Why do women keep remarking that I’m quiet at work?

[EBK String]

I’m taking a contrarian position from most posters and will say that this has nothing to do with race.

OP, if you want to get ahead in life, you will learn that those that do, most of the time, are not the smartest people in the room. The folks that are the most successful are the people that have superior social capital.

I work in an all-white high paying industry and it’s the same for everyone. My job and many others take the “fit” approach to hiring. We only hire a candidate based off of them being a good fit. Most of the time, this means the right “social” fit. Because we work long stressful hours, they want to make sure that the people they onboard will get on well with the team. The question is asked, “is this candidate someone in which we would want to be stuck 8 hours at an airport with?”

If you are a dull non-social person then the answer will be no and you’re not getting hired. The question is loaded because it implies that a good candidate will have similar hobbies and interests as the team (real hobbies like sports, traveling, and outdoor activities), that they are social, fun, and engaging enough to help the stressful long day go by quicker, and that they are outgoing and proactive in building/establishing/parlaying relationships. Introverted people and those that lack social capital get passed up 100% of the time.

And this a reason why there are not many blacks in my industry because so often we take the “I just go in to do my job and not make friends approach” which is easy to spot in a person and will get you dinged immediately for a position.

My advice would be to be a bit more proactive in being engaging and improving your social skills. Take every opportunity to build those skills, at work, school, bars, or parties. Everywhere. It will only improve your lot later in life. It’s not about “uncomfortableness” it’s about people wanting to be around fun people to pass the time with, especially if you’re working a shytty job.

you work in big law. Talking about 'fit' and saying getting 'dinged' gave you away.

 

[Uitomy]

I’m taking a contrarian position from most posters and will say that this has nothing to do with race.

OP, if you want to get ahead in life, you will learn that those that do, most of the time, are not the smartest people in the room. The folks that are the most successful are the people that have superior social capital.

I work in an all-white high paying industry and it’s the same for everyone. My job and many others take the “fit” approach to hiring. We only hire a candidate based off of them being a good fit. Most of the time, this means the right “social” fit. Because we work long stressful hours, they want to make sure that the people they onboard will get on well with the team. The question is asked, “is this candidate someone in which we would want to be stuck 8 hours at an airport with?”

If you are a dull non-social person then the answer will be no and you’re not getting hired. The question is loaded because it implies that a good candidate will have similar hobbies and interests as the team (real hobbies like sports, traveling, and outdoor activities), that they are social, fun, and engaging enough to help the stressful long day go by quicker, and that they are outgoing and proactive in building/establishing/parlaying relationships. Introverted people and those that lack social capital get passed up 100% of the time.

And this a reason why there are not many blacks in my industry because so often we take the “I just go in to do my job and not make friends approach” which is easy to spot in a person and will get you dinged immediately for a position.

My advice would be to be a bit more proactive in being engaging and improving your social skills. Take every opportunity to build those skills, at work, school, bars, or parties. Everywhere. It will only improve your lot later in life. It’s not about “uncomfortableness” it’s about people wanting to be around fun people to pass the time with, especially if you’re working a shytty job.

I get what you’re saying, I am actually pretty social, but they’re still overbearing with it. I actually make a bunch of quips and jokes and carry conversations, it’s just while I’m really in the middle of work I really want to get it finished. I’m invetory specialist so I’m basically on the clock to unload product off truck and pick them off the shelves. I just don’t see why being reserved is something to just point out. Specially with these damn harassment policies getting more strict and me still being in a Caucasian environment, gotta be choosy to a degree with what I say because somebody is likely listening.

 

[Grizzly]

Cacs wanna know what's on a black man's mind at all times bruh. It's a fact that they're obsessed with us and always will be.

....but you work at Best Buy my dude. if you're in retail or any job that involves being around the general public you should expect to talk often. that's like the main prerequisite of the job. you don't even have to be cool with your coworkers like that. engage with these customers and they won't be able to say shyt to you.

 

[Uitomy]

No one's attacking any of you nikkas, subliminally or directly....you're just losers with no social skills

I don’t think most of us are considering it attacking, more so just an annoying phenomena, Specially with how relatively awkward most work spaces are now a days.

 

[Drip Bayless]

Americans want their workplace to be like that TV show the Office.
Especially if you work around a lot of women the very thought of silence makes them uncomfortable
Explains why the worker productivity rates here are in the fukking toilet compared to European countries despite the fact that we work more hours
How you gotta carry yourself depends on whether you working a job or a career
If it’s a long term thing you have to be sociable or they will make up a reason to fire you or deny you promotions
Like somebody above me said, how well you do your work has little to do with how far you can go in most careers

 

[Drip Bayless]

No one's attacking any of you nikkas, subliminally or directly....you're just losers with no social skills

Maybe
I just dislike small talk, talking just to make others comfortable is something I’ll avoid if possible
If that makes me a loser, then that’s what it is

 

[AquaCityBoy]

No one's attacking any of you nikkas, subliminally or directly....you're just losers with no social skills

Cac alert

 

[MikeyC]

Maybe
I just dislike small talk, talking just to make others comfortable is something I’ll avoid if possible
If that makes me a loser, then that’s what it is

No, that makes you an awful colleague.

 

[Drip Bayless]

No, that makes you an awful colleague.

Ion give no fukk
If silence bothers y’all it’s yall problem

 

[Tenchi Ryu]

You gotta be careful with work gossip cause that shyt always comes back, nikkas can't keep quiet for shyt and sooner or later shyt that was said or done gonna make its way back around.

For me personally, it ain't about not wanting to talk. I'm a very sociable and charismatic kat most of the time, except at work...nikkas just simply talk to much, tell ya business and shyt.

Just found out this chick was getting paid by this older dude to fukk on weekends, and I don't even know these mufukkas. Like I said, some big ass mouths in the workplace.
:brehcorrectyourself:

 

[invalid]

you work in big law. Talking about 'fit' and saying getting 'dinged' gave you away.

High finance but hiring practices are pretty much indistinguishable from big law.

I get what you’re saying, I am actually pretty social, but they’re still overbearing with it. I actually make a bunch of quips and jokes and carry conversations, it’s just while I’m really in the middle of work I really want to get it finished. I’m invetory specialist so I’m basically on the clock to unload product off truck and pick them off the shelves. I just don’t see why being reserved is something to just point out. Specially with these damn harassment policies getting more strict and me still being in a Caucasian environment, gotta be choosy to a degree with what I say because somebody is likely listening.

You can’t really say that you’re pretty social when others think otherwise. This means that there is a “perception gap” that you need to better manage.

And what do you mean by “choosy”. There are many topics of conversation that you can engage in that will not come back to bite you in the ass.

Sports
Food
Restaurants
Nightlife
Television
Movies
Books
Music
Concerts
Video Games
Travel
Hobbies
Activities
Family
Past experiences
Future Goals

Like this isn’t complicated and staying away from controversial topics should be a no brainer unless you’re really close to and trust your coworkers on some “bro” stuff.

Otherwise, there is no need to have to walk on eggshells if you keep your topics of conversation relegated to the above which is more than enough to keep you seeming interesting.

 

[Zero]

I don’t think most of us are considering it attacking, more so just an annoying phenomena, Specially with how relatively awkward most work spaces are now a days.

The only thing awkward is yall ass coming into work day in and day out on some

Ya'll really need to learn the word "nuance" because damn.

No one's asking you to be Kevin Hart but clamming the fukk up is doing you no favors...clearly

 

[EBK String]

this thread is becoming very 'why arent you nikkas grinning!'

 

[Uitomy]

The only thing awkward is yall ass coming into work day in and day out on some

Ya'll really need to learn the word "nuance" because damn.

No one's asking you to be Kevin Hart but clamming the fukk up is doing you no favors...clearly

But you’re just assuming we aren’t already social
The whole point is we can’t ever just be reserved, regardless of how often we speak
Unless we’re just always talking.

 

[AquaCityBoy]

The only thing awkward is yall ass coming into work day in and day out on some

Ya'll really need to learn the word "nuance" because damn.

No one's asking you to be Kevin Hart but clamming the fukk up is doing you no favors...clearly

You're paid to work, not have bullshyt chit chat with your co-workers.

Sounds like you want these young black men to be dancing monkeys to appease their associates.