Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women

[TheJet]

Here's a gem: stop letting that girl jerk you around just cuz she cute. Curve her ass today.

 

[Lieutenant Daniels]

This is where I'm at with it. Save your time and peace



100%. I'm in that stage (early 30s) where most girls I'm meeting are late 20s early 30s and should be in that mode of being serious. If they're serious, then letting your intentions known upfront will save both of you some time. But if they aren't serious that should let you know what's up.

Women all talking they want an intentional man until a man moves with intention and they get spooked.

In theory that’s what they want but a lot of women have attachment issues from unresolved trauma whether it be from childhood or adult relationships.

Unless they do the self improvement work/seek therapy it’s a perpetual cycle of running away from men who are serious about committing or who are serious with their intentions. I just went through it a couple weeks ago. I was reading something about attachment styles trying to find answers after this relationship ended.

What I found that was interesting was that after a certain age majority of the dating pool are avoidant types simply because the secure types (as you can already imagine) have no trouble holding a long term relationship bond. To some that may sound like psychological babble but based on that locker room thread of “dating after 30” it kinda lines up.

Brehs have countless stories of vibing heavy with a chick, the relationship is great, and then suddenly they go cold and eventually bail. My previous relationship was like that. She claimed I was everything she wanted, she’s still attracted to me and how much she loves me but yet ended the relationship. Why? In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter because nobody will ever know what her true feelings are.

I take things at face value. I’m not the only one that’s experienced that out here. So what I’m preparing for is really paying attention to certain key words a chick will say and asking specific questions to weed out the “avoidant” types to not waste time and have the rug pulled out suddenly when things are clicking along. I recommend the book “Attached”. It provides a lot of insight into what the dating pool is like.

 

[Ohene]

In theory that’s what they want but a lot of women have attachment issues from unresolved trauma whether it be from childhood or adult relationships.

Unless they do the self improvement work/seek therapy it’s a perpetual cycle of running away from men who are serious about committing or who are serious with their intentions. I just went through it a couple weeks ago. I was reading something about attachment styles trying to find answers after this relationship ended.

What I found that was interesting was that after a certain age majority of the dating pool are avoidant types simply because the secure types (as you can already imagine) have no trouble holding a long term relationship bond. To some that may sound like psychological babble but based on that locker room thread of “dating after 30” it kinda lines up.

Brehs have countless stories of vibing heavy with a chick, the relationship is great, and then suddenly they go cold and eventually bail. My previous relationship was like that. She claimed I was everything she wanted, she’s still attracted to me and how much she loves me but yet ended the relationship. Why? In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter because nobody will ever know what her true feelings are.

I take things at face value. I’m not the only one that’s experienced that out here. So what I’m preparing for is really paying attention to certain key words a chick will say and asking specific questions to weed out the “avoidant” types to not waste time and have the rug pulled out suddenly when things are clicking along. I recommend the book “Attached”. It provides a lot of insight into what the dating pool is like.

Theres truth in what youre saying. I went through the same issue in January.

However the point were making is that youre better off showing your hand early and then saving yourself the wasted time. If shorty is avoidant youre better off being cut loose after a couple dates versus after a couple months.

I think one date is too soon cause you dont even know the girl yourself. But after a month things should start to be pretty smooth/easy imo and one is better off not playing games

 

[Lieutenant Daniels]

Theres truth in what youre saying. I went through the same issue in January.

However the point were making is that youre better off showing your hand early and then saving yourself the wasted time. If shorty is avoidant youre better off being cut loose after a couple dates versus after a couple months.

I think one date is too soon cause you dont even know the girl yourself. But after a month things should start to be pretty smooth/easy imo and one is better off not playing games

That’s the problem. Their avoidance behaviors don’t typically show until after feelings get deeper which could take months. I’m speaking from a point of view of trying to find a committed relationship, not just trying to smash.

But there’s nuance to everything and even in the case of “trying to just smash” even then you can pull the trigger too soon.

 

[WIA20XX]

That’s the problem. Their avoidance behaviors don’t typically show until after feelings get deeper which could take months. I’m speaking from a point of view of trying to find a committed relationship, not just trying to smash.

But there’s nuance to everything and even in the case of “trying to just smash” even then you can pull the trigger too soon.

It's as if you gotta come with 99% "lets get married energy" but 1% Toxic steez like you're gonna leave at any second because she's not pretty enough/prettier girls out there (when in fact she's perfectly fine, and it's her behavior that's the problem not her looks. But most females are convinced that men are 100% driven by visuals...and being on The Coli would probably not disabuse them of that notion)

That's if you care about the girls mental/emotional state and want to keep her in status that *you* like.

You can totally not care about her avoidant/insecure tendencies and replace her independent streaks and flights of fancy with concrete tasks. But thats for guys that like to rule a relationship with an iron fist..

 

[phcitywarrior]

There are and this wasn't one of those. Being too thirsty here cost him. fukkin on the first or second date has nothing to do with thirst and everything to do with how open the chick is.

I still don’t think anything he did was thirsty. He invited her over and she came, it’s not like he tried to smash the first night, just that he’s not tryna be just friends.

Now idk how exactly he phrased things but net net, I’ll not fault him for playing his hand and moving on early than holding his cards and getting the same response some months down the line.

 

[Ohene]

That’s the problem. Their avoidance behaviors don’t typically show until after feelings get deeper which could take months. I’m speaking from a point of view of trying to find a committed relationship, not just trying to smash.

But there’s nuance to everything and even in the case of “trying to just smash” even then you can pull the trigger too soon.

I hear you but what I’m saying is if they’re avoidant it’ll probably show up even earlier if you bring serious talks to her and this save you months

 

[Lieutenant Daniels]

I hear you but what I’m saying is if they’re avoidant it’ll probably show up even earlier if you bring serious talks to her and this save you months

I think you’re right. In that book I mentioned it gave some tips on how to expose avoidants early. Some, like my previous relationship, are good at camouflaging their damage until they exhaust themselves keeping it held in. That’s when they actually end up self sabotaging so they can escape.

I believe a lot of the dating scene after 28+ is like this.

 

[trap101-ETHout-Allegri-In]

Gotta cut this…there are chicks coming over the first/second time of asking. I've been there before..

I don't disagree with any of what has been said, but let's call those what they are, the anamolies. The type of women who are doing that are the type who are fully confident in their sexuality and will be giving signals from the go such as increased physical contact, etc.

I use the 3 dates as a hueristic to operate from. Of course there will be variance. I'm an avid believer in "manufacturing sexual energy" between the parties. Part of that involves making the women feel confident in themselves. Most people always carry over some physical insecurity and women definitely are sticklers with it.

If the intentions are something fruitful and long term, why jump the gun straight to sex? It's going to come if both parties are as physically attracted to each other as they claim. That's the easy part, the challenging part is figuring out if y'all are compatible beyond the physical.

 

[cyndaquil]

I still don’t think anything he did was thirsty. He invited her over and she came, it’s not like he tried to smash the first night, just that he’s not tryna be just friends.

Now idk how exactly he phrased things but net net, I’ll not fault him for playing his hand and moving on early than holding his cards and getting the same response some months down the line.

The story was a little vague but I read they hungout at the crib and he made a move to try and smash and she wasnt with it. I get it most chicks if they come over immediately you'd think they should be down to fukk but they dont be thinking liek that sometimes

 

[phcitywarrior]

If the intentions are something fruitful and long term, why jump the gun straight to sex? It's going to come if both parties are as physically attracted to each other as they claim. That's the easy part, the challenging part is figuring out if y'all are compatible beyond the physical.

You’re correct in not jumping to sex for something long term but also realize that for women, that is what they’ll try and use to lock you down.

If she thinks you’re a catch she will try to initiate sex to lock it down. Seen that too many times.

My thing is to try an initiate/tease at intimacy somewhat early on. If she’s fully shutting it down, then you know how to move accordingly.

Not a one size fits all but there are patterns.

The story was a little vague but I read they hungout at the crib and he made a move to try and smash and she wasnt with it. I get it most chicks if they come over immediately you'd think they should be down to fukk but they dont be thinking liek that sometimes

Story was a bit vague but I didn’t see anything indicating him trying to smash on the first date.

 

[Lieutenant Daniels]

In my experience inviting a chick over and intentionally not smashing drives them crazy. Cause the obviously play is to try and close the deal. When you don’t and genuinely enjoy their presence and conversation but still showing sexual interest is more advantageous in my opinion. Your results may vary.

 

[Tommy Lee Jones]

got her number off the app but she said she cant meet till next weekend cause shes planning her aunt funeral. not trying to sit here and text for days. I got other options but not sure how to play this in the mean time.

 

[cyndaquil]

got her number off the app but she said she cant meet till next weekend cause shes planning her aunt funeral. not trying to sit here and text for days. I got other options but not sure how to play this in the mean time.

Accept that it will probably end up not happening and focus on options. Anytime I get chicks off the app and it takes more than that weekend to meet up it's either they flake and ghost or I end up meeting them and realize they weren't the effort keeping the vibe going for 2 or more weeks.

 

[trap101-ETHout-Allegri-In]

You’re correct in not jumping to sex for something long term but also realize that for women, that is what they’ll try and use to lock you down.

If she thinks you’re a catch she will try to initiate sex to lock it down. Seen that too many times.

My thing is to try an initiate/tease at intimacy somewhat early on. If she’s fully shutting it down, then you know how to move accordingly.

Not a one size fits all but there are patterns.



Story was a bit vague but I didn’t see anything indicating him trying to smash on the first date.

Agreed. That's why I use the 3 date heuristic. By date 3 we better be in full down make out mode and at the least on the precipice of sex. If it doesn't happen on date 3 we know subliminally for date 4 "it's on" , if she tries to play that coy shyt by then..... well bushes...