Why do women keep remarking that I’m quiet at work?

[Shorty K]

I agree with you.

But the type of work I was doing wasn't always so busy. When it was extremely busy and you couldn't afford to talk to people, then I was just zoned in on the work and getting it done. But when it was slow, you were just going through the motions and time went by slowly.

In this generation where we are constantly bombarded with entertainment and flashy things whether it be on our tv's, phones, etc most of us have developed a level of low attention spans.

Meditation and controlling your thoughts in this way is fine, but when you are doing it for 8 hours a day it becomes too much. I had future goals in mind and ones that I was working towards while working these jobs, so I had something to look for. Whereas someone who didn't have goals that they were necessarily making a reality, what do they have to look for? Getting off that day to relax and chill? The weekend?

And that type of thinking for longs hours 5+ days a week forces you to analyze your whole life and your current situation. Many people may not be happy with where they have arrived.

Meditation is healthy but, like man things, too much of it is unhealthy.

After reading your post I would generally agree that the people at work doing the most chatting and small talk generally have the least ambition and little to no goals beyond working this lil bullshyt job with this lil bullshyt company till they retire, amusing themselves and dying. That's probably why I'm so quiet myself, I generally don't want people in the office to know I'm envisioning much greater than this corporate trap and I really don't like people at my job knowing that I got other things going on and am getting money so many other different ways. Chatty patty ass nikkas need to get them some ambition and maybe they'll be prone to talking less as well.

 

[SheWantTheD]

After reading your post I would generally agree that the people at work doing the most chatting and small talk generally have the least ambition and little to no goals beyond working this lil bullshyt job with this lil bullshyt company till they retire, amusing themselves and dying. That's probably why I'm so quiet myself, I generally don't want people in the office to know I'm envisioning much greater than this corporate trap and I really don't like people at my job knowing that I got other things going on and am getting money so many other different ways. Chatty patty ass nikkas need to get them some ambition and maybe they'll be prone to talking less as well.

I don't tell most people my dreams and goals because most people aren't going to believe you can do it. And if you don't achieve said goals, you were just preaching about achieving them for no reason.

Socializing on the job is actually a disrespect to the company, unless it's part of the job... because it takes you away from doing your job to the fullest. Other then that, I don't think there's anything wrong really with socializing on the job.

You ain't gonna be making moves while on the job, but more so outside of it. You can socialize and still be making moves, but I do agree people socialize to make the job more tolerable.

 

[Karb]

Never understood this bullshyt.

It's even worse in the white-collar world.

Some loudmouth rambling on about whatever the fukk and I'm thinkin to myself...yo...why are you telling me all this personal business of yours?
I wanna tell em yo, you complain about having to work so many hours...you ever think that shutting the fukk up might get you out the office before 8pm??

I swear to God these people waste damn near 4 hours a day just bullshyting about their lives to coworkers...meanwhile they're all in competition with one another to get that promotion, and would stab the other in the back in a fukking heartbeat for an extra $500

But I just gotta nod and smile. Randomly interject with a "that's crazy" or a "wow, that's tough"

Otherwise I'd be fukking up my money...that "we aren't sure if you're a team player" conversation during my annual review

I need that performance bonus brehs

One dude randomly told me that he's going on holiday next week and I'm like "that's dope, where are you going? "

Dude hits me with the

"No where, I only took a week off. I don't have much going on for me besides work.. especially since my daughter is with me ex..."

Awkward silence

I don't even really know this dude like that.

This ain't the first time that cacs tell me some random shyt about their personal lives at work.

Of course they expect you to reciprocate but I never do

Keep everything surface level. Just be a pleasant person and be cordial. Nobody is asking y'all to tap dance.

 

[poundedyam]

I never understood this as I received similar remarks. I'm doing 60 hour weeks busting my ass and you're worried if I talk to you or not

Then if you're a person who talks a lot you end up getting in trouble eventually

Dont kill yourself bro

 

[poundedyam]

I will be real op in the fake and vain society that we live in in 2018 if you want to be sucessful you will need to be confident,talkative and an extrovert.

 

[poundedyam]

The only thing awkward is yall ass coming into work day in and day out on some

Ya'll really need to learn the word "nuance" because damn.

No one's asking you to be Kevin Hart but clamming the fukk up is doing you no favors...clearly

This.
Tbf i myself struggle with this because i really cant stand a high percentage of white people but sadly i recognize i have to change

 

[Ezra Enzo]

...

 

[Alvin]

so I’ve been working at Best Buy for about a month and today my manager remarked “you know you don’t speak much”
Before I’ve worked in a flower shop and an outback steak house and I’ve heard the same thing (varied delivery) about 2-3 times in each of those places. Other men don’t make that remark for the most part, if anything they just joke around with me and I speak up. I don’t really see the point in talking often at work. I don’t get paid much anyway and I’m just part time so talk feels pretty cheap to me in that environment. Not a sociopath tho, but I’d rather keep to myself, easier to focus.
Is this a common thing where you guys work or have worked? Does silence from a man make women uncomfortable? I’m Curious cause women only really ever point out my quietness on the job.

women, white folk and white women in general talk, its part of their culture (deadass) so when they see you they see an anomaly like a science project or something (im a quiet black person and have had this said to me countless times) Im introverted (I guess, but I don't like to label people). Mix that in with what america thinks how a black person should act and viola you get those responses.

OR they could find you attractive and because of gender roles that a man should approach a women first they will make that remark.

 

[panopticon]

One dude randomly told me that he's going on holiday next week and I'm like "that's dope, where are you going? "

Dude hits me with the

"No where, I only took a week off. I don't have much going on for me besides work.. especially since my daughter is with me ex..."

Awkward silence

I don't even really know this dude like that.

This ain't the first time that cacs tell me some random shyt about their personal lives at work.

Of course they expect you to reciprocate but I never do

Keep everything surface level. Just be a pleasant person and be cordial. Nobody is asking y'all to tap dance.

Facts.

There's a fine line between keeping shyt cordial and coming off as "standoffish."

I've found it helps to engage the talkers whenever they bring up a topic that doesn't have to do with their personal life. Nobody is gonna use your opinions on the upcoming NFL season and the prospects of different teams, etc. against you, so you can have a safe conversation where they get the attention they crave from you without the possibility of consequences down the line.

Then, every Monday, as they make their social rounds burning the next 4 hrs of their workday talking about (and achieving) nothing, they stop by your office just to talk football. You're now the "football guy"

But I'd honestly rather hear a dude regurgitate whatever ESPN hot takes he heard that morning about Tom Brady than listen to him bytch about his wife not fukking him (yes, this has happened IRL ), his ongoing divorce battle, or any number of other wild messy bullshyt personal topics that people share openly at work looking for someone to play therapist.

 

[invalid]

What books do you recommend?

I think it was mentioned already but How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Others that I've read:

Small Talk by Debra Fine
People Smart by Melvin Silberman

Here's a good list of other resources. People Smart is included:

25 Books To Sharpen Your Social Skills and Transform Your Career

 

[invalid]

The fact that you get along and "fit right in" with everyone one your job means your either the popular gay guy, the entertaining c00n, or both.

Well damn.

 

[Alvin]

Good morning
Closes door puts headphone in

Goodnight

this is acceptable if you hate your coworkers

 

[jwonder]

Breh you wildin

I gotta get to the point where I can just drop ether like this in a corporate environment and not worry about my money

It's how you say things my brother. You can't get fired for saying stuff like that. Even if she did complain to HR. I can easily say "she makes me feel very uncomfortable". " I feel harassed as she is always coming to me for non work issues". HR would be on that so quick when you turn the tables by using the same shyt they do to us. Always keep a journal documenting things at work that aren't the norm. Once you hit them with that if you ever have an issue, they will shut down and leave you alone.

 

[TheGreatMTB]

I think women are just intrigued by dudes who don't feel the need to walk around super loud and obnoxiously. I legit think a good percentage of women feel like most dudes behave this way, so they feel a need to instigate a dude who stands out.


Especially women who are above average/fine (or think they are)...if you're in constant contact with them but never really seem to make a move on them or sweat them, they're gonna start investigating you/feeling you out to see if you're gay/taken/etc.

In my experience working in some places that were predominately filled with women as a more laid back black dude (I worked in a bakery and call center in college) women feel the need to fukk with you when you're just chillin.


Hell even I'm out and about at parties/events... nights when I don't feel like being too involved and just wanna chill on a wall and take in the vibe...those are the nights women wanna initiate dancing/etc.

 

[Superkick Party]

I get this too sometimes.

I'm quiet unless everyone else around me is quiet too then I make the effort to speak up, start a conversation etc.

If I was ugly, had nerdy mannerisms and was socially awkward, most people wouldn't even notice me.

I got voted quietest kid in the 8th grade. When they gave me that award I looked at the dude next to me like "This kid quieter than me".

Also I had dealt with bullying and shyt at home, so I went from being the class clown to quiet.

I didn't really fukk with anyone in my 12th classes because all of my friends were in others so I was always quiet and got my work done, I was voted the meanest/rudest because I never spoke to anyone