Those that grew up in a single mother household, when you got older, did you realize why Ur moM

[SleezyBigSlim]

It may sound like some chauvinistic 1950s bullshyt but as a man, if you want peace, you have to make sure you're good to her and make more money than her.

Facts! These nikkas be picking girls that make the same as them. That ain't the way my guy

 

[the bossman]

But I'm not talking about my misogyny here, I'm specifically talking about female nature and how the society we live in let's it go unchecked to the detriment of the black family structure.

Child support laws, divorce settlement laws, gender based violence laws and interpretation.

There's entire fields of study on these topics by people like Dr T Hasan Johnson, Dr Tommy J Curry and others.

If you're interested.

I get what you're saying. I'm not saying women don't have their part to play in the breakdown of black family structure. There's a lot of factors involved with that. But how does pointing fingers running blame game add to your life at the end of the day is my point? Studies to accomplish what?

It still doesn't change my ability as a black man to build the type of life that I want to live. And if that includes raising a black family then you find a woman who's on the same page and do that.

There's laws and shyt that need to be changed if course, but sitting around doing 'studies' blaming women for you not having the results you want in life is a waste of time and victim mentality.

At the end of the day the buck stops with men on how their life plays out. There's enough decent women out there still looking for a solid man to build with. Women who don't subscribe to weaponizing the legal system to get over on men.

Some rather not take the risk, that's cool. It's your choice. But the blame black women for all black society's ills is weak

Biology is still biology. Despite all the modern advances women still out here wanting to get with men

 

[bourgeoisie tall freak]

i was raised by two single parents but my mom is an angel
saved my life again and again
saved my dad once or twice as well
happy friday

 

[JayStarwind]

My father was knocking my mom's teeth in and locking her up in apartments so a normal family structure was out of the question. I'll admit she did tear that man down any chance she got but stopped after a while.

I can't remember her actions too well with my stepfather. They were perfect together and maybe argued a handful of times, one argument led to the most pettiest breakup. She catered to him like how I want my woman to cater to me.

She has traits now that I don't care too much for but I don't think they affected her relationship(s).

 

[Losttribe]

Love my mother but I'm under NO illusions about why my father bounced

 

[Crayola Coyote]

You are insinuating that women are to blame for a normal family structure while you went out and got a woman pregnant that was as toxic as your mother which means that the chances that the child has a healthy environment is close to zero.

Perhaps you should reflect on that instead of attempting to rationalizing becoming a deadbeat like your own dad and continuing the cycle.

I was raised by a single mother and I don't jump to these weird conclusions that don't acknowledge my own doing in the problems I encounter in life. Tbh, you sound like the 'stereotypical' woman you are talking about by placing all of the blame on the opposite sex.

Seek therapy

anyway.. yeah more men should ask their mothers the truth on why their dad wasn’t around. I bet their would be bunch of mental gymnastics on why they made you suffer all those years.

 

[Cape Town JHB]

I have another question to pose in this thread since the conversation are amicable even when in disagreement:

Has any man in here over the age of 30, who's been dealing with women for at least 10-15 years, ever had a fruitful long term positive relationship with a woman who grew up without a fayher

I've noticed a terrible pattern but I wanna hear what other brehs have to say

 

[Crayola Coyote]

Moms is never wrong...


Moms never says sorry...

It really wasn’t until I became a man that I finally understood all the shyt my dad had to go through.

I noticed that about women especially moms. They can never apologize for doing something or admit that their wrong when they are the wrong. I don’t have a sister but man I bet it worse.

 

[Mindfield333]

Sorry to hear that

It’s cool. She has her cool moments but I think she’s bipolar... my pops would be like “she’s just mean”

 

[Mindfield333]

Yea I don't tell my mother anything anymore. I refuse to go out like my father

Yeah I just keep things light. One of the coldest things she said to me was “that’s why that girl left you”... she came from left field and I that wasn’t even the situation. If I have to open up it’ll be either with my pops or my older sister.

 

[Chip Skylark]

I agree with OP a little. My mom and I recently started having a better relationship cause I couldn’t talk to her without her barking and she admitted how wrong she was.

I’ve been listening to Shazrahad Ali lately and she said something that when I heard fukked me up for the rest of my day

“children don’t care about their dads finances they just want to spend time. So when they learn negative things about him it usually comes from their mom”

and man I swear every negative or bad thing my pops did I learned from my mother. And my dad was a street nikka for real. Nobody in the streets had anything bad to say about him especially as I got older and people realized who son I was. they actually looked out for me but damn my mom was most definitely throwing him under the bus all the time and barking all the time

I most definitely have noticed how a lot more women are aggressive with their kids and significant other verbally than men are

 

[GoAggieGo.]

My father has been with my mother 32 years. I remember a conversation we had a year ago where he was just telling me everything, and my mom came up. Conversation started out with, “Son, I love your mama with all my heart, but...”

Everything he was saying, I could see it. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard my mama apologize for anything. I love my mama, and would do anything for her, but I tell people I am not a mamas boy.

 

[MajesticLion]

The result of multi-generational mixed messaging and unceasing psychological manipulation.

We put them on this pedestal: black queen, royalty, strong, capable, yadda yadda yadda. This is across the board in black America. So they grow up thinkin' they ain't have to earn respect from fellas, because why should they? They're royalty and everybody should recognize them as such, and how dare we if we don't? Not only that, with all the arrogance that comes from that mindset, nobody don't need relationships anymore...first sign of conflict and they runnin' for the exits. So they raisin' children by theyself, and passin' on the fukkery attitude to the little ones, the daughters with the same I-am-queen-of-the-universe mantra, and the sons with the same I-should-worship-her-without-question mentaility. By the time they hit adulthood, they well indoctrinated. Especially in this place where they steadily bein' fed bullshyt by white people and how colour-struck they are? Guaranteed issues.

The average mind will crumble when faced with the dichotomies of being taught to elevate women on pedestals and Disney fables, then only to find out the whole house of cards setup later on. Of course inceldom is a thing. Of course PUA/MGTOW is a thing. To find out the basic building block of so many lives is a sham will lead any rational mind to run for any cover available, even the unhealthiest ones. The only way you break that cycle is to to know yourself and. stop. lying. to. them. They'll be mad as hell, but so what? Catering to their momentary feelings and various whims has achieved what, exactly?

Exactly.


You don't have to be tactless, you don't have to be mean-spirited, you don't have to belittle them to boost your own ego...but you ain't gotta support their random stupidities to just get in their draws and dip, either. A big part of becoming a man is learning the difference between short term hustle and long term prosperity. A lot of fellas are jaded by the discovery of the basic-building-block-lie and have just stagnated. No growth, just carping. Which of course is basically being immature women...and they refuse to recognize it and learn ways past that obstacle.

And that's not accidental. There are entire industries built around that stagnation, for both black men and women.



Smarten up.

 

[Easy-E]

Yeah I think it comes from bearing the brunt of the emotional work in traditional relationships. Did you know marriage is associated with early death in women?

All the unpaid work, unacknowledged stress leads to a lot of hardness in women for the roles we relegate them to.

Then we punish them for those roles.

A lot of this hidden frustration is internalized by women. And instead of using that superior verbal communication skills they claim to have, they rely heavily on passive aggression.

Why? Because we used to socialize women to not be direct. To associate directness with masculinity in communication skills. To be submissive and deferential. When that communication style doesn’t get the job done, who do we get?

Impatient, nasty, come the fukk on, I’m tired, I don’t have time for this bullshyt ma dukes.

Much of the way women are is due to gender role socialization. That passive aggressive, silent sufferer, eternal victim playbook is directly related to how we as a society literally dismiss female opinion as babble, tell them they should be seen not heard, associate directness with hardness.

We also send mixed signals to our men as well and punish them for the roles we push them into. We love to tell men that they are the protectors/providers, and revel in that boys will be boys energy until it backfires. Women will get with the provider they claim to want, but then complain about him not having enough time for her. This world pushes men to have almost sociopathic tendencies to become leaders, but then punishes them if they conform to this. At the same time, we want men to display a wider emotional capacity, but then accuse him of being gay if he acts on a basic human emotion.
Push them to be hunters and pursuants of females. Then call em thirsty or creeps if they take initiative.

The mixed messages this society tells men and women on how to behave, in juxtaposition with the way we also punish them if they conform to said behavior is a nasty, nasty game.

Mama can’t properly look after her kids without being the dream killer responsible one that we unfairly end of resenting sometimes. Because her first priority = your safety.

Daddy can’t be your emotional rock at your side 24/7 because he has to work to provide, otherwise he is a bum, remember? And if he cries we call him a punk.

Sometimes a balance is struck and you can learn to do better, but I think people aren’t thinking clearly about what went with toxic relationships in the past. We romanticize them but we not being honest with ourselves. Part of the reason why our generation is delaying marriage is because we don’t want to be our parents and see no viable way to avoid that fate in relationships. Especially if you didn’t have a positive example.

Hell I know damn well why I’m resistant to that whole “submit” “woman be silent” “fix me a sammich” cave man shyt because I saw it wreak utter havoc in the women’s lives I grew up with. Utter havoc. On their physical health and on their mental health.

Some of my male cousins feel the same way about stepping into those traditional male roles too because they saw their dads being miserable too in a lot of cases. Imagine working your ENTIRE LIFE to give EVERYTHING YOU GOT to some vinegar faced chick, fixing her mouth to complain instead of expressing gratitude.

SHEEEEIIIIIIITTTTT.

The current generations are running from that shyt. 30 is the new 40. Delaying everything until we can chart a better path than the nonsense we saw some of our parents endure.

Which isn’t ideal b:c we about to have a new crop of kids with disabilities coming through from delays in child birth, among other issues...


Just shyt we gotta figure out before it’s too late.

More, men stress women/wives to an early death with patriarchy?

Married women had a death rate of 569 per 100,000, two-and-a-half times lower than the 1,482 rate for widows. The death rate was 1,096 for divorcees and 1,166 for never-married women.

Tying the Knot Is Tied to Longer Life Span, New Data Shows

You even start off on a untrue note.

This thread was started for people to vent about their mothers and of course it gets derailed with "it's men's fault"



P

 

[CashmereThoughts]

Couldn't maintain a normal family structure with a man in the house?

Honest convo.


I was thinking about this the other day, the older I get the more I'm exposed to women and their habits....sure I still love my mom...shes a lovely mother, I adore her but she absolutely has a way of emasculating a man. She's very head strong and the idea of a man being a man in the home seems to be the antithesis of her existence. Crazy thing is I see the exact qualities in my child's mom. Its to the point where I feel like wverytime I get off work I have to mentally psych myself for the new battle that is the "power struggle" of my home. It is exhausting.
For a long time I was very mad at my dad for leaving but the older I get the more I accept how it literally feels like the only choice you have left.

yeah. My pops decided to go waste a decade lost in the crack era and my mom took shyt into her own hands and took us from project living to buying a brownstone by her damn self.

your thread automatically places blame on the woman like all of our fathers was out here doing the right things. Y’all nikkas is weird B