Coli Breh that have had kid(s) with your girl and maintained the relationship..whats the secret??

[Marzupial]

Ideally you want to get a woman pregnant who thinks the world of you and not just a woman who thinks you are a 'fun' guy (sounds like your relationship, no disrespect)...which is a reason why men try to start families with woman that are younger than them

This is a very good point.its not just all about looks, a younger women is something you can mold

 

[Ineedmoney504]

So far we 3 months and I understand what op talking about. We had a decent pregnancy, we went thru a lot.

but now lil man is here and it’s constantly attitudes and fussed cause I don’t do well with people attitude especially when it’s over the smallest dumb shyt. And the attitude is everyday to the point I just snap at her every few days.

she think her choices is always the correct ones when It comes to him until I finally get fed up and tell her stop talking to me.

I’m fighting in this situation cause I honestly don’t wanna lose it, but it’s wild frustrating

 

[CarmelBarbie]

Was it because of the same issues as Op? He wanted sex and all that and he felt like you changed?

Also did you felt less attracted to him after the baby?

Nah, sex was fine for us, I have a high libido so that was not an issue after I had my son, it was only during the pregnancy—I was really sick so we didn’t have sex that much.

I wish I could pinpoint one specific thing, but I can’t, because it was a combination of things, some had to do with him and how he was adjusting to fatherhood and how it shifted our relationship, some had to do with me and how I was adjusting to motherhood and some had to do with outside factors. We were young too, and there was a lot of immaturity, issues with communication, not seeing eye to eye with my son, etc.

I did def lose attraction to him. He did feel like I changed, he made comments about it too, even know he does. He always say he don’t know who I am anymore, I used to be sweet, etc now I’m a cold-hearted bytch. I did change. He is kind of right.

A couple of my friends broke if off with their kids father right around(or before that 1 year mark). It’s a trying year if the foundation isn’t that strong.

 

[AceMan]

Growing up i used to see this happen quite often but didnt pay much attention to it....a seemingly loving couple in a relationship for a while and then they have a kid and somehow their relationship dissolve and c'est la vie.

now as an adult and going through it, im just confused as to how to overcome it and not fall victim to the seemningly inevitable sequence of things.

My girl and I went out for 2 and a half years and everything was A1....abundant sex, adventurous, communicative....i would call her my best friend. ONe thing lead to another and she became pregnant..we had the baby 10 months ago and somehow everything just switched...slowly at first, then now rapidly.

So for the first 2 years of our relationship, we lived in our different space but gradually she would spend more and more time at my place but it was so beautiful and nothing out of the ordinary. After she got pregnant, i figured with a kid in the picture, it would make more sense for us to live together eventually. During the pregnancy she maintained her apt but a month before the kid was born, we moved into a two bedroom apt.

Looking back now, i can see an almost immediate switch right after she became pregnant....the sex dropped DRASTICALLY, she was slightly less concerned about the companionship aspect of our relationship, her appearance, her drive etc..i just figured its the pregnancy and didnt think too much of it.

Lets just say after we moved in, it started to become pretty glaring that something has changed. Again, i just use the excuse of new born baby and changes that she's going through to try to rationalize her behavior. But after 9 months, it feels like its not just a phase.
I remember at some point after she became pregnant, she said something that i took at a joke. Our sex life was ALWAYS kinky af,...doing all types of wild ish together. After we found out she was pregnant, we were about to have sex and she said "now that we are having a kid, i should know that she doesnt have to do any of that freak things anymore"..she said it in a joking way, so i just laughed along. But really, thats what its come down to. Infact, it would be perfectly fine with me if we just have vanilla sex ever so often but thats rarely on the table every 3 weeks, if im lucky.

She's become very controlling, especially when it comes to my interaction with the kid. Constantly Nagging about every single thing...literally EVERY SINGLE THING she finds a reason to complain about....her demeanor is 180 from the person i knew when we were dating. I literally feel like an invasive guest in my own "family".
I damn near feel tricked. I've spoken to other guys who's relationship dissolved after a kid or kids and they tell me the same sequence of events.


Its like women disguise who they are so effectively Until you get them pregnant, then its "thank god i dont have to pretend anymore.....whats the point of you being around?" comes out full force.


Now i look at some of these guys that are able to maintain their relationship after a kid or two and im wondering what their secret is.
Or if they're going tthrough the exact same thing but just pushing through because of the kid.


For my coli brehs
1. if you've yet to get to that position, be on the look out for signs that she's that person because im sure there are always moments when they drop their facade

2. If you've been in it and it worked itself out, whats the secret??

3. If you didnt go through that with your lady, what was the key to making that happen?

I swear you sound exactly like I used to...

I couldn’t make it work. I eventually started cheating before I initiated a divorce.

My advice is two things; 1.) Be brutally honest to her now saying this current structure won’t work. 2.) If she doesn’t budge, mentally prepare yourself to split

 

[Made Man]

I really think it’s some animal instinct we have yet to discover or just ignore In humans prior to having kids. Human bodies probably want to reproduce or something . Things don’t piss you off as much when your still “mating “.Sex is off the charts when you single , once you have kids it drop off a little .

I’m 2 years removed after having a kid and still going pretty strong . I would say communication is the best thing . Voice your concerns and put everything on the table . Keep track of when you have sex and press her about it. Intimacy shouldn’t be sacrificed because of a kid , but you also want to give her time. I can imagine pregnancy being traumatizing for most women.

And if all that fails she can’t really be mad(well, she can, but at least you voiced your issue)if you step out or look for alternatives .

 

[Kiyoshi-Dono]

What made you want to get married a 2nd time? You ain't feel hesitant since the last one went to shyt?

Spoiler: TDLR

I’m going to be on my simp shyt
I just met a really, really, really good woman
After my first marriage dissolved..
I was strictly about work..
Finished getting my MBA..
Taking care of my daughter..
Just doing me..
Also my ex wife and I continued couples therapy..
Not as a couple but as two people who still love each other till this day..
But we are not in love with each other..
If that makes sense..
I don’t make friends with women and this was back in 13-14..
But I used to carry mail for the post office(finally secured a kush ass promotion last month)..
Anyway..
I used to deliver to a hospital on my route..
Me and the receptionist kicked it off on some platonic shyt..
She asked me one weekend to come by her crib for a BBQ..
Got to the function and it was this one shorty I couldn’t stop looking at
You could tell it was a vibe but I had been out of the game for so long(since 08)..
So I didn’t know how to proceed..
My homegirl(the only girl that I have in my life as a friend now)
Introduced us and we been together ever since
My little girl loves her(my ex has her during the week..
I have her Thursday-Sunday morning)..
I don’t know..
It just felt right this time..
My homeboys ride for her more then me now
My Ma Dukes cuts for her..
And that’s a BIG DEAL..
After my first marriage ended..
Everybody told me they just tolerated her because I loved her..
Especially my aunties and sister
But this time..
It was just different..
I told my current this will be the last time I even think about marriage..
Or..
Any kind relationship..
If this doesn’t work..
Im moving to Arkansas
But we have been going strong for 5 years now..
Glad I didn’t listen to the jaded voice in my head..
I know shyt can change and nothing lasts forever..
GMB..
But this woman has been my rock

 

[Marzupial]

I did def lose attraction to him. He did feel like I changed, he made comments about it too, even know he does. He always say he don’t know who I am anymore, I used to be sweet, etc now I’m a cold-hearted bytch. I did change. He is kind of right.

Interesting, looks like this is very common

As a man who still got no kids i appreciate this type of information and I thank you for sharing the details of your experience

 

[Coco Loco]

Y’all need some counseling and communication. There’s no way she just switched out of the blue for nothing. You gotta get the root of it because you aren’t in a relationship. You guys are roommates who occasionally have sex.


Idk you or your girl but just like the “joke” she probably gave you signs and you laughed them off or didn’t take them serious. For her to say that like it’s normal is yikes. Maybe she thought the baby would elevate her to a wife and she’d be set. Perhaps she’s bitter it didn’t end that way

 

[Ineedmoney504]

Y’all need some counseling and communication. There’s no way she just switched out of the blue for nothing. You gotta get the root of it because you aren’t in a relationship. You guys are roommates who occasionally have sex.


Idk you or your girl but just like the “joke” she probably gave you signs and you laughed them off or didn’t take them serious. For her to say that like it’s normal is yikes. Maybe she thought the baby would elevate her to a wife and she’d be set. Perhaps she’s bitter it didn’t end that way

Nah you can literally feel it changing during the pregnancy, but write it off cause of the pregnancy, but it’s get worse afterwards to the point you feel this isn’t even the same person

 

[Verbal Kint]

relationships are hard. Yall won't want to hear it but that's why it's best to have kids within a marriage. Thats a real, firm commitment. Its also a situation where you actually know the person you're with. dating, living with, etc are substitutes. But beyond that, it's about communication and honesty. Go to counseling and discuss the issues. People don't change for the fun of it, there's a reason she's different. Part of it is just that when you have a kid life ain't fun and games and all about you anymore and that changes people. She may have other deep seeded issues with parenting, trust, etc. Real talk she may not truly feel like she has a good partner to raise her kid (not saying you aren't, just that she may feel that way). A lot of women feel like the man isn't taking things seriously enough or engaged enough (sometimes its true, sometimes men are willing but dont know how). Talk to her, work through it.

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

That's why pregnancy should be planned and why when your having a child you should take idk maybe a whole hour out of your life to research pregnancy and how it affects your partner's body. The disconnect men have with the creation of their own children is wild to me.

 

[Ineedmoney504]

That's why pregnancy should be planned and why when your having a child you should take idk maybe a whole hour out of your life to research pregnancy and how it affects your partner's body. The disconnect men have with the creation of their own children is wild to me.

what does that last sentence mean?

 

[acri1]

Terrifying thread

 

[Ziggiy]

Spoiler: TDLR

I’m going to be on my simp shyt
I just met a really, really, really good woman
After my first marriage dissolved..
I was strictly about work..
Finished getting my MBA..
Taking care of my daughter..
Just doing me..
Also my ex wife and I continued couples therapy..
Not as a couple but as two people who still love each other till this day..
But we are not in love with each other..
If that makes sense..
I don’t make friends with women and this was back in 13-14..
But I used to carry mail for the post office(finally secured a kush ass promotion last month)..
Anyway..
I used to deliver to a hospital on my route..
Me and the receptionist kicked it off on some platonic shyt..
She asked me one weekend to come by her crib for a BBQ..
Got to the function and it was this one shorty I couldn’t stop looking at
You could tell it was a vibe but I had been out of the game for so long(since 08)..
So I didn’t know how to proceed..
My homegirl(the only girl that I have in my life as a friend now)
Introduced us and we been together ever since
My little girl loves her(my ex has her during the week..
I have her Thursday-Sunday morning)..
I don’t know..
It just felt right this time..
My homeboys ride for her more then me now
My Ma Dukes cuts for her..
And that’s a BIG DEAL..
After my first marriage ended..
Everybody told me they just tolerated her because I loved her..
Especially my aunties and sister
But this time..
It was just different..
I told my current this will be the last time I even think about marriage..
Or..
Any kind relationship..
If this doesn’t work..
Im moving to Arkansas
But we have been going strong for 5 years now..
Glad I didn’t listen to the jaded voice in my head..
I know shyt can change and nothing lasts forever..
GMB..
But this woman has been my rock

Congratulations brother i’m happy for you

 

[MoneyTron]

The disconnect men have with the creation of their own children is wild to me.

How is that wild?

Men don't live in women's bodies.

All of all guys 50+ with kids that I've ever talked to about marriage, whether married or divorced they've all said shyt changed significantly after kids. Can't remember any of them saying it was for the better though...