Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women

[re'up]

Makes sense. Once I got off social media my notifications are minimal outside of texts. Some of the women I talk to are surely on IG/FB/Twitter/tiktok and maybe even onlyfans on the low

So like the convo about calls vs texting and social norms, this all is kind of a changing norm of communication for everyone. and yeah if someone is looking for marriage, or has a fragile ego, or just cant' waste a moment, it makes sense to just 'cut' someone off or out. But, mostly, if it's someone you know, mostly they are just distracted by someone else, or 'talking' to someone else. And if you hit them months or weeks or even days later, you can get a totally different response.

but that is what leads to the kind of slot machine effect from text messaging, where you never know really know:

A) what the response will be

B) when or if you will get one

which creates

C) a feedback loop of uncertainity and negative feelings. Partly how society functions is a concept like mutually acknowledged expectations, which means if you say Thank You to someone, they will say you are welcome. Or if you put our hand out, someone will shake it. If you text someone reasonably, you will get a reasonable response, but slowly this kind of thing has been eroded. What a lot of people, esp. women in their 20's and 30's favor, is an approach where answering a text is in itself a status for only preferred people. Or who they value most at that exact moment. Which creates the slot machine impact.

 

[The Jewnited States]

So like the convo about calls vs texting and social norms, this all is kind of a changing norm of communication for everyone. and yeah if someone is looking for marriage, or has a fragile ego, or just cant' waste a moment, it makes sense to just 'cut' someone off or out. But, mostly, if it's someone you know, mostly they are just distracted by someone else, or 'talking' to someone else. And if you hit them months or weeks or even days later, you can get a totally different response.

but that is what leads to the kind of slot machine effect from text messaging, where you never know really know:

A) what the response will be

B) when or if you will get one

which creates

C) a feedback loop of uncertainity and negative feelings. Partly how society functions if a concept like mutually acknowledged expectations, which means if you say Thank You to someone, they will say you are welcome. Or if you put our hand out, someone will shake it. If you text someone reasonably, you will get a reasonable response, but slowly this kind of thing has been eroded. What a lot of people, esp. women in their 20's and 30's favor, is an approach where answering a text is in itself a status for only preferred people. Or who they value most at that exact moment. Which creates the slot machine impact.

Great insight and analysis breh that makes a lot of sense. The uncertainty of the responses and also the ambiguity of it due to lack of body language and tonality and facial expressions makes it really hard to understand intent in a message. Emojis can only do so much. Texting is just a wholly unfulfilling and infuriating means of communication to me (for dating) but I understand that I need to adapt or get the fukk out the way ya feel me

 

[MikelArteta]

The thing is just toss em in the trash if they do that. Because you'll find yourself sitting around all day waiting for that dopamine Hi

 

[Ohene]

So like the convo about calls vs texting and social norms, this all is kind of a changing norm of communication for everyone. and yeah if someone is looking for marriage, or has a fragile ego, or just cant' waste a moment, it makes sense to just 'cut' someone off or out. But, mostly, if it's someone you know, mostly they are just distracted by someone else, or 'talking' to someone else. And if you hit them months or weeks or even days later, you can get a totally different response.

but that is what leads to the kind of slot machine effect from text messaging, where you never know really know:

A) what the response will be

B) when or if you will get one

which creates

C) a feedback loop of uncertainity and negative feelings. Partly how society functions is a concept like mutually acknowledged expectations, which means if you say Thank You to someone, they will say you are welcome. Or if you put our hand out, someone will shake it. If you text someone reasonably, you will get a reasonable response, but slowly this kind of thing has been eroded. What a lot of people, esp. women in their 20's and 30's favor, is an approach where answering a text is in itself a status for only preferred people. Or who they value most at that exact moment. Which creates the slot machine impact.

I llike the "slot machine" analogy. Dating has gone to shyt...it is what it iss.

 

[re'up]

I llike the "slot machine" analogy. Dating has gone to shyt...it is what it iss.

what I forgot to add in is it creates the feedback loop of anxiety and negative feelings/uncertainty (like a gambler at the slots)

but also intermittent reward theory encourages us (and the gambler) to keep going, to get that rush, that hit

because every one time out of ten, one out of 3, you get that hit. When that woman hits you right back with a triple heart, or triple lip or whatever it is. You get that rush. Than the cycle starts again.

The 'high' from a phone convo lasts longer, and is a little cleaner. The high from an in person interaction lasts much much longer and is stronger, and needs way less of a next fix. The dopamine drip from a text, might last up to a day, if you are sexually obsessed, but for most, it's maybe 30 minutes or an hour.

 

[Ohene]

what I forgot to add in is it creates the feedback loop of anxiety and negative feelings/uncertainty (like a gambler at the slots)

but also intermittent reward theory encourages us (and the gambler) to keep going, to get that rush, that hit

because every one time out of ten, one out of 3, you get that hit. When that woman hits up right back with a triple heart, or triple lip or whatever it is. You get that rush. Than the cycle starts again.

The 'high' from a phone convo lasts longer, and is a little cleaner. The high from an in person interaction lasts much much longer and is stronger, and needs way less of a next fix. The dopamine drip from a text, might last up to a day, if you are sexually obsessed, but for most, it's maybe 30 minutes or an hour.

well put - i agree. it sounds like the cheat code to sustain attraction is to be the slot machine then, but as @bigde09 said its either in you or it isnt
and as you said, if youre somebody who isnt looking to waste time and wants something serious then it will be counterintuitive

 

[re'up]

well put - i agree. it sounds like the cheat code to sustain attraction is to be the slot machine then, but as @bigde09 said its either in you or it isnt
and as you said, if youre somebody who isnt looking to waste time and wants something serious then it will be counterintuitive

well, structurally, none of us can be a 'slot machine', we are all the players. Apple/IMessage is the slot machine/casino. but once you see that structure, you can move a little better. once you realize how a slot machine impacts your emotions/baseline feelings, you can account for that. but, you can never stop playing. All my bullshyt and academic books, theories, whatever, I still play too lol

not slots

 

[Tommy Lee Jones]

If you think about it it’s not easy to connect and know what to say through text with someone you never met before based off a profile.

Sometimes I don’t even know what to say and I got a good mouth piece. You try to hard and end up saying goofy shyt and get unmatched. All the burden is on the men to connect with them and stand out through text.

 

[OGBobbyJohnson]

What a lot of women do, and men, is they let so many notifications accumulate, that they set a time, or whatever, and then respond to a group or all of them in a 10 minute period, something along those lines. So, yes, they COULD respond to your message, when it comes, but they often aren't responding to lots and lots of messages, until later. Even as recently as like 2 years ago, I would be surprised when some random text I send to whomever, would get replied to 4 days later, at 7:44 AM, when I had forgotten about it. I assumed they were going back into the text thread, but no, they just replied en masse to unread texts.

To understand this, you have to realize that messages/busyness are a status signal/status sign. And also, just the extreme relentlessness of notifications from everywhere. And therefore, people are motivated, kinda like by IG likes, to get as many as possible, and not replying becomes a form or power exercised, and also a form of control.

ngl I’m doing this now..sb hit me up yesterday about watching the game Sunday together bc we’re both eagles fans..mind you, me & her haven’t really talked all football szn..it’s prolly nothing to read into, she lowkey curved me last yr so I still haven’t even opened the msg

 

[Malcolmxxx_23]

If you think about it it’s not easy to connect and know what to say through text with someone you never met before based off a profile.

Sometimes I don’t even know what to say and I got a good mouth piece. You try to hard and end up saying goofy shyt and get unmatched. All the burden is on the men to connect with them and stand out through text.

He gave me the “ick”

After 2mim convo lol

 

[Neuromancer]

Damn is it really tough out there like that?

 

[skyrunner1]

Damn is it really tough out there like that?

Depends in what regards.. Since the demo here skews older seems like for the most part "the game" has worked for them as it was more designed for short term success but since the entire environment has entered a sort of "cold war", many can get what they want in terms of short term but with growth/age/evolving goals change and it seems like it is a challenge to get what you want long term, then when you add the many brehs who have been down that road and double back to warn other brehs of horrors they have experienced it definitely gives pause for concern.

I think many will be able to find good temporary long term solutions but the demo that might have hardest to thread needle is older brehs who want family/kids and didnt have any young. They will most likely be entering the prime of earning potential and have options but to voluntarily sign up to get torn out frame at 50/50 odds.. Godspeed

 

[Redwood]

Damn is it really tough out there like that?

You can argue it's gotten worse

 

[Ohene]

Damn is it really tough out there like that?

It's tough man. The best way I can explain my personal experience is:

I will meet a girl, we will go out a few times, there will be clear attraction and a chemistry. However, despite all that they insist on keeping you at an arms length. Either A) I eventually smash and while things are going well the girl starts creating unecessary conflict or B) I become impatient due to poor communication, constant shyt tests or games, which eventually cause me to fumble the prospect and she hits me with some "You're a great guy but..." nonsense.

A is usually with the girls I am attracted to but dont see long term potential
B is unforunately usually with the girls I am most attracted to and see long term potential '

- Examples of A can be anything from a girl misreading a text to a girl thinking I got her pregnant and refusing to take a pregancy test.
- Examples of B can be due to the shyt we been talking about the last couple of pages, the "ick" as @Malcolmxxx_23 said or the fact a chick hasnt gotten past who she already smashing / one of her exes.

shyt honestly becomes exhausting. And I personally think that as a man, what makes it worse is that no matter the situation you are always considered to be at fault. "You blew it", "Why did you say that", "You should have called her instead", "Dont call, thats creepy", "You shouldve invited her over". "You invited her over too soon", "Apply pressure", "Don't chase". You're always doing too much or not doing enough.

I can go on and on. No matter the case...it is always YOU who dropped the ball and fukked up. At this point I am prolly gonna stop discussing my escapades with friends altogether. shyt makes you feel like something is wrong with you

 

[Ohene]

All the complaints or frustrations I have, I have as a financially secure, tall, good lookin, smart, charismatic dude. That is not to say I am faultless; clearly I am. But it makes me wonder what its like for the "average" single guy out there some times.

Seems like its a bit harder to deal with black women as well. I be seeing white, indian and asian dudes in my network marry and get into relationships very easily with solid women but with black women it seems you get no leeway and have to be "HIM" at all times.