Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women

[Gloxina]

I "broke up" with ol girl I was talking about a few pages back. Haven't talked to her or seen her in a few days. Haven't reached out at all. My guess is that she will reach out to me by the end of this week once the loneliness and need for dikk kicks in.

In the meantime I got a date lined up with a younger chick that I have gone out with a couple times already. Our schedules haven't been lining up in the last few weeks because I work morning to afternoon and she works afternoon to night. We scheduled to meet up today for an early lunch. Come morning time she sends me a text being really apologetic and explaining to me that she has been up all night consoling her roommate and taking care of her because she was going through some shyt. She asks if we can reschedule for her off day this week.

For whatever reason it irritated me a bit. I understand where she's coming from, this chick seems like a genuinely sweet person and I know her roommate is one of her childhood best friends. I tell her yeah it's cool if we reschedule. I follow it up with a text basically asking her to be as transparent with me as she can, so that we are both on the same page and neither of us is pursuing something that isn't there, investing energy and time for nothing. I tell her straight up that I enjoy talking to her, I appreciate how intelligent she is and that we have similar interests. She has a nice calm energy about her and does not give off ho vibes even a little bit. I let her know that I am not necessarily looking to jump into a long term relationship right away because we are still getting to know each other, but I know enough to know that I wanna stick around and discover more. I tell her straight that I find her to be very pretty and sexually attractive. I'm just being honest, I wanted to put that all on the table right now and if that's cool with you, then let's continue on. If you're not on that wave, then it's better that we get that out in the open now so that neither one of us is wasting time.

She hits me back with this reply:

"Yes, you totally make sense. I know that my attention is going in so many directions right now with my job, making new friends, [roommates name], still getting adjusted here, etc and I know that makes it hard for me to be fully present with you, and for that I apologize, as I don’t like making anyone feel that way. I really like who you are as a human and feel that we have so many things in common. I really enjoy spending time with you as well. I would like to keep getting to know you better. I don’t feel that it’s the right time for me to jump into a new relationship right this second just because I’m going through a lot of changes and still pretty fresh from my previous relationship. But I enjoy your energy and your company and our conversations. I would love to keep hanging out and doing fun things together, and I will be better about sticking to plans. My life usually isn’t this chaotic, lol. I appreciate you being upfront and honest about your thoughts and communicating "

I can't do much but take her for her word and see if the actions follow through. So far she's been pretty good about that. There's a chance she's just keeping me as an option in case no better comes around. There's also a good chance im so jaded that I start reading between the lines when I don't need to. She's had ample opportunity to ghost me or let the text messages dwindle down to nothing, but she hasn't. As of now, I will see if she follows through on our plan to get together this week, and feel it out from there.


I am so rusty with this dating shyt and somewhat cynical from past experiences or Internet babble that I'm second guessing myself all the time trying to find the angle that she's playing me from.

Thoughts?

@trap101-ETHout-Allegri-In @Ohene @The ADD @cyndaquil @skyrunner1 @Gloxina

You like her and enjoy spending time with her but you aren’t necessarily looking for a relationship…
So she basically mirrors your response…

I mean ultimately what is this younger girl supposed to gain from spending time with you?

And I’m not saying that to be a bytch. You basically said “I’m feeling you, but I’m not trying to rush into anything, but why aren’t you making time for me?”

As the poster above stated, certain things are better discussed in person.

I don’t know how old she is but if you’re literally in different stages of life you have to understand that younger people prioritize things little differently. Especially if she’s a nice girl, her friend is actually having legitimate issues and she’s juggling meeting up with a guy who “likes her and finds her sexually attractive but isn’t looking for a relationship right now”. Friends are your life at certain stages of life, again- especially if something real actually happened to her girl.

What’s she really going to lose out on? A man who makes it clear he wants to hit but isn’t sure if he’s looking for a relationship… that’s basically every dude who approaches a young woman. LOL

Again not being a bytch but that’s essentially what you TYPED.

Now, if she’s as chill as you say she might not look into that as deeply as me. But…if she analyzes this the same way you analyzed her reason for canceling…


Things happen. You were juggling two women and dropped one. So now you’re likely more sensitive to what’s happening with this girl because you don’t have the other one.
She may be juggling more than one guy (like you were) or it may just be you, but she has an active life and things going on.

Sounds like she wasn’t hounding you when you were clearly busy spending time with another woman so…

 

[Brandsdale]

random, but local parks in the summer time ain't half bad for socializing. There's a high school that I go for runs and and lotta folks are out on the track at 6:30 am on a weekday, even saw a couple dimes running their 5k

 

[Malcolmxxx_23]

every man should watch this video. dude is clearly joking around but it proves that if she is attracted to you there are no rules

lol and guys are saying
“She don’t want to give me the number “

Because we just met

 

[The Jewnited States]

You like her and enjoy spending time with her but you aren’t necessarily looking for a relationship…
So she basically mirrors your response…

I mean ultimately what is this younger girl supposed to gain from spending time with you?

And I’m not saying that to be a bytch. You basically said “I’m feeling you, but I’m not trying to rush into anything, but why aren’t you making time for me?”

As the poster above stated, certain things are better discussed in person.

I don’t know how old she is but if you’re literally in different stages of life you have to understand that younger people prioritize things little differently. Especially if she’s a nice girl, her friend is actually having legitimate issues and she’s juggling meeting up with a guy who “likes her and finds her sexually attractive but isn’t looking for a relationship right now”. Friends are your life at certain stages of life, again- especially if something real actually happened to her girl.

What’s she really going to lose out on? A man who makes it clear he wants to hit but isn’t sure if he’s looking for a relationship… that’s basically every dude who approaches a young woman. LOL

Again not being a bytch but that’s essentially what you TYPED.

Now, if she’s as chill as you say she might not look into that as deeply as me. But…if she analyzes this the same way you analyzed her reason for canceling…


Things happen. You were juggling two women and dropped one. So now you’re likely more sensitive to what’s happening with this girl because you don’t have the other one.
She may be juggling more than one guy (like you were) or it may just be you, but she has an active life and things going on.

Sounds like she wasn’t hounding you when you were clearly busy spending time with another woman so…

I can see how it could come off that way, but that's not how it was intended. I would like to see where things go with her and I. If we spend more time with each other and continue to enjoy it and at some point it feels like getting into a committed relationship is the right move, then that's no problem. Right now, we both have started new jobs within the last month, she got out of a two year relationship in February, and moved here in March. We both have mentioned in past convos that a relationship would be fine, but it would be something discussed further down the line after settling into our new schedules and what not.

 

[The ADD]

I can see how it could come off that way, but that's not how it was intended. I would like to see where things go with her and I. If we spend more time with each other and continue to enjoy it and at some point it feels like getting into a committed relationship is the right move, then that's no problem. Right now, we both have started new jobs within the last month, she got out of a two year relationship in February, and moved here in March. We both have mentioned in past convos that a relationship would be fine, but it would be something discussed further down the line after settling into our new schedules and what not.

Seems like yall had an understanding. Why did you feel the need to double down?

 

[The Jewnited States]

Seems like yall had an understanding. Why did you feel the need to double down?

We had only spoken in generalities at that point, feeling each other out for our respective view points on various things related to dating and relationships. Didn't speak on it as it pertained to us

I think @Gloxina is right and I probably fukked this one up

 

[The ADD]

We had only spoken in generalities at that point, feeling each other out for our respective view points on various things related to dating and relationships. Didn't speak on it as it pertained to us

I think @Gloxina is right and I probably fukked this one up

I don’t think you fukked up but you have to be mindful of where things are.

If it’s well established that you aren’t trying to be in the friend zone then to some degree you have to let it progress. I don’t imagine she wouldn’t think you were interested at all base level and it doesn’t sound like she was pressed for it to be something sooner rather than later.

All that said, make solid attempts to link up and see where it goes.

 

[The Jewnited States]

I don’t think you fukked up but you have to be mindful of where things are.

If it’s well established that you aren’t trying to be in the friend zone then to some degree you have to let it progress. I don’t imagine she wouldn’t think you were interested at all base level and it doesn’t sound like she was pressed for it to be something sooner rather than later.

All that said, make solid attempts to link up and see where it goes.

Yeah that's all I can do at this point. I'm not gonna press it anymore, if she wants to link up, she will clear out some time to do so. If not, on to the next one

 

[Gloxina]

We had only spoken in generalities at that point, feeling each other out for our respective view points on various things related to dating and relationships. Didn't speak on it as it pertained to us

I think @Gloxina is right and I probably fukked this one up

I don’t think you fukked up but you have to be mindful of where things are.

If it’s well established that you aren’t trying to be in the friend zone then to some degree you have to let it progress. I don’t imagine she wouldn’t think you were interested at all base level and it doesn’t sound like she was pressed for it to be something sooner rather than later.

All that said, make solid attempts to link up and see where it goes.

Yeah that's all I can do at this point. I'm not gonna press it anymore, if she wants to link up, she will clear out some time to do so. If not, on to the next one

As @The ADD said, you didn’t necessarily fukk things up, but the doubling down is sending mixed messages.


It sounds like y’all agreed to keep it casual and see where it goes, so just roll with it and see where it goes. She didn’t say she didn’t want to see you; she rescheduled. So if she flakes or literally ghosts you, that’s one thing. It’s not even about “on to the next”. If you agreed you’re taking your time and feeling each other out, then roll with that. That doesn’t mean you can’t meet other ppl.

You making it sound like you want more out of this than you claimed, which is why WE are now thrown off and asking you questions.

If you want to pursue something with her make that clear. If not, continue keeping it casual.
Don’t expect top priority and for life to not get in the way sometimes if you already made it clear that you, as a man, want to play it by ear and see how things go.

As a woman- to me that definitely means you are dating/sleeping with other women or are completely open to it. Which is your right. But that also means you shouldn’t be this wound up over a canceled outing.


AGAIN- when you were juggling TWO WOMEN, were you this concerned?


Anyway, lemme go get ready…yall have a good day

 

[The Jewnited States]

As @The ADD said, you didn’t necessarily fukk things up, but the doubling down is sending mixed messages.


It sounds like y’all agreed to keep it casual and see where it goes, so just roll with it and see where it goes. She didn’t say she didn’t want to see you; she rescheduled. So if she flakes or literally ghosts you, that’s one thing. It’s not even about “on to the next”. If you agreed you’re taking your time and feeling each other out, then roll with that. That doesn’t mean you can’t meet other ppl.

You making it sound like you want more out of this than you claimed, which is why WE are now thrown off and asking you questions.

If you want to pursue something with her make that clear. If not, continue keeping it casual.

I guess I'm in the phase where I know enough about her to know I wanna continue seeing her and spending time with her. I also know, that I dont know her well enough to say with any certainty that I want to wife her up. I don't need to be explaining all that shyt to her right now though


I must have lost my damn mind sending that text. Should have just waited it out and played it cool.

 

[Gloxina]

I guess I'm in the phase where I know enough about her to know I wanna continue seeing her and spending time with her. I also know, that I dont know her well enough to say with any certainty that I want to wife her up. I don't need to be explaining all that shyt to her right now though


I must have lost my damn mind sending that text. Should have just waited it out and played it cool.

That’s all we’re saying.

So it’s ok. You just have to play it cool from this point.


But don’t act like she committed some grave sin rescheduling with a man who basically told her he wants something casual lol




*And for the record, yall laugh about women being on here, but see…it’s good to get a different perspective. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill

 

[WIA20XX]

it’s good to get a different perspective.

 

[trap101-ETHout-Allegri-In]

I "broke up" with ol girl I was talking about a few pages back. Haven't talked to her or seen her in a few days. Haven't reached out at all. My guess is that she will reach out to me by the end of this week once the loneliness and need for dikk kicks in.

In the meantime I got a date lined up with a younger chick that I have gone out with a couple times already. Our schedules haven't been lining up in the last few weeks because I work morning to afternoon and she works afternoon to night. We scheduled to meet up today for an early lunch. Come morning time she sends me a text being really apologetic and explaining to me that she has been up all night consoling her roommate and taking care of her because she was going through some shyt. She asks if we can reschedule for her off day this week.

For whatever reason it irritated me a bit. I understand where she's coming from, this chick seems like a genuinely sweet person and I know her roommate is one of her childhood best friends. I tell her yeah it's cool if we reschedule. I follow it up with a text basically asking her to be as transparent with me as she can, so that we are both on the same page and neither of us is pursuing something that isn't there, investing energy and time for nothing. I tell her straight up that I enjoy talking to her, I appreciate how intelligent she is and that we have similar interests. She has a nice calm energy about her and does not give off ho vibes even a little bit. I let her know that I am not necessarily looking to jump into a long term relationship right away because we are still getting to know each other, but I know enough to know that I wanna stick around and discover more. I tell her straight that I find her to be very pretty and sexually attractive. I'm just being honest, I wanted to put that all on the table right now and if that's cool with you, then let's continue on. If you're not on that wave, then it's better that we get that out in the open now so that neither one of us is wasting time.

She hits me back with this reply:

"Yes, you totally make sense. I know that my attention is going in so many directions right now with my job, making new friends, [roommates name], still getting adjusted here, etc and I know that makes it hard for me to be fully present with you, and for that I apologize, as I don’t like making anyone feel that way. I really like who you are as a human and feel that we have so many things in common. I really enjoy spending time with you as well. I would like to keep getting to know you better. I don’t feel that it’s the right time for me to jump into a new relationship right this second just because I’m going through a lot of changes and still pretty fresh from my previous relationship. But I enjoy your energy and your company and our conversations. I would love to keep hanging out and doing fun things together, and I will be better about sticking to plans. My life usually isn’t this chaotic, lol. I appreciate you being upfront and honest about your thoughts and communicating "

I can't do much but take her for her word and see if the actions follow through. So far she's been pretty good about that. There's a chance she's just keeping me as an option in case no better comes around. There's also a good chance im so jaded that I start reading between the lines when I don't need to. She's had ample opportunity to ghost me or let the text messages dwindle down to nothing, but she hasn't. As of now, I will see if she follows through on our plan to get together this week, and feel it out from there.


I am so rusty with this dating shyt and somewhat cynical from past experiences or Internet babble that I'm second guessing myself all the time trying to find the angle that she's playing me from.

Thoughts?

@trap101-ETHout-Allegri-In @Ohene @The ADD @cyndaquil @skyrunner1 @Gloxina

You're perfectly reasonable in your approach. Let time and actions determine what happens next. Don't let Coli babble and the "dating crisis" hyperbole mess with you. Only thing messing with you is the "excitement" of wanting to spend time with a chick you like.....As it should be. All those esoteric feelings in the air now should just be embraced and enjoyed for better or worse, that is living.


What are you going to do about that "phone call" coming at the end of the week though?.... .........Are you going to entertain her or be standup and force her to come to terms with she needs to look elsewhere for the partner she wants?

 

[The Jewnited States]

You're perfectly reasonable in your approach. Let time and actions determine what happens next. Don't let Coli babble and the "dating crisis" hyperbole mess with you. Only thing messing with you is the "excitement" of wanting to spend time with a chick you like.....As it should be. All those esoteric feelings in the air now should just be embraced and enjoyed for better or worse, that is living.


What are you going to do about that "phone call" coming at the end of the week though?.... .........Are you going to entertain her or be standup and force her to come to terms with she needs to look elsewhere for the partner she wants?

That sounds like a problem for future me

I am telling myself to stay strong and don't fall back into the p*ssy and by extension fall back into that limbo mode relationship we were in. That's always gonna be an important one to me though, so I'ma keep it cordial but firm. If she needs help, then I got her. But all the romantic fantasy shyt she got going on in her head I think I'm gonna have to stand tall and dead it

 

[trap101-ETHout-Allegri-In]

I guess I'm in the phase where I know enough about her to know I wanna continue seeing her and spending time with her. I also know, that I dont know her well enough to say with any certainty that I want to wife her up. I don't need to be explaining all that shyt to her right now though


I must have lost my damn mind sending that text. Should have just waited it out and played it cool.

So..........you're dating then?........ ......Cause that's exactly what it is..