Coli Breh that have had kid(s) with your girl and maintained the relationship..whats the secret??

[Hiphoplives4eva]

The dudes that make it cheat on they wife's

Time to grow up and start cheating if you really want to keep getting good sex

Sadly enough, sex with my wife became amazing once i started cheating. Before i would go months without sex.

 

[Hiphoplives4eva]

Welcome to dad life mf
It’s not about u any more.
Not your freaky fantasies or your freedom or your playstation or the fellas
U can do what a lot of sucka niccas do and easily find 160 reasons to walk away from your new family. And ask advice from “other niccas in the same situation”
And pay that note every single 30 days for YEARS
And let @Another Man teach your son to play ball.

Or u can raise your son and fukk his mom.
Let her be emotionally unstable she just had a baby. Part of being the head of the household is eating these bs.

Thats all I got. I’ve had two sets of kids by two psycho broads that I left bc of this same situation. Trust your boy, it’s cheaper and better to keep her.

FACTS. Its always cheaper to keep her.

 

[Kiyoshi-Dono]

I'm saying. Having a kid sounds completely miserable for everybody involved.

Yes and No..
Many of us have grown up in households..
Where we didn’t witness healthy conflict resolution skills..
Affection..
Nurturing..
Between both parents..
So both men and women get outchea with baggage..
Thinking jumping into a relationship is going to fix the holes in our spirits..
Then we bring a child into the world..
Using those same toxic tools our parents were passed down..
From their parents..
Continuing the same perpetual circle..
So I can understand your comment..
But on the back end of this(speaking with a forked tongue)..
Having a child really does change you..
Especially as a man..
The things you used to think mattered..
The things you used to expend so much energy on..
Having my daughter gave me clarity and purpose..
It taught me patience and humility..
I never truly gave a fukk about life..
But that first moment I held her
Seeing her walk
First words
And now seeing her formulate ideas..
Being inquisitive..
Having full fledge conversations
Laughing and telling me corny jokes
I hate how things ended between her mother and I..
But I don’t regret having her or even being married to her mom..
Only been in three REAL relationships..
Everything else was just fukking on something..
Used to truly hate people(still do)..
But having this little person saved my life
It gave me a reason to get help and to start letting go some of these demons..
Of not only my father but just the stupid things I did in my past..
I know that sounds like holistic, mumbo jumbo bullshyt..
But it definitely changed me..
Being a parent is not easy..
And if you don’t want kids..
PLEASE DONT HAVE THEM..
But speaking for only me..
I thank Black Jesus everyday for my little one

 

[Hiphoplives4eva]

Lol. Damn. I was with my son’s father for 7 years, he was my high school sweetheart. Had a baby with him and it was all she wrote. I ended up leaving him before my son was 1.

It is an interesting phenomenon. The first year after having a baby is the toughest. Good luck breh.

Please tell us what caused you to leave him after your baby being delivered.

 

[Lamar Givens]

Growing up i used to see this happen quite often but didnt pay much attention to it....a seemingly loving couple in a relationship for a while and then they have a kid and somehow their relationship dissolve and c'est la vie.

now as an adult and going through it, im just confused as to how to overcome it and not fall victim to the seemningly inevitable sequence of things.

My girl and I went out for 2 and a half years and everything was A1....abundant sex, adventurous, communicative....i would call her my best friend. ONe thing lead to another and she became pregnant..we had the baby 10 months ago and somehow everything just switched...slowly at first, then now rapidly.

So for the first 2 years of our relationship, we lived in our different space but gradually she would spend more and more time at my place but it was so beautiful and nothing out of the ordinary. After she got pregnant, i figured with a kid in the picture, it would make more sense for us to live together eventually. During the pregnancy she maintained her apt but a month before the kid was born, we moved into a two bedroom apt.

Looking back now, i can see an almost immediate switch right after she became pregnant....the sex dropped DRASTICALLY, she was slightly less concerned about the companionship aspect of our relationship, her appearance, her drive etc..i just figured its the pregnancy and didnt think too much of it.

Lets just say after we moved in, it started to become pretty glaring that something has changed. Again, i just use the excuse of new born baby and changes that she's going through to try to rationalize her behavior. But after 9 months, it feels like its not just a phase.
I remember at some point after she became pregnant, she said something that i took at a joke. Our sex life was ALWAYS kinky af,...doing all types of wild ish together. After we found out she was pregnant, we were about to have sex and she said "now that we are having a kid, i should know that she doesnt have to do any of that freak things anymore"..she said it in a joking way, so i just laughed along. But really, thats what its come down to. Infact, it would be perfectly fine with me if we just have vanilla sex ever so often but thats rarely on the table every 3 weeks, if im lucky.

She's become very controlling, especially when it comes to my interaction with the kid. Constantly Nagging about every single thing...literally EVERY SINGLE THING she finds a reason to complain about....her demeanor is 180 from the person i knew when we were dating. I literally feel like an invasive guest in my own "family".
I damn near feel tricked. I've spoken to other guys who's relationship dissolved after a kid or kids and they tell me the same sequence of events.


Its like women disguise who they are so effectively Until you get them pregnant, then its "thank god i dont have to pretend anymore.....whats the point of you being around?" comes out full force.


Now i look at some of these guys that are able to maintain their relationship after a kid or two and im wondering what their secret is.
Or if they're going tthrough the exact same thing but just pushing through because of the kid.


For my coli brehs
1. if you've yet to get to that position, be on the look out for signs that she's that person because im sure there are always moments when they drop their facade

2. If you've been in it and it worked itself out, whats the secret??

3. If you didnt go through that with your lady, what was the key to making that happen?

This is a cautionary tale of people getting together then start immediately sexing without having deep need conversations about children, intimacy, finances etc.

2. Having a baby before marriage is always hustling backwards.

3. Might want to get a paternity test. It’s normal for a woman to be “extra” when it comes to a new born, but if she is unrealistic with her protection or nagging you every time you with the kid could be a cause for concern...

Congratulations! You played ya self!

 

[Cynic]

You literally said men should 'research'. Apparently that doesn't include books now? I'd think the connection was obvious but I guess I'm not on your level of thought lol.

The biggest difference is the men of yesteryear you speak of were much more likely to be married to the woman they impregnated than today. That's a male AND female issue. Folks today split up easier, give up quicker, and are way more positive towards 'co-parenting' than before

The whole crux of modern 1st world female perspectives goes like this...

• Mens gripes and needs don't matter.
• The fact that your own biology produces sperm daily doesn't matter
• The link between ejaculation frequency and prostrate cancer doesn't matter
• Even if you are subsidizing me through rent/mortgage it doesn't matter
• Pay attention to me and what i'm going through but forget reciprocal compromise because you don't matter

This is what you are dealing with. If you want a family then build a time machine
or move permanently overseas.

 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

It's wild that there is such a lack of interest.

Dudes could tell you sports stats from 10+ years ago but when it comes to the process of having a child and how that process will affect the person they are with it's willful ignorance.

Of course she's gonna be a bytch afterwards. First, if you have ever healed from surgery that shyt hurts and you're uncomfortable which makes you irritable. Second, your hormones are all fukked up so you can't control your emotions. Third, you probably feel stressed and overwhelmed and feel like you don't have support (because your partner is willfully ignorant). Fourth, you see that your partner's top priority is how much freaky sex he is gonna get rather than being a dad.

It's amazing how some of ya'll will act oblivious to why a woman would be frustrated.

Honestly Idk why women put themselves through this. If a man isn't trying to marry you his level of understanding and support is going to be significantly lower than that of a husband general speaking.

I'm gonna have to say this is overblown and silly thinking. Purely hormones.

Reason why I say it's overblown because well, why would a man all of a sudden not be supportive? if you've been with him a couple years you should know whether he'll be supportive or not.

And ole girl didn't have to say no more freaky sex. What's the point in saying that? I understand waiting 1-2 years after things settled, but no more freaky sex

You're comparing different generations and different mind sets. Men of yesteryear didn't need to understand every facet because they understood it's time to grow up and provide and weren't willing to just walk away because everything wasn't perfect like then they were childless

The post wasn't about reading books. It's about understanding what your partner was going through. I think that was pretty obvious though.

Op has been sticking it out 8 months after the child was born. Is he running the streets at night with his friends? Is he a jobless bum? There's no reason to think a man's gone walk away, blame she be placed on the woman acting like a different person

 

[Hiphoplives4eva]

Perhaps it refers to how a man can see his lady being pregnant with his child but not truly appreciate the impact of the process on her.

I’m not a man so I don’t know what men see beyond an expanding belly and swelling breasts. I do know during pregnancy, a woman’s body has taken a man’s seed and is literally growing it into a new person, one cell, organ, and body system at a time.

Not only is it creating this new life, it is doing this all at the expense of the mother’s health, to a degree. She is still her and now she has to maintain for her and a little person inside that the man can’t see but she can feel.

The hormones, physical stresses and anxieties of being pregnant aren’t something a woman could ever really convey fully to a man and have him understand; he just sees the baby that comes at the end of the 9 taxing months of the pregnancy.

So, though he will never experience pregnancy himself, at least in theory he can try to understand the magnitude of what she is going thru. Next to that - a woman who has given her body over to the biological process of making another life - it could feel like he is truly disconnected from her if he is focusing on the lack of sex or attention he is getting. She is the one who puts her life on the line during this time, not him. Men need only plant the seed, sit back and watch the magic happen, so to speak. It is the lady who is experiencing this “magic” though.

You sound bitter. Remember, woman don't HAVE to get pregnant.

But i agree men could be more empathetic. That doesn't mean they should be VILLIFIED for wanting intercourse. I literally didn't have sex for 2 years with my wife after our first child, then 3 years after our second child. Not fun

 

[kaldurahm]

This thread is too real for me, this shyt sounds terrible

I was making fun of fatherless earlier, but my ass would probably leave if I was in this type of situation

 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

The whole crux of modern 1st world female perspectives goes like this...

• Mens gripes and needs don't matter.
• The fact that your own biology produces sperm daily doesn't matter
• The link between ejaculation frequency and prostrate cancer doesn't matter
• Even if you are subsidizing me through rent/mortgage it doesn't matter
• Pay attention to me and what i'm going through but forget reciprocal compromise because you don't matter

This is what you are dealing with. If you want a family then build a time machine
or move permanently overseas.

I think I'll get me an dark skinned African woman

 

[Verbal Kint]

The whole crux of modern 1st world female perspectives goes like this...

• Mens gripes and needs don't matter.
• The fact that your own biology produces sperm daily doesn't matter
• The link between ejaculation frequency and prostrate cancer doesn't matter
• Even if you are subsidizing me through rent/mortgage it doesn't matter
• Pay attention to me and what i'm going through but forget reciprocal compromise because you don't matter

This is what you are dealing with. If you want a family then build a time machine
or move permanently overseas.

I've been married 10 years and have 4 kids with 1 woman. Here's the secret to having a family: Know what your values are and what your beliefs are regarding gender roles and find someone with similar values. I wouldn't make it with a Twitter feminist type. My wife and I are very different at times but we have the same base values and want the same things for our family so we're always walking in the same direction even when the road is bumpy.

 

[the bossman]

Fourth, you see that your partner's top priority is how much freaky sex he is gonna get rather than being a dad.

Next to that - a woman who has given her body over to the biological process of making another life - it could feel like he is truly disconnected from her if he is focusing on the lack of sex or attention he is getting.

Caring more about getting your dikk wet than the wellbeing of your family isn't support. Idk what family is to you but convenient and easy isn't one of them. If you can't put your family before yourself you have no business creating one especially if it's just that easy for you to walk away.

If she is taking responsibility to put the child first, then I would say she is doing the right thing.

As @BlackPearl The Empress suggested, it is kind of amazing that, even in this day and age with information abound, a man can get a woman pregnant but not care enough to learn about what the pregnancy ultimately means for their child, her as the mother, him as the father or even them as a couple. If he did, I think 9 times out of 10, he would be anticipating his life to change completely as not just a new father but as a partner to a new mother - and not acting like these changes are the shock of his life.

type of jibberish.

This "child always comes first" mentality is how marriages fail. The child benefits the most from parents who put their relationship first and are happy with each other.

yall acting like dude is some sex fiend who been hounding her for pum pum since the day the baby was born. Breh stepped up as a man should and got a bigger place to live for his new family. He been holding shyt down like a real father ever since baby was born. After some considerable time breh simply expressed the desire for some intimacy to keep that bond with his lady and yall actin like he's an irresponsible bum with no job and no interest in taking care of his seed . He didn't even say shyt had to be freaky. He'd settle for some vanilla struggle sex

shyt it really aint the best idea to knock up a chick you don't see yourself marrying tho.

If i was OP..id damn near give her another full year and see what happens.

yea I would say a full year is fair. If after a full year you still won't even let breh touch you? You clearly not interested in maintaining the relationship or giving your child the opportunity to grow up in a household of 2 happily loving parents

 

[HabitualChiller]

After reading this thread, I think it's best for me to stay single. I've thought about walking out on my own parents and siblings and erasing then from my life for something as simple as a snarky comment. If I had a girl, let alone a kid....

 

[Cynic]

I've been married 10 years and have 4 kids with 1 woman. Here's the secret to having a family: Know what your values are and what your beliefs are regarding gender roles and find someone with similar values. I wouldn't make it with a Twitter feminist type. My wife and I are very different at times but we have the same base values and want the same things for our family so we're always walking in the same direction even when the road is bumpy.

The way I see it is marriage is about judicial deterrents and societal re-enforcement.
So her values and whether she changes them or not ceases to matter because she's locked into
the marriage for life as it's intended to be.

The only two places this exists are overseas and in the past.

 

[NkrumahWasRight Is Wrong]

type of jibberish.

This "child always comes first" mentality is how marriages fail. The child benefits the most from parents who put their relationship first and are happy with each other.

yall acting like dude is some sex fiend who been hounding her for pum pum since the day the baby was born. Breh stepped up as a man should and got a bigger place to live for his new family. He been holding shyt down like a real father ever since baby was born. After some considerable time breh simply expressed the desire for some intimacy to keep that bond with his lady and yall actin like he's an irresponsible bum with no job and no interest in taking care of his seed . He didn't even say shyt had to be freaky. He'd settle for some vanilla struggle sex

shyt it really aint the best idea to knock up a chick you don't see yourself marrying tho.


yea I would say a full year is fair. If after a full year you still won't even let breh touch you? You clearly not interested in maintaining the relationship or giving your child the opportunity to grow up in a household of 2 happily loving parents

The way i read it was that she joked about freaky sex but is down with regular sex..just not as often as op would like. I dont think thats shes not touching him but i may be wrong