Is It Worth It To Still Try To Date/Find Love After 40?

[WIA20XX]

Tho at the same time, those chicks in that ideal bracket may have to feel ok with you being a retired playboy or whatever red flags they may associate with you being (near) 40, dating a younger chick

I think a lot of dudes have said, (Rollo comes to mind) -

She doesn't want a guy who does cheat, but he could.

That said, Like I said earlier today - I don't think there's any point in trying to craft a narrative in a long term relationship, because chicks fall in and out of love.
You can do everything "right" (happy wife, happy life) and everything right (please yourself, be extra alpha, whatever) - and the chick just doesn't feel it anymore.

In the West, she can not only get out of a relationship, she can ruin your financially.

With the younger chicks, when I talk to young chicks that married 7-10 years older - dude can be kinda old mannish, not flexible, not hip, and don't want to be hip.

To my knowledge, Women always have an ear to the ground. They always need to know what's popping, what's happening, who's in style, who's doing what with who. They gossip from the school days and learn it from their parents and their entire gender.

So that little drip of information, are always rocking the boat. Be you in Afghanistan or Los Angeles.

 

[WIA20XX]

All this to say, I'm not down on the game, not down on women, not down on Black women in particular.

It's just not easy to find a woman that's attractive, and has no kids, and wants something honest and brings something that YOU as a man, as an individual wants.

When you was 19 and shorty was 18, she just wanted to be around you. And you just wanted to be around her. That's puppy love, that's hormones.

That might even go up until 25-27...

At 38 and she 34 - they want so much more, and offer so much less.

Maybe they have money, it's not like they're spending it on you. And most dudes that got they stuff together, don't want her money. A lot of the time they have debt.

But most of the time, it's these requirements for behavior, for communication, for you guessing her invisible and unsaid expectations.

And what is she really offering?

Cause the sex can be had. In the cute/hot girl market, plenty have been hitting the gym, doing kegels, and got a skill set that befits her body count.

Some of the time, you can't even really get into a relationship, unless YOU'RE PLEASING HER...much less her pleasing you.

After that?

Is she bringing peace? Is she bringing joy?
Are you glad to see her?

If you come back from a long business trip, is she the one you want picking you up from the airport?
You see something funny, you got some good news - is she the one you want to share it with?

It's these deeper things that I think more guys should be asking themselves about.

I said it before, sex, cooking, cleaning, nursing, caring for kids - that's ASSUMED. Just like you having enough bread, staying in shape, handling your bedroom business, faithful, protection, is also assumed.

Anyone that's been in a relationship knows what they do for a chick because it's asked for.

For all you do, what's she doing for you that you actually want.?

 

[FeverPitch2]

No.
Stop dating immediately.
Never approach a woman again.
Let the young brehs get p*ssy now.
You had your turn.
Your life is over, you old
I don't even know why you bother getting out of bed every day.

 

[How Sway?]

I don't think that shyt is gonna make me happy breh lol.

The pressure is more so the timing of it all. I don't want to wake up at 45 and decide that I really want kids and to be settled down and all of that shyt, and have to do it then. I don't wanna be one of those 65 year old dudes going to their kids' graduations and shyt. It's better for me to start that process now, particularly since I likely have yet to meet the woman I would marry (all of the chicks I've been with or know in my personal life, I can't really imagine building with them on that level).

I feel the same way at 32.

Tbh I'm pretty indifferent as far as having a family right now, and truthfully, I'd much rather travel the globe/be digital nomad.

But I just know that if I don't get it out the way sooner, I'll be 45-50 second guessing my decisions in life and asking where the time went
(Then again, I could be 45 regretting my decision to get married and have kids as well )

Plus it'd be cool to give my parents some grandkids. None of my older siblings have kids, and between me and yall......I don't know if that'll be changing anytime soon

And not because they're #uglygang, because they've had their share of suitors. It is what it is though.

 

[Primetime]

I think a lot of dudes have said, (Rollo comes to mind) -

She doesn't want a guy who does cheat, but he could.

That said, Like I said earlier today - I don't think there's any point in trying to craft a narrative in a long term relationship, because chicks fall in and out of love.
You can do everything "right" (happy wife, happy life) and everything right (please yourself, be extra alpha, whatever) - and the chick just doesn't feel it anymore.

In the West, she can not only get out of a relationship, she can ruin your financially.

With the younger chicks, when I talk to young chicks that married 7-10 years older - dude can be kinda old mannish, not flexible, not hip, and don't want to be hip.

To my knowledge, Women always have an ear to the ground. They always need to know what's popping, what's happening, who's in style, who's doing what with who. They gossip from the school days and learn it from their parents and their entire gender.

So that little drip of information, are always rocking the boat. Be you in Afghanistan or Los Angeles.

@WIA20XX great points. Only thing i'd add is once that age gap starts to get in that 15-20 year range (say a 40 year old and a 23 year old chick), at that point i've seen it become more of a business decision than anything related to love or attraction. (not speaking in absolutes). Now how long it lasts is another topic.

It's like that Russell Simmons breakfast club interview a decade ago when he was dating some 20 year old blonde model and when asked whether he was concerned that she's only with him for the material he said he's too old to care about whether women love him for him or any of that stuff.

That's what i was getting at with the young chicks. If she (is attractive and) likes flabby non-hip dudes, then one with a 7-10 year age gap isn't going to be too big of a leap for her from the guy with a 2-3 age gap imo. But if she encounters the flabby dude who is almost 20+ years her senior, maybe there's some spark there that -to your point- would be pointless to narrate bc she may change her mind the next day.. but i'd reckon it's more transactional.

 

[Magic Mulatto]

@Magic Mulatto what do you think?

@Magic Mulatto damn bro, he's talking about us

Who is this nikka?

Like most people, he/she is coming from a place where, in their heart of hearts, they genuinely believe like all of this shyt actually matters…


NEWSFLASH: It doesn’t!

 

[Michael's Black Son]

I'm 37 turning 38 next month

Past two months I've been out on dates with women as young as 25 and as old as 38

the ball is in your court as a man

Find a 27 year old and make it work

 

[Dave24]

Who is this nikka?

Like most people, he/she is coming from a place where, in their heart of hearts, they genuinely believe like all of this shyt actually matters…


NEWSFLASH: It doesn’t!

 

[Techniec]

I'm turning 40 this year and I look 30, and I fukk 25 year olds, upgrade ya self playboy and all will be well

 

[Michael's Black Son]

I'm turning 40 this year and I look 30, and I fukk 25 year olds, upgrade ya self playboy and all will be well

Laissez les bon temps rouler

 

[Ashtrey]

I'm 42. My girl is 27

 

[Astroslik]

Its tough To be honest

I’m 32 in September and while there are so many attractive and even cool women, i have had trouble finding a woman with whom i can build a relationship/family with. The mentalities often ain’t aligned with how i see things, which is fine. However, they aren’t malleable enough to meet in the middle and successfully reach that equilibrium. You realize after time why they not worth wifing

I’m at a point where i still value the “idea” Of having a long term partner but I’m not sure if it will happen and I’m not sure it’s worth it.

It seems like a bit of a lose lose in the long run either way when it comes to being single vs in a relationship . But being single and or dating without those obligations is definitely more peaceful and easier than living with a partner and being married.

Think of all the relationships you had with your exes. Outside of MAYBE p*ssy and cooked meals what do you miss about them? This is the question most men need to ask themselves. Perhaps the answer is so intangible that it is inexplicable. Perhaps we are going for or meeting the wrong women. I believe in samples though…at some point you have to see women for what they are and put the idealism to the side

How old was your ex?

 

[Ohene]

How old was your ex?

28

 

[Ohene]

All this to say, I'm not down on the game, not down on women, not down on Black women in particular.

It's just not easy to find a woman that's attractive, and has no kids, and wants something honest and brings something that YOU as a man, as an individual wants.

When you was 19 and shorty was 18, she just wanted to be around you. And you just wanted to be around her. That's puppy love, that's hormones.

That might even go up until 25-27...

At 38 and she 34 - they want so much more, and offer so much less.

Maybe they have money, it's not like they're spending it on you. And most dudes that got they stuff together, don't want her money. A lot of the time they have debt.

But most of the time, it's these requirements for behavior, for communication, for you guessing her invisible and unsaid expectations.

And what is she really offering?

Cause the sex can be had. In the cute/hot girl market, plenty have been hitting the gym, doing kegels, and got a skill set that befits her body count.

Some of the time, you can't even really get into a relationship, unless YOU'RE PLEASING HER...much less her pleasing you.

After that?

Is she bringing peace? Is she bringing joy?
Are you glad to see her?

If you come back from a long business trip, is she the one you want picking you up from the airport?
You see something funny, you got some good news - is she the one you want to share it with?

It's these deeper things that I think more guys should be asking themselves about.

I said it before, sex, cooking, cleaning, nursing, caring for kids - that's ASSUMED. Just like you having enough bread, staying in shape, handling your bedroom business, faithful, protection, is also assumed.

Anyone that's been in a relationship knows what they do for a chick because it's asked for.

For all you do, what's she doing for you that you actually want.?

My ex one day told me not to treat her like my friends

I told her , you should want to be treated like my friends.

Dont think she understood why I said that. But jt comes down to the underlined above. Lot of women want a man to joke with them, talk to them, they want his quality time etc. but are so uptight and fussy that it causes their man to treat them or approach them in a completely diff way. A woman should aim to be a mans friend first. Everything they want will flow from that

 

[CashmereThoughts]

...or should you just call it a life and be single for the duration of your life? I'm 2 months away from the big Four-Oh

And all 40 year old women, or women 35 and up to be general, just seem to have mad kids, mad attitude, and mad baggage. When I start talking to them and start dealing with their BS, I immediately long for, and go back to, the peace and simplicity of my solitude and bachelor's life

Fellow old heads speak on it. Have you found success in the dating game as you enter middle age, or have you reveled in your singlehood and found other things besides women to occupy your time? Youngstas chime in. Is there a certain cutoff point for you to stop pursuing love, or will you search until the end of your days?

Bruh. It’s 1000s of single Career oriented child free black women on hinge. You losing hope for no reason.

A black man that’s gainfully employed at your age range has the advantage.