Why do women keep remarking that I’m quiet at work?

[Micky Mikey]

I’m taking a contrarian position from most posters and will say that this has nothing to do with race.

OP, if you want to get ahead in life, you will learn that those that do, most of the time, are not the smartest people in the room. The folks that are the most successful are the people that have superior social capital.

I work in an all-white high paying industry and it’s the same for everyone. My job and many others take the “fit” approach to hiring. We only hire a candidate based off of them being a good fit. Most of the time, this means the right “social” fit. Because we work long stressful hours, they want to make sure that the people they onboard will get on well with the team. The question is asked, “is this candidate someone in which we would want to be stuck 8 hours at an airport with?”

If you are a dull non-social person then the answer will be no and you’re not getting hired. The question is loaded because it implies that a good candidate will have similar hobbies and interests as the team (real hobbies like sports, traveling, and outdoor activities), that they are social, fun, and engaging enough to help the stressful long day go by quicker, and that they are outgoing and proactive in building/establishing/parlaying relationships. Introverted people and those that lack social capital get passed up 100% of the time.

And this a reason why there are not many blacks in my industry because so often we take the “I just go in to do my job and not make friends approach” which is easy to spot in a person and will get you dinged immediately for a position.

My advice would be to be a bit more proactive in being engaging and improving your social skills. Take every opportunity to build those skills, at work, school, bars, or parties. Everywhere. It will only improve your lot later in life. It’s not about “uncomfortableness” it’s about people wanting to be around fun people to pass the time with, especially if you’re working a shytty job.

Man fukk all of that shyt. Life is too short and sweet to hobnobbing with people you don't even like. Most of us will dead in a good 30 - 40 years so what does it matter?

 

[TaxCollector13459]

Cause they think you got the toolie and one memo away from letting them dimmies fly

 

[invalid]

Man fukk all of that shyt. Life is too short and sweet to hobnobbing with people you don't even like. Most of us will dead in a good 30 - 40 years so what does it matter?

I swear to god, some of y’all nikkas got the most defeatist ass attitudes. shyt is depressing af.

 

[Micky Mikey]

I swear to god, some of y’all nikkas got the most defeatist ass attitudes. shyt is depressing af.

I get your point about faking it until you make it. However I was there once and it left me quite miserable. Now I work as a programmer, make decent money and rarely have to speak to anyone unless its for those silly site engagements where I put on a fake smile for 3 hours and pretend to care about what other people are saying to me. Even that makes me cringe to a degree.
Call me a defeatist or antisocial I just dont care enough to feel like I have to hobnobb with people in order to be more successful. In 30 or 40 years when I am on my deathbed , what will matter to me most is that I lived a life in which I was most truest to myself. I will not regret not being as driven by material success and therefore having to put on a front to gain more of it.

 

[SanchoPanda]

fukk Best Buy. Worked there for 4 years. Hated that place.

What department do you work in?

 

[DamienWayne]

No one's attacking any of you nikkas, subliminally or directly....you're just losers with no social skills

elaborate on this , op claims he goes to work does his job and is cordial to his co workers. where is the lack of social skill ? iv experienced this at my job too. i ithink black males just stick out and if people cant pin down your personalty they get nervous. one time it was just me and a cac female in the break room. i was just sitting there going thru some papers and she was doing the same thing. a few minutes of silence pass and she says " your so quite"

i was like i didnt know how to respond. me and this lady had been cordial for months, but i guess a " good morning" isnt enough

A. i didnt have anything to say to her and
B. if the silence was awkward for her why didnt she try an initiate a convo ? instead of trying to put me on the spot?

cacs/ black women will straight up just stare at me if im reading emails, talk to themselves near me in hopes that i have a comment about wat they said to themselves

i honestly have been trying to figure out wat is it about me that creates these responses. there are others in the office that are way quiter than me literately iv never heard them speak aloud. but since they are cacs or women noone seems to notice or care.


people straight up do not like quite black men

 

[MaxPain]

Exactly. Sometimes small talk can lead to big things if you talk to the right people.

But on the Coli, issa conspiracy to turn you into the workplace minstrel or catch a MeToo case

Y’all are both right, it’s a balance though.

Gotta be social without showing your cards too much.

One of the 48 Laws of Power is to not build a fortress around yourself....

 

[philmonroe]

No one's attacking any of you nikkas, subliminally or directly....you're just losers with no social skills

This but every month or so these dudes need reassurance they ain't the only lame in the world. You don't have to be Mr rah rah but these cats going around like Kawhi talking about why folks say I'm quiet. Its like nikka stfu and stay a sucker in the corner scarred to talk to people under the guise of I'm quiet.

 

[fact]

Keep it up, don’t start being loud and shyt. Always maintain your composure and just go to work to work. Too many people want to turn work into a party and shyt. I always trust the people that aren’t acting like a damn fool more, and would consider someone that is reserved and works hard to someone that is a clown when I am looking to move people up at my work.

 

[philmonroe]

I just realized most of y’all work with mad white folks

They can't talk that same bullshyt they kick on here around them "cacs" so they stfu until they come back on here and turn into whoever they want to be. Sign of a super fraud nikka. nikkas might as well call themselves starscream transforming ass dudes.

 

[Rell Lauren]

Because you're quiet. It's one thing to make small talk every now and then. It's another to keep your head down and work all day without saying anything. If you're not viewed as attractive, it isn't flirting.

 

[Kaydigi]

so I’ve been working at Best Buy for about a month and today my manager remarked “you know you don’t speak much”
Before I’ve worked in a flower shop and an outback steak house and I’ve heard the same thing (varied delivery) about 2-3 times in each of those places. Other men don’t make that remark for the most part, if anything they just joke around with me and I speak up. I don’t really see the point in talking often at work. I don’t get paid much anyway and I’m just part time so talk feels pretty cheap to me in that environment. Not a sociopath tho, but I’d rather keep to myself, easier to focus.
Is this a common thing where you guys work or have worked? Does silence from a man make women uncomfortable? I’m Curious cause women only really ever point out my quietness on the job.

Give them what they want

 

[BeeCityRoller]

Best Buy is an open environment, and also sales (speaking) oriented, so I understand why they would expect you to be more interactive with your coworkers.

I've worked in the restaurant industry before like you; the social interaction is alot more organic there since its close quarters and very dependent on teamwork. Even introverted new hires would be at another bar after closing with their coworkers within a month.

Bottom line is almost all women are looking for something to gossip about at work (especially about men), even better if they can lure one into dating her and get workplace dating drama started. As for me I work in an office environment and am not taking those risks. I'm already far more involved in work-related extracurricular/volunteer activities than the handful of men on the team so management doesn't have room to talk. I think #metoo helped my case, companies can't afford the financial and PR blowback of a potential harassment case. My female coworkers sure hate it though, some of them I've worked with for 2 years and they barely know anything about me, I prefer it that way.

 

[WhatsGoodTy]

Lol start talking to them hoes at work and see how quick drama start.

 

[frush11]

Quiet Black Men are very terrifying to non Blacks for some reason.