that was a bad idea and what happens? Who would've guessed. They got pull over and one had weed on him and he was drunk as funk. Then my other cousins are on that #rootarticles LGBQTERDGDUDJD #meetoo liberal queer homo bullshyt. Then I got another cousin that been sitting on the couch so long that we forgot he was there. That nikka just blend in with the pillows. I sat down one time forgetting he was there and looked over and got startled.
Its sad but I lived long enough to see the futures of my school mates play out. I see death, incarceration or them being strung out lifeless shell of their former self begging for change in downtown in gentrified area that was once boarded up but now a beautiful metropolis where young young white people jog and bike ride.
Its a lonely life man, So lonely I accepted that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. Everyday is a mission. A mission of perfection where one step might result in a step back. I think black people that still got something left upstairs might want to really think radically and come up with a plan to escape. Just trying to live the traditional way might lead to your demise depending on your situation. U might have no choice but to take a gamble unless you want to be a slave to this new era of white ppl fighting for power and other non blacks taking over. You're going to be left in a very vulnerable situation without the proper discipline and execution.
