This thread saved my mind and life. So many good advice. Without this thread I probably would of be in debt and simp allot. Thank you my coli brethrens.
Been there breh, i wrote this a logn time ago when i was down and out
Growing up in my household all I ever experienced and saw was genuine love, loyalty, commitment, honesty and respect. While I’m thankful for my upbringing in a stable loving environment the minor negative is that it had me unaware how to manage the bewildering agonizing times that life will throw your way sometimes. I
was naïve and innocent to say the least, trusting of all and presuming the best of others objectives. I believed that people were honest, kept their promises, appreciated kindness and lived by a moral code of integrity and loyalty. In essence I believed the majority of people thought and lived like I did – and well I was totally wrong. My innocence and open heart has been shattered to say the least, like when a kid finally finds out that wrestling is fake and Santa Claus is imaginary there is no going back from this point – I can’t undo what has already been done.
Get over it – they say? But how can I? My heart has had a sledgehammer taken to it and it lies in a million pieces. You have to Love like you never loved before – they say…… But I hate this phrase, if an individual has a heart attack are they going to eat and live like they never had a heart attack before? No they are going to adapt, be more cautious when symptoms arise and modify their eating habits and lifestyle.
So yes I have pondered whether to take the same approach in this game of life/love; I know the game now I’m a wily vet there is no “wow I finally made it” rookie feelings anymore. I’ve learned that the things I assumed could never ever happen to me can and did happen. I’v
e learned that you can be the most moral person with the highest character, loyal, humble, honest, being funny and you’ll still take blows and beatings you don’t deserve – how do I know because I’m that man. So no longer will I be caught being oblivious anymore. I’m wiser now. Maybe I’m melancholic, I don’t know.
All I know is how I feel at the moment, that my experiences have shaped my views. I
miss when a woman would tell me she was busy, and I would actually believe her. When she would tell me she loves me and I would actually believe her. When she got distant and cold and I was so gullible to not pick up the signs, when I could express how I felt without worrying about any ramifications.
Now the cataracts have been removed and I see everything clearly now. I already know how it’s going to go – the illusion sold early on to get me to fall, the men orbiting around her hidden from my view, and I know she’s only infatuated with me and once it expires what will happen next. I don’t want to be this way, I don’t want to be cold and jaded – I don’t want to live a life of an old war vet getting triggers and always looking over my shoulder wondering what’s around the corner. I want to live a life with honesty and without fear and I want to live it now.