So my Pops doesn't want dialysis anymore and chose to die

GoldenGlove

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Spend time with your pops, and tell him whatever you want him to know before he's gone.

I lost my father in-law back in November, and I remember thinking to myself, what do you say to someone who's accepted their fate? He had pancreatic cancer, he beat it the first time over the last few years, but then it came back and he was just like fukk it. He didn't want to go through the treatment and all the pain again. He had to have surgery just to clear blockage so he could take a shyt. I can't even imagine what it was like for him... being in so much pain from eating that you just stop eating. At the end he was just like whatever and was just eating what he wanted knowing it was going to come up shortly after.

Get rid of any resentment you have, and cherish the conversation and moments you have left with him man.
 

Kid Dynamite

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condolences, breh, but you have to change your mindset here. It’s his cross to bear. Not bearing it yourself, you shouldn’t be quick to judge but rather quick to express empathy. You’re not going through what he is going through no matter how things look from your perspective. Be supportive and understanding and cherish the time you have with him.

How old is your father?
About 67 and yeah I'm going to give it a try but my aunt said the same thing... He's being selfish. There are people that love you. It's cool, I just wanted to vent or have people that were there before, because I felt like we were cool
 

Kid Dynamite

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Spend time with your pops, and tell him whatever you want him to know before he's gone.

I lost my father in-law back in November, and I remember thinking to myself, what do you say to someone who's accepted their fate? He had pancreatic cancer, he beat it the first time over the last few years, but then it came back and he was just like fukk it. He didn't want to go through the treatment and all the pain again. He had to have surgery just to clear blockage so he could take a shyt. I can't even imagine what it was like for him... being in so much pain from eating that you just stop eating. At the end he was just like whatever and was just eating what he wanted knowing it was going to come up shortly after.

Get rid of any resentment you have, and cherish the conversation and moments you have left with him man.
I'm sorry and I will try.. Thank you bruh
 

Taharqa

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My mom got tired of dialysis too and chose to die instead of going in all the time. She died when I was 19 and that shyt changed me forever. Now that I’m older, I understand why she wanted to go out that way especially if you have no hope for a transplant.

If I could go back in time, I would beg on my knees for her to reconsider, but I didn’t. One of the biggiest regrets of my life. Talk to your father, and if he’s set on it, spend as much time as you can with him. Learn whatever you need to know. I’ll be praying for y’all.
 

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I'm the guy taking people like your pops to dialysis multiple days a week

I can understand where he comes from, the shyt is very draining. Don't matter about holidays, emergencies and other things, you got to be on that machine your mandatory amount of times period if you want to live. Even with that harsh ultimatum its still too overwhelming for a lot of people.
 

Kid Dynamite

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My mom got tired of dialysis too and chose to die instead of going in all the time. She died when I was 19 and that shyt changed me forever. Now that I’m older, I understand why she wanted to go out that way especially if you have no hope for a transplant.

If I could go back in time, I would beg on my knees for her to reconsider, but I didn’t. One of the biggiest regrets of my life. Talk to your father, and if he’s set on it, spend as much time as you can with him. Learn whatever you need to know. I’ll be praying for y’all.
I'm gonna try one more time after reading this and the other posts. But this one hit me.. Sounds exactly like my pops. We moved out of the hood and he tried to provide us with with a better life and then...
 

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Man what you say...... didn't get it until I saw it up close and personal :wow:
it changed me b

to have to see the people that fed you gave you baths changed your diaper etcetera need you to do the same for them

it really made me understand the purpose of children & families

we have these pieces of ourselves we take care of so that they will be there to take care of us when we need it

*
 

Legal

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Damn, breh. This one hits hard.

My father spent over half my life on dialysis. He went through his ups and downs, but ultimately his body gave out on him, since he refused a transplant (from me, as I offered multiple times), and that was really that was the only way he was getting out of it.

I understand where he's coming from. Having all the blood in your body drained out of you and reinserted three times a week is incredibly exhausting. It's an incredibly bleak process too, since the connections you make with those going through the same experience are temporary for one reason or another (few of them good).

Like someone else said, do what you can for him to make sure he feels he's leaving in a good situation. A lot of people who decide to stop do it because they think they'll be less of a burden to those around them if they're gone. All you can do is let him know that regardless of circumstances, he's your father, and will always be loved.
 

Taharqa

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I'm gonna try one more time after reading this and the other posts. But this one hit me.. Sounds exactly like my pops. We moved out of the hood and he tried to provide us with with a better life and then...
Same here. My mom busted her ass to get us where we are and I will always be grateful. The things you’re going through I went through too. It’s was hard because I wasn’t aware of the life change upcoming. I wish I had this mindset when she wanted to go it would’ve been a whole different story.

I’m here if you need someone to talk to. God speed
 

GnauzBookOfRhymes

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To be honest we should always take heart when a person is able to choose this decision for themselves. May not make it hurt you any less but assuming he is still able to actively communicate his wishes, it is what he wants and believes is best for him and most likely, in his eyes, best for the family. Dialysis sounds like torture. My biggest fear and one thing I’ll do whatever I can to prevent, is being a heavy burden to my family in old age. Our end of life health care system is an abomination.
 
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