Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women

[Babymama Magnet]

Sounds like she is less important that the business. Do what you need to do there and date after it’s where you need it.

Doesn’t sound like it was going well. After 4 years anyway

Not less important but i feel there's more dividend or pay off to work and focus on this then to just ignore it and continue to work my 9 to 5

 

[The ADD]

Not less important but i feel there's more dividend or pay off to work and focus on this then to just ignore it and continue to work my 9 to 5

Fam, that means she’s less important. You’ve simplified it that between both options the business hold morning term return since you can mange both.

Just accept it

 

[Ohene]

Not less important but i feel there's more dividend or pay off to work and focus on this then to just ignore it and continue to work my 9 to 5

Bro can i inbox you about the ai

 

[Babymama Magnet]

Bro can i inbox you about the ai

Yeah go ahead

 

[Ohene]

Anyone ever been in the situation of putting your career before your gf?

More or less broken up with my gf of 4 years due to having a deep conversation of where we were going and what we wanted from each other. We're both in our 30s (me mid 30s and her early 30s).. I'm doing a career transition and putting effort into learning and implementing AI (AI Agents and building No Code apps) so i straight up told her this is important and there will be priority towards it.

She see this as affecting/neglecting the relationship. We've just had a talk and in her words she wants to enjoy life now while shes independent and young with no kids and she wants a relationship where she doesn't feel lonely or neglected. It sucks because been with her for 4 years now, moved in with her last year and its been rocky since then.

I want to feel like i'm doing the right thing and putting time and effort into a new career (recently joined a hackathon event to build my app and showcase it) but i also feel shytty as shes solid and truly does care for me.

If any questions are why can't i do both, i've tried but i end up neglecting either one. If i try to spend more time on the relationship (spending time with her, watching films/shows etc) work/learning don't get done and i feel resentful towards myself for not doing it but if i focus more time on the work/learning and neglect the relationship i end up feeling guilty for not spending enough time with her.

Brehs any advice?

edit: Not trying to date anyone now that we've broken up but being 34 and possible 36/37 if i do decided to date again doesn't make me feel positive at all

as far as advice.

it's a tough position many men find themselves in but also not so tough. logic will tell you to balance things out and try to give her and your work attention. but actual, practical wisdom based on the experience of many men before us will tell you that she has to get with your program. If you bend to her, she wont respect you and will resent you for it in a weird subconcious way down the line most likely. after all, women are never satisfied. she'll just find another reason to complain down the road.

my advice is to continue to make your career the focal point and let her know what your plan or your vision is and how she fits into it over the next 5 years / life at large. in laying out this plan, sprinkle in how you and her can/will spend time together, when you might get married, have kids etc..

if she isnt with it; if she doesnt see the vision, then she can kick rocks. she has just as much to lose jumping back into the dating scene as you do...if not more.

i will inbox you shortly. going to a blue jays game in a bit but lets converse. i'm trying to start a business on the side as well that will infuse AI

 

[phcitywarrior]

Ranking how women see men: from “he’s sweet” to “he could ruin my life”

Handsome – Polished, attractive, confident.

• Talking: Moderate effort. You're appealing, but she still wants substance.

Was out on a date last night and ole girl was talking about how she found me handsome

I immediately thought “I swear I’ve seen a post about this on the Coli”

And sure enough

 

[trap101-ETHout-Allegri-In]

it isnt. like i said a page ago the majority of these good looking women you see walkin around the city aint worth your time

they either got a boyfriend / roster , or theyre jaded, stress-laden, mentally unstable, got wack personalities or wont be that into you anyways and will give you the run around/waste your money.

This has always been the case, we've just grown up. Back then we were more hungry and willing to let all of what you said above pass cause we wanted to just smash. We've gotten our good share of p*ssy. We're tired of the bullshyt involved. Now we do a cost/benefit analysis when we see a girl and it is based on whether we want to do the whole "song and dance" or would it be better to go about my life pursuing my interests unbothered....it's crazy cause I run into girls all the time and I know the signals when interest is there, but most of the time I go through what the textbook progression will be and I ask........ do i want to go through all this for something that feels only a few notches better than jerking off?

 

[skyrunner1]

Anyone ever been in the situation of putting your career before your gf?

More or less broken up with my gf of 4 years due to having a deep conversation of where we were going and what we wanted from each other. We're both in our 30s (me mid 30s and her early 30s).. I'm doing a career transition and putting effort into learning and implementing AI (AI Agents and building No Code apps) so i straight up told her this is important and there will be priority towards it.

She see this as affecting/neglecting the relationship. We've just had a talk and in her words she wants to enjoy life now while shes independent and young with no kids and she wants a relationship where she doesn't feel lonely or neglected. It sucks because been with her for 4 years now, moved in with her last year and its been rocky since then.

I want to feel like i'm doing the right thing and putting time and effort into a new career (recently joined a hackathon event to build my app and showcase it) but i also feel shytty as shes solid and truly does care for me.

If any questions are why can't i do both, i've tried but i end up neglecting either one. If i try to spend more time on the relationship (spending time with her, watching films/shows etc) work/learning don't get done and i feel resentful towards myself for not doing it but if i focus more time on the work/learning and neglect the relationship i end up feeling guilty for not spending enough time with her.

Brehs any advice?

edit: Not trying to date anyone now that we've broken up but being 34 and possible 36/37 if i do decided to date again doesn't make me feel positive at all

Hmm, ultimately I think it depends on what are your ultimate goals. Like 5-10 years from now, ideally what do you really want? Is the career a means to an end, do you want family and that is main priority, as leader you have to make that decision and be willing to sit with it as you are coming up on that window to execute those goals.

Some things to keep in mind tho, when you say shes "independent" that is literally the opposite of being in a committed relationship (not connected with another or with each other; separate: free from outside control; not depending on another's authority: not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence) "Young" is relative and in thirties for women who I would assume wants kids in relationship its crunch time. I dont know if those mindsets match what you would want or if this is more recent. And whats going on since moving together thats rocky? You might be getting the signs to get out relatively clean even though you invested 4 years.

Ideally you focus on your career, she sees the vision and holds you down and things go on from there but she seems locked into main character mode and not sure if you sold the vision the right way or communicated/laid out gameplan in way that appeals to her but we know life is messy and things dont play out ideally. This is kind of tough, good luck breh.

 

[trap101-ETHout-Allegri-In]

Not less important but i feel there's more dividend or pay off to work and focus on this then to just ignore it and continue to work my 9 to 5

The advice @The ADD and @Ohene, and @skyrunner1 (after i had posted initially) gave is right on point in my opinion. Only thing I can add is more esoteric. You've heard the cliche plenty of times or some form of it: "You can't have it all.".....well this may be the first time where you are confronting that situation with two competing things that have high importance in your life, making that choice uncomfortable. Your actions have shown what is more important to you. Combined with the previous advice you just have to reconcile and be comfortable with the decision. Your allowed to be sad and upset, but don't lose sight of the bigger vision amd why the choice taken was made.

 

[Ohene]

This has always been the case, we've just grown up. Back then we were more hungry and willing to let all of what you said above pass cause we wanted to just smash. We've gotten our good share of p*ssy. We're tired of the bullshyt involved. Now we do a cost/benefit analysis when we see a girl and it is based on whether we want to do the whole "song and dance" or would it be better to go about my life pursuing my interests unbothered....it's crazy cause I run into girls all the time and I know the signals when interest is there, but most of the time I go through what the textbook progression will be and I ask........ do i want to go through all this for something that feels only a few notches better than jerking off?

That’s exactly it

 

[Canon]

dating internationally might be the wave

 

[cyndaquil]

dating internationally might be the wave

Could be. I think it's just another avenue. It has its own set of pros and cons. I took an overseas trip and while the women there are my type and they choose heavy, there is a language and cultural barrier you still have to overcome there. Hopefully all the decent folks in here find what they are looking for. If one route doesn't work try another. Nothing in life worth having comes easy.

 

[Givethanks]

It's a humble brag for me — my girl and her mom just got me some Model Gundam Kits. Her mom's happy I treat her daughter right and understands that I'm buying what I couldn't when I was a kid.

In some other thread people are saying don't be yourself but please do, you'll find true happiness.