I just let a chic go for this very reason. After the 3rd or 4th I'm expecting the reciprocity to show. If I don't get that I turn my attention elsewhere. No hard feelings but the person for you should be just as excited to plan dates for you as you are for them.
Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women
- Thread starter Rominati
- Start date
like @WIA20XX said, the 3rd place is going to be more important than just cold approaching
if you have a comfortable environment that translates to you approaching with more confidence
Action Mike
All praise..
Lol none past the 4th, and that was something I was doing anyway so she came along
anyone that has experienced real initiators knows what I'm talking about, I don't like counting things I do for people but come on you can't plan nothing too?
Weak suggestions to go here or there that I have to plan and pay for anyway don't count too
This used to happen to me all the time when I was about 30. Some of it was just my naievte or lack of interest in sexual/dating politics and norms. It never even occurred to me that someone would think like that
It's different with each person, sure, but what happened more than once, and I take some responsibility, is I would go out with someone, we have an objectively good time, and then I would kind of expect some follow up, or some kind of invite. and it wouldn't come. And then I would just kind of drift to another person, and forget it. See the woman later and they would be like what happened to you?!
to me, it felt like a very reasonable expectation that someone would kind of mirror you. if we go to a high end spot, chaffufered transport, have a great time, at least hit me and invite for ice cream, but a lot of people's ego's won't let them. fixed ideas about gender and power and things like that. there's a lot of vulnerability in inviting someone.
It's different with each person, sure, but what happened more than once, and I take some responsibility, is I would go out with someone, we have an objectively good time, and then I would kind of expect some follow up, or some kind of invite. and it wouldn't come. And then I would just kind of drift to another person, and forget it. See the woman later and they would be like what happened to you?!
to me, it felt like a very reasonable expectation that someone would kind of mirror you. if we go to a high end spot, chaffufered transport, have a great time, at least hit me and invite for ice cream, but a lot of people's ego's won't let them. fixed ideas about gender and power and things like that. there's a lot of vulnerability in inviting someone.
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Leaders don't get days off.
Heavy is the head that wears the crown...
Lotta times when the chick is just "taking, taking, taking" - you'll ask yourself if her company is worth it.
NOW DON'T TAKE THIS WRONG WAY, Not you Action Mike - but a lotta you incel lurkers read my stuff and follow me around the internet..
A LOT OF GIRLS are very very passive.
Chick might be hella in to you, ready to go at the drop of a hat, but you have to make all of the moves.
- You gotta step to her
- You gotta make her laugh
- You gotta ask all the questions
- You gotta to decide when you're gonna leave the venue
-
You gotta start disrobing first
[*]You might even need to help her out - You gotta direct all the JBO activities.
- You gotta pick every damn meal
- You gotta be the one to want to be exclusive
etc.
And in a lot of these cases
You gotta front most of the bills.
You gotta deal with her dissent and not liking your decisions, before the fact, while it's happening, and after the fact, and then later on she might bring it up - BUT SHE WILL NEVER PUT HERSELF OUT THERE AND TELL YOU WHAT SHE WANTS.
At the same time, some chicks are so passive that they get in the worst situations because they can't assert themselves.
They let life happen to them.
Lotta dudes say they want a woman to submit, but then they aren't leaders.
Sometimes you end up with a 100% submissive woman, totally believes everything you say, but you basically gotta teach her what to do.
And then there's the opposite, the 100%, wannabe alpha female, that when things pop off, she steps behind you instead of standing with you or taking the lead...
This is what you signed up for when you wanted to be a man.
if you make all the moves, they can never feel rejected. There's a power dynamic that is at play. A lot of woman will straight up tell me that. I don't want a guy who I like more than he likes me. I don't want to make any plans or plan a date.
which to me, seems like 1) a bad precedent and 2) sometimes I can see why because someone will ask me, and I'm like I'm not eating there, or seeing that movie lol but we can do something better
which to me, seems like 1) a bad precedent and 2) sometimes I can see why because someone will ask me, and I'm like I'm not eating there, or seeing that movie lol but we can do something better
Action Mike
All praise..
I totally get what you're saying, and I think as men we lead from the front when it comes to women in all avenues. Especially on some women being genuinely down for you but are very passive, that's cool but in real life we know things ain't as black and white as that: church girl vs boss bytch. That's some internet shyt.
There's a spectrum there mixed in with different agendas and motives - some good and bad, but how I think men can filter through that by have action leaning expectations, rather than just adopting an adult. In my opinion.
also, takes confidence to plan a date. that's one valid reason it's attractive. it shows you know what you want, and can get it. Shows your taste level, your income, to some degree. Your class level. A lot of people don't have that confidence. a lot of men and women are fronting hard about how secure they are in themselves.
There's a lot that goes into asking someone out on a real date. not like 'lets chill sometime'
recently, I said something like "you want me to show you what's dope in YOUR city?!" and sometimes I have to.
There's a lot that goes into asking someone out on a real date. not like 'lets chill sometime'
recently, I said something like "you want me to show you what's dope in YOUR city?!" and sometimes I have to.
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Everything Zen
All Star
recently came to the conclusion that i'll most likely be a lifelong bachelor and it's actually a little saddening lol
a large part of me still wants to eventually find that woman that feels like home and have her build with me, but i don't think ill ever have enough tolerance for the tomfoolery that comes with dealing with women on that level.
a large part of me still wants to eventually find that woman that feels like home and have her build with me, but i don't think ill ever have enough tolerance for the tomfoolery that comes with dealing with women on that level.
VertigoKnight
Veteran
Exactly. Chick I've been seeing since end of 2022.
First date I initiated.
Second date she invited me around her place for brunch.
Then she did most of the initiating. She knew she was in competition with a ton of other women and acted accordingly. If you want someone you make an effort.
If I'm doing all the chasing gets me a wondering what she's feeling. I smell low effort I'm outta there.
These days it's easy to see it.
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VertigoKnight
Veteran
There out there,but it takes a lot of work and often it happens by accident rather than design.
But I was feeling the same. Was priming to be a long term bachelor. As there was a disconnect with a lot of women out here in terms of getting together and talking about future plans. Especially if you've been seeing one another for a while. I used to be hesitant to it.
It's a scary proposition. I can see why most people back the fukk up and act aloof like nothing affects them. Meanwhile they yearn building and growing old with someone.
But I get it. Too many emotional fukked up people out here both male and female. I can see why many keep it casual. They can't handle anything serious.
I swore off dating apps but it's summer and my phone is dry as hell so I'm thinking of getting back on hinge. I just hate the process of swiping endlessly and trying to keep a woman's attention. The plan was to start meeting women organically but that's much easier said than done.
shyt 2 Max lol. after 2nd date other hoes and if she don't hit you up to meet then it won't even matter.
on this exact subject from earlier, going to see Longlegs tomorrow with a longtime romantic/friendship, like 10 years
she hits me like she wants to eat before the movie, which in our shorthand means more romance than friendship for tomorrow
she's like just give me a time to pick you up and you do everything else. where to eat, what theater, what time.
she hits me like she wants to eat before the movie, which in our shorthand means more romance than friendship for tomorrow
she's like just give me a time to pick you up and you do everything else. where to eat, what theater, what time.
