Successful Black Men on Thecoli, Do Ya'll Ever Get to The Point Where You Don't Have to Deal with the BS?

[The Pledge]

The more successful you get, the smaller the circle gets.

The hardest thing to come to terms with, in my opinion.

Some days I don’t know how to take it, shyt comes off as disrespectful but you gotta grin and bare it I think.

 

[semicko82]

Most people working in IT aren't sane and have all kinds of behavioral issues. I don't know what it is about the field that attracts so many passive aggressive a$$holes.

I tend to switch jobs often when the bullshyt gets to be too much. The increases in salary is the only thing that makes it worthwhile dealing with such shady ass negative people.

To be fair that's the majority of career field. That includes low tier jobs like fast food and retail

 

[RareAirBorne]

OP do you have peers you talk to regarding these experiences? I have a group of Black men that I formed over time that's good to shoot the shyt with, vent, listen, and give each other advice.

I think men try to lone wolf it too much but we need other men to help us along the way.

Also as Black men it's crucial because we have very few allies in the world.

Can you elaborate on how you went about this? Where are you located?

I ask because as a single breh in his early 30s with no children and a successful career, my circle is so small it's a period (just me).

I didn't try to lone wolf it but it ended up like that anyway. I moved cross country straight out of college for a job and I worked hard to turn that into a dream career. My social life suffered as my career took off, with work forcing me to have unwanted social interactions as the token breh in my IT area and when I did meet brehs outside of work, it was always on some "shyt, I'm trying to get like you" (I'm actually mentoring a few younger brehs I met this way). All of my existing friends back home had kids early and none of them got married so just the BM drama alone separates us but that's just the beginning.

I'm hoping moving back east within the next few years will help (I've heard good things about black professionals in DC for example) but I don't want to wait till then so I'm open to suggestions and curious to hear if others had similar challenges

 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

-Start your own business

-Work from home

Those 2 aspects , especially wfh, the bs is cut down a lot.

 

[Guess Who]

The hardest thing to come to terms with, in my opinion.

Some days I don’t know how to take it, shyt comes off as disrespectful but you gotta grin and bare it I think.

Yeah this part has been hard for me as well. You start to realize that most people see you as a come up or are jealous that they ain’t having the same success as you are. This forces you to put people at arm’s length and reevaluate most of your relationships.

 

[ViShawn]

Can you elaborate on how you went about this? Where are you located?

I ask because as a single breh in his early 30s with no children and a successful career, my circle is so small it's a period (just me).

I didn't try to lone wolf it but it ended up like that anyway. I moved cross country straight out of college for a job and I worked hard to turn that into a dream career. My social life suffered as my career took off, with work forcing me to have unwanted social interactions as the token breh in my IT area and when I did meet brehs outside of work, it was always on some "shyt, I'm trying to get like you" (I'm actually mentoring a few younger brehs I met this way). All of my existing friends back home had kids early and none of them got married so just the BM drama alone separates us but that's just the beginning.

I'm hoping moving back east within the next few years will help (I've heard good things about black professionals in DC for example) but I don't want to wait till then so I'm open to suggestions and curious to hear if others had similar challenges

Austin Texas.

It took a lot of effort. I'm in some Facebook groups for Black people here and I'll say during the pandemic we were all home so that helped. Reason being is that Black Austinites are scattered around the metro area and suburbs so there's few opportunities to see US in these capacities.

Even when I worked downtown I saw a few of us but it wasn't really a community. After having conversations with some of the men in the group, breaking bread with some, just generally being sociable with them I have a good 4 - 5 Black men that I know that are in high level IT I can talk to on a consistent basis.

Many of them though have other obligations in that being family and kids but we try to make effort to talk to each other. Sometimes I'll work out with them or work out at a coffee shop with them.

I had similar experiences to you though for years.

I also think threads like this and leveraging online communities help. There's some bright people on thecoli and I've met a few but I'm certain that there's a lot of untapped potential.

I'm in my late 30s and I'm open to talking some time also.

 

[ba'al]

Yeah this part has been hard for me as well. You start to realize that most people see you as a come up or are jealous that they ain’t having the same success as you are. This forces you to put people at arm’s length and reevaluate most of your relationships.

So I'm not the only breh who feels like this in the world? It's others?

 

[Yzak]

Only way you'd never have to deal with racism is if you lived in a self-sufficient Black country. No amount of money will change you being an out group male.

 

[JT-Money]

To be fair that's the majority of career field. That includes low tier jobs like fast food and retail

I've had plenty of regular 9 to 5 jobs before getting into IT. And at the vast majority of those jobs we all mostly hated management not each other.
Maybe I was lucky but I didn't see as much backstabbing and people out for themselves as there is in IT. They screw each other over way more than Management will.

 

[ViShawn]

So I'm not the only breh who feels like this in the world? It's others?

It's difficult for me to find people on the same wavelength. I think big picture and ideas. Certain mindsets just people are going to relate to.

I've had jealousy happen too and people act as though I shuck and jive for white people because I can speak their language. I actually do a lot for the Black community and get recognition for it.

I try not to be ostentatious due to my deep south upbringing though so I hardly encounter that sort of stuff.

What pains me the most is there's so many of us that are talented and whether external or internal factors they're not where I'm at. For me success is nothing if you don't have others to share it with or if you can't replicate the success in others

 

[ba'al]

It's difficult for me to find people on the same wavelength.

This is one of the reasons I started to post on thecoli it's hard finding folk in real life on the same wave.

I like listening to Earl Nightingale and he talks about being in the top 5%.

And the top 5% is basically the group of folks that do not conform or follow the crowd.

I've had jealousy happen too and people act as though I shuck and jive for white people because I can speak their language. I actually do a lot for the Black community and get recognition for it.

I try not to be ostentatious due to my deep south upbringing though so I hardly encounter that sort of stuff.

People were still jealous though you were being humble?

 

[Duke Wy Lin]

Most people working in IT aren't sane and have all kinds of behavioral issues. I don't know what it is about the field that attracts so many passive aggressive a$$holes.

I tend to switch jobs often when the bullshyt gets to be too much. The increases in salary is the only thing that makes it worthwhile dealing with such shady ass negative people.

For some reason IT/Software careers attract some anti social types. The uncouth nerdy type cacs we used to go to school with all end up in IT/Dev jobs.

 

[Guess Who]

So I'm not the only breh who feels like this in the world? It's others?

I’d wager that it’s common among successful people. This is why so many successful people seem like a$$holes or aloof—it’s cuz they’ve learned to be very discerning about who they let in and give time too, with good reason.

 

[Guess Who]

It's difficult for me to find people on the same wavelength. I think big picture and ideas. Certain mindsets just people are going to relate to.

I've had jealousy happen too and people act as though I shuck and jive for white people because I can speak their language. I actually do a lot for the Black community and get recognition for it.

I try not to be ostentatious due to my deep south upbringing though so I hardly encounter that sort of stuff.

What pains me the most is there's so many of us that are talented and whether external or internal factors they're not where I'm at. For me success is nothing if you don't have others to share it with or if you can't replicate the success in others

Very relatable post.

A lot of people gonna tell you that you’re doing it wrong even though they ain’t even doing it haha.

 

[ba'al]

I’d wager that it’s common among successful people. This is why so many successful people seem like a$$holes or aloof—it’s cuz they’ve learned to be very discerning about who they let in and give time too, with good reason.

Seem like throughout history the masses never really catch on. It's always a small group of people. In the scriptures, you see verses about being in the world but not of it. Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.

I know in a lot of archaic societies you had secret cults and groups that had a lot of knowledge as it pertains to science, medicine, history, philosophy, math, etc. While the masses were stuck on entertainment.

Earl in that video talks about man's biggest problem is many simply don't think. A lot of cats never take the time to cultivate their minds, they rather just follow along with everyone else. So what you said here is really profound.