http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/jxrh0/friend_is_getting_walked_all_over_and_remains/
I'm a 32 year old guy. The friend in this story is early 20's, with a long distance relationship to a girl who is a few years older than him. Keep in mind that I do not know 100% and can only give you what I do know.
Guy is a roommate, we live in Salt Lake. Girl is a LDR who lives in Florida. When I first met him through another friend, he was very charismatic and upbeat, and just funny. He told me that he had moved here from living with his girlfriend, and that someday he would move back out there. I sometimes heard him talking to his girlfriend in the background, often times giving her his debit card or credit card numbers; or buying something online for her. It happened often enough that I started to ask my friend about it.
This friend told me it was normal, and that he often wired her money. At this point, I was not aware of how much he was actually giving her. I continued to mind my own business, as he would talk to her while sitting in the same room. I would hear him get sad, because she had hung up on him. Then I'd watch him try to call her back several times in a row. This, I would later learn, was fairly common. I once asked him why he did not just stop trying to call her back, let her call him for once. He said "she expects me to call her back".
One time, he was so worried, that he had me pay her phone bill because he was out of funds. Later, when she was looking for a reason to be mad, she brought up that he paid her phone bill late and then hung up on him. I continued to keep my mouth shut, because it's his relationship.
Fast forward a few months, and I've learned that he pays her medical bills and her medicine. He had been driving an old car with 260,000 miles on it, and it had a bad power steering pump. My brother and I helped him fix it for close to $60, no sweat, as he just got his tax refund of about $1500. The next day, I asked him to go do something with us for fun; something involving a trivial amount of money. He said he couldn't go because he didn't have any money. He tried listing off reasons why, but could only think of his car repair and a parking ticket. I asked what happened to the rest and he said "well I had to take care of
her name". I just cringed and said "oh, I see".
We get along quite well, and despite my considering him a good friend, I keep my mouth shut. I don't talk behind his back and he even had me add her on facebook.
Fast forward again, and this guy now has a 2nd part time job, very decent wage for his age. I now find out that, in addition to the previously mentioned; he is paying her rent and utilities as well. I see her making hints on facebook about how she "needs cable". I hear her asking him for things and he replies "I'll have to see... how much is it?" - I don't know what she's asking him for. I've watched her hang up on him for not immediately saying yes to something she wants. Then I watch as he tries to call her back. She knows what she is doing.
I keep my mouth shut, but it's getting hard to watch him do this to himself.
Remember this kid I described in the beginning? He now does nothing but sit on his computer, plays old games and eats what I can only describe as "college level" cheap. None of us can get him to leave the house, and he mopes about. I finally ask him when she will be moving out, -because all LDR's should have an end in sight. He replies with "I dunno" in a tone that clearly states he doesn't think about it. I said "You need some finality, you can't just sit here and never see each other." and he replies "we've been doing it for 2 years, we're fine." I reluctantly let it drop. It was more of an inquisitive probe, rather than a conversation. He really seemed to love her, so I thought maybe there were extenuating circumstances that I had not taken into account.
Fast forward another month or two, and I've found out that he has a 2nd Facebook profile to talk to her. His family hates her, and he cannot let them see that he is still "with her". He has some friends come out from another state. While they are here, I ask them about her, and find out that they hate her as well. I begin asking other people what they thought. Sometimes ill-concealed malice, but mostly just frothing at the mouth hatred.
I find out that he dropped out of high school, moved into a hotel with her, and used up his college savings. Once dried up, he had to move home. This is where I come in, looking for someone to take up a spare room for a very reasonable fee. Lucky timing for him, as his father had just told him "You cannot live here if you're sending her money". I am his enabler, apparently.
Just the other day, he tells me "
girls name and I decided I'm going full time at <new job>" (he had previously been part time). "She helped you decide that you would go full time?" Now I'm looking at his lifestyle. He does nothing, buys nothing, and only drives to work. Example: The soles on his shoes are worn so thin that he cannot walk on hot road, it burns him. When told to buy new ones, he says "I just can't justify spending money". His rent and utilities are only 10% of his income, because I'm generous. "So why go full time?" I ask, "because she needs more money?" and he says -with an embarrassed tone- "yeah". I raged inside, but didn't let it show.
I can't handle this anymore, so I remove her from friends on Facebook and when he talks to her on the phone, I ask him to go to another room. Yeah, I know, Facebook drama is lame. I can only say that when I removed her; I didn't write, I didn't make it known, I just removed her. I mention this part, as lame as it is, because this set her off. She really liked me, apparently, and wanted to know why. I ignored this, because I hate causing drama. Well, she twisted his balls, and made him ask me continuously why why why? I simply told him "don't worry about it". I came home and my brother was with me. When I was asked again, my brother said, loudly "why the fukk does she care?" - he reasoned that my roommate should be just a tad jealous that she was so concerned with why I was not her friend. With as much courage as he could muster, he posed that question to her, as it seemed to make some sense to him. Why would his girlfriend care all that much?
He had been asking her for months to move out, and you probably wouldn't believe that someone in an LDR who loves you could skirt the issue EVERY TIME or flat out tell you they "could just leave you" (jokingly, so he says) - she said that when he cornered her about it. In plain text, she didn't want to come out. She told my other roommate that "he has a good thing going, and I don't want to fukk it up by moving out there."
He asked me why I treated his girlfriend "this way" and said something about how she probably wouldn't want to move in now. I said "she isn't going to move out here". He finally had something to tell her, and of course, she blamed everything on me. Now she COULDN'T move out because I didn't like her. He says she hates me now, and if he defends me at all, she hangs up on him.
I've tried to talk to him about her. He is delusional, though I don't know to what extent, because I'm not a mental health expert. I'd put him at a 9 out of 10. He will say things like she is perfect, and that no other girl can possibly compare; or that there are no good looking women in this state. His voice changes when he talks to her. Yes, there is girlfriend voice, and there is this; it's unlike anything I've ever heard. He doesn't work out with us in the garage (full bench and free weight set) because "she doesn't like buff guys" - the fact is, he wants to work out. This is how deep his infatuation goes. He is no longer his own person, but whatever she wants him to be.
I come home from a night out, from work or from just doing something with other roommates; and there he is, sitting on his computer. Sometimes eating leftovers of a meal that he cooked a few days ago. Usually playing the same game he's been playing all month, something that he bought for $5 in a bargain bin or something that was given to him.
He should have so much money in the bank, because he has no debt. He should be having fun, because he wanted to start classes this fall. He should be happy and carefree. He is none of these things; he is... hers.
I don't know where to go from here, and as much as I'd like to say fukk it and just ignore him, I actually care about the guy.
Edit: I invited him out with a few mutual friends. He was bragging about his next check and how big it would be (I forget why) - and when I asked him to come riding he said he didn't want to spend any money. I said "but you just said you were getting a huge check" and he began lying to me about everything. I said "I knew you would say no, and I know exactly why." I don't know how to begin here. When someone will lie to themselves, and you, how do you know that what you say holds any meaning to them? I spent a few months dragging this guy out, and paying his way for shyt like movies and food, because I truly assumed he was a broke college kid. The fact that he could allow me to do that, when he was sending all his money to her, just irritates me. TIL I'm too generous.
TL;DR - there isn't one.
Edit 2: I sent the link to this post, to his brother. I don't know what else to do.
Nah son, I didn't read what I think I read. That nikka is on simp level infinity. She done punked this nikka down to a bytch made ass lap dog yes mommy ass nikka
and feel free to point me out where I went wrong 
I dunno how I can even recover from this, I guess you can say I made a rookie mistake for not messaging her that day or even prior to even leaving my crib but it's not even that, just the fact that she hit me with the whole staying home and doing homework.
