Religion/Spirituality The official Bizarre Bible Stories Thread
- Thread starter Robbie3000
- Start date
JuvenileHell
Veteran
maynes, I'm sorry its so long, but I couldnt tell where to start or cut it off...
Stephen King and Bram Stoker ain't got shyt on the bible. Such bizzarre story telling
intilectual recipricol
Killin fake hip hop
I have never read the foolishness in the Sampson story before.
That shyt reads like when Cube did Fairy Tales.
Its so much fukcery in that story I dont know where to begin...
this nicca Samson is taking a goat into his wifes room huh
sounds like son was a freak 
but his pappy in law gave the bish away, despite her already being his wife? and clearly a piece of property... so instead of Samson bein pissed at her pappy, he destroys the food supply (and probably trade supply) for then entire town by catching 300 fukcin foxes 
THREE HUNDRED FOXES DAWG? and ties them together by the twos and attaches torches to them? then when those niccaz come for his ass to ask, WTF bro?
he's like
my pappy inlaw gave my boo away so I threw a tantrum then claims he did the dumb ass shyt because they did it to him? Finally this fakket finds a fresh donkey jawbone and murders a thousand guys with it till hes parched and god makes a spring appear from nowhere so he can quench his thirst...
why didnt god just make a new bish appear before all this nonsensical mayhem
the mechanic
Greasy philosophy
All the myths in the old testament are straight plagiarism....thats why the history of ancient egypt ,mesopotamia,sumeria etc are taught so poorly or barely taught at all coz if they did people would catch on to the bullshyt in the bible.
A friend of mine used to have a theory that the suspicious deaths of the archaeologists who started studying the pyramids were actually murked by the church so nobody wonders why the 10 commandments were found in a pyramid built years before moses was even born.
Its so much fukcery in that story I dont know where to begin...
this nicca Samson is taking a goat into his wifes room huh
then when those niccaz come for his ass to ask, WTF bro?
he's like
Finally this fakket finds a fresh donkey jawbone and murders a thousand guys with it till hes parched and god makes a spring appear from nowhere so he can quench his thirst...
why didnt god just make a new bish appear before all this nonsensical mayhem
goddamn!! This nikka caught 300 hundred fukking foxes 
I gotta go back and read this foolishness.
newworldafro
DeeperThanRapBiggerThanHH
Dusty Bake Activate
Fukk your corny debates
This thread meandered into the outer limits i see
Yes, the thread was derailed when everyone started getting called "fakkits" by a guy who splits his persona into an aggressive username and a submissive one, rolls around on the floor with other men taking turns mounting each other daily, eats sugar-covered strawberries, listens to Moka Only, and names himself after a little boy who wears nothing but a loincloth and whose only friend is a large "bear."
The Bible makes the Harry Potter series look like a DR Suess book. How do you fit so much classic fukkERY in one book. Its like classic after classic after classic....
The New testament was kind of toned down and didn't go as hard as that first part new testament....
But that isn't a surprise since alot of folks have that "Sophomore Jinx". But either way BOTh editions were straight up classics..........
The Lord answered, “Bring me a heifer three years old, a she-goat, three years old, a ram three years old, a turtle dove and a young pigeon.”
^Everytime YAHWEH goes into one of his "BRING ME_____......" moments I automatically think of..........
"Yahweh where am i gonna find a 3 year old heifer.....aww there it goes"
The New testament was kind of toned down and didn't go as hard as that first part new testament....
But that isn't a surprise since alot of folks have that "Sophomore Jinx". But either way BOTh editions were straight up classics..........
The Lord answered, “Bring me a heifer three years old, a she-goat, three years old, a ram three years old, a turtle dove and a young pigeon.”
^Everytime YAHWEH goes into one of his "BRING ME_____......" moments I automatically think of..........
"Yahweh where am i gonna find a 3 year old heifer.....aww there it goes"
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JuvenileHell
Veteran
also something about my..... "fellow Christians"(im one of those people obviously born in a Christian family and try to avoid bringing up im agnostic cause they would probably reject you.......).....
anyway I find it HILARIOUS and Funny as fukk........when they ridicule and criticize the Koran like they themselves are following a completely sane book like the Bible.
anyway I find it HILARIOUS and Funny as fukk........when they ridicule and criticize the Koran like they themselves are following a completely sane book like the Bible.
the sons of gods were fallen angels not aliens ( I guess they can be technically referred to as aliens by definition but whatever) and the ancient mesopotamian account is referring to the same biblical event although abit distorted.
12. Deut. 25:11
When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy.
^Or you could just throw her in the bushes
2. Exodus 4:24
And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the Lord met him, and sought to kill him. Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, “Surely a bloody husband art thou to me”.
1. Ezekiel 23:19
Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy.
^Or you could just throw her in the bushes
2. Exodus 4:24
And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the Lord met him, and sought to kill him. Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, “Surely a bloody husband art thou to me”.
1. Ezekiel 23:19
Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
the mechanic
Greasy philosophy
Frankly i dont believe in either aliens or angels coz i have no proof of eitherBUT the alien angle seems more reasonable because given the size of the universe the mathematical probability is higher that there are aliens because the probability of angels is almost 0% Thats why i said it seems more reasonable.
Berniewood Hogan
IT'S BERNIE SANDERS WITH A STEEL CHAIR!
WRITTEN MESOPOTAMIAN MYTHOLOGY IS OLDER THAN WRITTEN JEWISH MYTHOLOGY, BROTHER! IT STANDS TO REASON THAT JUDAISM BORROWED FROM THEM AND NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND, DUDE!