Fiance Violated (raped) at Party... What would you do?

[Another Man]

Here we go. I know we're "HOH" on here and forgiveness and working through shyt is foreign, but yeah, its not the worst thing in the world to acknowledge somebody fukked up, be upset about it, hold them accountable, etc and give them a chance to redeem it. The rape shyt aside, In this weird ass fictitious scenario, if I my fiance was going out of town and I wanted to have a party with my friends, but she tells me no girls and my boys show up with girls anyway, I would hope that wouldn't be enough to cancel a marriage. It is what it is.

Nah. When you set boundaries and your partner crosses em anyways, its disrespect, and youre showing them you dont respect yourself if you tolerate the shyt so it becomes a slippery slope of them seeing what they can get by with. It wouldnt have stopped at "Men in the house anyways" Along with that, her story even seems sus to begin with because first of all, shes already shown she cant be trusted by letting men come over after she was told not to while her man wasnt present, secondly, the fact that she wont reveal her attacker, that would help wrap up the case asap, that is, if theres even really a case, cuz as someone mentioned earlier if she was really roofied, they wouldve done a toxicology along with a rape kit. Third, if she was raped, how did such shyt go down with other coworkers being present, or were they alone?

As I said, whole scenario sounds way too suspect to be initially empathetic. One would have to know the facts or how things turn out because her story is chock full of red flags.

 

[Darth Nubian]

She obviously was the originator of her own demise, but if he really believes her then go kidnap that nikka and leave him in a ditch

 

[Apollo Creed]

“Dont play in the streets, you’ll get hit by a car”

*plays in the streets and gets hit by car*

 

[southern.girl]

Here we go. I know we're "HOH" on here and forgiveness and working through shyt is foreign, but yeah, its not the worst thing in the world to acknowledge somebody fukked up, be upset about it, hold them accountable, etc and give them a chance to redeem it. The rape shyt aside, In this weird ass fictitious scenario, if I my fiance was going out of town and I wanted to have a party with my friends, but she tells me no girls and my boys show up with girls anyway, I would hope that wouldn't be enough to cancel a marriage. It is what it is.

The bolded makes no sense. Let me explain.

(1) Most people hate being the third wheel, so why would your boys bring chicks if there was no chick for you?
(2) Why would they bring a chick for you, if you are already in a relationship? Your friends are messy.
(3) Because of said & unnecessary messiness, it can be concluded that your friend’s don’t respect your relationship or you decision to be in said relationship. These are literally the type of people that will start mess & watch your life crumble for their enjoyment & gossip. They ain’t your friends.

 

[YoungMoneyCashMoneyBoy]

So someone violated her, she did everything but air him out


To her credit she put breh in a tight position. If he leaves he will be seen as an a$$hole

And he'll be seen in divorce court if he stays with and marries her. This is the type of chick that will cause nothing but heartache, ruin your life and bring you to your knees financially without giving a single fukk, all because you didn't want to be seen as an a$$hole by her and her friends.

Can't worry about the perception of others when making relationship or life decisions. Gotta do what's best for you. Rather be seen as an a$$hole than a broke fool.

 

[AllHolosEve]

Stay and help. If he proposed to her and committed to her then why not?

Now, if he asked her not to have males over because he didn't trust her in the first place, the relationship is already doomed.

I cant really think of another reason to say it's ok for females to party there but not males. If she wanted to cheat, she wouldve cheated in the house, out of the house, with a coworker or someone else. Cheaters cheat.

It seems like she wanted to have her coworkers/friends over and since her place was free, why not? He's away.

I think it was a small mistake/decision that had severe consequences. In a marriage, I've seen bigger lies. It's not her fault that she got roofied and raped. It couldve happened anyway. Ex. If she went out to dinner or a bar with coworkers.

I kinda think he's being selfish when looking at the big picture. Does she have a history of lying and doing things behind his back? Because this feels minor.

Edit: Sorry. Didnt mean to write a whole book.

Look, I don't trust people in general. I don't want men around my women if they aren't family. I understand that me wanting to fukk her meant these other dudes want to do it too.

Thanks for the book. Gives perspective. If I'm committed to her, she does the same thing. She doesn't need to be getting drunk around other dudes that wanna fukk her. I've bushed women for far less. Having dudes in my house?

 

[Another Man]

Look, I don't trust people in general. I don't want men around my women if they aren't family. I understand that me wanting to fukk her meant these other dudes want to do it too.

Thanks for the book. Gives perspective. If I'm committed to her, she does the same thing. She doesn't need to be getting drunk around other dudes that wanna fukk her. I've bushed women for far less. Having dudes in my house?

Thats beyond bushable. There are absolutely no good intentions going on there. If you have another man up in MY shyt when Im not around, were done. shyt looks bad either way, how would the women acting like that would be ok feel if they were the ones outta town and their man had women and alcohol in their spot? If you wouldnt be cool with them doing it, you shouldnt be doing it.

 

[GreenGhxst]

Most likely would end it, you violated my wishes and you got violated in the process

I can't trust you, now I'm walking around with murder on my mind, you don't respect me as a man

And somebody just fukked you in my bathroom and now I'm having second thoughts about you actually being raped

 

[O³ (O cubed)]

Something doesn't smell right in this case. The story could be fabricated.

Finding out who the accused is would be much more easier to find than the accuser.

Firstly there would be a case number. If the suspect has been named it will be in the police report. Secondly be could ask the attendees some questions. If it went to court he will see the accused.

This post sounds like a Rorschach test for TheColi.

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

Damn, zero empathy in here. Lets be reality, thecoli expects this chick to be a liar from the jump so you won't see too many replies acknowledging even the possibility of this being true. I would have to do some investigating. As much as I could, but the party itself isn't reason enough to end a whole engagement. Why would she even bring any of this up to the husband at all if it was a consensual fling?

The point is that he told her one thing and she did the opposite anyway. Meaning she probably did it before and would do it again. In fact, the only reason she said something because it didn't go her way.

If you've dated enough you'll come to realize that there are certain behaviors have will indicate more behaviors down the line. She literally welcomed dangerous activity into their home via lying and being deceitful.

So not only is she a lying deceitful woman now she is emotionally traumatized. Not something you wanna sign up for in the longer term imo.

Also ummm where was her other "friends" while she was getting raped? They didn't see that she was clearly fukked up? They just left her alone with a random knowing damn well she was engaged? That part needs to be examined a little more.

 

[MischievousMonkey]

Can't and won't help someone who I don't trust. Especially if we're not in a relationship. She lied straight to his face and thus broke the relationship before being raped, if it really happened.

Dump her and keep it moving, advise her to see therapists if she needs help.

 

[TLR Is Mental Poison]

Stay and help. If he proposed to her and committed to her then why not?

Now, if he asked her not to have males over because he didn't trust her in the first place, the relationship is already doomed.

I cant really think of another reason to say it's ok for females to party there but not males. If she wanted to cheat, she wouldve cheated in the house, out of the house, with a coworker or someone else. Cheaters cheat.

It seems like she wanted to have her coworkers/friends over and since her place was free, why not? He's away.

I think it was a small mistake/decision that had severe consequences. In a marriage, I've seen bigger lies. It's not her fault that she got roofied and raped. It couldve happened anyway. Ex. If she went out to dinner or a bar with coworkers.

I kinda think he's being selfish when looking at the big picture. Does she have a history of lying and doing things behind his back? Because this feels minor.

Edit: Sorry. Didnt mean to write a whole book.

You make some good points, but ultimately every person and relationship has its own levels of trust and boundaries.

Was it reasonable for him to say for her not to have a party while he was gone? It's hard to say. Was he being a jealous player hater or was there some history in the relationship that prompted his distrust? Given that she ignored his request, and then did some suspect shyt regarding the rape, I'm going with the latter

ESPECIALLY if this was a group of people the dude doesn't know or never met. It's one thing to party with mutual friends but again, if not, then that's another level of trust violation

In your opinion where does the relationship go from here? If she didn't get raped I still wouldn't fault the dude for calling the engagement off. With the rape it's complicated with no logical way forward. A relationship can only endure so much turmoil

 

[Mr swag]

Gone

 

[R.E.N. Spells Ren]

Here we go. I know we're "HOH" on here and forgiveness and working through shyt is foreign, but yeah, its not the worst thing in the world to acknowledge somebody fukked up, be upset about it, hold them accountable, etc and give them a chance to redeem it. The rape shyt aside, In this weird ass fictitious scenario, if I my fiance was going out of town and I wanted to have a party with my friends, but she tells me no girls and my boys show up with girls anyway, I would hope that wouldn't be enough to cancel a marriage. It is what it is.

Lmao @ this false equivalency.

First of all, the girl in this scenario didn’t just invite her girlfriends over and they happened to bring there SOs. She explicitly invited over male coworkers after her fiancé told her not to (he shouldn’t have even had to tell her not to, but that’s a different convo).

Second of all, the stakes are very different for males and females being left alone with the opposite sex and this example illustrates just that. The risk of cheating may be the same for both males and females but the risk of being assaulted is significantly higher for the female.

Feminists can’t have it both ways. They can’t be constantly warning how toxic men are everywhere and then turn around and act like a male fiancé is wrong for treating the allowance of men at a private house party against his wishes as a very serious offense.

 

[BmoreGorilla]

Damn, zero empathy in here. Lets be reality, thecoli expects this chick to be a liar from the jump so you won't see too many replies acknowledging even the possibility of this being true. I would have to do some investigating. As much as I could, but the party itself isn't reason enough to end a whole engagement. Why would she even bring any of this up to the husband at all if it was a consensual fling?

Traumatic or not boundaries were set and she crossed them. If she was serious about her relationship and future marriage she woulda respected them. Asking not to have males in the crib while he’s not there is not a unreasonable request. Matter fact he shouldn’t even have to say it in the first place