"I understand youre frustrated with your male partner because he doesnt do what you see as his fair share of domestic work (i.e. cleaning, taking care of the kids, whatever). I can imagine that would be annoying to you, and I can certainly see why you experience it as unfair.
If the situation is intolerable to you, you can always leave him, of course
though I realize the vast majority of people genuinely love the people they pair off with and are usually reluctant to dump them over socks sitting on the bedroom floor. So I can understand why you likely would see that as a rather extreme option for what seems to you like a problem that ought to be resolvable with a less extreme solution. Like your mate putting his dirty socks in the damn hamper, for example.
However, before I line up behind your banner proclaiming that More Than Half The Housework Is Unfair! I have a couple of questions for you:
1. Before pairing up with your current spouse, how did you attempt to filter your dates to eliminate domestic non-helpers and attract men who were more domestically inclined?
2. Who was considered more socially dominant and/or higher on the social hierarchy when you first started going out? You, or him?
3. Who explicitly asked who out first? You, or him?
4. Who was making more money when you first started going out? You, or him?
5. Who explicitly initiated sex first? You, or him?
Now, if your answers are not really anything, him, him, him, and him, and then I trust you can see the problem. But there are those who will read this that might be a little slower than you, so Im going to spell it out.
What youre asking for is for your post-courtship relationship to be even-steven, even though before and during courtship you were perfectly happy to enjoy the benefits of a wildly imbalanced relationship where the man took on all the risks of overt rejection, and where your standards had nothing to do with finding a man with egalitarian values. Instead you chose one who embodied the dominant, high-on-the-social-hierarchy, patriarchal values that you now chafe against.
Youre far from being alone in doing this, of course, which is a big part of the problem. (At least this appears to be the case in America; some commenters have pointed out that courtship is a lot more egalitarian in Sweden.). Even among feminists, I suspect that only an extremely minute percentage of women could honestly say that, I actively looked for domestically-inclined men when I was dating and was indifferent to social dominance or how much money they made. I was the one who asked my spouse out, and I was the one who initiated sex the first time.
In fact, even among feminists, I suspect that the percentage of women who would honestly answer the above questions with not really anything, him, him, him, and him, would be disconcertingly high (though Id hope it would be less than half).
Until that changes until a very significant percentage of women embody egalitarian standards during courtship as well as wanting them post-courtship it seems unrealistic to me to expect significant numbers of men to embody the post-courtship egalitarianism that some are demanding. The simple fact is, you dont get to enjoy a post-courtship relationship without having passed muster during pre-courtship first
and for most men, thats a much bigger hurdle than it is for most women. If dominant, patriarchal men are the ones valued on the dating market, thats what most men will concentrate their efforts on becoming.
And in fact, if you insist on post-courtship relationships being egalitarian as a matter of fairness while being indifferent to the inegalitarian aspects of relationships prior to that point, youre not just being unrealistic. Youre being hypocritical."
http://www.feministcritics.org/blog...rated-with-partner’s-housework-noh/#more-3635
Bolded is pure weapons grade ether.