Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women

[Ohene]

Whatever you decide to do, you have to factor in all the positive things too and see if the good outweighs the bad. Usually a slap is instabushes, but if she did it instinctively because you accidentally grabbed her too tight or something, maybe that's different. Does she throw tantrums? Has she gotten violent before?

How much of her acting out can be chalked up to her feeling homesick or anxious about being in a new country, away from family/friends and only you to rely on? That can bring the worst out of anybody.

Has she made new friends since she moved to Canada? If she doesn't have a social life/hobbies outside of just being with you, I can see why that can create/compound tensions.

Got a work meeting but will address this after. i agree wit ha lot of the above especially the bolded...and nah she doesnt ever act violent. Its the first time ever.
She doesnt throw tantrums but shes very sensitive and it leads to her sulking and being rather moody ...and sometimes like i said she bickers


but i can honestly said shes learned a lot. shes started understanding the importance of picking battles, reframing etc. Things that to her were completely foreign before i started dating her

 

[RaspberryFitted]

for me it just feels like shes combative and doesnt understand how this relationship shyt works. i alluded it to it before...shes learned, shes progressed...but it be feeling like a hamster wheel at times

it wont be an easy decision to make, but it might be time to tell her to just find her own place. lot of thinking to do

Has she never been in a relationship before?

 

[Ohene]

Has she never been in a relationship before?

she has but they were moreso when she was younger so i cant say they were serious enough relationships

we change so much from lets say ages 23-28
the expectations i had from a girl then versus now is completely diff

 

[WIA20XX]

this latest argument resulted in her storming off, me trying to catch up and grabbing her by the sleeve of her jacket....her saying i hurt her and grabbed her arm ( i guess accidentally) and her slapping me as a reflex.

i have never been slapped in my life
I have never even had to grab a chicks arm i dont think...its crossing over into toxic territory

i think its the point of no return

Think you better let it go (c) Teddy P.

If that means breaking a lease, so be it.

She might have BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder | Office on Women's Health

www.womenshealth.gov

Women are more likely than men to have BPD.

I had to dead my relationship that moving in that direction. It was tough, wasn't really the same afterwards tbh.
I'd been in enough relationships to know that this type of behavior was not normal, and most definitely harmful.

 

[Black Excellence]

she has but they were moreso when she was younger so i cant say they were serious enough relationships

we change so much from lets say ages 23-28
the expectations i had from a girl then versus now is completely diff

You gonna need a lot of patience my friend..

 

[Ohene]

Think you better let it go (c) Teddy P.

If that means breaking a lease, so be it.

She might have BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder | Office on Women's Health

www.womenshealth.gov

I had to dead my relationship that moving in that direction. It was tough, wasn't really the same afterwards tbh.
I'd been in enough relationships to know that this type of behavior was not normal, and most definitely harmful.

she def doesnt have that
i dated a girl with what i tthink was BPD maybe 7 years ago

i hear you though fam

ive basically told her if she wants to leave, lets end it. that she should tell me what her plan is as far as moving out etc.
not gonna throw her out on the street but she not gonna over stay her welcome either

 

[Ohene]

Whatever you decide to do, you have to factor in all the positive things too and see if the good outweighs the bad. Usually a slap is instabushes, but if she did it instinctively because you accidentally grabbed her too tight or something, maybe that's different. Does she throw tantrums? Has she gotten violent before?

How much of her acting out can be chalked up to her feeling homesick or anxious about being in a new country, away from family/friends and only you to rely on? That can bring the worst out of anybody.

Has she made new friends since she moved to Canada? If she doesn't have a social life/hobbies outside of just being with you, I can see why that can create/compound tensions.

here we go

So the good outweighs the bad and as I have said the bad has been progressing in the right direction. But sometimes there is regression as well. As @Black Excellence a lot of patience is required. I can be patient, but not when somebody is threatening the relationship or acting insecure saying shyt like "maybe you need to find a girl whos more like xyz". Truth is I can, but I dont want to. I know whats out there. I have fukked and chucked enough women to know that by and large, I got a great girl.

I think her anxiety and homesickness is a HUUUUUUUUUUGE factor. Before she moved here i chopped it up with a french person in my building and connected the two of them in an effort to start her off wit ha friend. It worked, we even spent new years with the french person and her boyfriend and some other people she has meet through her.

I understand all of this, but she doesnt. As i said its like she attributes our growing pains to toxicity or whatever you wanna call it but it is a lot deeper than that. I can think of at least 4 people i know who were with their fiances or wives since high school and they all told me it never stops being work and that when they moved in together shyt was CRAZY. We didnt have the luxury of growing together and dating traditionally so obviously shyts going to be even harder. BUT THERE ARE LIMITS!

As you said, a slap????? Wow. Unprecedented territory for not only me BUT her.

 

[Duke Wy Lin]

here we go

So the good outweighs the bad and as I have said the bad has been progressing in the right direction. But sometimes there is regression as well. As @Black Excellence a lot of patience is required. I can be patient, but not when somebody is threatening the relationship or acting insecure saying shyt like "maybe you need to find a girl whos more like xyz". Truth is I can, but I dont want to. I know whats out there. I have fukked and chucked enough women to know that by and large, I got a great girl.

I think her anxiety and homesickness is a HUUUUUUUUUUGE factor. Before she moved here i chopped it up with a french person in my building and connected the two of them in an effort to start her off wit ha friend. It worked, we even spent new years with the french person and her boyfriend and some other people she has meet through her.

I understand all of this, but she doesnt. As i said its like she attributes our growing pains to toxicity or whatever you wanna call it but it is a lot deeper than that. I can think of at least 4 people i know who were with their fiances or wives since high school and they all told me it never stops being work and that when they moved in together shyt was CRAZY. We didnt have the luxury of growing together and dating traditionally so obviously shyts going to be even harder. BUT THERE ARE LIMITS!

As you said, a slap????? Wow. Unprecedented territory for not only me BUT her.

Yeah it'd be a damn shame to end things after all the energy you've invested in teaching her and, for lack of a better word, "molding" her.
Somebody mentioned the sunken cost fallacy, but you'll probably have to go through growing pains with any new girl that you meet, especially if she moves in with you.
I do understand how frustrating it is to deal with the bullshyt and why you'd want to cut your losses tho.

How did she react to the slap? Did she apologize and show remorse? Have y'all had a serious conversation about the incident?

If this was way out of character for her, then her reaction should've been a red flag for her and caused her to introspect deeply. If there's toxicity in the relationship, then she needs to be accountable for her own part in it. If she's acting oblivious or, even worse, putting all of the blame on you, then that's a massive red flag and shows lack of maturity/genuine intent to work things out.

 

[King]

Brahs I finally saw 1 baddie at Csun. Twas a pawg, I’m not even into white girls or big ass tittaes, she was on both. Them shyts were swinging as she was crossing to the parking garage as I’m hitting a shortcut to class, I thought I lost her but low and behold she was walking up the staircase to get to the upper levels, I followed her with my eyes hit the

, and she started blushing, if I spot her on campus it’s ,ya boi appetite is never blunted. I know the homie @Pdiddy woulda effortlessly scooped but this bih caught me hella off guard. NIKKA TIME STOPPED when I saw her @SheWantTheD @africngiant @skyrunner1

Are you @krisrunner?

 

[VertigoKnight]

@Ohene you should give this a look.

Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships

It would certainly let her think about her behaviour. Been trying it with a chick I see to better our communication. She suggested we give it a go. I was sceptical but I feel it's been a healthy approach to things. Our communication was good with the odd tit-for-tat disagreement but it's vastly improved overall.

I've also been using it for work and other things where I could fall into that communication trap.

 

[Ohene]

@Ohene you should give this a look.

Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships

It would certainly let her think about her behaviour. Been trying it with a chick I see to better our communication. She suggested we give it a go. I was sceptical but I feel it's been a healthy approach to things. Our communication was good with the odd tit-for-tat disagreement but it's vastly improved overall.

I've also been using it for work and other things where I could fall into that communication trap.

question fam

Do you think my grabbing of her arm is violent?

Google says it can be seen as abusive whch was news to me - as its the first time ive ever done it lol

I ask for the sake of being objective snd not tryna blame her solely

And ill def peep that link even if i break up with her
Always looking to learn

 

[Mr Olympia]

Are you @krisrunner?

Was he a brolic playboi too?

 

[King]

Was he a brolic playboi too?

You sure you ain’t him?

You’re his age, both taking steroids, and are in the valley.

 

[VertigoKnight]

Been lurking and reading this thread for months. From scenarios, insights to analysis you drop gems for a lot of these dudes who need to hear this and are struggling with simple concepts like you did in your post above. If more men did this rather than entertaining women in this example their self-worth and knowledge about women would change yielding better results. Salute!

Many thanks, breh.



I've dated a lot and this thread has given me a lot of insights as well when I started dating again back in 2018. Been through a lot of trial and error.

Took me a while to come to this point where I practice proper dikk control and hold myself accountable and ask the same of any woman who wants to spend time with me.

Makes things a hell of a lot more simpler.

 

[Neo. The Only. The One.]

sigh