I think the reason there is contempt (on both sides), is because we are using white standards to hold each other up to. A good number of us weren't raised in two parent households, so we have "learn" to be wives and husbands, yet we want a ready made spouse. It's less likely that black men will be able to be the sole provider and that's ok. It's less likely a black woman will be submissive and that's ok. We could really get along well if we customized our relationships to work based on the individuals capabilities and not societal expectations.