Before everyone says "I told you so etc which I know will happen" I have to vent a little. So I proposed a week before Christmas, everything went smooth, I bought a ring $5k and the engagement was pricey, but that's apart of it. Fast forward to now, were wedding planning, or rather she is and it's been extremely stressful. She made an Excel sheet of various vendors in NYC and they range from 30k and upwards. Based on what the women at my job who are married (but not black) have told me, and my research, a typical wedding in NYC can range about 50-60k. I wasn't thrilled about it, but I said what the heck, it's one day and memories etc.
We sat and reviewed the tracker, and I said let's look at the 30k one's but 50 is my max. She said the 30k one's look dingy and the lighting and pictures there don't look great etc but we can take a look. We took a look at our first venue last Saturday and it was very nice, but it's about 52 before the extra flowers and shyt. I only have about 40 people she says she will have about 70 approximately. Her father and uncle are giving a combined 12k, but told her that money would be better used on a house and have a moderate wedding. She hasn't asked her aunt and mother and some other people for money yet. My mother and Aunt shut it down and said the wedding prices are way too expensive and will contribute but likewise said a moderate wedding is best and we can use that money on a house.
She states that with we won't have enough to have a house by next year anyway so it doesn't make sense to wait and save because we still wouldn't be able to save and have a house in time. She is also complaining that I'm not putting effort into looking at venues and affordable options and I'm not calling places etc. I never was one for attention or party planning and I said I can look at the music and the food etc but as far as the venues and floral arrangements etc, that's not really my wheelhouse. I'm more concerned about after the wedding.
Two days ago we had a 3 way call with my Aunt, and she suggested a place, where she can get a discount and knows the pastor. We got into a big argument, she said the place doesn't look quality and the pictures they have there aren't nice etc and it's a low budget wedding and is this how we want to be presented etc. My aunt said she would look at other places and I will too, we will still look at the venue though.
Called her Uncle, he told me that as the Man and leader I have to frame her mind and tell her the long term about our finances and how long term financial security is a better investment and that we are a unit now etc. I've already done this many times btw. I spoke to my former pastor, he said the same thing about expensive weddings not being worth it.
We live together in a one bedroom but nice apartment with amenities, we need more space, but other then that I'm chilling. She is the one that complains that we need to move etc.
We have a trip to Brazil planned in April, she's going on a friend birthday trip and I'm meeting her there when the friends leave so we can have our own trip. She also has a sorority reunion in the summer and she want's me to go go her anniversary homecoming in October which will probably run around $2k.
We didn't speak at all yesterday and were seeing one of the cheaper venues on Saturday. At this point, I'm thinking of staying in Brazil and not coming back or just retreating to St. Lucia this summer or something. This shyt is stressful like I never imagined.
