Jim Cornette
The Cult of Meat with Extra Cheese...
Ran into some legal issues, going to end up losing my job (not sure when ill have to leave), and now im shopping around trying to lawyer up and make sure it doesn't show up on my background check. But i have to do some paperwork with the military doctor and they basically try to see if i have substance abuse problems or any other issues.
At first im guarded as usual but she calls me out on it. Since my days are numbered i say fck it and air it out. How the department i was in is fcked up, and two guys over the training and certification were fcking people over. Me in particular.
She legitimately goeslike this could never happen in 2019. I go on about how i didnt want to pull the race card (and other brehs in the organization advised me to do the same) and she asks why. She says i should put together a timeline in a package to give to the Commanding Officer to let him know.
Then she tells me i should see a counselor,(i reached out to some in undergrad but didnt tell her) bc even though i put on a front like im calm/optimistic/etc she can see through it, and deep down im angry .I mention how, AA's in particular, need to be that way (or play "the game") and again she goeslike im speaking spanish. Mentioned that Double consciousness coined by W. E. B. Du Bois and she goes "That sounds exactly like bi-polar disorder
. I never knew AA's were doing this"
Shyt is stupid. Then she goes maybe the stress from work caused you to be in this situation. I told her life is stressful, and especially as a black man you just gotta deal with it.To make it worse, we all going through it so if you show weakness you got ppl telling you "why cry/complaing about something you cant change?" Its so much shyt to navigate through to not end up in the system and be a statistic or to achieve w/e you tryna do but you just deal with it. Told her i dont open up to alot of people bc they either cant understand where you coming from or dont give a damn. I told her i been dealing with issues on my own for 24 years and made it this far. (We all even have so-called friends who fall into this category) And this conversation with the Doc confirmed it. Woman gotta be in her 50's and was legitimately surprised at the life experiences of someone else, who didnt look like her.
Shyt is stupid. I was watching that R Kelly documentary, shyt aint right but he needs help. I used to have real bad anger issues but found positive outlets. 24 years on the straight and narrow now im caught up in the system. Black people put up with so much bullshyt its not funny. I honestly believe we the strongest people mentally, but how much can a brother take?
I pray for all yall, we need it
couple a jewells in there about life and reality for African Americans. and this is why we need more black therapists, psychiatrists etc.
your story is really on some antwoine Fisher shyt... what did you do wrong tho?
i've revealed it more than enough times on here. it fukking sucks. i feel as if i have little next to no options on how to deal with this shyt as it seems like nothing that i've tried is working. there's times when i feel like i'm sleeping and this is fukking nightmare or a dream where i have to question if this is my fukking life. i just want to wake up but this is actually happening. hate to say this but it seems like my hope for a better tomorrow has faded away the older i've gotten and i have no purpose/reason to live. now, i don't feel suicidal or like hurting myself or anybody but i'll admit that i really don't fukking know anymore. no one around me gives a fukk or cares enough to suspect something may be wrong with me because i'm trying my best to hide it but it is what it is. even if i did tell them, they'll probably brush me off and make me feel like i'm by myself with this shyt as usual. 
