Movie cliches that never happen in real life...

[Poetical Poltergeist]

Bar fights. One guy punches someone, and everyone in the bar starts to fight with each other. Bartender smashes someone over the head with a beer bottle and they immediately are knocked out. No blood, no cuts from the glass.

 

[Saysumthinfunnymike]

Characters witness a gruesome murder scene and go about their biz like

 

[nineteeneightysix]

The fate of the ENTIRE universe rests on a single individual and his or her ability to find true love...

Couples spending the night having sex, and when they wake up in the morning, they cover themselves in their bed sheets to go to the washroom...

A falsely accused person goes around killing and destroying entire cities, states and even countries to prove his or her innocence, and when he or she finally does, he or she returns to the greatest love of his or her life to live happily ever after...

Scientists discover the cure for an alien pathogen in a matter of days, and yet in real life we can't cure genital herpes or HIV...Even though we have spent decades and billions of dollars working on solutions...

Main dude declines an obscene amount of money to be with the love of his life, but nobody has ever made a movie about 10 years down the line, when dude realizes her vagina is now stale and if he had taken the money, he would "swimming in women with their own condominiums"...

People never "make love" in the doggystyle position...Always missionary, but now we sometimes get cowgirl...

People having deep philosophical conversations about everything...Most real life conversations are mundane...

People passing on jewels while they are dying...I have seen people die in real life...The body is so busy trying to send blood to vital organs it has no time to worry about the small vocal muscles involved in the mechanism of speech...

The main characters never have arsehole children...The worst the child is a misunderstood angry genius who comes of age at the end of all of it...

 

[nineteeneightysix]

Bar fights. One guy punches someone, and everyone in the bar starts to fight with each other. Bartender smashes someone over the head with a beer bottle and they immediately are knocked out. No blood, no cuts from the glass.

What's worse is that alcohol bottles don't break that easily...

 

[Saysumthinfunnymike]

Revenge flicks. Guy's daughter or family or whatever is killed by some crime syndicate and he unleashes hell on them killing everyone in his path. Police treat it like

 

[nineteeneightysix]

Homicide detectives apprehending armed and dangerous criminals all on their own. without tactical back up...Homicide detectives chasing down criminals and knowing mixed martial arts...

I watch the First 48 Hrs, and I am sure if I was a criminal, none of those dudes would catch if I took off running in a city I know like the back of my hand...

Bad Guys who are supposed to be super villainous, yet when they capture the main character's wife/girlfriend/daughter, they never get raped and sexually abused...

Villains beating Rambo/Jack Bauer to obtain information, and none of them thinks about torturing the hero's penis and sodomizing him...I don't care how tough or patriotic you are, if I am a movie bad guy, I will have a psycho homo with a huge penis, and if you don't tell me what I need to know, you will get sodomize with no vaseline by this psycho homo on Viagra...Then I am cutting your penis and testes out...

You may win the war, by you will never be a man again...

 

[nineteeneightysix]

Revenge flicks. Guy's daughter or family or whatever is killed by some crime syndicate and he unleashes hell on them killing everyone in his path. Police treat it like

I wonder who foots the bill for all that damage to private and city property...

 

[The Devil's Advocate]

I hate how no one ever shares crucial details with each other. A majority of movie conflicts happen because no one ever talks to each other about something they've seen or heard.

I also hate the cliche scene where some one walks in on they're lover kissing someone else, and they run out before that person can explain. Theres multiple variations of this.

and it's usually the dumbest reason to not say the most important thing in the world


"yo i'm bout to kill carl tomorrow"

"but carl didn't do, i have 15500000% pr......"

"SHUT UP"

"ok"

 

[TKOK]

*hero soundly defeats bad guy, bad guy slumped over coughin up blood or pantin heavy or some shyt, hero aims gun for final shot*


bad guy: "what??? what now you're gonna KILL ME we both know you dont have it in you "


hero: ".............. you're right. i dont have it in me. thats why i'm gonna do xyz " *turns and walks off victoriously*


bad guy: " hero! dammit hero don't you walk away from me!!! *grabs gun laying to his side and prepares to shoot* hey hero!"


*hero inexplicably knows, calmly turns back around and kills bad guy in one shot*





in real life this fakkit woulda died tryna turn around while the bad guy who ALREADY GOT THE AIM ON HIM wet him up. and even if he did turn around in time, it aint gon be on no "one shot is all i need" type bullshyt

that shyt sorta happens in Taken 2. the main bad guy and Liam Neeson have a scene where they say something like " This is just going to lead our families down a path of revenge" and Neeson turns his back, bad guy attacks, neeson kills him. it made no sense.

 

[The Devil's Advocate]

that shyt sorta happens in Taken 2. the main bad guy and Liam Neeson have a scene where they say something like " This is just going to lead our families down a path of revenge" and Neeson turns his back, bad guy attacks, neeson kills him. it made no sense.

every damn time

 

[filial_piety]

A top 10 coli thread

 

[pickles]

This is usually a stunt, but anyone who gets thrown through a glass window, gets up with barely a scratch on them.

 

[The Devil's Advocate]

This is usually a stunt, but anyone who gets thrown through a glass window, gets up with barely a scratch on them.

nikkas falling more than 2 stories and not even getting a sprained ankle


Two worst was low down dirty shame. nikka jumped through a glass window, 5/6 stories up, through the roof of a limo.... Lands perfectly in the seat and chills and jada pinkett drives off


Some movie with Arnold. Might have been commando. 747 jet takes off, in the air a good 10-15 seconds. He jumped out. Lands in 3 feet of water cause he stands right up in it...... Runs back to the airport like he tripped over a curb

 

[Iamnoone]

I remember Friends made fun of the "crash your ex's wedding to confess your love for them" cliche. Rachel was on the plane to London to crash Ross' wedding and then the nikka from House was like "bytch that's the stupidest shyt I've ever heard. What kinda self-centered muthafukka would do do that?"

Rachel showed up anyway but didn't tell Ross her feelings, but still had ol boy so fukked up he Freudian slipped and said her name at the altar by mistake

That whole damn show had foul stuff. You know how much a fukking last minute round trip to england cost!?!?! These fools were throughing money constantly and recklessly. Rachel was a coffee servant for yearrrrs. Before she got that Ralph Lauren Job know way in hell she had any kind of savings. They had to acknowledge Monica and Rachel's apartment was owned by their Grandmother which is way rent wasnt sky high because there is no way they could have afforded an apartment that big with those bullshyt ass jobs.

Ross was a fukking professor and had a big 2 bedroom apartment in Greenwich village!!!!! They don't make THAT much money. Pheobe, Chandler, and Joe were the only real life situations.

 

[BillBanneker]

If it's Bruce Lee you kinda get a pass, because all you can do is watch in awe at the glorious ass kicking being put on before you

One by one though? We either running or jumping him at some point. Since its Bruce Lee, definitely running though.