Some may say if you keep marinating on all the trials and tribulations that have occurred in your life you will be planted in the past - swimming in the sea of malice, bitterness and woe is me, reliving all that gluck and gloom over and over again spewing it out till your mouth gets coarse and your ears bleed - stop talking about and get over it. Well I say my past is what defines me and what has shaped me to who I am the man today, it's my testimony; and I believe wholeheartedly that one of the biggest mistakes you can make in life is to not learn from your mistakes.
When I was younger I had a speech impediment and struggled to pronounce certain letters and words. While I was laughed at by others for the way I talked, the gift was that it somehow slowed me down in the sense that I never blurted out anything. I thought about what I was going to say before I would verbalize it so I would not say a word that began with a certain letter to stave off any further laughter or embarrassment. This also led me to immerse myself in books and start formulating my thoughts on paper, being silent and observing which led me to acquire somewhat of a sixth sense of reading people.
Like a old washed up pop star faded from the spotlight so to speak - I've lived a tale of two lives. The glitz and the glam, the popularity, the status, desirability levels reading over 9000 on the scouter, the expensive clothes, the beautiful women. However I kept on having this empty feeling as this wasn't who I was, I was late to the party so to speak and was just embracing everything that I thought at one point would bring me happiness and fulfilment. So as mentioned before, I ejected from that life just vanished and stepped into who I am. And that leads to the biggest misconception about me is that being a guy that does not drink, smoke, do drugs, party, curse, womanize and has a heart for others' that values principles such as respect, loyalty and kindness above all = being some pushover, people pleaser, nice guy doormat sap who can be swindled and turns the other cheek without a shred of respect in his bones. Stereotyping to say the least that my personality or the core values I follow gives off this vibe ah well.
I'm not perfect far from it, I don't think I'm better than anyone else nor have I crossed every t and dotted every i in life. I've made every mistake in the book when it has come to dealing with women and relationships. For a long time I kept dating the same type of women just a different name and face but expected different results (some might call it insanity) and would always find myself wondering why at the end results? refusing to look at the common denominator which was me. Life was showing me that the path I kept on taken needed to be adjusted dramatically. So I had to sit back and question everything about me to find the malfunction in my make-up and correct it. I became a experienced surgeon so to speak - I have now seen it all, heard it all and been through it all. No this is not a woe is me, please pat on the back, there there you'll find someone great one day type of synopsis.
I've been there wallowing in bed, in the hospital thinking I was going to die with doctors not being able to tell me what was wrong. I've been at the checkout crossing my fingers that my debit would say approved for a $10 dollar item, I've been stabbed in the back by the closest people I thought I could count on, I've been played for a fool and had my dignity, self-respect and pride at levels barely visible. However I was able to salvage the tiny amount and rebuild with what was left and well look at me now. Trust me when I say life can change in a instant.
Everything I have been through, all the pain, heartbreak, embarrassing moments, struggles, desertions, slandering, feeling that I was at the end of the rope, the days and nights consumed with bitterness and anger has taught me so much. I used to be a debbie downer, used to expect the worst, used to wallow in self-pity, used to feel sorry for myself, used to get angry/frustrated/upset - but now? Now I'm thankful in everything, thankful for the opportunities, thankful for every experience as I see how much it has taught me, thankful for the gifts I have been given, thankful for all the people I have met along the way. Why? because no matter what occurs in life, regardless of the situations or the bad days ahead - I am confident I can handle anything, life is full of ups and downs but I know to keep pressing forward but WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE - there will be better days ahead, there is no testimony without a test - happiness will come again I can promise you that.
and she refuses to leave until I threaten to call the police. She spends the next day trying to convince me she was there to apologize but then tried to flip the blame saying when I do something wrong she quick to forgive but I can't do the same. These bytches b. I never tell her to fukk off or anything. But now she wanna see me before my two week business trip. I'm good though
already
