Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women

[Primetime]

Appreciate that yall , i just needed a place to vent real quick about that bullshyt from last night lol


My fellow naija breh @Don Drogo whats good fam?!?


and @kevm3 yea, I shouldn’t have been so nonchalant about goin with her choice. Shouldve hit her with the ‘nah we goin to chilis ’ and at that point she probably would’ve showed her true colors and I’d have deaded it then & there... instead of wasting time getting dressed and driving there thinkin I’ma try some original burger & fries joint with some ‘down to earth’ chick


With past females when I state where we should go (and yea I agree we should take the lead in this) its never really been an issue one way or another unless she counters with a familiar place that I also like that has me . So it is fukked up how you can do it right a dozen times but it could be the one time u don’t cross all ur Ts and dot all ur Is that u end up lookin like “”


But hey, lesson learned/reaffirmed.

 

[Mike Ock]

I haven't been in this thread in perhaps a year or so but this shyt is so real and I just came home from a situation that exemplified it.

long story/rant. apologies in advance.

Just the other day I had just entered the checkout line at the grocery store when I caught my eye on this BAD dark skinned thing just comin in the store and goin to the hair products aisle. Mind you she had sweat pants and a whatever v shirt on but you could still see the big ol jello booty bouncing with each step and the big ol titty cleavage sandwhichin a thin waist and a very pretty face (w/o makeup). So i was like fukk it, i turn my cart around go up to where she was at lookin at products and hit her with whatever line about finding her cute and wanting to introduce myself, yadda yadda. She was receptive but she told me that she was seein someone and had a 3 month year old kid () . So whether she was bullshyttin or not I was already voicing my exit strategy on some 'well, i'll see ya around, peace' when she asked me where I worked b/c i was wearin a lanyard from my job (Id just came from work). She asked me if i worked at the store and i said nah and showed her that the lanyard was actually the name of this big time energy company that i worked for. Her eyes shot up and she talkin about how her best friend works in that same energy industry and she's the one who hooked her up with the current dude she's dating b/c the dude she had the baby with left her () and she'd been goin on dating sites trying to find someone with no luck, and she aint 'really' with the current dude cuz its been only 2 weeks and blah blah blah.

So at this point i'm lookin at her like.. ok, too many red flags... but ( @ me) she sweet as hell, comes across humble (or humbled), and that ass is very phat ().. so i said fukk it, i told her to exchange numbers wit me and we'll go grab dinner sometime to get to kno each other and shyt. She was down.

-----------

So the next day i hit her up like, aight lets go grab a bite to eat or whatever. She's like cool, i say what about chilis, she said she liked this one spot tho... so i google map it and i swear i only see like this burger place, and so i'm like whatever, cool. So we plan on meeting up at 9p and I text her like "ok so its in this location right?" and she txts back "nah, its in the mall" () I say.. aight. i'm thinkin the food court area. So i get there and i dont see the restaurant nor her so i call her like, ok where is it, where u at, i'm at the food court." She hits me with "no its right outside the mall, with the valet parking" I'm already thinkin "valet..? this bytch right here.." So turns out its this fancy lil restaurant where everything not an appetizer is basically 50-60 bucks minimum. appetizers started at 20, the small ass lil desert cakes are on some $80 tip and nothin but old chubby white people eating there.. and i'm lookin at this like "this bopper bytch think she slick... ".


So just as im figuring all this out, she arrives lookin straight video vixen instagram model status with the tight 'elegant stripper' (lol) lookin outfit, but im already too far gone with this. It became awkward cuz they asked if we had a reservation (i was like ), but they sat us down and they asked her if she wanted to try some new fancy ass drink and she was like "oh of course!" . They turn to me, i'm like: "water ". So waitress leaves and at that point bopper asks me, so this place is above ur level? on some borderline snide shyt but i kept my cool and said this wasn't what i was expectin, i dont kno shyt about you, so I thought we were hittin a burger place to get to kno each other (i had originally suggested chilis, so the place she said and that i googled seemed within the same 'type' so thats why i assumed what i did & didnt even occur to me to clarify b4 hand.. smh) . So we had a short back n forth about the name/directions but then she said well this is the type of place i go on all my first dates , that she dont do shyt like 'chilis', and the dude she was with b4 was a major producer and the guy before him an athlete, and she aint lowerin her standards for no one." "I aint living an ordinary life" she throws in there.


lol

So I got up and said "Good luck findin some baller then. but that producer just ditched u and ur barely 3 month old daughter, so keep that shyt in mind with them standards of urs' and I bounced. Didnt pay for shyt. i should've brought up how her ass admitted to scavenging on datin sites lookin for love and how shes a 'real estate agent' with no specified education (she had dodged that question the day we met) but wants to live the privileged life. But, at that point i was thinkin about gettin outta there and not about tryna start some ignorant lovenhiphop mess.

..... .....

 

[philmonroe]

Appreciate that yall , i just needed a place to vent real quick about that bullshyt from last night lol


My fellow naija breh @Don Drogo whats good fam?!?


and @kevm3 yea, I shouldn’t have been so nonchalant about goin with her choice. Shouldve hit her with the ‘nah we goin to chilis ’ and at that point she probably would’ve showed her true colors and I’d have deaded it then & there... instead of wasting time getting dressed and driving there thinkin I’ma try some original burger & fries joint with some ‘down to earth’ chick


With past females when I state where we should go (and yea I agree we should take the lead in this) its never really been an issue one way or another unless she counters with a familiar place that I also like that has me . So it is fukked up how you can do it right a dozen times but it could be the one time u don’t cross all ur Ts and dot all ur Is that u end up lookin like “”


But hey, lesson learned/reaffirmed.

Te only question I got is did you really learn? I think next big but chick you see you probably going to be in that same mode you were in. Even though Kev doesn't say nothing about it you sound just like the male "hoes" he was talking about in his earlier post. I'm not trying to shyt on you either I'm just saying you knew the red flags but you still proceeded and made up some fly reason why it was ok. That's all and don't like to see people make them mistakes because all it seems to lead to is bitterness which is never good for future dating. Good luck in the future though.

 

[Two Stacks]

I. Say Nothing or be very concise.
A) If a chick dumps you through text message say nothing.B) If it's over the phone just say ok and I gotta go.c) if its face to face stay calm and slowly make your exit.

Why? Keep your emotions in check, the less you say the less of anything you say or do that you will regret later will happen.
Keeping your dignity is one of the biggest and best things you can do. Years later I still kick myself over writing a letter and sending it to a girl I was dating who dumped me. It will also make her ponder why isn't he crying, screaming, begging, getting angry, asking why etc.

2. Don't contact her ever again.
Everyone knows of the no contact rule and trust me it works, by not contacting her, fishing on facebook, twitter, instagram etc. for info. She will slowly but surely get smaller and smaller in your mind. I've been there a ex on my mind it seems 24/7, first thing when I wake up in the morning and the last thing at night. But by instilling No Contact she slowly started to disappear as every day went on.

3. Don't be friends with the ex
Exes only want to be friends to relieve their guilt, keep you as a backup in case the new dude doesn't work out and/or string you along to mess with your emotions. I was friends with an ex once and it set me back like almost 5 years of my life because emotions I thought were dead kept reappearing, just dead it cut the cord go your separate ways.


4. Go hardcore and disappear
I'm the type of person if the relationship was somewhat substantial to change my number so my heart ain't racing every time I get a text, or a phone call. To change my email, disable any social networking until I'm healed. From my personal experience this is the quickest and best way, there is zero chance if you take these steps of her contacting you which kills all the disgusting disease known as hope. I remember after a breakup I would constantly check my phone I did not want my ex to contact to me but a tiny part I guess would not have minded the ego boost if she cracked and text me or called. When I finally changed my number the release I felt was overwhelming. As for social networking, I remember I changed my number but a ex hit me up through facebook writing me a message begging for another chance.



5.Remove any pictures
Yep remove all pictures of you two you may have hanging around, nothing is worse than seeing a picture of you and your ex smiling by your bedside etc. Again if you can go hardcore, throw all those pictures in the trash, cut the cord now. This goes as well for deleting all pictures of your ex on your computer, yes even the nudes ones and any sex videos you made, now you can always put them on a usb and store it if you must, but why look at the past?

6. Let your emotions out.

As men we keep stuff inside, but trust me nothing is better than just venting whether it's writing on a piece of paper how you feel, talking to someone who has your back, even going to therapy. Let all that hate, angry, sadness, pain out. Make sure not to her though, NEVER LET YOUR EX KNOW YOUR EMOTIONS.


7. Travel

Travelling saved me when I was at my lowest point, sulking locked up in my room. A week away did wonders, being surrounded by beautiful women by the beach without any worries in the world opens your eyes and realize you'll be OK. That it's a big world out there with billions of women and the release you feel from just relaxing enjoying life is great.

8. Realize your ex isn't all that

As a man who has dated models, and beautiful women of different ethnicities sometimes the "damn will I ever get another broad that beautiful again " thoughts hit. Realize you did it once and you can do it again, hell there are hundreds of millions of women out there who look better than your ex if all you care about is looks, and there are tons of other women out there who will be much more compatible, so don't stress it at all. I remember after I broke up with my ex fiance I was like damn, she was so beautiful, she never wore makeup, barely dressed up but wherever she would go jaws would just drop would I ever get that again. I mean I wasn't even thinking of how much of a leech, conniving, horrible person my ex was to me just that she was the most beautiful girl in the world (in my eyes), and I'll never be that "lucky again". It's amazing how your ex could be straight horrible, offering nothing, in your mind you wished many times you could just go your separate ways. But once you are broken up your mind plays tricks on you and suddenly she is a 10/10. Realize your ex ain't that special, your mind is a powerful tool that is playing tricks on you.

9. Hit up relationship forums and read stories worse than yours!!

Wow you sick b*stard!!, Yup, you think you got it bad because your ex dumped you, or you found out your ex cheated, or you dumped her and your struggling why did I do that? Just hit up any relationship forum and read stories of 20 year marriages broken up, or 7 year relationships ended. Realize hey there are others going through this, my situation is not that special, I will get over this. And at least I wasn't married with 2 kids and now paying alimony and child support.

10. Learn from your Mistakes
Learning from your mistakes is key, maybe you didn't follow your gut. I remember in two relationships in my life, I had this feeling and ran into red flags early on when I should have walked away, but the sex was good, they were hot , I didn't want to hurt their feelings so I said screwed it, fell for them and then ended up getting burnt in the end.This taught me in future relationships when I see red flags, or get a feeling to start my engine and get out of there. Remember in all your past relationships the common denominator is YOU!!!


Summing it up BREHS!!!

It's up to you, how long you want to live and battle with the pain. Sad thing is most exes only want you back when you finally reach the point of no longer caring or wanting them back. I say wrote this earlier

 

[Two Stacks]

brehs im in the wrong or do you agree with me?

the 2nd girl i ever loved and thought i would possibly marry, she dumped me said she didn't love me anymore then started dating someone else right after me (im pretty sure she cheated) and now their engaged etc. well I just found out there doing counselling and USING MY BROTHER IN LAW AND SISTER who are pastors as their counsellors

I'm livid and told my sister she is disrespecting me and if they continue this and do the wedding or even attend teh wedding that i sever the ties with them for life for this blatant disrespect.

Of course now i'm being portrayed as unreasonable and bla bla what would Jesus do etc.

your sister should know better. I would be pissed as hell. fukk Jesus in this case. Blood should always be thicker than water. This girl strung you along, fukked you over, and still has the nerve to go to your sister. She obviously knew what she was doing when she did that. And your sister thinking she has turned over a new leaf and is none the wiser.

I'd say stick to your word. I've had bickering with family member where i stopped talking to them for a good period of time (~6 months), and they've realized the mistakes they made and we bonded much better. Be mad at your sister, tell her that you will not tolerate this kind of disrespect, and if she goes through with it, then you'll never forgive her. Stay strong breh.

I haven't been in this thread in perhaps a year or so but this shyt is so real and I just came home from a situation that exemplified it.

long story/rant. apologies in advance.

Just the other day I had just entered the checkout line at the grocery store when I caught my eye on this BAD dark skinned thing just comin in the store and goin to the hair products aisle. Mind you she had sweat pants and a whatever v shirt on but you could still see the big ol jello booty bouncing with each step and the big ol titty cleavage sandwhichin a thin waist and a very pretty face (w/o makeup). So i was like fukk it, i turn my cart around go up to where she was at lookin at products and hit her with whatever line about finding her cute and wanting to introduce myself, yadda yadda. She was receptive but she told me that she was seein someone and had a 3 month year old kid () . So whether she was bullshyttin or not I was already voicing my exit strategy on some 'well, i'll see ya around, peace' when she asked me where I worked b/c i was wearin a lanyard from my job (Id just came from work). She asked me if i worked at the store and i said nah and showed her that the lanyard was actually the name of this big time energy company that i worked for. Her eyes shot up and she talkin about how her best friend works in that same energy industry and she's the one who hooked her up with the current dude she's dating b/c the dude she had the baby with left her () and she'd been goin on dating sites trying to find someone with no luck, and she aint 'really' with the current dude cuz its been only 2 weeks and blah blah blah.

So at this point i'm lookin at her like.. ok, too many red flags... but ( @ me) she sweet as hell, comes across humble (or humbled), and that ass is very phat ().. so i said fukk it, i told her to exchange numbers wit me and we'll go grab dinner sometime to get to kno each other and shyt. She was down.

-----------

So the next day i hit her up like, aight lets go grab a bite to eat or whatever. She's like cool, i say what about chilis, she said she liked this one spot tho... so i google map it and i swear i only see like this burger place, and so i'm like whatever, cool. So we plan on meeting up at 9p and I text her like "ok so its in this location right?" and she txts back "nah, its in the mall" () I say.. aight. i'm thinkin the food court area. So i get there and i dont see the restaurant nor her so i call her like, ok where is it, where u at, i'm at the food court." She hits me with "no its right outside the mall, with the valet parking" I'm already thinkin "valet..? this bytch right here.." So turns out its this fancy lil restaurant where everything not an appetizer is basically 50-60 bucks minimum. appetizers started at 20, the small ass lil desert cakes are on some $80 tip and nothin but old chubby white people eating there.. and i'm lookin at this like "this bopper bytch think she slick... ".


So just as im figuring all this out, she arrives lookin straight video vixen instagram model status with the tight 'elegant stripper' (lol) lookin outfit, but im already too far gone with this. It became awkward cuz they asked if we had a reservation (i was like ), but they sat us down and they asked her if she wanted to try some new fancy ass drink and she was like "oh of course!" . They turn to me, i'm like: "water ". So waitress leaves and at that point bopper asks me, so this place is above ur level? on some borderline snide shyt but i kept my cool and said this wasn't what i was expectin, i dont kno shyt about you, so I thought we were hittin a burger place to get to kno each other (i had originally suggested chilis, so the place she said and that i googled seemed within the same 'type' so thats why i assumed what i did & didnt even occur to me to clarify b4 hand.. smh) . So we had a short back n forth about the name/directions but then she said well this is the type of place i go on all my first dates , that she dont do shyt like 'chilis', and the dude she was with b4 was a major producer and the guy before him an athlete, and she aint lowerin her standards for no one." "I aint living an ordinary life" she throws in there.


lol

So I got up and said "Good luck findin some baller then. but that producer just ditched u and ur barely 3 month old daughter, so keep that shyt in mind with them standards of urs' and I bounced. Didnt pay for shyt. i should've brought up how her ass admitted to scavenging on datin sites lookin for love and how shes a 'real estate agent' with no specified education (she had dodged that question the day we met) but wants to live the privileged life. But, at that point i was thinkin about gettin outta there and not about tryna start some ignorant lovenhiphop mess.

Reincar is not wrong. And fukk that other bytch. You dont tolerate that.

I had a chick I woulda dealt with but she told me that she had sexual abuse etc etc in her youth. She's really into church and all. very smart, paramedic, own place, actually liked me, turned down nikkas waiting on me. I ran away when she said that shyt. was I wrong?
She specifically said she's looking for a husband and she felt i fit the bill.

 

[The ADD]

Reincar is not wrong. And fukk that other bytch. You dont tolerate that.

I had a chick I woulda dealt with but she told me that she had sexual abuse etc etc in her youth. She's really into church and all. very smart, paramedic, own place, actually liked me, turned down nikkas waiting on me. I ran away when she said that shyt. was I wrong?
She specifically said she's looking for a husband and she felt i fit the bill.

Wrong? No

I would have at least tested the waters since she seemed to have a lot going for her

 

[Poh SIti Dawn]

This girl who bakes at a coffee shop I frequent always looks at me, smiles, lowly whispers 'hi'. I've spoken to everyone in there, I'm cool with all of them that works but her. So finally Monday she comes to me and asks my friends say name (he works near and goes into that coffee shop all the time) I was wondering whether she was just asking me to spark a convo or what?

Also there's another cute one, every time we see each other we speak, sometimes go out and smoke a cigarette but yesterday I saw her and waved. My mind dabbles in and out of this, do I talk to these chicks cause they both seem cool or do I keep my distance and work on.finding a job? I feel not to be bothered by anyone unless I'm clubbing because I feel like the responsibility of finding a job is more important.

What y'all sayin

 

[TheArchitect]

Do any of you know someone who has/have a vindictive nature? (not just toward females, but in general). I had it BAD when I was younger. I guess it came from being slighted and played with growing up, but a nikka can get VERY cold and ruthless....

There's also that tidbit of info from the video previously posted about how nikkaz from Cali don't play by the same rules as others that could be an explanation...I'm from SOUTH CENTRAL....

 

[Turbulent]

This girl who bakes at a coffee shop I frequent always looks at me, smiles, lowly whispers 'hi'. I've spoken to everyone in there, I'm cool with all of them that works but her. So finally Monday she comes to me and asks my friends say name (he works near and goes into that coffee shop all the time) I was wondering whether she was just asking me to spark a convo or what?

Also there's another cute one, every time we see each other we speak, sometimes go out and smoke a cigarette but yesterday I saw her and waved. My mind dabbles in and out of this, do I talk to these chicks cause they both seem cool or do I keep my distance and work on.finding a job? I feel not to be bothered by anyone unless I'm clubbing because I feel like the responsibility of finding a job is more important.

What y'all sayin

these are the two questions you ask but truth be told, the first question, how can we tell you what to do if we don't know the chick? You still worrying about what her intentions are, what she means by this, what she means by that. why not worry instead about what you want from her? and if you don't want anything from her, why even care why she asked you a question?

second question, i mean, no offense but you're a grown man, why are you asking us if you should focus more on finding a job than pursuing a chick? how the hell should we know what you should do? I personally would do both unless talking to them somehow prevents me from focusing on finding a job. Stop looking for cosigners breh.Time to grow up.

 

[Poh SIti Dawn]

if a chick is really feeling you, she would rather you pick the place. from her perspective, if you pick the place, she'
these are the two questions you ask but truth be told, the first question, how can we tell you what to do if we don't know the chick? You still worrying about what her intentions are, what she means by this, what she means by that. why not worry instead about what you want from her? and if you don't want anything from her, why even care why she asked you a question?

second question, i mean, no offense but you're a grown man, why are you asking us if you should focus more on finding a job than pursuing a chick? how the hell should we know what you should do? I personally would do both unless talking to them somehow prevents me from focusing on finding a job. Stop looking for cosigners breh.Time to grow up.

I'm not looking for cosigners, it wasn't a matter important enough to ask about, I just felt the need to present my thoughts.


No offense taken loool

 

[NormanConnors]

what's the word on being friends with an ex (mistake i know now, first one I tried this with), one with a kid, has a great job but is going through tough times

-said ex eventually get's herself a bf, but continues to ask/rely on you for help/assistance on things like nothing has changed, not really conscious to anything you may have going on/lined up unless you tell her, but is understanding if you dont have time.

-keep in mind you were able to give so much time initially because you were not in anything official yourself, just the casual breezies, even doing a bid of friends with benefits with the said ex every once in a while , and of course the ex was single, otherwise you wouldn't be there that closely in the first place unless it was for fukkery


-and you were cool with helping out early on because she is actually good person that helped you out in the past during yall relationship , plus her son is a good kid and reminds you of yourself at his age (so easy to get attached to kids ), and needs that male guidance
- during this time you get a tone/sense that maybe the ex is now finally seeing somebody official ( cool hopefully it' s a good dude, is nice to the kid and etc), just a gut feeling no confirmation, and from there you slowly tone your contributions down.

-once she finally notifies you of the new bf she has, you explain to the ex (in a calm manner) you are cutting off the financial aspect of assistance you were providing and that maybe her bf should take over that job since they are that serious

- ex gets all over this and claims she cant tell her new bf about her financial situation because of embarrassment , and is still when you wont budge on your stance


- ex is still all calling you all types of hypocrites, having agendas, and etc, looking to make a friend feel guilty by using the word "friend" as a crutch (in my opinion)


-ex also claims that the bf knows about you (keep in mind this is: staying overnight at her apt frequently to help out with the kid, prior relationship-both as bf&gf and recently friends with bennies, financial assistance, being a male role model/father figure to her soon to be 4 year old son, all for the past 3 years)
can someone explain to me what's going here? I can go into more detail if needed (kind of complicated), but what is so hard for a chick to understand about the different levels between a guy that is a friend (with prior history like an ex/no bad blood) and a guy that is now "thee" man in her relationship? Am I wrong for cutting my resources off? I mean her man should be that type of support in my opinion.

She has this boyfriend (i found proof that they love each other even) yet still to this day wants to contact a brotha first when she has emergencies like needing to go to the hospital and stuff like that.
Why would this brotha be the first contact on some seriousness like that . I understand friends help out in the time of need, but still some of this behavior is weird to me.

 

[Rawtid]

Hey I need a male opinion for those of you that like me.

This guy I'm talking to is closing on his second property in two weeks. Is it "wack" to send him an edible arrangement or some type of small gift on a congratulatory tip? I thought of a card but my homegirl said men don't appreciate cards unless money is in it. I'm just genuinely happy/excited for him.

 

[DaRealness]

I just got back from my local leisure centre after playing some sports for a few hours. Myself and a friend were teaching a group of these young kids about 8-11 years old how to play badminton. Anyway, one of the boys was playing against this girl who kept doing this weird laugh every time he hit the shuttle with the intention of throwing him off his game. Lil dude said to her "Every time I hit the shuttle you always make noise and I want you to stop it right now" The girl was like "I'm sorry, I won't do it again" and played properly after that. Had me like . We need to rewards young males who show signs of manliness that will put them in good stead for the future and make them despise all this sissified mangina bullshyt that's being pushed on men worldwide.

There just may be hope yet, brehs.

Anyway........

I feel you on that. That's why I made that post saying I can't get mad at how females react. It's the man's fault a lot of the times for being so buttery soft... weak male feminists always bowing down and conceding to females. Some of these PUAs accepting nonstop respect in order to get a shot of that vagina. When females punish these dudes for being professional butt kissers, how can I get mad at that? You're right on checking disrespect at the door and not letting these broads play these little games with you. They'll do something wrong and try to act like you're wrong for getting offended by saying you're sensitive or how you need to loosen up or you're insecure or some nonsense. The average guy will give in because he's quick to bow down and is easily manipulated. If you don't have respect from a woman, you don't have anything... and the only way to get respect is to make sure she respects you and to check her when she comes with something slick. A man should never try to keep around a woman by any means necessary. YOU are the prize and it's her privilege to be around you and if she comes with some downtalk, privilege revoked...

This is why as a man you just have to stand by your own principles and never be swayed by shaming tactics and reverse psychology by females or their simp/mangina counterparts....when you stand your ground and check a broad you're being "sensitive" or you take yourself too seriously, but when you don't check them, you're not being a man and they see you as a punk. It's lose, lose either way you look at it, but at least you'll be "losing" (hence winning) in your own way. They play on the fact that no man likes to feel emasculated, so they pull all these little stunts as a subtle way to get inside your head and manipulate you. Nah, I'm not the one for that. I'm not gonna tolerate being called "boring" or "stupid" or any of these other little names....look at it like this: would you call your grandparents "stupid" jokingly? F**k no. No one would even DARE to think that's cool. Everyone is not equal, I'm sorry. I will tell a broad I'm not one of your peers, I'm a fukking MAN and you will either respect me as such or get lost.

I don't care if I sound cavemannish or overly harsh, it is what it is. I'm not playing with these broads anymore. I notice too many of them think they can just talk and act any way they want because society allows it and makes excuses for them. I have a sense of humour and can banter with a woman or anyone else, but if you cross a certain line, you're gonna know about. Just like how a chick will check a man for disrespectfully approaching her, men should check them for being equally disrespectful. If that makes you "sensitive", fine. I notice some of the women in my family are like that, and then they wonder why they struggle to find men who give a fukk about them or why their relationships last as long as a cheap pair of socks. They don't like when you stand up to them and always have to control everything and get one over on you, so therefore I simply don't fukk with them too tough. I'm not having that negative energy around me.

Playing games my left nut. Its only playing games cuz you stopped entertaining her and you stood your ground and she feels like shyt. And because of that, you are sensitive. I've had the same thing happen to me breh. What really cheeses me the most though is when they say stuff like this after the fact. Like i got 0 fukks for your BS and then you go ahead and call me sensitive because of that? I usually cut them off once and for all the minute i hear something like this.

Exactly and I can't stand people who throw rocks and hide their hands. When she made that remark, she immediately sent me two unrelated jokey messages straight after (in a weak attempt to soften the blow) like that was gonna take my mind off it, so she knew what she said was out of order. Even if she did mean that shyt in jest, the fact is she doesn't know me like that. If we were face to face and familiar with each other then it would probably be different, but you always get those people who like to test you just to see where your mind is at.

Now, the old me would have probably sent her a message back on some "what makes you think I'm boring?" or "I DO like to have fun. I do....xyz....", you know, explaining myself and apologising for being myself - in other words, giving the power away to someone else like a little punk. Guaranteed if I did that, she would have never have even contacted me again. This why I've always said that the best way to punish a broad is total indifference and withdrawing all your attention. Not putting your hands on her or engaging in any back and forth bullshyt arguments over nothing, just shut off like a light switch and be done with her altogether. They hate that shyt and can't handle that. I just KNEW I was gonna be hearing from that broad again, either directly or indirectly through my cousin. I ain't gonna lie though, a part of me felt on the inside, but I wasn't playing a game, I meant it when I told her she can delete me and go message another dude instead. fukk I look justifying myself to a bytch I don't even know?

Thankfully, I've developed and become a hell of a lot wiser and tougher - and I'm still growing. I still slip from time to time, but overall I've come a long way. Sometimes you have to go through pressure in order to become a diamond.

#HOH for 2014.

 

[Atlrocafella]

what's the word on being friends with an ex (mistake i know now, first one I tried this with), one with a kid, has a great job but is going through tough times

-said ex eventually get's herself a bf, but continues to ask/rely on you for help/assistance on things like nothing has changed, not really conscious to anything you may have going on/lined up unless you tell her, but is understanding if you dont have time.

-keep in mind you were able to give so much time initially because you were not in anything official yourself, just the casual breezies, even doing a bid of friends with benefits with the said ex every once in a while , and of course the ex was single, otherwise you wouldn't be there that closely in the first place unless it was for fukkery


-and you were cool with helping out early on because she is actually good person that helped you out in the past during yall relationship , plus her son is a good kid and reminds you of yourself at his age (so easy to get attached to kids ), and needs that male guidance
- during this time you get a tone/sense that maybe the ex is now finally seeing somebody official ( cool hopefully it' s a good dude, is nice to the kid and etc), just a gut feeling no confirmation, and from there you slowly tone your contributions down.

-once she finally notifies you of the new bf she has, you explain to the ex (in a calm manner) you are cutting off the financial aspect of assistance you were providing and that maybe her bf should take over that job since they are that serious

- ex gets all over this and claims she cant tell her new bf about her financial situation because of embarrassment , and is still when you wont budge on your stance


- ex is still all calling you all types of hypocrites, having agendas, and etc, looking to make a friend feel guilty by using the word "friend" as a crutch (in my opinion)


-ex also claims that the bf knows about you (keep in mind this is: staying overnight at her apt frequently to help out with the kid, prior relationship-both as bf&gf and recently friends with bennies, financial assistance, being a male role model/father figure to her soon to be 4 year old son, all for the past 3 years)
can someone explain to me what's going here? I can go into more detail if needed (kind of complicated), but what is so hard for a chick to understand about the different levels between a guy that is a friend (with prior history like an ex/no bad blood) and a guy that is now "thee" man in her relationship? Am I wrong for cutting my resources off? I mean her man should be that type of support in my opinion.

She has this boyfriend (i found proof that they love each other even) yet still to this day wants to contact a brotha first when she has emergencies like needing to go to the hospital and stuff like that.
Why would this brotha be the first contact on some seriousness like that . I understand friends help out in the time of need, but still some of this behavior is weird to me.

Just know you are absolutely doing the right thing. She's trying to keep you in the pocket until she's ready to fully let you go. That isn't fair to you or your resources. She has a man, you are no longer he responsibility(really you shouldn't have been when she became your ex long before that),

You gotta be firm with your decision and toss her to the bushes so she knows you are not about to be playing any type of emotional game with her. Females are good for that shyt.

 

[kevm3]

Hey I need a male opinion for those of you that like me.

This guy I'm talking to is closing on his second property in two weeks. Is it "wack" to send him an edible arrangement or some type of small gift on a congratulatory tip? I thought of a card but my homegirl said men don't appreciate cards unless money is in it. I'm just genuinely happy/excited for him.

make him something to eat and send him that plate with that card. or buy him a watch and send it with the card. a man might be slightly appreciative of a card, but he'll take ten times the notice if it comes with something.

i bet you if you get him a watch he'll show his boys like, "Ay look at what my woman got me!"