Haha. Man, I feel for your. Chaka Khan record.
I was like that up until recently when i decided to get my act together.
But living in SwaglessVIlle was my main residence.
The very first time i decided to approach a chick was in community college.
Remember like it happened yesterday.
It was the first day of summer quarter, 2003, and i went to register. After contemplating whether or not i wanted to take math or not, went to the commons area to kill some time waiting for a homie.
Upon doing so, i see this nicely-equipped-in-the-frame cutie sitting at a table, dolo, reading her syllabi or some shiit.
I wanted to talk to her real bad but figured... fukk it, i got laundry to do.
Came back the next day to do verify some financial aid shiit. On my way to the office, i see girl sitting in the commons area again, almost same time/same place (i guess she just gets out of class that time).
Then i told myself, "Man, she gon' be at this spot routinely if that's the case, i'm ace!"
Went to financial aid and turns out, they don't extend it to summer quarters anyways so i was fukked. No classes in summer. Oh well.
But this is where things got tricky. I was thirsty.
Came back the next day to see if she was there so i could look at her (mind you, i wasn't doing anything else in the summer, should have looked for a job but didnt'. Lame.com LOL). Came back Wednesday, thursday... she wasn't there. So i said, "man, i guess she finally got settled in her classes. But maybe i'll get lucky."
For the next month, i prolly (stalked) saw her about 3 times (mind you, i didn't have class there! Just basically went to "use the internet").
It was the middle of July and no progress is made. Sometimes i'd see her, sometimes i wouldn't. But at this point, even "I" started to feel creepy.
Then i made the conscious decision to just say fukk it. Stop being such a shy chode and go in for the kill the next time you see her.
And i did just that.
I waited it out for a few days and come Friday, my mind would be ready to approach.
Long story short, i treated this thing like the walls that separate the toilets in the bathrooms - cuz i stayed...
*in Jim Jones voice to his 2006 hit single*
"STALLING!!!!"
The very last week of summer quarter, by now its mid august and i still haven't made a move. During that time, i did go camping. A trip to visit family in Stockton town. Even went to a NERD/Roots concert.
I was heavy in the Dips and Juelz From Me 2 U just dropped.
There was a line in the lead single that went.
"Zulu gang... coo coo mang. Choo choo train."
But i kept reciting the lyrics incorrectly - cuz i'd always end it with...
"I'm DOO DOO STAIN!" But that was happening subconsciously because i felt so shiitty not manning up.
During finals week, errbody was in their study mode. And there i was, harnessing a backpack with no books - geared out for no reason (well, to impress of course, i had nothing else to focus on. Freshly turned 21, i should be out clubbing and drinking, but instead, targeting this one specimen who, even after all these weeks, didn't know a single thing about her except the fact that she attended classes at the community college).
Now, knowing how urgently this was since it being finals week and she may never come back to the college again, i was game.
The first day i arrive, she's a no show. Okay, no big deal. Figured she prolly had exams at awkward times cuz that's college life. Tuesday i wait. Same thing. Wednesday. Same Thing.
By thursday, i didn't see her. I was getting real nervous. Knowing that i could have let the love of my life slip from my fingers like a sand from a beatch.
I was ready to give up. The last friday of finals, i had plans to help my mom bury our pet hamster that died the weekend before in the backyard.
Friday morning comes around and i'm in the yard creating a pit for Ham & Cheese (my pet hamster, you may recall the story from a few months back).
Finished up by 10 and then thought to myself, "Fukk it, there's still a chance i may run into homeslice. So i ran upstairs, got dressed righ' fast, strapped on my content-less backpack and got on my bicycle.
As i approach the commons area, open the door and suddenly, i saw this bright, radiantly glowing aura emanate from the center of the room. Right at the table where the love of my life usually occupies - was the angelic subject her self. She was beautiful breaighs.
*sighs*
This would present my last opportunity. I was nervous fam. My knees were trembling, i'm sweating because i had on a button up and a blazer cuz i wanted to impress her (and not to mention, it's about 85 degrees outside and the bike ride gave me quite a work out).
I'm slowly approaching the babe, every second literally feels like stress in the flesh. Shiit is straight slow motion for me. Slow motion for meh.
Me: *clears esophagus* Ahhhheem! Eh eh... eh... esscuse me? Do you --- *long pause* ---- (at this point i'm nervous as shiit, my legs still trembling, i thought i could wing it cuz i practiced in the mirror for days now) --- Do you...
have an eraser i can borrow? The one on my pen ran out?
Her: I'm sorry, i don't have an eraser... for your "pen" *giggles*
Me: *mumbles to self*
Her: Excuse me?
Me: Uhhh... I like your hat
Her: A hat? *looks puzzled* Oh this? It's my hair in a bun.
Me: Well, maybe i should have brought a sausage for it.
Her:
Sorry... I have to go.
Me: Can i interest you in a carpool opportunity? Like for Fall quarter? No swimming trunks necessary!
Her: *fades into sunset*
And that was it. Never saw her again.
Wasn't as smooth as i wanted to be. But my experiences dealing with the opposite sex was - unconventional.
There's always this saying, "Only if i knew then, what i knew now..."
If that's the case... i would have ran to the door, not let her go to class and force the digits out of her.
That way, i would actually have a females number in my phone (that wasn't family or friend) and text creepy messages while i'm out in the club instead of pretending or sending those to my mom.
:PikDatAzz:
.
Well, you know how it was then you had to walk in a single file line with your class everywhere you went. So both of our classes get out of lunch at the same time, and I see her walking in line and I'm staring at her like 
. She's looking back smiling and I'm feeling like I'm the shyt. I'm so into eye fukking her that I forget to watch where I'm going and I walk right into a pole. HEADFIRST. Breh I was dead as like this for half a second 
. That shyt hurt for like 3 days, my god. Somehow only like 3 people from my class saw it but the girl definitely did. We were staring right at each other 
I still see her from time to time now but we never spoke on that shyt. I'll kill that bytch if she bring it up 
I've had a few brehs, a nikka ain't start talking to girls until senior year
) 
face after the most awkward 2 minutes of my life.
face on.
so the other one I was making out with got sick later on that night but I was so horny that I still made out with her some more, I was tired so I went in slept in one of the bedrooms. She comes in cause she's sick and so I'm holding her and we're talking about why I never talk to her at school (looool) and so after that I just said I'm trying to sleep, 30 minutes later some 25 year old Mexican dude opened up the door and got in bed with us and ended up falling asleep in the bed with us, yes I'm ashamed 
Did you just say stallin in the ballin adlib voice ? 
) and it was junior year in HS.