Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women

[RickyGQ]

why

Jelly Beans...

 

[RickyGQ]

Learned this listening to Beige Phillip, this metaphor is more so for women in understanding how men think, but as guys, its also good for us to figure out how worthy a woman is...

Every woman in our lives that we deal with, is represented as a jar of jelly beans. Some of us deal with multiple women, therefore have multiple jars, but most of us are squares and keep one jar on our desk. Now, in the beginning of the relationship, the jar is half full. Every positive thing a girl does for you garners a quantity of jellybeans. If she cooks, that's 5 jelly beans. If she cleans that's 7. (the number for different acts is different for every guy of course). She calls you just to say she misses you, 2 jelly beans. She gives the p*ssy up, 15 jelly beans. Nice blow job, 20. You get the picture. On the flipside, every negative thing she does takes away jelly beans, and truth of the matter is, a negative is worth more jelly beans than a positive. You catch her lying, you take away 15 jelly beans, she don't return your calls, 23 jelly beans. Nagging you over dumb shyt, 18 jelly beans.
Now, as men, we gauge how well our relationship is going by looking at our jar. If it's full, . We're happy, we're walking around, showing off our jars to our boys. Life is good. If it's on the empty side . That's when we start losing our patience with them. our tempers are shorter, we're embarrassed for company to come over and see our jar of jelly beans looking depleted. You're with a girl who has 27 jelly beans in her jar and she's still putting you through shyt? You're more mad at the gall, than at the actual act of what she's doing. "This bytch has the nerve to give me shyt when she only has 15 fukking jelly beans in her jar!" On the flipside, you got a woman who has 750 jelly beans in her jar and she's still earning more, you're as shyt, and start giving her more jellybeans for her acts of good.
When she has a full jar, her negative acts don't mean as much as when her jar is empty. Now, where we dudes mess up alot of times, is that when her jar is empty, we're SUPPOSED to throw it away. But alot of us are too scared to take the L, and will put more jelly beans in her jar without her earning any of them, and we start treating her like she has 100 jelly beans, when in actuality, she has -100 jelly beans. We do it to stay ignorant and fake bliss, but when she starts losing jelly beans again, we ALWAYS will remember that jar and how she doesn;t even have the jelly beans in her jar that everyone sees...
I really like this analogy cause it describes how as men, we think quantitatively (or we're supposed to) and not emotionally. We see the whole picture. Women don't keep jelly bean jars, they only operate in how they feel at the moment. You can trick out on a girl yesterday, take her shopping and she'll ask you why you don't take her to the movies today. You take her to the movies today, and tomorrow she'll ask you why you don't take her to the beach. Can't take them seriously.

 

[Ohene]

at first I was gonna mention how that applies to females with the whole negative > positive thing in terms of both effect and affect.

but at the end when you mentioned the quantitative aspect and 750 Beans I was like . Agreed.

 

[Soundbwoy]

I think Win and myself had a small discussion about street games vs meeting women through a social circle. I think I might run a street game experiment within the next month just to see what type of results I get. I might do this. Post a youtube vid for the coli and everything. We should actually all do this. Make a goal or something.

Approach 20 women by Oct 15th. Post how many phone numbers you get, how many times you get laid, and how many women out of the 20 are interested in a more serious relationship.

Who is down?

I'm in


I approve this message

 

[Not By Bread Alone]

she told me back in july she slept in her guy friends couch, then in august told me it was his bed, then told me yesterday he spooned her for a few minutes

gave her the 2nd chance and now i look back at it like

I was in a similar situation of a girl sharing her bed with someone (in my case, her ex). She was on a second chance too.

 

[RickyGQ]

at first I was gonna mention how that applies to females with the whole negative > positive thing in terms of both effect and affect.

but at the end when you mentioned the quantitative aspect and 750 Beans I was like . Agreed.

exactly, thats what they don't get, the way we think, its like, "oh shyt, she got a full jar and she's STILL trying to earn more?!?!

 

[MikelArteta]

Rough Guide to Single Moms.

I thought I would set down a "rough guide" for men thinking about starting a relationship with a single mom and what some of the ramifications are of dating and entering into a deeper relationship with a single mom could be. Of course this guide does not apply to all women or all men but it will list the main problems I have observed through over the years.

Contrary to popular media-myth I have yet to meet a single mom who was career driven, carefree, balanced, happy; doing it all type gal as often portrayed in most media outlets. The reality I have seen over the years is usually a stressed out, overworked, debt stricken woman who really had no idea children cost so much in time, effort and money. Their careers are on hold as they need to balance their child with sickness, school activities etc... versus moving up whatever career ladder they are on. Most single moms are raising their children with help of an extended family member (usually their mom), a bevy of friends and other single moms they find in support groups. It is usually not a pretty picture at all.

Somewhere along the way, usually quite quickly they come up with the idea that they need a "partner" to help them in their new enterprise of having a child and the sooner they can get one the better. Realizing they have a bit of a disadvantage with having a child and being in the dating scene they resort to several well known strategies to get a partner.

One of the first strategies is to engage men who do not have children of their own. This allows the woman to portray the semblance of having and raising a kid is easy and there will always be a balance between their relationship with their partner and their child. Sometimes they will portray themselves as helpless victims, victimized by an evil and absent father they need saving and you can save them. Another popular scheme is to make themselves look accomplished and together by extending their debt to ridiculous levels to portray they are all right and don't really need a partner. There are quite a few more, but like I said, this is a rough guide.

One of the strategies is to involve the child with the prospective "partner" almost right away and foster a relationship between the man and her child. This allows a lot of leverage on several levels as time goes by. It allows for huge amount of guilt and shame if the man wants to break off the relationship, allows a bonding to take place that is hard to shuck off and other factors... You will hear phrases such as "any man who loves me must love my children!" etc...All designed to appeal to a mans sense of chivalry and protection. This hopefully facilitates a sense of belonging together and in the end marriage.

Most single men are unaware of what is going on when they start to date a single mom. It seems that the child is around, but it is pleasant, there is a clear distinction between adult and child time etc... it seems actually for most men, not a bad time at all. This allows the single mom to get the man closer and farther into the relationship.
What is really going on is a shyt-load of help from the single moms friends and other helpers. Tons of babysitting services, tips on dating, comparing notes and plans etc... No matter what you see as a man there is something else going on do not forget that. Her plan is to eventually get a partner one way or another. You are the prize and she is going to earn it.

One trait that seems to come to the forefront with most men who are dating single moms is just how wonderful a woman they really are. Most men cannot for the life of them figure out why another man would abandon a woman like her. It has been stated hat single moms are more caring, compassionate, great lovers, excellent cooks, laugh at all your jokes etc...they seem to be ideal mates.

What is actually going on is well planned and orchestrated strategies to get a man into a relationship. I don't know how many men have loudly complained that after marriage they were suddenly now doing most of the cooking, cleaning, and repairing around the house with zero time like they had before. I don't know how many have said it was like night and day after they moved in. The kind compassionate woman the men met had some how now been replaced by a truly different woman, it was like another personality type than the one they married. In short a single mom knows she has to work harder to get a man and she will work harder, but for many the act cannot last that long and the real woman reveals herself. Usually his occurs just after marriage.

A lot of men though go for it and involve themselves in marriage with a single mom and do not really know some of the problems they will encounter. Here is a short list of several common problems that begin to creep up:

1. Being a "partner" means you get to pay for half- if not more. I have noticed after marriage a single mom works at dizzying speed to make sure her mans name is on all of the bills. She also will usually demand money also for a huge amount of her child's expenses. It is also expressed as a part of "loving her and showing it". I have seen men putting money away for college for a kid that's not his. Buying ridiculous amounts of brand name clothes, expensive homes etc... all in an effort to be in a so-called "family".

2. The Family you just got into is by invitation only. In most traditional marriages that produce children, the man, woman and child or children make up he basic family unit. In being a step- parent you are not the basic unit. The mother and child together are the basic unit. You are invited in and can be un-invited whenever mom feels it to be so. No matter what is said or mentioned before marriage, you will never come before her child. You will always be in a family and relationship where you come second, maybe third.

3. No matter what you think... her ex is going to be there forever. In just about every case the child's father does not seem to be in the picture during the dating and courtship stage but seems to suddenly show up after. The reality is he was always there, your partner just never mentioned it.... The father will most naturally want to have a relationship with his child and he is going to be quite involved most of the time. Just about every time you will be dragged into the endless bickering and fights they have and you will not be liked by him...its only natural remember... also be sure to take into account the grandparents, uncles and aunts and all the family functions you will be attending with him, his child, his ex (your partner) and his side of the family. Get used to being uncomfortable.

4. Her kid will most likely not like you very much. Let's face it you're sleeping with their mom and most of the time the child will see you as a roadblock to his parents getting back together. Most likely the mom has made you the giver of discipline in the relationship, being the man and all...which results in the kid hating you. Or after watching the child run amok for weeks after you arrive you change juniors' schedule to include some discipline and then you also hated even more. An amazing amount of men involved with single mothers report how the child hates them, but he can keep buying gifts to try to win their affection. Some call it the ATM effect of diminishing returns.

5. All that time you had together with your new love will end after marriage. The number one job of a single mom is simply to be a mom. She is not a party girl, hiker, camper, biker, clubber etc... Just be prepared for a frontal assault on your time and money after marriage. You will find your weekdays taken up with homework, PTA meetings, suppers at home, and early bed times. Weekends will be the time for the child's extra-curricular activities and other activities. If a single man is wondering what happens ask any father of children how their time is spent, it will not be on hobbies. You will hear endlessly the phrase "we are a family now and this is what a family does" of course your idea on family will differ...but it is her family and she will make the choices.

6. You will wonder what happened to all your money. Most men involved with a single mom report that their money seems to dry up. Children are expensive- expensive like most men have no idea. Between school supplies, clothing, vast amounts of food, babysitters if you ever want to go out, medications, fees, sports, supplies, toys and such... well, there will be little left.
As a footnote there is also another ploy by some single moms that men also forget about. The child's father is paying for a lot of these things. Quite a few men have reported that their wife or girlfriend was getting them to pay for such things as sport fees, equipment, university funds, school supplies and such but at the same time getting the child's father to pay for these things also. Double billing, also called fraud, is quite common but it does allow the single mom to have almost zero expenses for her child as two men are now paying for junior....
Another ploy that is quite horrific was a man whose wife owned a home and he moved in with her and her child. Although he fixed it up, paid half the mortgage and expenses- she had willed the home to her children. When confronted she said since she would be dead she did not care if he had a home or not, her child came first. So be careful with matters of money. Very careful.

7. You will never really be accepted. I have observed time and time again the heartbreak of a step parent as the child gets older. After putting them through school, providing a place to live, food, getting the child all kinds of gifts and honestly really caring about the child and such I keep hearing this one story over and over. The time comes for a grad or a wedding, the step parent thinks he might be lauded for his sacrifices but instead is shunted to a back seat or not invited as the child invites mom and dad to the party...and thanks them for all their love and work. Usually there is not even an acknowledgement of effort.

8. You will now be part of the single moms' network. Be prepared to help out all her buddies as they helped her out. Endless weekends and nights of babysitting the other single moms kids so that they too may date and get a man. You will also discover why 75% of all people in jail come from single mother households. Try not to have any expensive items around...

9. Now that the single mom is now married she will need to impress her single mom friends with her new found happiness. Her happiness will usually include a new home in a good neighbourhood, new clothing, new items for the home, new car etc... there is an unwritten law it seems among a lot of single moms that they compete ruthlessly with their friends. If she does get married she needs to show them her new found prestige. Be prepared for huge new expenses.

10. You will have no time for errors. A lot of single men get involved with the single mom and her kids when the child is a bit older. Being inexperienced with children becomes a huge burden as the single man has no time to learn parenting skills...and mistakes are not readily forgiven nor forgotten when a kid is 4 compared to 14.

11. You may think it ends, but it never does. I know many men whose single mom wife promised them a completely different life after junior turned 18 or so. At the beginning of the relationship it looked like just a few years and then total privacy and freedom. Then years later they found out that junior is going to go to university for 6 years after taking a gap year off and not worry about a job as he will live at home. After that the story usually is that the child gets married and has kids and needs a ton of babysitting services. The dream of trips abroad, moving to a nicer place etc... evaporates for most men. They just wind up being early grandparents. The other option that happens a lot is the girls have children early and stay at home. Not only is the man taking care of his wife's child he also has to care for her grandchild now!

12. You will have nothing to show for it. In the end when most men have their own children the work and effort is well worth it. The men did their best and raised a family, continued a line, get grandchildren...etc... As a step-parent you have contributed as much but you have nothing. Nobody carries on your name and most men realize they are not even ever thanked for their sacrifice.

13. The legalities can kill you. There have been numerous cases where a man has divorced or left a single mom and then found himself liable financially for her child. Although not the father he will be responsible for child payments, extra fees and most certainly university far after they are 18....check the laws out, it's a raw deal. Couple that with some alimony and you get the whole effect of being a divorced and homeless dad with not one child of your own....
In the end women have asked for their freedom to make their own choices now for decades. I would advise all single men to let single moms make their choice of having a child by themselves and then live with it. Don't involve yourself with these women under any circumstances. It can be in many ways, the death of a man.

Well it's a rough guide and you were warned....

 

[Scustin Trillberlake]

Dating Market Value Test For Men « Chateau Heartiste

The Modern Alpha Male | The Blackdragon Blog

I did this completely honestly and scored "Classic Beta"

Time to work on myself and stop approaching women. fukk this.

 

[MikelArteta]

"In my generation from 1984-present, the nice guy was never cool. Well, actually he was. Only when he could be the emotional pillow or the temporary cuddle buddy. Nice guys are batteries for the women. When they are running low on motivation, esteem, or affection they will run to the nice guy. Once they get their charge, they are ready to go, they'll put back or throw away the nice guy and then go full steam ahead to the first thugged out, pretty boyish, drug dealing, drug doing, shytfaced, abusive, moronic male they can find. Then when they get beat up or put down, they come back to the nice guy for more charging. The key is to not be that battery. The key is to be off the shelf. Or raise the price. She better give you something in return, and I mean more than just a cuddle. She better offer to pay for lunch or offer the phallus hotel between her legs. This is economics. Men need to start raising the price for their services or don't be on the damn shelf at all. I'll be damned if I'll be some chick's rechargeable battery!"

 

[ridge]

I was in a similar situation of a girl sharing her bed with someone (in my case, her ex). She was on a second chance too.

howd the situation unfold breh

 

[Malcolmxxx_23]

ridge was she a pawg

 

[Not By Bread Alone]

howd the situation unfold breh

I posted about it before, check it out:

Spoiler

I just broke up with her.

Here's a summary: we're from different countries. We met and were falling in love with each other after only a week. Later on she flew out to see me after I continued my travels, spent a month together everyday, when she left she promised she would wait for me, a month later I fly to her country and she admits she slept with someone else one night. I'm about to leave but give her one more chance - I saw she genuinely regretted it, and I believe in second chances for people (outside of relationships also).

We spend a month and a half together everyday, then shortly after I leave to fly home, she shares her bed with her ex and has a breakdown over seeing him. She said nothing physical happened, and this I really do believe (I know brehs, I know, but I do believe what she says here). She tells me over the phone, I hang up and don't answer. She literally gave me around 300 missed calls over a week. I finally picked up because I know she's a fragile one and I don't believe in avoiding these issues. She said the whole experience of seeing and talking with her ex (of 3 years) was an important experience and realisation for her, and she realised that she was influenced by her past in how she acted with me.

I said to her the realisations are too late, her appreciation is too late, and it's over and I want to meet someone new. She's hasn't taken this well. Now she's asking for one more chance. Same story as before, I know. I'm thinking of letting her reflect on everything for a couple of months and then seeing her again. Deep down, she's a really special one and I care about her on a very deep level. I only wish the best for her, so she's actually really lucky to meet someone good natured like me. I was attracted to the challenge of "fixing" her. Right now she's just too weak mentally and broken from a past relationship. For me, if she truly recovered from being damaged goods we would have many happy years together.

Love is about forgiveness and I do believe bonds can be strengthened through a crisis, and through a separation. There's a fine line between this and a relationship being a dysfunctional one, though. Right now I don't know which side of the line we're on.

Of course, the story is more nuanced than this simple summary. The only question I ask myself is: I gave a second chance before, so can I give another one? If she has truly changed, does she deserve another one?

And so you brehs know: there's no chance she will find someone like me

The story goes on:

About a month after this, whilst travelling I ended up a 3 hour drive from her house, in a neighbouring country (in Europe, brehs). I thought I would never want to see her again, but I was alone in that city walking the streets like at everything that had happened and that we weren't going to see each other, despite being geographically close. After a few days like this I finally picked up the phone and spoke to her, and then she drove to see me for one evening together before I flew home the next day. To be real, it was amazing. Talking together, laughing, just being in each others presence, and then spending the night together, it was dreamlike. This, to me, was love. She felt the same too.

I told her before we met it wasn't going to be another chance, but we kept in touch after this meeting. Since then, she's been intent on proving herself to me. And I guess there has been a change in her. She said the experience finally got her over her ex (I'm still dubious on this), to show her she "wasn't attracted to him anymore", but whenever I talk about this situation of her sharing the bed (I'm 99% sure nothing physical happened, other people slept in the room that night also, plus she would've admitted by now) she comes up with what to me are excuses or justifications: "we weren't even together" and "nothing physical happened". This makes me think her logic is so warped.

Anyway even after the amazing high of meeting her, I still know my attitude towards her is colder than it was before all this happened, and that I harbour some kind of resentment which I'm having trouble letting go off. (I see she does care for me, so I just don't understand why she would do this?).

Last week she booked a flight to come and see me in a couple of months, when she's off work, and we'll spend 10 days together at my place. I don't know how to feel: whether my emotions will return to how they were, or whether I will allow myself to feel hope for her arrival. I'm just confused breh. But I know my attachment towards her will still have me like

I gave her a second chance before, so I'm not sure about giving her another one, but then if she's truly changed her ways...

 

[kevm3]

She finds it a fun game to pursue you because you're cold. I bet it'll be cool for a little while, but as soon as she 'gets' you, it will revert to how it was before.

 

[ridge]

damn, your situation worse than mine and youre still down to meet up with her


crazy breh

 

[MikelArteta]

The more chances you give a chick the more chances she will hurt you more and the more the pain will hurt.

People rarely change, rarely. Unless they have kids some women and men change or religion. Minus those two people rarely change.