Solutions on dealing with heartbreak?

[maxamusa]

This thread has made me realize I ain’t never really went through heartbreak on a serious level. Maybe in my feelings for a couple of weeks but moved on just fine. I Have on the other hand dealt with and currently am still dealing with men who can’t seem to move on and I can only surmise that men really do love hard as hell.

Op I know this ain’t your first go round with a break up because you’ve written about issues with your baby mama before so I’m guessing this thread is just you trying analyze her situation with this new guy because you still want her. Just move on bruh. Out of sight, out of mind. Do no contact, block her on everything, focus on your kids, set a new goal to distract yourself and give it time. In a few months hopefully you’ll be alright and on to the next.

As pure as the winter snow


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You'll never be able to feel this classic

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And I'm jelly 4 that you lucky MF

 

[BaRRyG]

I'm trying, man. Everything else in my life is well. But I didn't see this one coming, not as I near 34 later this year. And it's really, really working me out emotionally...

All I do is work and come home, on my off days I have my girls to keep me busy. But nothing takes my mind off of it and I'm really struggling right now...

Any suggestions are accepted and appreciated, it's rough right now...

Hot sauce and exercise

 

[murksiderock]

This chick just called me an hour ago at 506 and we talked for 30 minutes, 57 seconds. She wasn't rah-rah but started it off telling me to stop talking to people she work with. And the conversation carried from there...

No yelling, no cursing, there was some tension. But no shouting or ignorance...

And this is what I told brothers upthread has mindfukked me, because she's done her dirt, truth. She did a lot of lying, truth. But this chick was never "done", she just wanted to have her cake and eat it too. And, I was respectful, but I called her on that bullshyt...

 

[maxamusa]

This chick just called me an hour ago at 506 and we talked for 30 minutes, 57 seconds. She wasn't rah-rah but started it off telling me to stop talking to people she work with. And the conversation carried from there...

No yelling, no cursing, there was some tension. But no shouting or ignorance...

And this is what I told brothers upthread has mindfukked me, because she's done her dirt, truth. She did a lot of lying, truth. But this chick was never "done", she just wanted to have her cake and eat it too. And, I was respectful, but I called her on that bullshyt...

waste of time Youngblood

 

[Iceson Beckford]

Thread is deep


Loads of good advice in here that only really happened cause OP was vulnerable and introspective


Respect, made me think some stuff about myself

 

[maxamusa]

Thread is deep


Loads of good advice in here that only really happened cause OP was vulnerable and introspective


Respect, made me think some stuff about myself

Gotta be open to dive within

 

[murksiderock]

Today started off rough bit got better as the day went on. I'm going thru these dramatic emotional swings where I run from heavy anger and sadness and wanting to act like a dumb ass and hurt someone, to confidence that I'm overpowering this sadness and depression responsibly...

These emotional swings are working me the fukk out...

I miss her. I love her. Inexplicably, as of this moment, I still want her back and hope for reconciliation...

But, I've accepted that it's over and that I have to move on I've accepted it. The moving on part is grueling, it's working me the fukk out everyday, bit I'm progressing. I just haven't gone a full 24 yet of feeling that assurance I'm moving on, bit there's progress. I've accepted it...

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Today started off rough bit got better as the day went on. I'm going thru these dramatic emotional swings where I run from heavy anger and sadness and wanting to act like a dumb ass and hurt someone, to confidence that I'm overpowering this sadness and depression responsibly...

These emotional swings are working me the fukk out...

I miss her. I love her. Inexplicably, as of this moment, I still want her back and hope for reconciliation...

But, I've accepted that it's over and that I have to move on I've accepted it. The moving on part is grueling, it's working me the fukk out everyday, bit I'm progressing. I just haven't gone a full 24 yet of feeling that assurance I'm moving on, bit there's progress. I've accepted it...

Sounds like stages of grief

But take comfort and knowing you are not alone and most normal human beings especially MEN do go through this or have gone through this.

I’m not a serial dater or be out like that either, so it is tough and will take time.

Best advice I can give you honestly, is to be alright. FEEL alright, do things that make you feel good, do things that make you feel accomplished. Got to smile man, can’t dwell in these emotions too long or it will become a habit and a pattern that will eventually fukk with every aspect of your life unless you stop it.

Not saying to not have those feelings or emotions, just don’t dwell too long into them.

Take comfort in knowing that it wasn’t you.. it was her. You might’ve had a part but she destroyed the family, not you.

Blessed to have some kids out of the situation. Minimize all contact unless it’s about the kids. Focus on making time to do shyt you like, watch shyt that make you laugh, do something to help you grow whether it’s physically, financially, spiritually, etc.

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Another thing is feeling grateful… genuinely

Be grateful you found out sooner
Be grateful you know the type of person she really is now
Be grateful that you created 2 kids out of a fukked up individual
Be grateful knowing she will most likely cheat on that nikka too when shyt goes south
Be grateful in knowing that you’re working on overcoming this specific situation and when you do, you’ll be a stronger person

And by feeling alright, I meant by actually stopping yourself and asking yourself how do you feel. You can still have the emotions, but just at that moment how do you physically/mentally feel. Get to the point where no matter what may be going on, you can sit in silence and be like “You know what.. I feel alright today”.

 

[murksiderock]

Another thing is feeling grateful… genuinely

Be grateful you found out sooner
Be grateful you know the type of person she really is now
Be grateful that you created 2 kids out of a fukked up individual
Be grateful knowing she will most likely cheat on that nikka too when shyt goes south
Be grateful in knowing that you’re working on overcoming this specific situation and when you do, you’ll be a stronger person

And by feeling alright, I meant by actually stopping yourself and asking yourself how do you feel. You can still have the emotions, but just at that moment how do you physically/mentally feel. Get to the point where no matter what may be going on, you can sit in silence and be like “You know what.. I feel alright today”.

She just called to say my daughter has been sick for 3 days. And I simped out asking her if she's ended this shyt with dude, and she said she'll answer when she's ready...

So I said, that's your answer, I love you and wish you the best. And she said "that ain't what I said, you're always trying to answer questions for me"...

I gotta break this stupid, fakkit ass dumb ass shyt. This bytch has me like a fukking junkie. I was fine and then she called...

I'm building the resolve that this is the last time I ask her about dude or us. I gotta build it. Because my hurt feelings, bytch-assness just has to know. But I know. Chick wants her cake from both sides...

I gotta build the resolve. And honestly to your point, I feel fine after the convo, I don't feel depressed, or worse than before she called. Just embarrassed I showed my emotions again. But to your point I actually feel fine because I've been actively building in moving on. I don't feel worse. But I don't want to show that weakness again...

This bytch annihilates my weak points...

 

[maxamusa]

She just called to say my daughter has been sick for 3 days. And I simped out asking her if she's ended this shyt with dude, and she said she'll answer when she's ready...

So I said, that's your answer, I love you and wish you the best. And she said "that ain't what I said, you're always trying to answer questions for me"...

I gotta break this stupid, fakkit ass dumb ass shyt. This bytch has me like a fukking junkie. I was fine and then she called...

I'm building the resolve that this is the last time I ask her about dude or us. I gotta build it. Because my hurt feelings, bytch-assness just has to know. But I know. Chick wants her cake from both sides...

I gotta build the resolve. And honestly to your point, I feel fine after the convo, I don't feel depressed, or worse than before she called. Just embarrassed I showed my emotions again. But to your point I actually feel fine because I've been actively building in moving on. I don't feel worse. But I don't want to show that weakness again...

This bytch annihilates my weak points...

 

[O.T.I.S.]

She just called to say my daughter has been sick for 3 days. And I simped out asking her if she's ended this shyt with dude, and she said she'll answer when she's ready...

So I said, that's your answer, I love you and wish you the best. And she said "that ain't what I said, you're always trying to answer questions for me"...

I gotta break this stupid, fakkit ass dumb ass shyt. This bytch has me like a fukking junkie. I was fine and then she called...

I'm building the resolve that this is the last time I ask her about dude or us. I gotta build it. Because my hurt feelings, bytch-assness just has to know. But I know. Chick wants her cake from both sides...

I gotta build the resolve. And honestly to your point, I feel fine after the convo, I don't feel depressed, or worse than before she called. Just embarrassed I showed my emotions again. But to your point I actually feel fine because I've been actively building in moving on. I don't feel worse. But I don't want to show that weakness again...

This bytch annihilates my weak points...

She did answer the question

You not an option nikka, you’re her husband

Unless you was out there cheating then there shouldn’t have been anything to think about.

Next time, send her shyt to voicemail and read it.. don’t even listen to it

Keep this shyt short if it’s about your kids. I’m sure she could’ve texted you whatever she needed to say. Sad that you can’t block her but just minimize i guess.

Eventually you’ll get over it. It’s cliche but the most important thing is feeling alright by yourself.

I especially recommend watching something that makes you laugh, and doing something that makes you feel like you’ve accomplished something. Probably the 2 things I personally remember that had me feeling like my old self during down time

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Long story short, I can fill in details as we go along to be more specific but this is the summary:

So, I went out of town for work in November, for two months. While out of town we really started going thru it, which was a continuation of some long standing issues, chiefly, money. I wasn't sending her enough money, I'd twice sent her home money in November and early December. In late-December, right after Christmas, she asked for more money, and I told her no...

And it went downhill from there...

So money has always been one of, if not the, biggest issues in our relationship...

When I told her no, I told her I was done with her reaching in my pockets, I laid out the initial breakup. This is literally December 29. It just happened, we're talking two months...

She didn't like that initially...

We didn't speak for two or three days (January 2), and when we started talking again, it was tenuous but initially respectful. I made the comment that she was still my woman on some lighthearted joking sh!t, and she told me she wasn't. I came back home in January and went over her place and we had a huge, huge argument about our daughter. This is January 21, she told me to leave and I was never welcome at her place again...

From January 21, we had several conversations where we discussed making it work bit nothing official. So technically we've been broken up since December 29. In the time we've talked from that point, she never mentioned this guy...

Fast forward to February 19, and boom. Man answers the door. And he's still there, I just went over on Thursday and he was there...

She's told me in spurts what she's hurt about shyt I've done, chiefly being, I moved an hour away and didn't tell her, she found out thru mutual acquaintances and it was confirmed by my oldest daughter when we went over on January 21; and the fact that in her perception, I've always been stingy about supporting her with money...

There are a few other mentions of grievances and I've aired my sh!t with her too, but those are the two big things she hasn't forgiven me for yet...

In some ways our relationship feels salvageable. But the big elephant to me, is she's refusing to answer my questions about this man. I got a little info on him from a homeboy of mine who knows her, I, and incidentally him. But I've asked her direct questions:

•how long has he been there?
•when did this thing with him start, and how?
•when is he leaving?

Only thing she's offered in retirn is:

he's a "friend", he's giving her money to stay there, she doesn't know when he's leaving, he aint her man and they arent intimate...

She won't answer the first two questions at all and it's hurt me. Like I'm torn in between believing her and allowing her space and time to talk to me, and then, not allowing myself to not get the hint---->ain't no man living with no woman and ain't nothing going on. This part of me is like, take the fukking hint, Rodney...

And it's crushing me emotionally...

Similar situation to me in some ways

I actually found out on FB my ex met someone while still talking to me about fixing our shyt. Like, taking pictures at her friends event (different events but homie wearing the same shyt )

So not just her.. everyone in her circle of clowns knew.




So as soon as money and arguments get matched up with distance some women will view it as a way to escape but usually to chicken shyt to say it.

And with how quickly she moved on, is how you can tell how long she had actually been moved on.

I had a chicks friend tell me that the chick was stringing me along just in case shyt didn’t work out with her current dude. That legit pissed me off. Chicks out here plan B’ing a nikka.

That nikka was around when you left and she started arguments. He might’ve not even known she had someone. Women like this always assume grass is greener. Maybe it is, but most likely it won’t be.

And forgiven for what? Y’all weren’t living together so how does the move affect her? It’s kinda your burden since you moved that far away from your family. And being stingy? How much was you giving her? Was she not working? Were you on child support?

Honestly seems like yall were out the door on this relationship anyway. Unless you were underpaying what was necessary for your kids from you specifically, all of this is an excuse.


Cliche but you probably did yourself a favor. I’ve accepted that the things that went on within my past relationship is not salvageable. Wasn’t even about the new nikka mainly. That helped fuel it more, it was the fact I was still being strung along to believe the relationship was being worked on. On top of more details about her character I discovered over the years.


Best to let it ride and don’t feel down about her bruh. You wrong for assuming but unless this chick is just flat fukking broke, you don’t move another nikka in while having a whole nikka

 

[bigde09]

She just called to say my daughter has been sick for 3 days. And I simped out asking her if she's ended this shyt with dude, and she said she'll answer when she's ready...

So I said, that's your answer, I love you and wish you the best. And she said "that ain't what I said, you're always trying to answer questions for me"...

I gotta break this stupid, fakkit ass dumb ass shyt. This bytch has me like a fukking junkie. I was fine and then she called...

I'm building the resolve that this is the last time I ask her about dude or us. I gotta build it. Because my hurt feelings, bytch-assness just has to know. But I know. Chick wants her cake from both sides...

I gotta build the resolve. And honestly to your point, I feel fine after the convo, I don't feel depressed, or worse than before she called. Just embarrassed I showed my emotions again. But to your point I actually feel fine because I've been actively building in moving on. I don't feel worse. But I don't want to show that weakness again...

This bytch annihilates my weak points...

Only time you should speak to her is about your child. If it’s not about your child then you hang up. You still holding on to hope. Deep down you still want to be with her.

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Only time you should speak to her is about your child. If it’s not about your child then you hang up. You still holding on to hope. Deep down you still want to be with her.

Yeah fukk that hope shyt

Seinfeld had one of the best perspectives of hope I heard of

Starts a 1:27.. I was on my phone and wouldn’t let me mark it





It’s a joke but had some truth to it.

Be indifferent about it. It’s possible, it’s not possible, etc. her actions or lack of actions will tell you everything you need to know.