Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women

[The Frozen One]

@NormanConnors .. Dude she got a bf now, that's her problem that she can't discuss her financial situation with him, not yours.

You told her how it's gonna be like and if she's not cool with that, then it's

Think about it this way, if you find a girl and she finds out you're still talking to the ex and even helping her out financially, you'll be in for big trouble.

Cut your losses, get over it and move on with your life. She's only holding onto you for the financial assistance, as soon as she gets the help she needs, you'll get the

 

[DaRealness]

I haven't been in this thread in perhaps a year or so but this shyt is so real and I just came home from a situation that exemplified it.

long story/rant. apologies in advance.

Just the other day I had just entered the checkout line at the grocery store when I caught my eye on this BAD dark skinned thing just comin in the store and goin to the hair products aisle. Mind you she had sweat pants and a whatever v shirt on but you could still see the big ol jello booty bouncing with each step and the big ol titty cleavage sandwhichin a thin waist and a very pretty face (w/o makeup). So i was like fukk it, i turn my cart around go up to where she was at lookin at products and hit her with whatever line about finding her cute and wanting to introduce myself, yadda yadda. She was receptive but she told me that she was seein someone and had a 3 month year old kid () . So whether she was bullshyttin or not I was already voicing my exit strategy on some 'well, i'll see ya around, peace' when she asked me where I worked b/c i was wearin a lanyard from my job (Id just came from work). She asked me if i worked at the store and i said nah and showed her that the lanyard was actually the name of this big time energy company that i worked for. Her eyes shot up and she talkin about how her best friend works in that same energy industry and she's the one who hooked her up with the current dude she's dating b/c the dude she had the baby with left her () and she'd been goin on dating sites trying to find someone with no luck, and she aint 'really' with the current dude cuz its been only 2 weeks and blah blah blah.

So at this point i'm lookin at her like.. ok, too many red flags... but ( @ me) she sweet as hell, comes across humble (or humbled), and that ass is very phat ().. so i said fukk it, i told her to exchange numbers wit me and we'll go grab dinner sometime to get to kno each other and shyt. She was down.

-----------

So the next day i hit her up like, aight lets go grab a bite to eat or whatever. She's like cool, i say what about chilis, she said she liked this one spot tho... so i google map it and i swear i only see like this burger place, and so i'm like whatever, cool. So we plan on meeting up at 9p and I text her like "ok so its in this location right?" and she txts back "nah, its in the mall" () I say.. aight. i'm thinkin the food court area. So i get there and i dont see the restaurant nor her so i call her like, ok where is it, where u at, i'm at the food court." She hits me with "no its right outside the mall, with the valet parking" I'm already thinkin "valet..? this bytch right here.." So turns out its this fancy lil restaurant where everything not an appetizer is basically 50-60 bucks minimum. appetizers started at 20, the small ass lil desert cakes are on some $80 tip and nothin but old chubby white people eating there.. and i'm lookin at this like "this bopper bytch think she slick... ".


So just as im figuring all this out, she arrives lookin straight video vixen instagram model status with the tight 'elegant stripper' (lol) lookin outfit, but im already too far gone with this. It became awkward cuz they asked if we had a reservation (i was like ), but they sat us down and they asked her if she wanted to try some new fancy ass drink and she was like "oh of course!" . They turn to me, i'm like: "water ". So waitress leaves and at that point bopper asks me, so this place is above ur level? on some borderline snide shyt but i kept my cool and said this wasn't what i was expectin, i dont kno shyt about you, so I thought we were hittin a burger place to get to kno each other (i had originally suggested chilis, so the place she said and that i googled seemed within the same 'type' so thats why i assumed what i did & didnt even occur to me to clarify b4 hand.. smh) . So we had a short back n forth about the name/directions but then she said well this is the type of place i go on all my first dates , that she dont do shyt like 'chilis', and the dude she was with b4 was a major producer and the guy before him an athlete, and she aint lowerin her standards for no one." "I aint living an ordinary life" she throws in there.


lol

So I got up and said "Good luck findin some baller then. but that producer just ditched u and ur barely 3 month old daughter, so keep that shyt in mind with them standards of urs' and I bounced. Didnt pay for shyt. i should've brought up how her ass admitted to scavenging on datin sites lookin for love and how shes a 'real estate agent' with no specified education (she had dodged that question the day we met) but wants to live the privileged life. But, at that point i was thinkin about gettin outta there and not about tryna start some ignorant lovenhiphop mess.

This reminds me of a thread some dude made on here in the coli early days about some broad he arranged to meet at some restaurant and the bytch brought her best friend and the friend's baby along and expected him to pay for all three of them.

You did the right thing. She probably thought you were a sucker and felt she could pull a fast one. LOL @ this airhead talking like she's so hot when she's a single mother and no dude has even wifed her. No doubt she's as broke as Mr Wendal living off simps and her friends. She was probably thinking that because you both were already there, you would be put on the spot and would feel that you might as well pay for it. fukk that. That money you spend on a chickenhead bytch could just as much go towards paying a couple of bills or fuel for your car.

Never feel too embarassed to get up and walk out. If you're driving and a chick is out of order, just pull up to the side and tell her to GTFO. These broads have been given way too much leeway and it's about time they learn the hard way now. Fun and games are over.

 

[Rawtid]

make him something to eat and send him that plate with that card. or buy him a watch and send it with the card. a man might be slightly appreciative of a card, but he'll take ten times the notice if it comes with something.

i bet you if you get him a watch he'll show his boys like, "Ay look at what my woman got me!"

we're not on watch buying level at this time but I can dig the food. He said he likes peanut butter cookies so I'm going to make him some and send it with a note card. Thank you for the response.

 

[kevm3]

what's the word on being friends with an ex (mistake i know now, first one I tried this with), one with a kid, has a great job but is going through tough times

-said ex eventually get's herself a bf, but continues to ask/rely on you for help/assistance on things like nothing has changed, not really conscious to anything you may have going on/lined up unless you tell her, but is understanding if you dont have time.

-keep in mind you were able to give so much time initially because you were not in anything official yourself, just the casual breezies, even doing a bid of friends with benefits with the said ex every once in a while , and of course the ex was single, otherwise you wouldn't be there that closely in the first place unless it was for fukkery


-and you were cool with helping out early on because she is actually good person that helped you out in the past during yall relationship , plus her son is a good kid and reminds you of yourself at his age (so easy to get attached to kids ), and needs that male guidance
- during this time you get a tone/sense that maybe the ex is now finally seeing somebody official ( cool hopefully it' s a good dude, is nice to the kid and etc), just a gut feeling no confirmation, and from there you slowly tone your contributions down.

-once she finally notifies you of the new bf she has, you explain to the ex (in a calm manner) you are cutting off the financial aspect of assistance you were providing and that maybe her bf should take over that job since they are that serious

- ex gets all over this and claims she cant tell her new bf about her financial situation because of embarrassment , and is still when you wont budge on your stance


- ex is still all calling you all types of hypocrites, having agendas, and etc, looking to make a friend feel guilty by using the word "friend" as a crutch (in my opinion)


-ex also claims that the bf knows about you (keep in mind this is: staying overnight at her apt frequently to help out with the kid, prior relationship-both as bf&gf and recently friends with bennies, financial assistance, being a male role model/father figure to her soon to be 4 year old son, all for the past 3 years)
can someone explain to me what's going here? I can go into more detail if needed (kind of complicated), but what is so hard for a chick to understand about the different levels between a guy that is a friend (with prior history like an ex/no bad blood) and a guy that is now "thee" man in her relationship? Am I wrong for cutting my resources off? I mean her man should be that type of support in my opinion.

She has this boyfriend (i found proof that they love each other even) yet still to this day wants to contact a brotha first when she has emergencies like needing to go to the hospital and stuff like that.
Why would this brotha be the first contact on some seriousness like that . I understand friends help out in the time of need, but still some of this behavior is weird to me.

she's using you as a favor buddy. this is why i'm wary of being too cool with women. a lot of them will try to hit you up for favors under the guise of friendship. it's not your business to finance her. that's what her man is there for. what she's doing is what a lot of women are very skilled at doing which is emotionally manipulating you to get her way. She is in the wrong, but is making you feel like you're wrong. to me it's disrespectful to the boyfriend as well. what does it look like from his perspective when he finds his woman is getting money from her ex... unless he one of them hustlers who will be like ay ma hit your ex up and make him pay our rent. man you're getting hustled. cut that stuff off.

 

[DaRealness]

Man the bottom line is respect is way more important than a shot at getting some sex or spending time with a woman. Way more. The reason why men have so many problems these days is they are led with that little head instead of their big head. They hear lame philosophies pumped by simp negroes around them telling them they better go jump off and do anything to be with such and such woman and rush to jump inside the legs of any decent looking woman that spreads her legs. The reality is what is SCARCE is valuable. Most men operate with the philosophy that the woman has something they have to have by any means necessary so she is free to charge him all day long. What a man should really do is work on himself and be as high value as possible and realize that he has what women want and if she doesn't know how to act, she gets dismissed. Screw all that listening to foul mouth talking, having these women pull all these stunts. The problem with a lot of men is they feel they must get a woman's attention by any means necessary so they are willing to endure her mouth, her trying to get free dinners, and a host of other disrespectful behaviors. Your self-respect is way more important. These dudes that allow all of that to go on are the male version of hoes. They allow anything to go on to get attention. They allow women to constantly disrespect them just like a ho does. That's why these women are acting the way they are and doing all these disrespectful things... too many men have a 'ho mentality.' They let women run all over them and do anything to them in exchange for attention. Other people will do to you what you will allow them to do.

When it's said and done, it's all about self-responsibility. A lot of women are coming with bad behavior, but as a man, it's up to you to step up and check them on it and let them know that they can't bring that around you... and you have to back your words with actions. If she gets out of line, her opportunity gets cut. You cannot maintain respect if you don't back it with action.

The man who has sexual discipline is the true winner.

With women it seems like sex isn't even that big a deal nearly as much as it is for men, therefore they have no problem withholding it for any reason.

Men have to be leaders of not only the women they're with, but of themselves. Sex has to be even less of a big deal with men because we're supposed to be innovative and busy making things happen and building. When you're idle is when all the b.s. pops into your head. You think many inventors and other legends of old that we look up to today had time for all this nonsense? When you have things to do and you're occupying yourself with virtuous and worthwhile things, then you ain't got time to be thinking of foolishness like laying down with every single woman you meet. Sex should just be a byproduct that you can take or leave.

Think of developing a new app so you can make that money, study courses, volunteer in local communities, do something with your hands, anything, so that you can make a mark and leave a legacy and not have time to worry about silliness. Ironically, that's when you get chased down by women but NEVER do it for that reason alone.

 

[Primetime]

Te only question
I got is did you really learn? I think next big but chick you see you probably going to be in that same mode you were in. Even though Kev doesn't say nothing about it you sound just like the male "hoes" he was talking about in his earlier post. I'm not trying to shyt on you either I'm just saying you knew the red flags but you still proceeded and made up some fly reason why it was ok. That's all and don't like to see people make them mistakes because all it seems to lead to is bitterness which is never good for future dating. Good luck in the future though.

I got nothing against constructive criticism breh, its all good.

To your point though, I do disagree.

I don’t got “one girl-itis”. Im too social and always choppin it up with new females, even if just random as hell. So if I do have one bad experience with a woman out of a dozen, I’m not gonna have ‘bitterness’ towards all women, or all dark skinned women or all big booty women or all ‘single mothers’. My of-the-moment vent will be on that one specific incident and what/if anything I did wrong, and once im done letting it out and even clowning myself b/c im comfy in my own skin, its over and done with… I got other avenues in life, work, hobbies, friends, and other women to indulge in.

More specifically to your point, I did go on some dates with this one girl before who was and is a fantastic person, whose company I enjoyed tremendously, and who showed a lot of traits you would want in a female partner, including always being considerate and respectful to me as a person and as a man. Only “problem” (or red flags) some people would have had with her was that she was a working single mother. Mid 20s, with a daughter, no degree. I would later learn that she was workin full time at an ‘ok’ HR job while in school for her bachelors in business.

So on one hand, even after I learned about the latter part in our first real sit down, I could’ve still looked down at her situation like “she’s damaged goods, she aint shyt, ima treat/dismiss her like the dirt she is” and its well within certain peoples rights to look at her in such regard if that’s how they feel. But bottom line, if you treat me with respect and dignity, I’m never gonna be a ho towards you. I don’t tolerate BS towards me (i.e. what @kevm3 was referring to about a manhoe ‘letting a girl do anything to u just so u can be around her’) but if a girl comes/responds to me on some honest, humble respectful shyt.. yea I’ll chop it up with her. Yea maybe we can grab a bite to eat or join me at the gym one time or do whatever I feel is fun, its whatever w/ casual dating/get2gethers and i do try and establish what it is (and what it is not) early on. But if she's the exact opposite (disrespectful, dishonest, diva), then it don’t matter how attractive she is or how sexy she dresses or how great her situation is or what plans she got in store.. im too far gone at that point.

My “mistake” I was talkin about with Kevm3 was about letting her choose where to eat (and then doin poor research on the place/assuming it was well in line with what I had already suggested anyway). If I insist in chilis, her diva personality maybe comes out sooner and I get to dead it a few hours earlier than I did. Either way, it just delayed the inevitable but its still a mistake by me that inconvenienced me somewhat but i also had some takeaways and great discussion/feedback on here out of it.

 

[DaRealness]

what's the word on being friends with an ex (mistake i know now, first one I tried this with), one with a kid, has a great job but is going through tough times

-said ex eventually get's herself a bf, but continues to ask/rely on you for help/assistance on things like nothing has changed, not really conscious to anything you may have going on/lined up unless you tell her, but is understanding if you dont have time.

I wouldn't even need to read any further before I suggest you just toss her to the bushes. She has a boyfriend who should be helping her out and it's not your problem, that's the bottom line.

I don't talk to females who have a man in their life and I don't give a fukk about their problems either. If you can't talk to him, fukk you crying to me for?

Bear in mind it's also not uncommon for some women and their boyfriends to be in collusion to fleece a dude of money......

 

[The ADD]

Hey I need a male opinion for those of you that like me.

This guy I'm talking to is closing on his second property in two weeks. Is it "wack" to send him an edible arrangement or some type of small gift on a congratulatory tip? I thought of a card but my homegirl said men don't appreciate cards unless money is in it. I'm just genuinely happy/excited for him.

Do it, just make sure its something he would like.

 

[re'up]

RE: Primetimes story, I'd hope I'ma better judge of character then to have that happen to me, but I'd never be arrogant enough to suggest it wouldn't or couldn't…That's really just nauseating behavior from her, from a subculture of women we see far too much, in our own lives, and additionally social media, tv, movies…..From personal experience, I've had a girl be down to go to 'In N Out', but I chose to go somewhere more upscale, just because thats where my tastes tend to run, (not talking $$$$$ money wise, just quality), so I don't mind going to a more expensive place, but if it's the kind of predatory dating you're story showcases, I'd have no interest, whatsoever. I'd just hope my judgement wouldn't ever lead me to even talking to a person like that, but as you indicated, much more sociable, and a risk taker dating wise then I'd be. Imagine sitting across the table from someone like that for 1.5 hours or so, Id have rather left too. Money, or expensive resturaunts, or designer dresses can't buy class, or character, not matter how much you post on IG.

 

[Mr210]

where in your social circle do you get advice when dealing with chicks or relationships

 

[Rawtid]

Do it, just make sure its something he would like.

He said he likes cookies so I'm going to bake him some from scratch and attach a card.

 

[philmonroe]

I got nothing against constructive criticism breh, its all good.

To your point though, I do disagree.

I don’t got “one girl-itis”. Im too social and always choppin it up with new females, even if just random as hell. So if I do have one bad experience with a woman out of a dozen, I’m not gonna have ‘bitterness’ towards all women, or all dark skinned women or all big booty women or all ‘single mothers’. My of-the-moment vent will be on that one specific incident and what/if anything I did wrong, and once im done letting it out and even clowning myself b/c im comfy in my own skin, its over and done with… I got other avenues in life, work, hobbies, friends, and other women to indulge in.

More specifically to your point, I did go on some dates with this one girl before who was and is a fantastic person, whose company I enjoyed tremendously, and who showed a lot of traits you would want in a female partner, including always being considerate and respectful to me as a person and as a man. Only “problem” (or red flags) some people would have had with her was that she was a working single mother. Mid 20s, with a daughter, no degree. I would later learn that she was workin full time at an ‘ok’ HR job while in school for her bachelors in business.

So on one hand, even after I learned about the latter part in our first real sit down, I could’ve still looked down at her situation like “she’s damaged goods, she aint shyt, ima treat/dismiss her like the dirt she is” and its well within certain peoples rights to look at her in such regard if that’s how they feel. But bottom line, if you treat me with respect and dignity, I’m never gonna be a ho towards you. I don’t tolerate BS towards me (i.e. what @kevm3 was referring to about a manhoe ‘letting a girl do anything to u just so u can be around her’) but if a girl comes/responds to me on some honest, humble respectful shyt.. yea I’ll chop it up with her. Yea maybe we can grab a bite to eat or join me at the gym one time or do whatever I feel is fun, its whatever w/ casual dating/get2gethers and i do try and establish what it is (and what it is not) early on. But if she's the exact opposite (disrespectful, dishonest, diva), then it don’t matter how attractive she is or how sexy she dresses or how great her situation is or what plans she got in store.. im too far gone at that point.

My “mistake” I was talkin about with Kevm3 was about letting her choose where to eat (and then doin poor research on the place/assuming it was well in line with what I had already suggested anyway). If I insist in chilis, her diva personality maybe comes out sooner and I get to dead it a few hours earlier than I did. Either way, it just delayed the inevitable but its still a mistake by me that inconvenienced me somewhat but i also had some takeaways and great discussion/feedback on here out of it.

Im glad you do look at it as constructive talk because that's all it is intended to be no harm. When I was talking about Kev and the red flag though I was talking more about how at first she wasn't trying to mess with you (telling you she was with somebody iirc) but once she heard about your job she switched her whole Steeze up. That's weak and would be a turn off to me because I'm not saying chicks want to be with a loser or should they but dang at least find out first lol. If you want to say no cool but then find out I'm doing good for myself now you wanna be down I'm cool don't care how much ass you got its others like you or better in the world. Ill give them a chance and hope they give me a chance before saying no. That's what I was getting at mainly when I was talking about avoiding red flags because I think we both know if that lanyard said piggly wiggly you would have made that exit move with her not trying to stop you at all. Heck I would tell a chick the same thing if a dude did the same type of thing to her but thanks for the positive response because its not always done like that on this board. Props

 

[TheArchitect]

Hey I need a male opinion for those of you that like me.

This guy I'm talking to is closing on his second property in two weeks. Is it "wack" to send him an edible arrangement or some type of small gift on a congratulatory tip? I thought of a card but my homegirl said men don't appreciate cards unless money is in it. I'm just genuinely happy/excited for him.

I wouldn't say so...it's actually very sweet....I wouldn't find it wack personally....

 

[MikelArteta]

I wouldn't even need to read any further before I suggest you just toss her to the bushes. She has a boyfriend who should be helping her out and it's not your problem, that's the bottom line.

I don't talk to females who have a man in their life and I don't give a fukk about their problems either. If you can't talk to him, fukk you crying to me for?

Bear in mind it's also not uncommon for some women and their boyfriends to be in collusion to fleece a dude of money......

I agree

so the boyfriend gets head, sex, not nagging, cooked food, massages, you hold his hand etc.

while i get the nags, the emotional sob stories, the can i borrow money, no food, no massage, you dont even touch me like im a leper?

 

[MikelArteta]

what's the word on being friends with an ex (mistake i know now, first one I tried this with), one with a kid, has a great job but is going through tough times

-said ex eventually get's herself a bf, but continues to ask/rely on you for help/assistance on things like nothing has changed, not really conscious to anything you may have going on/lined up unless you tell her, but is understanding if you dont have time.

-keep in mind you were able to give so much time initially because you were not in anything official yourself, just the casual breezies, even doing a bid of friends with benefits with the said ex every once in a while , and of course the ex was single, otherwise you wouldn't be there that closely in the first place unless it was for fukkery


-and you were cool with helping out early on because she is actually good person that helped you out in the past during yall relationship , plus her son is a good kid and reminds you of yourself at his age (so easy to get attached to kids ), and needs that male guidance
- during this time you get a tone/sense that maybe the ex is now finally seeing somebody official ( cool hopefully it' s a good dude, is nice to the kid and etc), just a gut feeling no confirmation, and from there you slowly tone your contributions down.

-once she finally notifies you of the new bf she has, you explain to the ex (in a calm manner) you are cutting off the financial aspect of assistance you were providing and that maybe her bf should take over that job since they are that serious

- ex gets all over this and claims she cant tell her new bf about her financial situation because of embarrassment , and is still when you wont budge on your stance


- ex is still all calling you all types of hypocrites, having agendas, and etc, looking to make a friend feel guilty by using the word "friend" as a crutch (in my opinion)


-ex also claims that the bf knows about you (keep in mind this is: staying overnight at her apt frequently to help out with the kid, prior relationship-both as bf&gf and recently friends with bennies, financial assistance, being a male role model/father figure to her soon to be 4 year old son, all for the past 3 years)
can someone explain to me what's going here? I can go into more detail if needed (kind of complicated), but what is so hard for a chick to understand about the different levels between a guy that is a friend (with prior history like an ex/no bad blood) and a guy that is now "thee" man in her relationship? Am I wrong for cutting my resources off? I mean her man should be that type of support in my opinion.

She has this boyfriend (i found proof that they love each other even) yet still to this day wants to contact a brotha first when she has emergencies like needing to go to the hospital and stuff like that.
Why would this brotha be the first contact on some seriousness like that . I understand friends help out in the time of need, but still some of this behavior is weird to me.

DONT DO IT