The things I've seen, heard, and smelled. the former Life of an installer...

[beaniemac]

I

worked there too... Those dudes are strict af with the "occurrences"... You could be out with mono they would not gaf

I worked there as well. except in the call center. that was the ONLY job I have ever gotten fired from.

 

[Born2BKing]

I remember my first job out of college was as an asst manager with Rent-a-Center. We used to have mad strippers renting from the store, because of course them hoes be on the move a lot. One time me and my coworker went to deliver some furniture out in adamsville, which is project in Atl. Well little did I know, this nikka was on some other shyt. Ol hood ass west side atl nikka.

We get there and it's 2 broads, a slim brown skin jawn and a brownish red thick jawn. They both had ass but they faces wasn't all that. So, when we get there, this nikka was like "wassup shawty" and started hugging on the broad. Then he said something a long the lines of "I told you I got you right" She was smiling like a mafukka. Well we put the furniture in the house and I mean they had a whole bunch of shyt. Sofa, TV, Bed, tables and shyt. Keep in mind it's the middle of the summer and I'm hot and tired then a mafukka. So when we get done, my coworker takes ol girl (slim brown jawn) to the back and they doing their thing. I ain't no stupid nikka, so I knew they was fukking. I didn't give a fukk though because I was flirting with the homegirl, and she was twerking and letting me feel on her. Wouldn't let me fukk though but I got her number. Well when we left, this nikka tells me he gave that hoe ALL that free furniture for some p*ssy and head. I was but then kinda mad because I took all that furniture in the house, so that nikka could get some p*ssy. Come to find out they both stripped at blue flame, which I kinda assumed by how they was dressing and acting. Not too hard to spot stripper bytches.

 

[FUPA]

these pause inbetween posts is kinda killing this possible goat thread smh.

 

[thesandman]

these pause inbetween posts is kinda killing this possible goat thread smh.

Pardon me. I mostly lurk ya dig but I'll post my next story in full.

 

[thesandman]

"Macho weed"




So on this stop my partner and I was supposed to install a new network, and run cat 5 to another room.

We arrive at the community which is hood af...I know I used to live around there. We knock on the door and an older woman answers. She was tall, curvy figure, and had a very dark complexion. Looked like she had it going on back in the day. Very well dressed for somebody waiting for an appointment. We introduce ourselves and walk in. The townhouse was immaculate, well furnished and smelled incredible. It felt like a trap... Lol


"It's right up stairs..."

She's says with a wide smile

Now I'm looking at her and realize... Dang this joint is beautiful...


I was like ok... You can uuuh.. Lead the way..



Lady had some ass on her brehs. Smelling good too. Made a playa wanna call home to my girl like Harlem nights... hey... I'm not coming back. Click.

So we get to the top of the stairs and the hallway opens up more than I expected. I look to the right briefly and noticed in the master bedroom mad designer shoes stacked up with designer bags stacked on a dresser...

This chick a booster or she selling reps???

We head to left to the smaller bedroom to find a small desk with a desktop pc, a tv setup directly in front of the foot of the bed and a tiny bed ridden black bald headed man who was wide eyed looking directly at me like

"S'happenin playa!?"

He cracks a quick smile with eyes still wide..


I'm cool. Ready to take care of this network for you folks!

He hits me with

"Say what...? The fu.... What's that nikka!?"

The lady interrupts...

"The internet Fred! Remember!? I can't watch my Netflix and shyt!" (Not his real name)



"Woman, iiiiiii don't even know what a nutflick is.
...a nitflux whatever..."

The way he said it was hilarious...

The lady just rolls her eyes and tells her what's been going on with her internet, and how she wants cat 5 ran to the master bedroom. No problem. She bought a new router and some anti virus. So the job should be straight forward...

My partner and I begin to work, the woman heads out with my partner as he starts running the CAT 5 to the master bedroom and I begin to do my thing...

Awhile later



I look over at the homie in the bed and i swear his face goes ..........


"Say... I gots ta let one go...."


"I feel sorry for ya, but better with this out...."






At that moment the woman comes back and sees his face and immediately knows what the deal is... She goes over and helps him turn to his side...

This nikka farts...a fart... that sounded like a duck vomiting man...

she apologizes but the damage is done...

My whole thing is...why is a computer/router in this room...?

The schmell was terrible too...I felt emasculated, and disrespected after that stench.

So I finished up and my partner was testing his line, I was showing the woman the new network. I tested it on her tablet and smart phone with success... But here come this nikka yo...

He wanted me to hook up his DVD VCR combo because it hadn't worked in awhile. Although that's not we were there I said I'd take a look...

Now as I'm doing this...he starts to ramble some weird stories of his own... the woman leaves the room again... Why am I always left alone.. Lol... He starts off...

"Ay, y'all coming from where that old (insert out of business retail spot) used to be??"

No sir actually...

He cuts me off

"Man I remember these white boys whupped my black ass down Dere..sheeeit... That's where they had the macho weed...."

Lol I'm interested in his story So I ask him why'd they beat him up....


"Because I was trying to buy some tires... And I had allot of money..."


Damn... sir...* Awkward silence*

He leans up and blurts out

"But mainly because this nikka here was laying pipe to the wife! Hahaha!"

Somehow I was getting more confused...


"Them white boys had that macho weed though boy... Some strong shyt! Make ya look at the man in the mirror like Michael Jackson!!"

I'm giggling trying to remain professional but I had to know...

"Sir what's macho weed?"

He goes... Boy that's what the white boys had in them days...shyt was macho!

So look down to finish my work...i noticed he had two combo units and they were all fukked up looking. Not to mention the composite cables were going into each other's output and the input on the one unit was going into the tv... In other words it was all jacked up.



I chose to hook up the one that was stacked on the other first..wtf this joint won't even power on...I let him know...i tried the second one and it powered on...I saw the DVD menu pop up and I was like cool. Good stuff...


Pause the story.



The golden rule of install


Never ever ever ever ever forever ever press play on the clients DVD player... You never know what they'll have in that bytch...


Back to the story...

I followed my own rule and showed him the player turned on ok. He was like ok thank you...


But the lady who by now I assumed was his wife walks in and I let her know the 2nd unit was running but the 1st one was busted...

She asks was any disc or tapes in the 1st unit...


I told her I don't think so... But I glance over at dude and he's like...



She's like ok...

"Did you see if the 2nd one plays movies then"

The old dude snaps...

"Yeah it work girl, leave the man alone.."





So instead of pressing play I eject the tray... Nothing was in it..

I tried to eject the vhs....a tape comes out...

Of course it was a fukking porn!!!!

I tried to be sneaky with it for God's sake but it was too late!!


"How did you get that in there Fred!?"


"You can't Wipe yo own ass but you got some dirty movies in this bytch!?"




She actually started laughing...i don't know what to do...I was standing there dumbfounded I guess all there was left to do was



Lol I couldn't help it... Dude was a G with it. She was like uh huh don't encourage his ass.


Job was over.... After that and we went on our way. But I still haven't found the illusive macho weed...


FIN.

 

[FUPA]

thanks for full story shyts crazy. Makes me want to give it a try part time see what crazy she can come up.

 

[KravenMorehead™]

Late to the party IN...

 

[DrX]

I remember my first job out of college was as an asst manager with Rent-a-Center. We used to have mad strippers renting from the store, because of course them hoes be on the move a lot. One time me and my coworker went to deliver some furniture out in adamsville, which is project in Atl. Well little did I know, this nikka was on some other shyt. Ol hood ass west side atl nikka.

We get there and it's 2 broads, a slim brown skin jawn and a brownish red thick jawn. They both had ass but they faces wasn't all that. So, when we get there, this nikka was like "wassup shawty" and started hugging on the broad. Then he said something a long the lines of "I told you I got you right" She was smiling like a mafukka. Well we put the furniture in the house and I mean they had a whole bunch of shyt. Sofa, TV, Bed, tables and shyt. Keep in mind it's the middle of the summer and I'm hot and tired then a mafukka. So when we get done, my coworker takes ol girl (slim brown jawn) to the back and they doing their thing. I ain't no stupid nikka, so I knew they was fukking. I didn't give a fukk though because I was flirting with the homegirl, and she was twerking and letting me feel on her. Wouldn't let me fukk though but I got her number. Well when we left, this nikka tells me he gave that hoe ALL that free furniture for some p*ssy and head. I was but then kinda mad because I took all that furniture in the house, so that nikka could get some p*ssy. Come to find out they both stripped at blue flame, which I kinda assumed by how they was dressing and acting. Not too hard to spot stripper bytches.

u not lying, i heard about thots fukking for tattoos, and no , not pro tattoos from a shop, i mean some hood nikka that do it out the house

 

[Verbal Kint]

 

[Deflatedhoopdreams]

Yeah my dad is a residential carpenter, I've been in and out of people houses my whole life.

Seen a little of everything.

 

[thesandman]

thanks for full story shyts crazy. Makes me want to give it a try part time see what crazy she can come up.

It's worth it... Trust

 

[thesandman]

I remember my first job out of college was as an asst manager with Rent-a-Center. We used to have mad strippers renting from the store, because of course them hoes be on the move a lot. One time me and my coworker went to deliver some furniture out in adamsville, which is project in Atl. Well little did I know, this nikka was on some other shyt. Ol hood ass west side atl nikka.

We get there and it's 2 broads, a slim brown skin jawn and a brownish red thick jawn. They both had ass but they faces wasn't all that. So, when we get there, this nikka was like "wassup shawty" and started hugging on the broad. Then he said something a long the lines of "I told you I got you right" She was smiling like a mafukka. Well we put the furniture in the house and I mean they had a whole bunch of shyt. Sofa, TV, Bed, tables and shyt. Keep in mind it's the middle of the summer and I'm hot and tired then a mafukka. So when we get done, my coworker takes ol girl (slim brown jawn) to the back and they doing their thing. I ain't no stupid nikka, so I knew they was fukking. I didn't give a fukk though because I was flirting with the homegirl, and she was twerking and letting me feel on her. Wouldn't let me fukk though but I got her number. Well when we left, this nikka tells me he gave that hoe ALL that free furniture for some p*ssy and head. I was but then kinda mad because I took all that furniture in the house, so that nikka could get some p*ssy. Come to find out they both stripped at blue flame, which I kinda assumed by how they was dressing and acting. Not too hard to spot stripper bytches.

Damn. I've come across a few


"Sleepy" (names have been changed to protect the guilty...)

It was a rainy day. Kind of boring too, I remember We had a cancellation or two so I was eager to get in and get out.

We pull up to the spot and it's a huge community of condos. Upper class part of town...We can't fit our vehicle in the garage so parking is a bytch. Not to mention we have to walk kind of far with our tools and shyt. The spot is still new ish and is by a college so you always catch bad biddies around.Places like this always have one thing weird to me. The Concierge's are one of two extremes. Either they're really cool and don't sweat you, or they treat you like you're visiting somebody in prison.

The latter always Gotta be doing the most. Always in your business and asking funky ass questions.

As soon as we approach the desk this fool stand up looking and sounding like

" Uh uh say, sir.. Who you here ta see?"


*i pull out my paper work*

Ms. Mary green

"She know you coming...?"

This nikka eyes squint like he about to steal on me or something. Getting all suspicious like that's his chick...

I shoot back...

Yes, we spoke earlier she's expecting us.

"Oh we'll see about that, I gotta call her first... So y'all going to have to wait! I don't see no notes about any contractors coming in here today..."

* he starts to pick up the phone but then grows even more angry..."

"Y'all can't wait over there... Like I said y'all not finna go up.."

*i turn my back to him before he can finish...*

My partner tries not to laugh...The guy is really pissed now.

* He's on the phone with the client... And then hangs up the phone*

"Aye boi!"

He yells towards us...


Wow The disrespect...

"She up there waiting on ya, *snorts*"


This nikka talk and breathing like he sleep lol. Sounds like he snoring when he just standing there i thought. Oh sleepwalking ass nikka...

So on the way up the elevator my Partner tells me I gotta chill. He's right but I barely did anything to that dude. fukk him. My partner just shakes his head.

We get to clients door and


Animated Gif by Vincent Taylor

Wow.

* In the weeknd voice * let me see dat ass!

This brown skin joint opens up looking like she just got off from the titty bar and was too lazy to get dressed... Bad bytch for real.

"Oh hey y'all, I'm sorry I fell asleep... excuse the mess.."

I could not wait...i mean could not wait for her to turn around because this chick was wearing a silk see through robe.... No lie!

When she did I thought I would not stop seeing ass. Wearing some leopard panties...lawd. My partner couldn't believe it either he just nodded to me like yeah nikka she's official!!!!

I could not control my excitement as we went through her place. I can't remember the living room as I followed her ass the entire time. She wanted us to set up some stuff in her bedroom....
We enter and the joint was Kind of bare... Didn't see no mess besides some kicks...hmm.



She was fine...a darker version of Lela Rachon. So we went over the scope of work... Straight forward stuff..


So as we begin to work and the chick wants to nap!? While we working in the same damn room!? C'mon lady.

I had to piss suddenly but didn't want to just run up in her shyt ya heard me? So I had to wake this heffer up all awkwardly...

Excuse me miss...

Her eyes just open staring away from me... This bytch burps!!! Haha

"Huh!?"

May I use your rest room...





She doesn't even answers with words... Just closes her eyes and nods.

She lucky I didn't have to poop I'd blow her bathroom up with no remorse straight undertaker shyt.

A minute ago I wanted to bang her back out now I wanted to shyt up her bathroom. I dunno why I was so moody that day.

Anyway I use the bathroom that's connected to the bedroom...I farted while I was pissing and didn't think nothing of it... the exhaust fan was pretty loud and I usually run the water while I pee as a common courtesy to my clients...

Why this heffer sitting up in the bed when I come out staring right at me. For a second I thought she was going to fry me for pooting... she just hit me with the

As we finishing up my partner starts to really hit it off with her because she asks where we went to school and he just so happened to go the same one. All the while she's still in the bed... Weird...


The job is going pretty fast....


Suddenly she gets up... Walks over to the walk in closet to change this bytch is bold. Just threw some clothes over her stuff. We give her a demo of everything and she's thrilled.


She turns to my partner and asks could we take a look at something in the living room. We grab our stuff and as were walking this chick asks us do we party!? Do we do Molly? Coke?

* Record skips*

Que? Que?

"Naw" we said almost at the same damn time!

She seemed shocked

" For real? You guys are cool... No worries it's ok."


"Y'all should try some Molly... It's great I wouldn't steer you wrong..."



Is this bytch offering me drugs right now!? Lol


I'm good, It's not my thing...i reply

She seemed so disappointed...

We adjusted something on her TV and we were out... She Blurts out which club she strips at and thanks us. Dang....

 

[GoldCoastSaint]

Last story weird af.

 

[Mowgli]

Damn. I've come across a few


"Sleepy" (names have been changed to protect the guilty...)

It was a rainy day. Kind of boring too, I remember We had a cancellation or two so I was eager to get in and get out.

We pull up to the spot and it's a huge community of condos. Upper class part of town...We can't fit our vehicle in the garage so parking is a bytch. Not to mention we have to walk kind of far with our tools and shyt. The spot is still new ish and is by a college so you always catch bad biddies around.Places like this always have one thing weird to me. The Concierge's are one of two extremes. Either they're really cool and don't sweat you, or they treat you like you're visiting somebody in prison.

The latter always Gotta be doing the most. Always in your business and asking funky ass questions.

As soon as we approach the desk this fool stand up looking and sounding like

" Uh uh say, sir.. Who you here ta see?"


*i pull out my paper work*

Ms. Mary green

"She know you coming...?"

This nikka eyes squint like he about to steal on me or something. Getting all suspicious like that's his chick...

I shoot back...

Yes, we spoke earlier she's expecting us.

"Oh we'll see about that, I gotta call her first... So y'all going to have to wait! I don't see no notes about any contractors coming in here today..."

* he starts to pick up the phone but then grows even more angry..."

"Y'all can't wait over there... Like I said y'all not finna go up.."

*i turn my back to him before he can finish...*

My partner tries not to laugh...The guy is really pissed now.

* He's on the phone with the client... And then hangs up the phone*

"Aye boi!"

He yells towards us...


Wow The disrespect...

"She up there waiting on ya, *snorts*"


This nikka talk and breathing like he sleep lol. Sounds like he snoring when he just standing there i thought. Oh sleepwalking ass nikka...

So on the way up the elevator my Partner tells me I gotta chill. He's right but I barely did anything to that dude. fukk him. My partner just shakes his head.

We get to clients door and


Animated Gif by Vincent Taylor

Wow.

* In the weeknd voice * let me see dat ass!

This brown skin joint opens up looking like she just got off from the titty bar and was too lazy to get dressed... Bad bytch for real.

"Oh hey y'all, I'm sorry I fell asleep... excuse the mess.."

I could not wait...i mean could not wait for her to turn around because this chick was wearing a silk see through robe.... No lie!

When she did I thought I would not stop seeing ass. Wearing some leopard panties...lawd. My partner couldn't believe it either he just nodded to me like yeah nikka she's official!!!!

I could not control my excitement as we went through her place. I can't remember the living room as I followed her ass the entire time. She wanted us to set up some stuff in her bedroom....
We enter and the joint was Kind of bare... Didn't see no mess besides some kicks...hmm.



She was fine...a darker version of Lela Rachon. So we went over the scope of work... Straight forward stuff..


So as we begin to work and the chick wants to nap!? While we working in the same damn room!? C'mon lady.

I had to piss suddenly but didn't want to just run up in her shyt ya heard me? So I had to wake this heffer up all awkwardly...

Excuse me miss...

Her eyes just open staring away from me... This bytch burps!!! Haha

"Huh!?"

May I use your rest room...





She doesn't even answers with words... Just closes her eyes and nods.

She lucky I didn't have to poop I'd blow her bathroom up with no remorse straight undertaker shyt.

A minute ago I wanted to bang her back out now I wanted to shyt up her bathroom. I dunno why I was so moody that day.

Anyway I use the bathroom that's connected to the bedroom...I farted while I was pissing and didn't think nothing of it... the exhaust fan was pretty loud and I usually run the water while I pee as a common courtesy to my clients...

Why this heffer sitting up in the bed when I come out staring right at me. For a second I thought she was going to fry me for pooting... she just hit me with the

As we finishing up my partner starts to really hit it off with her because she asks where we went to school and he just so happened to go the same one. All the while she's still in the bed... Weird...


The job is going pretty fast....


Suddenly she gets up... Walks over to the walk in closet to change this bytch is bold. Just threw some clothes over her stuff. We give her a demo of everything and she's thrilled.


She turns to my partner and asks could we take a look at something in the living room. We grab our stuff and as were walking this chick asks us do we party!? Do we do Molly? Coke?

* Record skips*

Que? Que?

"Naw" we said almost at the same damn time!

She seemed shocked

" For real? You guys are cool... No worries it's ok."


"Y'all should try some Molly... It's great I wouldn't steer you wrong..."



Is this bytch offering me drugs right now!? Lol


I'm good, It's not my thing...i reply

She seemed so disappointed...

We adjusted something on her TV and we were out... She Blurts out which club she strips at and thanks us. Dang....

Women try to get you involved in seedy shyt to blackmail a discount out of you.

 

[Lucy]

You know what...i wish I was making this shyt up bruh but tragically nope.

I believe you.

My brother did cable install for a while and had some wild stories and some of the stuff that the cable guys, who have come fixed my cable from time to time, have told me has been just as crazy or crazier. The plumber has told me some mess too.

I work front desk entrance at a public facility and it's bad enough with some of the weirdos that come through on the fly. I don't want to even imagine what's like being in their actual homes for an extended time period.

Yuck!