Why do men get vulnerable after she leaves?

[m0rninggl0ry]

I never ask a man to be vulnerable with me right away when I first meet him. However, in our relationship if I sense some internal shyt is going on with him and he doesn't say anything and if it gets in his way, including our relationship, I leave.

At that point, he tells me what's going on with him. Why?

I understand there are layers when it comes to black men and women, relationships and emotions.

Lets have a healthy and CLEAR discussion. Ladies, chime in too.

@BonitaChelz @Preacher @MansaMusa @Paradise @Ask a Stupid Question @Woman of God @Barnett114 @Thomas

 

[Womb Raider]

The same reason women get vulnerable after being ignored. When shyt hits the fan the truth usually comes out.

 

[m0rninggl0ry]

The same reason women get vulnerable after being ignored. When shyt hits the fan the truth usually comes out.

That applies to men as well.

 

[Sandy_Cheeks]

If you see that a man has some internal/personal stuff going on that's effecting the relationship, why not ask him what's going on? I am personally huge on communication.

Vulnerability is important to relationships because it helps build connection and emotional intimacy.

I don't think all men get vulnerable after a chick leaves per se. Every man if different.

 

[Boujee Bonita Braxton]

I have given up trying to figure shyt like this out...

 

[Sandy_Cheeks]

it's probably a pride issue

 

[BrehWyatt]

As someone who tends to internalize his bullshyt in hopes of working through it on his own ...

Just because a man doesn't want to talk about what's got him fukked up doesn't mean he doesn't want/need your support during the ordeal. For me, sometimes it's a pride thing -- typically, I don't get emotionally rocked or whatever so if it does happen, it's BAD and I'm not sure how to cope with it or let it affect me without feeling less than -- and a lot of times, the best support someone can offer me when I'm going through it is patience until I've worked through it or have reached a point where I need them, so I either start dropping hints or just come out with the call for help.

I'm not saying it's the best way, I'm just saying that's the way I do it. Those I roll with/rock with on that level have to understand that to some degree.

That said, if my SPOUSE was checking in on me like that, I'd be WAY more inclined to be vulnerable and tell her what's going on.

 

[Sleepy Walker]

That applies to men as well.

He acknowledged that.

If you actually cared you're vulnerable when it's over especially if you got dropped.

 

[m0rninggl0ry]

If you see that a man has some internal/personal stuff going on that's effecting the relationship, why not ask him what's going on? I am personally huge on communication.

I do in general. I can sense things and it's like he may not want to talk about it. I may press the issue periodically and hes like nah I don't want to talk.

it's probably a pride issue

and that's what it is

I have given up trying to figure shyt like this out...

I think it's pride

 

[The Mad Titan]

.
#1 show of emotions is seen as a sign of weakness

#2 is a thin line between a woman being turned off to you low key and being healthy. Women like strong confident men that appear to be invulnerable or at least project that. As soon as a man opens up to a woman about his insecurities not only is it used against us for a lot of women they are like. "I really need a man thats...." lowkey.



#3 we really don't understand how bad it is until its over, not that fake semi breakup...but you know the FINAL straw. Then we unleash everything in a hail mary play. That goes back to #1 and #2 tho.

 

[m0rninggl0ry]

That said, if my SPOUSE was checking in on me like that, I'd be WAY more inclined to be vulnerable and tell her what's going on.

So if you marry her, sure but the gf or actual friend, then no?

 

[MikelArteta]

Because you have nothing to lose when it's over so might as well

 

[KOOL-AID]

Y'all the same ones to call us soft or use said info when y'all mad, lol but seriously it's a pride thing I keep most of my issues to myself cnt be whining bout shyt either deal with it or dnt. Guess it's kinda sad men have to have this barrier and are expected to not show emotions but it's whatever

 

[m0rninggl0ry]

.
#1 show emotions is seen as a sign of weakness

#2 is a thin line between a woman being turned off to you low key and being healthy. Women like strong confident mean that appear to be invulnerable or at least project that. As soon as a man opens up to a woman about his insecurities not only is it used against us for a lot of women they are like. "I really need a man thats...." lowkey.



#3 we really don't understand how bad it is until its over, not that fake semi breakup...but you know the FINAL straw. Then we unleash everything in a hail mary play. That goes back to #1 and #2 tho.

great point

 

[malbaker86]

it's probably a pride issue

Yep. We are born and bred to hold everything in, be strong, be the man and leader of the house/relationship, and any signs of vulnerability is a sign of weakness etc.

It takes a while for us men to let our pride guard down