Coli Breh that have had kid(s) with your girl and maintained the relationship..whats the secret??

[The Devil's Advocate]

Growing up i used to see this happen quite often but didnt pay much attention to it....a seemingly loving couple in a relationship for a while and then they have a kid and somehow their relationship dissolve and c'est la vie.

now as an adult and going through it, im just confused as to how to overcome it and not fall victim to the seemningly inevitable sequence of things.

My girl and I went out for 2 and a half years and everything was A1....abundant sex, adventurous, communicative....i would call her my best friend. ONe thing lead to another and she became pregnant..we had the baby 10 months ago and somehow everything just switched...slowly at first, then now rapidly.

So for the first 2 years of our relationship, we lived in our different space but gradually she would spend more and more time at my place but it was so beautiful and nothing out of the ordinary. After she got pregnant, i figured with a kid in the picture, it would make more sense for us to live together eventually. During the pregnancy she maintained her apt but a month before the kid was born, we moved into a two bedroom apt.

Looking back now, i can see an almost immediate switch right after she became pregnant....the sex dropped DRASTICALLY, she was slightly less concerned about the companionship aspect of our relationship, her appearance, her drive etc..i just figured its the pregnancy and didnt think too much of it.

Lets just say after we moved in, it started to become pretty glaring that something has changed. Again, i just use the excuse of new born baby and changes that she's going through to try to rationalize her behavior. But after 9 months, it feels like its not just a phase.
I remember at some point after she became pregnant, she said something that i took at a joke. Our sex life was ALWAYS kinky af,...doing all types of wild ish together. After we found out she was pregnant, we were about to have sex and she said "now that we are having a kid, i should know that she doesnt have to do any of that freak things anymore"..she said it in a joking way, so i just laughed along. But really, thats what its come down to. Infact, it would be perfectly fine with me if we just have vanilla sex ever so often but thats rarely on the table every 3 weeks, if im lucky.

She's become very controlling, especially when it comes to my interaction with the kid. Constantly Nagging about every single thing...literally EVERY SINGLE THING she finds a reason to complain about....her demeanor is 180 from the person i knew when we were dating. I literally feel like an invasive guest in my own "family".
I damn near feel tricked. I've spoken to other guys who's relationship dissolved after a kid or kids and they tell me the same sequence of events.


Its like women disguise who they are so effectively Until you get them pregnant, then its "thank god i dont have to pretend anymore.....whats the point of you being around?" comes out full force.


Now i look at some of these guys that are able to maintain their relationship after a kid or two and im wondering what their secret is.
Or if they're going tthrough the exact same thing but just pushing through because of the kid.


For my coli brehs
1. if you've yet to get to that position, be on the look out for signs that she's that person because im sure there are always moments when they drop their facade

2. If you've been in it and it worked itself out, whats the secret??

3. If you didnt go through that with your lady, what was the key to making that happen?

Sounds about right... A baby LITERALLY changes women physically, mentally and emotionally.. Add in that you go from being her top priority to about her last.... Yea... shyt changes drastically with a lot of women.

 

[Ineedmoney504]

Your woman might need to get manhandled and hate fukked. She'll come around

I gave it to her a couple times but the next day the mood back . I must have ain’t shyt dikk

 

[MoneyTron]

shyt..
Babies after marriage is riskier

 

[number21]

nikka, you lost. Didn't spend enough time vetting her. I hope you can make the best out of this situation.

 

[acri1]

Would you rather go to jail for 3 months (but it otherwise not affect your job/career) or be in OPs shoes?

(Assuming he breaks up with her etc)

3 months of peace and quiet to catch up on my reading >>> years of dealing with a moody/hormonal woman who hates me


Best of luck to OP though.

 

[Marzupial]

nikka, you lost. Didn't spend enough time vetting her. I hope you can make the best out of this situation.

This is a mistake people are making in this thread

For what I understand they change for real isn't about vetting her is about knowing if you willing to stay with a new person who doesn't care about you like before

It looks like people always try to find angles to blame the man when reality this is just nature

 

[TLR Is Mental Poison]

Women also need to be honest (and do some some research as well) on how pregnancy will impact them and then have an open and honest discussion with their partner about how these impacts will change the relationship before the baby gets here. There will definitely be rough patches and a lot of new experiences, but it shouldn't be 100% surprises for either partner.

I don't know how much research one can really do. We took all the parenting classes we could and we were still overwhelmed. The first few couple of months are ROUGH. If a couple is not solid a new baby could easily break them. Plus even talking to other parents can only do so much. Every parent and child is different.

I agree though that there def has to be a lot of discussion and preparation for a new baby.

 

[number21]

This is a mistake people are making in this thread

For what I understand they change for real isn't about vetting her is about knowing if you willing to stay with a new person who doesn't care about you like before

It looks like people always try to find angles to blame the man when reality this is just nature

We're men, the leaders and head of the women. If he didn't do the due diligence on figuring out on how much of a malcontent his women is why should he skate on the blame?

 

[TLR Is Mental Poison]

This is a mistake people are making in this thread

For what I understand they change for real isn't about vetting her is about knowing if you willing to stay with a new person who doesn't care about you like before

It looks like people always try to find angles to blame the man when reality this is just nature

Well to a degree as a parent you should change too. The child should be your first priority just as it probably is for her. Yall are downplaying the bond between a child and their mother. You would probably feel different if you had another person growing inside you for 9 months, gave birth to them and fed them from your body

If you can't contemplate living a life where you're not the most important person in it you shouldn't become a parent.

 

[Orange cream shake]

I’m not a Breh but from a woman’s perspective, raising children is stressful. After I had my son I lost my sex drive and it wasn’t my husband fault it was because my primary responsible was no longer my husbands happiness or mine, it was my son. I still struggle with my sex drive but I try to communicate and make sure my husband doesn’t suffer while I try to manage being a new mother, wife, having to financially provide for my parents, and work a full time job.

 

[Ineedmoney504]

We're men, the leaders and head of the women. Why shouldn't we get the blame?

Not taking no advice from no cartoon watching ass nikka.


but nah some serious shyt, it’s only so k if h vetting you can do, its like your pieceful queen turn into a monster overnight

At the end of the day we only 3 months, ima suck it up and take everything that comes cause I ain’t bout to not waking up to my lil man

 

[Marzupial]

Well to a degree as a parent you should change too. The child should be your first priority just as it probably is for her. Yall are downplaying the bond between a child and their mother. You would probably feel different if you had another person growing inside you for 9 months, gave birth to them and fed them from your body

If you can't contemplate living a life where you're not the most important person in it you shouldn't become a parent.

Priority yes but that don't mean going to the extreme of being a totally different person

I think that's the problem, again you found another way to put the blame on the man

The woman had something in her body so cool we respect that

The child is the priority cool we respect that


So now what about the man? Just work for the kid and accept the woman moodswings

Sounds great

 

[number21]

Not taking no advice from no cartoon watching ass nikka.


but nah some serious shyt, it’s only so k if h vetting you can do, its like your pieceful queen turn into a monster overnight

At the end of the day we only 3 months, ima suck it up and take everything that comes cause I ain’t bout to not waking up to my lil man

Good luck breh. Just a heads up in relationships: It stays constant or it gets worse over time. Never better.

And you gotta wait them out. They can keep their act up only for so long.

 

[360dagod]

Women also need to be honest (and do some some research as well) on how pregnancy will impact them and then have an open and honest discussion with their partner about how these impacts will change the relationship before the baby gets here. There will definitely be rough patches and a lot of new experiences, but it shouldn't be 100% surprises for either partner.

Give her the greenlight to be even a bigger bytch

 

[Marzupial]

I’m not a Breh but from a woman’s perspective, raising children is stressful. After I had my son I lost my sex drive and it wasn’t my husband fault it was because my primary responsible was no longer my husbands happiness or mine, it was my son. I still struggle with my sex drive but I try to communicate and make sure my husband doesn’t suffer while I try to manage being a new mother, wife, having to financially provide for my parents, and work a full time job.

I gotta a question an it's real no trolling

Knowing that you lost your sex drive, would you let him fukk other chicks?? Just sex no tricking on them or none of that