I'm laying on the bed typing this in the dark,doing some self reflection and really thinking why Im never able to reach where I want to be in life and its because I'm my own worst enemy...I really been thinking about it, im very self destructive...my ego is huge and I refuse to listen to any sound advice because I always feel like I got all the answers and yet I have nothing to show it.
I think its karma for constantly have an nasty attitude, always feeling above ppl. I seen this bro that I went to high school with a decade ago at this fast food joint....and i was cordial and when I got in the car I busted out laughing on some "hahahaha damn that nikka slinging patties" and now that hours past Im laying here analyzing our lives and hes actually WAY further ahead then me...hes making more money than me , just from the fact his wages are constant...he can end up a manager soon and make a middle class salary and buy a house if he wanted...and then become the district manager and see 6 figures...and then become cool with the ppl with power and they might let him buy the franchise or own a piece and dude might become rich....here it is im laughing at a hard working brother when i dont have shyt really myself...the real joke is on me because he got more...now I feel like idiot
but it opened my eyes...maybe my fate is the result of karma and that the lord wont grant me the happiness I seek..... until I finally give up my selfish ways. Im a very selfish person...my attitude is always "fukk u, i need mine asap" from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep, Im constantly chasing things that I desire ..and when an opportunity comes my way, I destroy because in my mind Im above anything less then what I feel like I deserve. and its that entitlement that set me back....
Maybe the guys on here is right, and I do project failures on other people, esp black men....because I assume everybody desire what I desire, but I don't even know what I desire anymore...I want to be at the top of something...but there's no such thing as the top im finding out...its like a dog chasing its tail...I'm really adding this up...and My self destructive behavior has really destroyed me....I feel humble and feel like I need to really understand that im not better than anybody...and start appreciate the things that I have before I lose them ...I'm really trying to mature into somebody better....sometimes I feel like a sociopath because the lack of emotions and the emptiness i feel....but I don't think a person can ever feel human until they ask for repentance ....
Im really thinking about changing my life....I'm trying to think positive but I have so much hatred and anger inside of me it eats at my soul.....I need to find god .... and what my true purpose on earth is, because it cant be material, because ive been chasing that forever and fail everytime...I think god put my here for something greater...I just have to discover it.
So im gonna take a break from posting for a while ....and just a break in life and do some soul searching....find out who I'm truly am, and cherish the gifts that I do have and use them for good and not to chase dollars...because I don't even know ...I know its a righteous person ....not the guy I am now....
Im in the green now also...so shout out to all the ppl that put me there, I used to be like -1700 at one time...and probably deserved it...idk i need a sabbatical which will be hard but Ill refrain...
this is for whom ever interested .....
sincerely
DrX
I think its karma for constantly have an nasty attitude, always feeling above ppl. I seen this bro that I went to high school with a decade ago at this fast food joint....and i was cordial and when I got in the car I busted out laughing on some "hahahaha damn that nikka slinging patties" and now that hours past Im laying here analyzing our lives and hes actually WAY further ahead then me...hes making more money than me , just from the fact his wages are constant...he can end up a manager soon and make a middle class salary and buy a house if he wanted...and then become the district manager and see 6 figures...and then become cool with the ppl with power and they might let him buy the franchise or own a piece and dude might become rich....here it is im laughing at a hard working brother when i dont have shyt really myself...the real joke is on me because he got more...now I feel like idiot
but it opened my eyes...maybe my fate is the result of karma and that the lord wont grant me the happiness I seek..... until I finally give up my selfish ways. Im a very selfish person...my attitude is always "fukk u, i need mine asap" from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep, Im constantly chasing things that I desire ..and when an opportunity comes my way, I destroy because in my mind Im above anything less then what I feel like I deserve. and its that entitlement that set me back....
Maybe the guys on here is right, and I do project failures on other people, esp black men....because I assume everybody desire what I desire, but I don't even know what I desire anymore...I want to be at the top of something...but there's no such thing as the top im finding out...its like a dog chasing its tail...I'm really adding this up...and My self destructive behavior has really destroyed me....I feel humble and feel like I need to really understand that im not better than anybody...and start appreciate the things that I have before I lose them ...I'm really trying to mature into somebody better....sometimes I feel like a sociopath because the lack of emotions and the emptiness i feel....but I don't think a person can ever feel human until they ask for repentance ....
Im really thinking about changing my life....I'm trying to think positive but I have so much hatred and anger inside of me it eats at my soul.....I need to find god .... and what my true purpose on earth is, because it cant be material, because ive been chasing that forever and fail everytime...I think god put my here for something greater...I just have to discover it.
So im gonna take a break from posting for a while ....and just a break in life and do some soul searching....find out who I'm truly am, and cherish the gifts that I do have and use them for good and not to chase dollars...because I don't even know ...I know its a righteous person ....not the guy I am now....
Im in the green now also...so shout out to all the ppl that put me there, I used to be like -1700 at one time...and probably deserved it...idk i need a sabbatical which will be hard but Ill refrain...
this is for whom ever interested .....
sincerely
DrX
.go find yourself breh.life's to short to be bullshytting remember that
