This will seem random but I promise there's a point if you read to the end. For the past two months I've been looking to buy a new watch, and this one caught my eye recently. It's nothing special, and a little overpriced, but it fits my style and I like it. It was on sale last month but I was hesitating to buy it because I didn't want to spend that much money on myself. I always over-analyze things before making expensive purchases, especially for myself, so this was no surprise. I decided to sleep on it, but the sale ended the next day so I told myself that it wasn't meant to be and I would just wait for the next time it goes on sale. I hoped the price would drop even more next time and then I would feel better spending that much on myself.
The watch went on sale again today, but I found myself hesitating to buy it just like before. I have a new job that pays pretty decent money, but I just couldn't shake how uncomfortable I felt spending that much on myself for a simple watch. Then I started thinking about the amount of money I dropped without hesitation in my last relationship. Dinners, gifts, hotels, you name it, and this was while I was making an absolutely pitiful salary. My current salary is probably below the Coli average, but it's more than I've ever made and I have no debts holding me down, so there would be no financial strain at all from buying this watch.
I realized that I never thought twice about spending money on my ex back then because I valued her happiness so much, but look what it got me: an emotionally draining and unstable relationship where I wasn't appreciated despite sacrificing myself over and over again. And it also reminded me that my biggest problem has always been the fact that I put other people's happiness and comfort over my own, even if it impacts me negatively. My ex didn't need that new purse but I bought it without thinking twice because I wanted to make her happy more than I wanted to make myself happy. Her happiness was always worth that $40 dinner or the $70 sweater, but I hesitate to make even the most routine purchases for myself as if my own happiness isn't worth it. That's a problem and I need to face it.
I've been single for about two and a half months and I legitimately forgot what it's like to feel this.... free. I'm not anti-relationship but the relationships that I have been in all felt suffocating to an extent. Some of that is my fault, some of it the fault of the women I chose to date, but being single by choice for the first time in years has given me an opportunity to take care of myself and work on my flaws. I need to appreciate that, even when I'm feeling down or having a bad day.
I need to make myself and my happiness the top priorities in my life right now, because if I don't think I'm worth it then how can I expect to keep moving forward? I can't grow or improve my situation if I don't think my happiness is worth the price of something that's on sale. I got home tonight and bought that watch without hesitation, and I feel good as hell about it. I'm worth it and this is the mindset that I need to adopt permanently.
excellent post.
